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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
People go on their wive's/husband's/gf/bfs word all the time. Don't get me wrong, I don't do poly and I would never have unprotected sex outside a monogamous relationship. But logically taking his word is a difference of degree, not of kind.
But seriously. Homegirl wasn't on the pill?
Merry Christmas Dan, et al...
If we had such a thing, this letter writer almost certainly would be a finalist for a Gertrude Award.
I have several, I guess, issues with PIT's letter.
Primus: Just what kind birth control (as opposed to disease control, I'm not going there as DS more than adequately addressed it) was PIT using, if any, she doesn't say and was she careless in its application? This is admittedly unfair, but since she was the only one who could get pregnant it was her responsibility to preclude, as much as possible, pregnancy.
Secundus: Accidents happen, no single or combination of birth control is 100% effective. PIT doesn't say whether her husband wants or is ready to be a father, his attitude towards the paternity of a child, if he even knows that she is pregnant, and most rudimentary of all, whether she and her husband have discussed pregnancy and parenthood in general or in the context of a non-monogamous relationship. While I am sentimental and romantic, I am also pragmatic, practical and yes, cynical. Out of respect for the other person, I would never blindly/stupidly begin a sexual relationship without a serious discussion on the consequences of sex and my responsibilities. (You may think that this would stifle sponaneity, but I would argue just the opposite. Addressing such issues up front allays fears and doubts, which are more likely to inhibit spontaneity) Needless to say, I'm not interested in sex for sex sake, if felt the need that badly I'd go to a sex worker. I don't intentionally (I'm not the only one who has a say in the matter) do hookups or one night stands.
Tertius: Given the fact that she is writing to DS for advice, I doubt she has shared the "good" news with her husband. Therefore, as a result of the delay, she had better be prepared for some pointed questions from her husband (like why the delay, what else isn't she sharing; once raised, doubts can be pernicious things), amniocentesis, an abortion, and/or marital issues.
PIT's dilemma proves once and for all that "putting it in--just a little" is fucked.
@16 stupid is as stupid does: I disagree! Excuse me, but it is the equal responsibility of ALL 3 PARTICIPANTS in the threesome to ensure that unwanted pregnancy is prevented!
And what's with the pig Latin?
But if she (they) indeed used no birth control after they gave up condoms, the three of them deserve the mother of all dope slaps.
And does anyone have advice re: anal fissures? Because the damn doc says just try to reduce stress, drink a lot of water. No dice. It's been over a year and I don't want surgery. Thoughts?
Also, one of the fun possible side effects of the last writer's playtime is that you can lose the ability to know when you have to shit. This can be problematic. I know I value that particular skill. He needs to rethink the pain play.
I know this because I was once a sufferer of this incredibly painful condition. I also know it because when I was a medical student in Sydney, Australia, I helped out in a study where we rubbed such an ointment on the anal sphincters of rats to check that it was a god treatment for this condition! (the rats loved it ...)
I kid you not, it is just like amyl-nitrate, only for your butt. The only potential issue is that if you are nitrate naive (if you haven't had poppers before whilst fucking - or for those of us old enough to remember, whilst dancing under the mirrorball) then I suggest you use it sparingly at first. If you use too much it will give you a terrible (although harmless) headache - just like your first ever hit of poppers would!
Depending on how she feels about it and other circumstances, giving birth to and raising the results of an unplanned pregnancy could be disastrous. She may not be able to raise a child due to a lack of financial/emotional/mental resources. She, her husband, or their boyfriend may carry a fatal genetic disease. Or she and her husband agreed to never have kids.
Also, I agree the pregnancy was probably unexpected (they were apparently taking steps not to get pregnant), but I don't see them having such a big problem with it: PIT doesn't mention the possibility of abortion, which she could do quickly and safely and then not have to worry about whose child it would have been. I assume this means that, however unexpected, it is a baby they'd rather have (that was my case when I was conceived, since my parents weren't yet married at the time). So I don't feel like chastising PIT so much for not taking birth control: it seems like the possibility of her getting pregnant from either man wasn't something they were trying to avoid at all costs, right?
