Columns Feb 27, 2013 at 4:00 am

Queer Goggles

Comments

210
@208: Why yes, lots of them do. Men too!

She wrote in saying she intended to go to college. Not that she absolutely positively never wanted to have children, which is a totally different thing. I don't think the problem is that she got the two confused.
211
When I was in college, I used one of the insertable foams/gels from the drugstore and it is still my preferred method, with the Today sponge second. Anything hormonal is screwing with my entire body and the Pill has killed my libido every time, in every formulation;; localized barrier method is the lowest impact to the system. Yes, these mean your partner may not want to go down on you because of taste after they are inserted BUT having that conversation is a great litmus test for identifying men who should be avoided. Also, I heartily second the idea of getting yourself some sex toys and knowing how to pleasure yourself before involving another person.
213
Interesting word choice there. Kind of showing your hand.

Anyway, I'm sure your turtle is very nice.
214
I'm exhausted by slogging through this whole thread, and yet NOBODY else awarded you the kudos for the Organic Chem references?? (three by my count) I'd have thought that your readers were more astute, adroit, and aware of chiral asymmetry.
215
Helvetica Bold, Dan? Now I'm even more of a fan!
216
@214

Wait... do you actually think that Dan invented the application of "cis" and "trans" to sexuality? He didn't.

Besides, cis vs. trans molecules are classically diastereomers, not enantiomers, I mean, sure, a cis or trans molecule COULD be chiral as well (assuming there's at least one sp3 hybridized carbon as well as the two sp2 hybridized carbons that made up the cis or trans double bond), but cis or trans isn't referring to that property, dex/levo/R/S is.

Happy?
217
@mydriasis: Are you a chemical engineer? Premed?
218
Seandr,

I minored in chemistry (and physiology) and majored in neuroscience. I'm taking some time out of school to work before going back again. :)
219
The cis- and trans- prefixes are common in ordinary Latin as well -- as in Cisalpine and Transalpine Gaul.
220
The number of folks here trying to talk TIMELY out of birth control is appalling. Yes, condoms are a given... but suggesting a young woman forgo other methods of birth control is how young women end up pregnant.

If you're serious about pregnancy prevention, using two methods is highly promoted.

If TIMELY is reading this, please just go talk to your doc.
221
Another two cents to the IUD pile: I have one - copper - and I think it's fan-dab-tastic. It does, however, cause heavier periods and really wicked menstrual cramping. Things to be aware of: iron deficiency(!) and mefenamic acid. It's the wonder-pill which makes periods lighter and cramps just melt away. I do have to medicate a little for my IUD, but it's so so worth it to not have a bay just yet.
222
@218 mydriasis: No wonder you're so good in chemistry--good for you!!
That was one academic science I avoided--because I was afraid of possibly blowing up the classroom.
As a humbling result, I continue to suck at other forms of...chemistry.
223
@220

As I mentioned earlier, there's a great deal of evidence suggesting that college aged people are less likely to consider condoms important if they're on the pill. Yeah, in a perfect world people would use both, but in the real world, people (at least in that demographic) typically don't. So that's why it makes sense to treat it as an either or situation, though it certainly doesn't have to me.

@griz

Thanks :)
224
I was 19 when I first took the birth control pill. The first I was prescribed meant I bled all the time for the first month (the only month I took it), and it gave me a face like a lunar landscape. Perhaps the point was that nobody would want to have sex with me...?
The second one I took gave me three months of slightly less bad side effects, then settled down. But...
Years later, I stopped taking it, suspicious that it was dampening some of my emotional responses, including libido. I immediately felt much better, and, well, much better. My moods are mine, and I'm glad to have them back. There was no change to my cycle.
I would go with condoms. Only a barrier method is going to prevent against STDs, and there are plenty of people out there passing those around.
225
@178 Wouldn't that be "androgynomorphophiles"?
226
TIMELY, you are so cool I can't even quantify it! I wish more young women would think about birth control options BEFORE their first time having intercourse, instead of after. I agree that condoms should be used as well in order to prevent STIs/STDs. It's the most sure-fire way to do so. As Dan's source said, it's great to figure out what birth control method works the best for your body and your lifestyle before you start having sex, so that you know you will use it consistently and correctly (thus decreasing its failure rate). Good luck, with both your birth control search and with college!
227
@EricaP @Crinoline It's fine, my PIV was totally wanted ;-) I guess what I was trying to say that just because one isn't intending to have sex any time in the near future doesn't mean one won't. If you'd asked me the very day before my first PIV-sexing I would have replied that I of course had no need for BC because I wasn't intending to sex with anyone anytime soon.

And if I didn't already know that emergency contraception was easily available (and that I already had the next day off work to get it sorted) I wouldn't have had the sex. But the LW is in the US where I keep hearing that BC is sometimes harder to get hold of?

