Columns Jul 31, 2013 at 4:00 am

Baby-Making Wannabe


This is one of the worst things I've ever read. Shame on you.
Very Hot, but still a shitty thing to do.
I call fake. Sounds too much like a male fantasy. Why wouldn't lesbians just pay to have his stuff in a turkey baster?
Could be fake, yeah. But if not...Best. I Anon. EVVVERRRRRR!
Totally fake but I'll allow it because you know someone somewhere has done this.
Supremely fucked up.
Supremely fake. Like "At summer camp this summer I banged five chicks at the same time!" fake.
Well, that's kind of rapey...
Rape. Press charges.
How is that rape? Please, esplain yoselfes.
Somehow I don't think rape charges are going to stick for consensual sex, even if lies were involved. Some kind of damages may be in order, but you'd be hard pressed to argue that this was rape. If it was, every guy who ever lied or exaggerated to get sex is a rapist.
Definitely "rapey" though.
So assholish it has to be fake.
14: So you're an optimist of human nature eh?
I agree, the first thing I thought was rape. @11, I agree that it doesn't fit our typical view of what rape is, but she was violated for someone else's sexual pleasure... it just seems like rape. If that happened to me, I would feel extremely violated.

In fact, I'm surprised The Stranger published this. Did you show this to the women you work with? How about Lindy? This is a truly fucked up I, anon...
16: Maybe they did it to potentially out the person, or remind people that shit like this happens.
So is a woman raping a man if she woman lies and says she is on birth control when she isn't? How about if she is and says she isn't? Or says she'll get an abortion if anything happens, but is lying/changes her mind? Or says she won't get an abortion, then does? Or says she won't come after him for money, but does? Or says she just wants sex, but she really wants a relationship? Or says she doesn't have a boyfriend, but does?
Rape? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
And yeah, fake.
Fake. And even though it's clearly fake, the I, Anon is an asshole.

But, it's fake.

By the way, many straight guys fantasize about being the sperm donor for a lesbian. It's classic Penthouse Forum.

The author of this bit of sub-par porn is probably a UW student.
In fact, I'm surprised The Stranger published this. Did you show this to the women you work with? How about Lindy? This is a truly fucked up I, anon...

I'm sorry, but you are too emotionally sensitive to read The Stranger.

The story would be fucked-up if it were true, but there is little chance of that unless the two “lesbians” he screwed were just very very dumb. It’s remotely possible.

It’s not even a good Penthouse story, and you are so discombobulated that you are “surprised The Stranger published this”?

How long have you been a Stranger reader? This is your second issue?
Liar. Everyone knows you use a turkey baster for this one. Geez. Plus you get your future baby daddy a clean bill of STD health first too. And who uses a complete stranger? If they were going to do it this stupid way anyway, they'd just pick up some guy in a bar and never tell him the intent, since he'd possibly press for legal rights to the kid and who wants that?
I'll say this: If it's real and those lesbians read this in The Stranger, he might consider changing his name and leaving the country.
@11: Tricking someone to consent is rape.

@18: If the woman does it for the purpose of tricking the man into having sex when he wouldn't have consented otherwise, the answer is yes. The rest of your post is just stupidity and misogyny.

Let me make it simple for the assholes here: sex without consent is rape. That is all you have to remember.
When did The Stranger start publishing stuff plagiarized from Penthouse Forum?
If they just pose enough conundrums, they figure it's okay to fuck anybody they want anytime they want. I mean, what EXACTLY does consent mean? Who knows?
@25, sex without informed consent is rape. But what constitutes informed consent is the sticky wicket.
We talk about rape all we want. Legally it wouldn't stand up as rape period.
as 26 alludes to, misrepresenting yourself might violate informed consent but is there any leeway on embellishment. If you say you have an 8" cock and its really 5.5" is that rape? If you say you're a famous international photographer and really all you have is an iphone and tumblr is that violating informed consent? Would the person have slept with you if they realized that your fabricated a professional background.

Really, I would say informed consent extends as far as sex acts are concerned: Lying about BC, STD, Relationship status all would be violations. Lying about professional status, housing situation, material possessions doesn't represent a violation. Lying about those things in the process of offering them for sex would (like saying you'll pay someone 50 bucks for a BJ then running out of the room mid orgasm to avoid paying.)