So I'd say to her: since you seem to want to have the baby, then wait till it's born and find out who the father was. But, regardless of the result (which is very probably, 99%-or-more your husband), what are you going to do about the baby? Should the other guy get involved? If the three of you are almost having a polyamorous relationship, then they should; but if the Other is really just an Other, i.e. basically a friend for sex, then he shouldn't get more involved than any normal friend would. That is what I would want if I were in your husband's position -- even if the child, against all odds, turned out to be the other guy's child. But that's me, not you, your husband, or your other guy; so the three of you should figure it out (all together if you're more polyamorous, first you and your husband and then third guy if you're not).
Sure it might be awkward to explain to the child that his/her biological father is actually the friend who's been visiting since his/her infancy, but that doesn't sound so terribly different from any adoption or open adoption explanation. In other words, unusual, maybe a little awkward, but ultimately not the end of the world.
I'm not sure what PIT's freak-out is about. It's understandable that anyone would be freaked over an unplanned pregnancy, but if that were the case, she'd be asking about abortion. Instead, she asks specifically about paternity, and the freak-out seems related to that.
Maybe the freak-out is over the possibility that she'll have to give up the threesomes? But I'm grasping at straws with that one.
(What's a Gertrude Award?)
Let me add, this is why my nightmares went away after having a vasectomy! I sleep much better now.
If you find raw ginger is just not enough, try powdered ginger. Penzey's powdered ginger is extremely fresh and very painful if used the right way.
Pig Latin? Que? No habla pig latin.
Nooooo! Recombinant DNA simply does not work like that. There may be good reasons why it would be nice if it did, but it doesn't. It doesn't work like that for the mammals humans share an evolutionary history with, and it doesn't work like that in humans. Some babies in your observation may more closely resemble their father at birth, but that's the luck of the draw, and you haven't considered the legions of non-biological fathers who have been hoodwinked over the millennia.
"For good evolutionary reasons, new babies tend to more prominently resemble the father, as the acceptance and therefore support of the father (food, protection etc) would have made the difference between surviving and thriving and ultimately reproducing though most of human history and prehistory."
Erm... I believe that's incredibly false, actually. Do you have a paper on that?
First of all... the premise that genetics are designed to make a baby look more like one parent is... for that to be possible I think genes might have to be sentient. Think about how that would actually work on a molecular level. It's impossible.
I've read a study that showed people were more likely to compare the baby to the father when talking about him/her. Is that what you're referring to?
In terms of being able to identify maternity/paternity. They actually did some kind of study once where they showed that men could essentially be given any baby (of the same race) and they would think he/she looked like him if he was told it was his baby. Mothers, on the other hand, were readily able to tell if a baby wasn't theirs.
And that's when the problems started.
While we were each married to other people and holding demanding jobs and raising children to boot, she reasoned that we were members of a de facto fluid-bonded group. (Which, given her husband and my wife, was wholly credible!) The risk of either of us contracting HIV, while scientifically possible, was minimal on the level of a swimming pool.
But once we were no longer married people, the hot sex stopped. Why? Because we were now single people. Now that we're on the loose, she reasoned, it could get risky. And who wants those cumbersome, icky devices anyway (both of us were broken in pre-HIV)?
Of course the obvious solution would have been to stay married and continue the affair. Perhaps trendsters in the Northwest and people under 35 elsewhere can openly do that. But Flyover Country is not ready for that yet.
Plus, I feel like it would be kinda messed up to say to the other guy, "Well, you're just sex, so it's just sperm. He's not your kid, you don't get to help raise him whether you want to or not."
In that case it was doubly stupid to have your third not use a condom, but we're all human and we all do stupid things.
If the husband seems unconcerned (he either knows the probability is slim or he doesn't care who the biological father is) then hopefully everything will turn out okay. Probably should establish paternity immediately after the birth so if it is the third's he knows and can either establish his rights early on or have the hubby legally adopt the baby so the third gives up his rights.
"Once they eliminated condoms, just what can the men do to prevent pregnancy?" Are you kidding, or just plain ignorant?