If we are playing the "should have" game then perhaps what I "should have" done was gone on BC two years ago when I started doing sexual but non-pregnancy-causing stuff.
228
Any drug, including any birth control, may have significant side effects. She may want to quit if the side effects are bad. Being 3000 miles away from the only doctor she knows will make it hard to quit an IUD or implant. I'd recommend a good conversation with the doctor she knows, then pills until she finds a doctor she trusts at school. She writes as if she expects this doctor to remain her primary care physician, on breaks maybe, and it's a blind spot in Dan's response not to make clear that she needs to find a doctor at school too. Once she finds a local doctor she trusts to do any immediate follow up care that might be necessary, it would be time to think about and IUD or implant.
229
A women who is not in a committed, monogamous, disease-free relationship should NOT get an IUD without also using condoms 100% of the time. The IUD creates and open passage for bacteria and other microbes to enter the uterus and can endanger fertility. I am one such victim. I was not able to use the pill due to dramatic hormonal side effects. When I was dating my husband, we both got HIV screens before stopping condom use and I had an IUD implanted. We didn't know that one of us was chlamydia positive. Within a month of IUD placement I was entering surgery for ovarian abscess drainage. We were devastated to learn a few months ago, after a year of trying to get pregnant, that I'm now infertile. Condoms, condoms, condoms people.
230
I'm still waiting to see the pictures of Helvetica Bold, Dan!
Have they been posted yet?
231
best column ever
232
I just want to add to the pro-IUD side. After an unintended pregnancy, I got an IUD and I love it. It's the copper IUD, I've had mine almost 10 years with no problems.

Regarding getting it inserted (installed, ha-ha): It was a little uncomfortable, but not bad at all. Several people are writing about painful insertion, but my insertion was really nothing notable. And my cramps haven't gotten worse since i had the IUD. I think it's the best form of birth control ever.
233
Dr. Malhotra was my OBGYN in Vancouver while I lived there, and she is the best OBGYN I've ever had. Though she works in one of the busiest OBGYN offices in downtown Vancity, I always felt she was fully present with me and all my concerns during my visits, and she never judged, and was always supportive!
234
I know about 6,000 commenters have already weighed in on the subject, but just wanted to share my experience in re: BCP, virginity, relationships, and Mirena. I was on various BCPs for about 7 years before becoming sexually active due to a medical problem easily solved by BCP. I had negative psychological reactions to a couple BCPs but eventually found one I loved and which had the benefit of stopping my period. This was great until I became sexually active and kind of wanted to have some reassurance of non-pregnancy! I switched to another pill that was not as great as the previous but with which I had good success. What I'm trying to say is that it is a bit trial-and-error.

About 6 months ago I decided to get Mirena and it is seriously the best birth control decision I have ever made. I'm nulliparious and according to my OBGYN have a small cervix, so she warned me before the procedure that she might not be able to get it in, in which case she wouldn't push it. If you're going to get one I strongly suggest "shopping around" and finding an OBGYN who has done a whole bunch of IUD procedures. Ask them what their success rates are, and if they have ever caused a perforation or had other complications. You might want to wait til you get to campus because chances are the women's health doctors have done quite a few insertions. No sugar coating, getting the IUD hurt like a bitch (I was flat out screaming in the exam room) but I went from having awful periods with terrible cramping every month to having almost nothing. To me, 5 minutes of intense pain and a day of discomfort has been worth it. Also there are fewer risks (of stroke, psychological problems, etc.) from Mirena than BCP because it is a localized dose of hormones, not systemic (it stays near your uterus instead of going through your whole body). Also also, my Mirena was completely paid for by my insurance so I'm saving an extra $5 / mo (not a lot but it's nice).

TIMELY seems like a smart cookie and I'm sure she realizes condoms ought to be mandatory for any casual encounters and are still a good idea even in long term relationships. Though I have Mirena my BF and I still use condoms because frankly neither of us can afford a kid at this point and he views it as his part of the bargain. (Sure, Plan B and abortion are solutions should anything happen, but it's much easier to just prevent it from becoming a problem in the first place.)

Anyway, hope you find the right solution for you, TIMELY :) There are upsides and downsides for every contraception option. I think using a hormonal method in combination with condoms is the best idea but it's best to discuss it with your medical professionals.
235
"....she can remove it and get pregnant at any time if she wishes."

sure you can removed and get impregnated at any time later, I wouldn't count on it being the baby you thinking about though. Sometimes the spirit of a child -- before conception -- sees how much of an asshole his would be parents are, and doesn't want anything to do with that
236
Oh, and Alec,



The next time your sea-hag-blistered-lip sister begins having sex with a man who has not previously been exposed to the bike thieving asshole ways of your family, you had better plan on tipping the doctor at a rate equal to the procedures stated cost, because patients like you are problems that no family physician should ever be made to suffer, but it sure is nice to hear some piece of shit like you speak so casually of trouncing across the lines of decency as well as how much you obviously care about the effects of your assholism has on anybody else other than yours.



The women in your life must be the luckiest people on the whole goddammed planet!



How lucky are they that you've chosen to fuck them as opposed to the fucking of yourself which you so rightly deserve you dumb prick

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