I would like to avoid calling everything under the sun in regards to volunteering information as rape as it really diminishes the seriousness of rape.
@26: Feel free to flesh out your argument on when you think trickery is rape and when it isn't.
The women gave consent. If you give consent to sex, and that consent is not compelled by force or threat of force, it is not rape.

It is unfortunate that people keep applying the word 'rape' to things that are not rape (e.g. this, Blurred Lines, etc.) Because people do this, every time I hear someone saying they were raped or read statistics about rape, the question pops up in my mind: real rape, or bullshit "somebody did something douchey" rape?

It is shitty when rape victims aren't believed. And people like #'s 16, 25, and 28 are responsible for it.
Fake or not, I laughed.
32: I don't think you have a particularly clear idea on what rape is, legally or morally.
The lesbian couple provided informed consent based on incomplete information, a terrible thing that happens all the time. They had a choice and could decide whether or not to trust the guy. Maybe they could sue him for breech of contract (personally I don't think it would work), but that's about it. They weren't violently compelled into having ses, and as far as we know, they weren't drunk, high, legally insane or otherwise incapable of making a rational choice. The guy was a dick, but this is a case of buyer beware.
Just to clarify, there is no "informed consent" standard for rape. That comes from medical procedures and who knows what else--signing a mortgage maybe. The standard for rape is just plain old consent. As far as I know, even if you have HIV and knowingly infect a partner with it after lying to them about your status, while you may be guilty of another crime, you are not guilty of rape.

I am am wrong, cite the statute or legal case. I like learning stuff. Otherwise, admit you don't know what they fuck you are talking about and have been spreading misinformation. kthx,
@37, Are you unable to make a distinction between legal and academic discussions?
one of the funniest things i've seen on here..
38: Consent is consent in academic and legal discussions. The women consented to sex, end of story. They were violated perhaps, but not raped.
I find it hard to believe a woman could be that stupid. So, if she was, I'm glad he didn't make a baby with her.
The sure sign that this is fake is the idea that a lesbian couple would select this douche in the first place, and let him fuck one of them twice private and another time as a "threesom" which was "totally hot" ...

Good grief.
@38, is 'academic' a synonym for 'wrong' in your world?

Look, when someone says "X is rape," they are making a statement about law, i.e. doing X is a crime. Is there another way to have this conversation? Is there a definition of the word 'rape' that I am unaware of, that means something other than the crime of rape? And if so, doesn't this lead to a pretty dangerous ambiguity?

I guess we are in Wonderland here, where words mean just what you say they mean.
UM, since when do words that occur in laws only have the meanings that the law gives them? I'm pretty sure it's possible to talk about someone being killed in self-defense as being murdered without necessarily implying that it was an illegal act. Rape can be used in terms of a moral claim without it having to be legalistic. It is possible to call something rape, and indeed for it to be rape, in the sense of any violation of sexual consent, without it meeting the legal definition thereof.

Legal definitions are, in fact, always more circumscribed than the colloquial uses of the same words. But the colloquial definitions to not cease to be useful or meaningful simply because a concept has been encoded into law. Seriously, are you this stupid?
definitely RAPE!

like when a homosexual male marries a woman.

each and every time they do it it is RAPE!

just like that.....
You really should apologize, 44. Adversary really isn't "this stupid."
This is why the word "rapey" was created. To describe this. Oh, and also the word "bullshit"
I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would go about this business in this fashion.

No test of the sperm donor - for fertility as well as congenital disorders and STDs? Not credible.

An actual sexual encounter instead of handing him a cup? Not credible.

Placing an ad? Not credible.

Inviting the legal consequences of this arrangement instead of the protections of a sperm bank? Not credible.

If a woman was going to be this reckless about how she went about this business, she could have more easily picked up a man just about anywhere without the benefit of an ad. So... answered an ad? Not credible.
Wow, look at this "lesbians totally want some dick" storytime.
Nice try, Spike Lee, but your sock-puppet anonymous letter writing shenanigans will not get me to view "She Hate Me" as a groundbreaking work of art.
while it's too classic male fantasy to be real, I believe this scenario could happen because;

1. Stupid Women exist (I've met some)
2. Some women in same sex relationships tell the world they are Lesbian when really one or both are actually Bisexual
3. Some women have low standards with regards to the men they'll fuck.
4. The desire for babies makes some women STOOOPID!!!
if this were true (which it is not), it would definitely not be rape.