How about getting educated on what a nine month pregnancy from unprotected sex entails? How about just not having PIV sex without some form of birth control if not everyone is cool with the 3-way resulting in a baby, just for starters?
The threesome could also have avoided any hot sexual activity inducing stray live sperm altogether if anyone was squeamish--including the husband and wife-- about the risk of sudden parenthood.
How about YOU pulling your head out of your dumb fool trolling ass?
"And who wants those cumbersome, icky devices anyway"
Hey, tell your generation I said thanks for this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43689581/ns/…
When my eldest came out, the baby looked precious little like me (in terms of the face), but I wasn't worried because it looked like my brother in law. The mother's genes do have some role in things! Our second OTOH looked like everyone in my family.
Peace.
Why limit your thanks to that generation (particularly given where the strain was isolated)? Anyone that has had unprotected sex with multiple partners, including serial monogamists (like me), has a part in this.
All this means is a return to the historical mean: fucking around can cause your junk to rot off if you aren't careful (or lucky). Who knows, maybe we'll see men lining up to breath the virgin vapors from young women like in those period romance novels (hoping for a cure).
Peace.
Basically exactly what you're saying.
Before boomers "junk rotting off" was a risk, after boomers AIDs was a risk. They were the generation that (in much higher numbers) decided that unprotected sex wasn't dangerous. Obviously it's not purely them, but I'd guess they made a particularly hefty contribution (due to their behaviour - CONTINUED behaviour, if you look at retirement homes - and cohort size) to the evolution of multi-drug resistance in sexually transmissible bacteria.
As an adult that figured out my dad had an affair during my adolescence, I'd like to suggest some things I wish for:
Honesty. Don't push it, but if asked try to respond in an age appropriate nonjudgmental fashion. Try to avoid blame, because if the children were involved even peripherally, the blame will rub off. If you are hurt and sad, say so; it happened.
Unwavering support. No matter what your children have your love and care; don't let your bitterness towards your CPOS husband enter your relationship with your children. Give your children a positive role model by doing your best, without overcompensating, during a difficult period of your life.
Don't turn them into victims. Talk to their therapists, and yours(?), about how to coordinate a sane approach to dealing with your husband's bad behavior. Yes, it happened to you(all), but that doesn't mean you have to let it become the defining incident in your life. In retrospect, this would've been my greatest wish, had I been privy to what was happening at the time.
Your responsibility in all this is to clean up the mess your husband made as best you can, for the sake of yourself and your children, without making things any worse.
Good luck, and best wishes!
Peace.
Because I am a Marion Chesney fan (and a History buff in general), my time scale would be pre and during the age of antibiotics. If you wish to get your mad on, do so with all of humanity for squandering the precious resource of antibiotics with trivial overuse and underdevelopment of new antibiotics. Antiviral agents are less overused because of their limited scope (vaccines) and cost (anti-HIV drugs).
In North America the older generations are a majority, that is not the case elsewhere, so it isn't all our fault.
Peace.
VERY Wise. My brother and his wife divorced not too long ago, and to all our amazement, despite the relative acrimony between my brother and my sister-in-law, they *never* let it affect how their two kids (boy and girl) were loved by either of them. Their parents stepped up, dealt with this like true adults who love their children, but just happened to fall out of love themselves. It still amazes me that neither my nephew or niece ever had a bad time of it leading up to the divorce.
I even said to my brother one time, "I don't want to pry or anything, but I just wanted to say that you and Beth are really doing something right, because Nick (nephew) and Taylor (niece) have no behavioral, etc. problems with the transition.
That was because their parents were honest, and they handled it all as best as they could, while never letting the kids feel responsible in any way about why their parents broke up.
Amazing. It can be done: you just want to want it enough out of overall, unconditional love for your children. Nice piece, Married In MA.
--I think we're, like, seconds away from people texting during sex. Although if the texts are the same as regular ol' during-sex talk, I'm predicting many text variations of "Oh my God, I'm gonna come." Soon after shortened to OMGIGC.
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.co…
ps. there, happy now?
Within reason.
