Ask any of my director friends... Guillermo, Brett, Quentin... and they'll tell you I love movies. I was born during a showing of Yojimbo, and my dad chewed through the umbilical cord, set me on his lap, and made me watch the rest of the film. Let me tell you, I was hooked... since then, I've celebrated all the greatest films of our time, nay, of all time... the Matthew Broderick Godzilla, Green Lantern, Tron Legacy... on my site, Ain't It Cool News. In case I haven't made myself clear, let me just say, I'm kind of a big deal.

So why hasn't SIFF brought me up to Seattle to celebrate their film festival? Especially when I've already seen the opening-night film, Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing, and it's practically made for me? Guest of Honor Harry Knowles could put some butts in the seats, and I even headline my own film festival down here in Austin, so I know how it's done. But I'm not mad... like Uncle Ben told Peter Parker, people don't always appreciate your talents... that's why you've gotta wow them. Peter Parker's got sticky palms. I love movies. So here's a review, for free.

Much Ado About Nothing
USA (109 min)
Dir. Joss Whedon
Why should you give two shits about this film? Well, it is based on a series of books by William Shakespeare that has huge fans. Benedick is essentially the most badass Romantic Comedy Lead that there ever was. He found problems. That life is in the rearview, and now he wanders the earth like Kane from Kung Fu having sexy adventures. Now, there's no Eastern philosophy. Benedick is a bit more like John Rambo... except a whole lot more romantic. Shakespeare's dialogue for Benedick is so choice. In fact, if you watch Alexis Denisof's Benedick... hilarious & self-important describe his actions, dialogue, and line of thought. He keeps things explosive, even if they're barbs of the verbal side. Benedick is an old-school man with internally created way of life. He's a man like the Outlaw Josey Wales. Now I know, I've brought up The Outlaw Josey Wales, so I assume you have to want to know, what's better? Well, The Outlaw Josey Wales. Duh. By miles, because that's my favorite Eastwood western. Love it. But this film is called Much Ado About Nothing and after you see it, you'll know the name and what it stands for.

So I'm not in The Stranger's SIFF Guide, either. It's not very good, but at least it's got every SIFF movie in it, I guess... but I don't know, where's the enthusiasm? The way you should write about SIFF is like imagine SIFF is the tongue, mouth, fingers, and lips of a lover. The audience is the clit. SIFF goes down on the audience... watching the audience begin to squirm, then he takes the audience's clit in his mouth and just licks it like crazy. Damn, SIFF respects the clit!

See what you missed? This is what I could bring to SIFF. Oh, well... maybe next year, Seattle... recommended