mild or harsh, people lie to get sex all the time. isn't that what we do every time we misrepresent ourselves, lie about our income, wear a push up bra, say we're not married, got tested a few weeks ago, was totally clean, tell people we love them, that we feel really close to them, or the opposite, that we won't get too attached, not make it a big deal...

if it were true (which it is not), it would be an especially coldhearted way to trick someone into sex, but lying to obtain consent simply is not rape.

stop diluting the word rape. some people already think that if she's drunk it isn't rape, and now you're saying that lying to someone to fuck them is also rape? assholes will write off the entire thing as some feminist conspiracy when you push it that far.
@44, I really don't know what to say to you. You think it is ok to throw around very, very serious accusations without foundation. You seem to have no empathy whatsoever with the accused--no idea why, say, a soldier who killed enemy combatants in war might object to being called a 'murderer,' or a man who had sex with a woman who later decided something happened that made her uncomfortable might object to being called a 'rapist.'

You seem very entitled; you obviously can imagine yourself only in the position of the accuser, never the accused. I can only hope you don't hold a position with any power or influence. And let me just restate, knowing that there are people like you in the world, I have to take that into account every time I hear a claim of it *really* rape, or just colloquial rape?

Frankly I am starting to see why that Republican politician had to talk about "rape rape"...contrasted I guess with your variety of non-rape rape.
@54, I am inclined to understand and agree with your point of view, and I certainly don't think this is rape. But you and 44 aren't arguing the same thing.

@44 is saying that just because an act doesn't have a law against it does not mean it isn't so. I know that was a lot of double negatives, so here's an example: back before the '70s, in a lot of states it was not illegal to rape your wife. Even if totally legal, every man who raped his wife before that point did really actually rape her.

@44, Academic discussions are not all that. Often get beaten into a pulp, where all common sense is replaced with wannabe intellectualism. This woman was not raped.
A woman I know--who identifies as a lesbian--had sex with a married man regularly for six months while trying to get pregnant. Then once she was knocked up, her partner started doing the same guy so their kids would be genetic siblings.

It is the grossest, stupidest story ever, but I swear to God this is just how she tells the story. She's split with her partner, so I can't get the partner's side of the story, but I don't know why a woman would make a story like that up about herself.

So I think this letter is fake, and yet I can't discount how abso-fucking-lutely stupid and weird people can be.
Just your average dudebro MRA trying to get "all those stuck-up liberals and social justice warriors" riled up. Fake, sad, stupid.
@56: "I don't know why a woman would make a story like that up about herself."… ?
This is seriously messed up. I read this in the Stranger today and felt sick. I just sent in a complaint and I suggest all of you do so as well. As others have stated - at best, it's some shitty fake male fantasy, and at worst, it's describing non-consensual sex - i.e. rape. Even if you don't consider that to be the case, someone give me an argument about how this is different than not disclosing an STD or not disclosing proper pregnancy protection.

I mean, seriously? I thought The Stranger was queer friendly and this article is just pandering to stupid bros. Whether you're offended or not, it's a stupid, stupid story to print.

Going to be much less likely to pick up the Stranger next time. Ugh.
Let's a have a serious discussion about the difference between the legal and commonly understood definitions of consensual sex when the platform for said discussion isn't bullshit dudebro troll bait.
@59: This is by far not the first time an I Anon has been a shitty person, truthful or not.
I am fixed and thought very seriously about responding to one of these ads a few years back. I decided that fucking a lesbian for free would be nothing like porn. In fact, it would be more like having Roseanne Barr for the night, no holds barred! Woohoo. I am low class but but not THAT low class!

PS I totally think this story could easily happen even if it's not true!
@59 It is no different from not disclosing an STD or lack of birth control. Neither of those are rape. Read the thread. Hell, read a law book. Or the dictionary.
@62: I see the fake story writer has returned.
Adversary - I said that even if you don't consider it to be rape, the moral repercussions are the same as those two cases, and in the case of knowingly infecting someone with HIV, that is criminal (if not "rape").

But I'm going to stop baiting the troll. From your past comments it's clear you've got some serious, serious, issues pertaining to your view of women. Let me guess, you're one of those "nice guys" - maybe a "Men's Rights" member on Reddit? I mean, there's having an intellectual argument, and then there's making inflammatory misogynistic comments on multiple articles on this site over the course of months and months. Someone's got some issues.