One of the things I won't do is rely on withdrawal for birth control. So, uh... what the fuck, PIT? You don't think maybe that was kind of a stupid-ass thing to do? And a stupid-ass thing for your husband and your boyfriend to do?
Get a paternity test after the kid is born. If you know that having your boyfriend's kid would just fucking detonate your lives, get the amnio and go from there. I guess if you really think that you can't take the risk of having your boyfriend's kid without horrendous divorce and resentment and related consequences that would make life miserable for the child, you could get an abortion. No kid should be unwanted; that's no way to grow up. But damn, that seems like a stupid fucking last resort to me.
I think you may be confused.... drug resistant STIs are largely caused by antibiotic treatment... of STIs. Though you could make a case that people treating their strep throat with antibiotics could very very indirectly increase the likelihood of drug resistant STIs.... I think that's a tiny contribution.
The period you're referring to: post penicillin, pre HIV led meant way less effort into avoiding STI contraction. If you look at the people who were at their STI-swapping prime during those decades, they were largely baby boomers.
That's all.
It's not all your fault, but mostly.
Don't worry, my generation will fuck something up too.
My snark was in response to snark. It wasn't really meant to be directed towards you. Nothing makes my skin crawl like people who complain about condoms or call them 'icky'. Do you know what's icky?
This: http://www.avert.org/media/photos/syphil… is icky. What's 'cumbersome' is dying of AIDS.
Those wacky generational differences...
Um, isn't that really the HUSBAND's call. And the other man, who might be his father? And the kids? How nice if SHE let's it go, but there are three other human beings with at least as much interest in the issue. More interest, in fact,
http://www.disinfo.com/2011/12/rick-sant…
2 women share the traditional first kiss upon the return of the USS Oak Hill from a tour of duty!
Peace.
Self-righteous safe-sex zealots who harbor a secretly sex-negative side, and who seem unaware of their own neo-Puritan tendencies and are secretly pleased at other people's venereal misfortune? Those are pretty icky, IMHO.
You're basically saying that we're not allowed to acknowledge reality, to wit: condoms make sex smell and taste bad. They turn PIV into an experience comparable to eating dinner after a Novocaine injection. They make men lose their erections, and because of that, generally encourage a rushed, half-felt attitude towards the sexual act. They're unpleasant, malodorous, and can come damn near to ruining sex.
They're ALSO a very good (though far from perfect) means of preventing STD transmission. And you know what? Admitting everything in my previous paragraph doesn't change that. It doesn't make condoms stop working to acknowledge that they suck, and make sex less fun and less pleasurable. It doesn't cost us anything to acknowledge that men's feelings, men's pleasure, men's experiences are valid. Denying reality doesn't make men wear condoms; it makes them suspect that safe-sex advocates are lying to them.
(And in fact, safe-sex advocates aren't 100% honest about risks, partly because they're afraid that if men realized how much lower the rates of FTM HIV transmission are vs. MTF HIV transmission, they'd start refusing to wear condoms and throw women to the wolves. So they play coy with the actual odds, making a guy think he has a 50% chance of getting AIDS from a blowjob when he's more likely to get struck by lightning.)
So in the holiday spirit, I'd like to give a big, hearty "fuck you" to your sanctimonious self. People like you are a LIABILITY to the safe-sex "movement", such as it is. Reading your self-congratulatory prose makes me want to have unsafe sex, and encourage my friends and colleagues to do the same, simply out of spite for your smug, patronizing tone. It makes one feel as though anything that's the opposite of what you want, and what you advocate for, must be a good thing.
I do think it's funny that you respond to being reminded that condoms are a a good thing by being a giant baby. A bloo bloo bloo, your warnings make me feel bad, watch me ~rebel~
And that maybe more people would use condoms if people like mydriasis were less self-congratulatory and sanctimonious, and more sympathetic and genuine.
And that people like mydriasis think they're motivated by trying to do what's right, but really it's all about the pleasure of the high horse, though they'll never admit it.