Hope that misogynist angle works for you when you're trying to pick up women! Here in Seattle the women are pretty educated, so you'll probably end up getting "friend zoned" and thus perpetuating your cycle of hatred.
@62: I take comfort in the fact that you're fixed.
@65 Ah yes, the typical feminist retort of shaming and personal attacks. You forgot, I also live in my mother's basement and have a tiny penis. Now, care to address the content of my argument? Actually strike that, it is not an argument. I am simply relaying facts to you about the law. Whether "I consider it rape" or not is irrelevant.

If you don't believe me, feel free to call the police and tell them about how somebody gave you genital warts, and you want that person arrested for rape.

Goddamn, it is fucking scary to have someone say, "even if it isn't rape, the moral repercussions are the same." You really don't care whether it is rape or not, do you? If something happens that makes a woman feel bad, she's well within her rights to call the cops and ruin a man's life. "Hey, it wasn't rape, but it was close enough." Jesus. You're fucking sick.

The next college girl who makes a rape complaint and finds that the campus cops/dean of students don't believe her has you to blame. Eat shit and die.
@67 Well, that escalated quickly! No, sorry - the next college girl who makes a rape complaint and finds that the authorities don't take her seriously is probably going to find that someone like you is that authority, who doesn't take complaints seriously to begin with, or possibly has some unresolved guilt or issues regarding going too far with a woman themselves?

Like I said, you're obviously just trolling. Have fun with that, but I'd really suggest another hobby than troll-baiting women and minorities on The Stranger. Knitting?
@68 and still no rational response. This thread has really made me glad that law school has entrance exams. Serious thinking about this kind of thing is apparently not for everyone. I feel good about my education right now.

You are exactly right. I am an angry men's-rights guy. For a long time I have suspected that feminists are pushing to expand the definition of rape beyond any rational bounds, and are perfectly ok with women making rape claims out of regret or hurt feelings.

Now I don't suspect it. I know it. Thanks for confirming my opinion of feminists. When I get the time maybe I'll post some of your thoughts in the men's-rights forums I frequent, just so my chums can all see how whacked-out feminists really are.

I mean, seriously, for as long as I have been interested in men's issues, if somebody had told me 3 years ago that lots of feminists would be willing to endorse regret-rape in print, I'd have said c'mon man, that's a step too far. But in the last couple of years I have seen multiple examples of it, everywhere from here to DoubleX on Slate to Jezebel. It's really dispiriting. But congrats on fucking your movement in the face, and thanks for making it so easy for us.
@59, you wrote a complaint? About what? A newspaper that regularly runs smut and stories about assholes had the nerve to post a confession about smut from an asshole?
I think they're confusing I Anon with editorials. The views are never endorsed.

Honestly, I think the obviously fake or dull stories are worse than the asshole stories. Just make them interesting and I'll read.
Rape vs. Not Rape: Legally, there is a distinction between what is called "fraud in the fact" and "fraud in the inducement". Fraud in the fact = rape. Fraud in the inducement does not. So what is each? Fraud in the fact is where you tell someone they are not having sex, but really, you are! The case that is used most often as an example is a gyno who told women he was using a speculum when actually, he was inserting his penis (ladies, if anyone ever asks you to do your gyno exam on your belly, run run run!). Fraud in the inducement means things like false promises, etc. I can promise to buy you fancy things, to marry you, etc, and lie lie lie, so long as I do not lie about the fact that there will be sex. So, legally, not rape to lie and say you are trying to have a baby, or to lie and say you aren't trying to have a baby (birth control example). Also, agree this is probably fake.
@72 That's a fine-grained distinction that I was not aware of. Thanks for actually making a knowledgeable contribution to the discussion. What about cases where the fraud is as to who is doing the sex, e.g. a woman has sex in complete darkness with someone she believes is her boyfriend, but it's actually someone else?
@59. You are obviously an idiot. Oh it's fine to pick up the stranger and read about all sorts of filth and drug use and other traditionally inappropriate material, because you are a forward thinking, modern individual who feels as long as the stranger prints what you like you will support them. Well I've got news for you bub. The world that we live in is full of nazis, zealots, misogynists, and haters of every type and dimension. And guess what? They have the right to speak, be heard and send stupid bullshit to the I, Anonymous column at the stranger. Like it or not that is the beauty of America.

And what does queer friendly have to do with printing someone's IA? Oh right, cuz the people that are supposed to look like fools in this piece were the Lesbians. Well I am sure The Stranger will take your complaint very seriously, because, well, you wrote it, and made a threat to boycott in your last paragraph.