What I was specifically seeking advice for was this situation: during his affair, my husband used our three children as a means to spend time with his -- uh -- mistress. They were, as Mr. Ven noted yesterday, an accessory to adultery. I am concerned about their reactions as they grow older and are better able to grasp the truth of the "playdates" etc. I am concerned about my older two children, especially, who are 11 and 13, and I think on the cusp of being able to understand exactly how their father used them. It's disgusting, and I think it will be hurtful and confusing for them. Mr. Ven noted that he had been in a similar situation as a child and I was seeking his insight as to how he processed that knowledge as an adult. Did he discuss this with his parent? Was he asked for his forgiveness? Did he offer it? Is there anything I can do now or in the future to mitigate their pain when they realize this ugly truth?
To be clear, I am not trying to point this situation out to them or ruin their opinion of their father. I don't want them to suffer any more than they have. But they are intelligent and observant, and they are already aware of the basic facts of the matter: their father had an affair and they know and have spent time with that woman and her children.
Are you over the age of 50? Because most people I know under the age of 50 are safe-sex advocates. Most of them (us) won't have sex with you if you are unwilling to play safe.
You are absolutely free to roll your eyes and expose yourself to as many women as will let you. It means not a thing to those who practice safe-sex, so therefore will never sleep with you.
Of course, that would be silly and stupid, but its your choice!
What I was specifically seeking advice for was this situation: during his affair, my husband used our three children as a means to spend time with his -- uh -- mistress. They were, as Mr. Ven noted yesterday, an accessory to adultery. I am concerned about their reactions as they grow older and are better able to grasp the truth of the "playdates" etc. I am concerned about my older two children, especially, who are 11 and 13, and I think on the cusp of being able to understand exactly how their father used them. It's disgusting, and I think it will be hurtful and confusing for them. Mr. Ven noted that he had been in a similar situation as a child and I was seeking his insight as to how he processed that knowledge as an adult. Did he discuss this with his parent? Was he asked for his forgiveness? Did he offer it? Is there anything I can do now or in the future to mitigate their pain when they realize this ugly truth?
To be clear, I am not trying to point this situation out to them or ruin their opinion of their father. I don't want them to suffer any more than they have. But they are intelligent and observant, and they are already aware of the basic facts of the matter: their father had an affair and they know and have spent time with that woman and her children.
Of famous Gertrudes, I'm quite sure Hamlet's mother would make the top five, if not the top three. And I expect that, of all her lines, the one that most people will associate with her is (apologies to those who have heard or read it differently; there are variations):
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Wouldn't that be a grand criterion for a regular Award?
Just for giggles, I'll guess that the line people most forget was another of Gertrude's is Sweets to the sweet(: farewell) from Ophelia's funeral.
I don't know whether I can answer your questions, as my parents' marriage is intact, and to the best of my knowledge, neither one ever had an affair.
But my childhood best friend's mother had an affair with the husband of the family that were family friends and the kids were often around for cover, and one of my oldest and dearest friend's ex-husband had an affair with a woman who worked for him and who had cozied up to the young son, establishing a friendship. Still another close friend had a husband who used his time driving the carpool to have phone conversations with his mistress, assuming either that the kids were too busy talking with each other to pay attention to his phone conversation or that the talk went right over the kid's heads.
What ultimately seemed to matter was the direction the affair took after it was discovered.
My friend's mom married the family friend, and the two have now been married over 30 years. The daughter went to live with her mom and new stepfather, as her dad was irresponsible (part of the reason for the mother's marital discontent to begin with). She very quickly got past any feeling of having been used and came around to thinking that her mother and step-father were meant to be. She was 12-14 when the affair was going on, btw.
The girls whose dad had talked to his mistress when they were in the car felt guilty at having picked up on something weird going on that they didn't report to their mom at the time. They also disliked the mistress and their father who made as clean a getaway from his role of husband and FATHER as he could with the divorce. It wasn't until he broke up with that woman that the father-daughter relationship began to repair itself. But now they get along well with him and really like his current girlfriend. They adore their mother's second husband. They were 8-9 and 11-12 when this was going on, btw.
Finally, the boy whose father's girlfriend had insinuated herself into the family and especially had buddied up with the boy 11-14 or thereabouts was the most hurt. He felt humiliated and betrayed, lied to, and manipulated. He was probably as badly hurt as the wife, and felt betrayed by both his father and the girlfriend. He was furious with his father, and refused to have anything much to do with him. But time passed (he is about to turn 18), his dad didn't press but stayed a presence, and the dad and girlfriend ultimately broke up. Now the son and his father get along much better. The son likes dad's new girlfriend just fine and loves mom's boyfriend.
Kids heal. They have an enormous capacity for love and forgiveness and they also feel a slight more than adults do!
Take the high road--they'll be able to see for themselves how their dad used them--or maybe they'll see it as something else, more like they were incidental to his affair. Their natural desire will probably be to protect you, so if you appear to hate this woman and to blame her, they will, too.
My case is a bit bizarre. My father occasionally used to take me away for weekends for several years (about ages 6-11) in the interest of a perfectly respectable pursuit. That I'd be left alone in hotel rooms on Saturday nights never bothered me. Or being taken to Sunday dinner in someone's home and left alone in the library for nearly an hour gave me a good chance to catch up on my reading.
By the time a bit later on that I figured out what had been going on, my parents had found common cause in a new interest - getting me into conversion therapy against my will. Defeating conversion therapy took most of my effort and energy for some time. By then I'd become disenchanted with both of them. As my mother, who went in for the other two As (alcohol and abuse), was rather the primary mover in the therapy, I basically just declared a pox on both their houses and never said a thing.
It took them ten years more to separate and five after that to divorce. My father has never said anything directly or indirectly. My mother eventually would throw out hints and seem to wish that somebody else would bring the subject up or mention particulars, but I never felt moved to oblige her. Still, at least now, I have limited contact with either of them, and on my own terms, so that it's all very civil.
It does, though, make for interesting hearing. It was strange listening to the Podcast yesterday. Hearing Mr Savage tell the college student with the homophobic and manipulative family to love them struck the alien note that concept always has.
Sorry if this post seems dreary. But at least for some time now I've only had to engage with their better selves and in very limited quantities, so that I actually wouldn't have anything differently.
The issue would only arise if the 'real' father sued to see the kid and pay support.
Legally and morally the child would be the husbands and that should be that- unless the baby comes out like Earl Junior in 'My Name Is Earl.'
Praise the Lord that WTF is a lesbian as it takes away any possibility of my being in a relationship with that really incredibly melodramatic bitch. Tacky sure. But the fury within me could not be contained? Really scary.
For BUTT I have a suggestion. Use piping hot enemas and then follow it with capsaicin and hot sauce. If that is not enough then oxygen delivered by a long thin tube up your butt will cause so much pain you will be rolling around in agony.
I know it is none of my doing, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened to you vis a vis conversion. Here's to a future where that kind of therapy may not exist.
Peace.
So now you have to figure out what's more important to you. Do you want that apology, or do you want to find out what would possess her to feel so removed from sex with you that she's distracted seconds after? Do you want her to feel strongarmed into cuddling despite not really wanting to, or do you want her to share that in-the-moment feeling?
At the risk of getting all touchy-feely on you, do you want to be happy or right?
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v37…
(Christenfeld & Hill, Nature, v. 378, p.669, '95)
and the most recent study I found backed this up for toddlers:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art…
(Alvergne et al., Evolution & Human Behavior, v.18, pp.135-144, '07)
But this isn't my area of study. Did you find anything more recent that puts this in doubt?
You've just proven that you can not read, understand what you read, count, or have faulty short term memory. To begin with, snarky is a perfectly legitimate english word in and of itself. The only Latin used was Latin enumeration (counting for the illiterate).
Second, if you are going to quote someone, use the full quote. “Once they eliminated condoms, just what can the men do to prevent a pregnancy. Limit the sex to only oral and anal?” Perhaps I should have included hand jobs as well. To the best of my knowledge the only effective male birth control method is a radical vasectomy (something more invasive than just snip, snip). Every other method is based on the female. Are you so paternalistic that you would require male supervision of the female forms of birth control (insertion of the IUD or female condom; use of a spermicide, the pill, morning after pill; the rhythm method; checking the consistency of vaginal mucus; did I leave anything out?). I can understand the menstrual cycle being relevant to a discussion on how to avoid pregnancy, but just how is the human gestation period relevant to that discussion (and nine months is such a crude and imprecise approximation). Men (who are scum) can simply walk away from a pregnancy (the consequences of that come later). Pregnant women can’t just walk away. So yes, women, more so than men, have a primary and vested interest in avoiding pregnancy.
Lastly, your post at @43 referenced your own post @18. From your use of invective and name calling I would take you to be a typical loathsome, neofascist, fundamentalist, republican. (I can engage in name calling with the best of them, but that distracts from reasoned discourse)
Merry Xmas, happy Hanukkah, yule and every other greeting appropriate to the winter solitice.
I should also have referenced your post @42.
In a fair world yes, but in the real world the consequences of any pregnancy are greatest for the woman. There are still places in the world where a pregnancy (for medical reasons i.e. obstetrical death) is a potential death sentence for the mother.
Same can be told of your "regular" partner, though. They can definitely cheat on you. It becomes a matter of trusting them not to, and that if they do they'll use condoms THEN. Otherwise, use condoms for every one then (or other forms or protection when no penis is involved).
I find it more stupid that they had the safe sex talk and presumably all the tests that go with it, stopped using condoms, and never thought about pregnancy. Either she didn't want to get pregnant and should have used birth control (which doesn't have to be condoms. Pills, IUDs, diaphram, implants, there are LOTS of birth control options that leave you fluid bonded) or she was trying with her husband and should have used condoms with her other, or stuck to non-reproductive sex.
Also, I'm not sure why it matters whose semen produced the baby. Presumably you'll raise the kid with your husband so it will be his kid. I guess it might matter to the other, but I'm not sure why it matters to you. I mean either way you're sure it's your kid, after all.
For a lot of us (me definitely), there's something about sex that gives me that affectionate, sappy, sentimental, sleepy, stupid, warm feeling. I don't know the science explaining it, but I'm convinced that there's something physical behind it, that it's not just a habit or something culturally induced. Of course, I could jump up and send a text if I had to, but the desire to strikes me as particularly unlikely.
So it occupies a middle ground between something I can't help and something I can. If I had a partner like WTF's girlfriend who didn't feel the same way, I'd be confused too.
@61 mydriasis,
Your examples in particular are, of course, correct, but in terms of antibiotic resistance in general, not so much. I won't waste text here when a quick trip to wikipedia's entry on antibiotic resistan… will work beautifully. If the only source of antibiotic exposure for selecting resistant strains of bacteria were inside of humans, the negligent overuse of antibiotics would be bad enough. That doesn't include the vast quantities released into the environment via animal feed for cattle and other livestock, all of which provide developmental pools to originate the transmissible genetic elements that can become combined in the "super bug" MDR bacteria, like the strain cultured from the throat of a professional sex worker in Japan.
And, for the record, I will set my pre-antibiotic mean at 1900, and the age of antibiotics starting in 1940. The potential loss of antibiotics for the prevention and cure of human disease should be an issue that terrifies us all, our possible junk rot notwithstanding. Add to this problem the vaccination dodgers and you end up with the huge headaches facing public health officials in a time when budgets are dropping, and politicians are willfully ignorant.
Peace.
that sappy, sleepy, warm feeling is caused by a huge release of oxytocin. Interestingly, even though the body makes and releases oxytocin at orgasm, the levels of it are higher if the orgasm is reached with another person present--even if the orgasm is achieved through self-stimulation.
I am also sorry that you were the victim of forced conversion harassment. And that you were used as an accomplice to your father's affair. I hope you found yourself a better family to support you.
I also agree that when you say "Gertrude" I don't think of Hamlet. There could be a Hamlet award, but there would be too many contenders for what it's for!
Or to the husband, which might fuck up their relationship.
"...but I'm not sure why it matters to you."
Because it might matter to the husband, which might fuck up their relationship.