You remind me of the Christians that tried to pick a fight and rally a boycott against Disney for having an all gay day.

Let me leave you with this. No matter whether or not you like broccoli, occasionally, it will be served with the meal at your favorite restaurant. It is ok to leave it, but don't stand up on your table and ask your fellow patrons to complain, or stop patronizing the establishment. That is just fucking stupid.

I wonder how long it will be until a variant of this penthouse letter is spawned to reflect the existence of homo-marriage (lesbiatrimony) and legal provisions where the mother's spouse is assumed to be the father (as in WA state), allowing the "hero" of the story a responsibility-free card by default.

I think in that story, circumstances should cause the guy to leave some clothing behind so it can wrap with the "lousy t-shirt" crack.
Fake. That being said, this scenario would not likely be charged out as rape in Washington State courts. It's not a gender issue--women are perfectly capable of raping someone and men of being raped. As long as both parties to the sex are adults, the critical issue is consent. The consent applies to the act of sex, not to the reasons given to obtain the consent. If both parties freely agree to the act of sex, the inquiry ends and the law does not further explore the reasons why the consent was given. The pitch dark scenario would be rape, fraud in fact as eloquently stated previously, because the identity of the partner is a critical component of freely given consent.
Wasn't there a SLLOTD where the guy was beating himself up because they'd both been drinking, she claimed her memory of the event was fuzzy, and he kept beating himself up for being a rapist?

This is exactly why people were blaming feminists for spreading ideas that were completely at odds with what actual people actually do.…
Fake. Totally fake.
i smell BULLSHIT, mr. anonymous penthouse forum. so were these lesbians mentally disabled? they never checked your sperm count? they never considered the classic turkey baster and stack of titty mags in their bathroom? no one but the idiotic would believe this story. fucking sad in it's lameness.
and in other news: WOW pretty quick to jump on the "i hate man-hating feminists stereotyping men as women hating, so i am stereotyping women as man-hating feminists at the drop of the hat or mention of rape" angry, much?
Seriously, what straight guy DOESN'T want to do a three-some with a couple of lesbians! It's Straight Guy Fantasy World! And to be able to slather your "batter" all over a couple of lezzies? OH MY! Three quarters of the virgin male freshman class at the UW are masturbating to this I, Anon *right now* ...
...And speaking of masturbation, did I ever tell you about the two lesbian chicks in the apartment above me? Considering the pounding noise that keeps me up most nights, I'd like to be that "strap-on".
C'mon, we all saw through this after the first two sentences. Trollerific.
If this guy's idea of the hottest sex ever is one on which he was the only one turned on, he's a sad little man.
If this guy's idea of the hottest sex ever is one in which he was the only one not looking at her watch, he is indeed a sad little man. Fake or not.
Call it fake if you want, but this I Anon is way better than that 1988 kibbles & bits commercial.
I can just see the thought bubble: "ha ha ...stupid dykes."
@74: "read about all sorts of filth and drug use and other traditionally inappropriate material"

Well, just because you get your knickers in a twist about it doesn't mean that pot and gays are as inappropriate as persons who trick others into sex and crow about it.

If you seriously think they're analogous, you must have a pretty sad and douchey life.
So, because he just wanted to really get laid, it's rape? I had to go back and read it twice to see where rape came into it. Sorry, but if you go looking for sex and the guy says: I would LOVE to be a suitor for you and secretly, in his heart, he also wants to get laid, or JUST get laid: it's not rape. Otherwise ALL sex is rape ladies because ALL MEN JUST WANT TO GET LAID. Get used to this idea. Say it to yourself over and over. A suitor does not = a daddy. No. It means that they would have sex with him and then say goodbye forever, so by very definition they were looking for someone with a certain look and build, etc. who wanted to fuck. If this letter is real, he got what he wanted and they got what they wanted. No rape at all. In a world where women in Africa are being raped by marauders on a daily basis and forced to watch their babies die in the dirt - to listen to you whine about this being rape is so laughable it's gross. Congratulations - you've stood up for women everywhere - oh yeah. You've done shit.
@89 Maybe you should read it a couple more times. The (fictional) lesbians did NOT get what they wanted, because what they wanted was viable sperm, and what they got was a (fictional) dude who had already had a vasectomy before answering their ad.

Still not rape, of course. But hardly the equal exchange you want to see it as. If you really read it twice, and yet somehow completely missed the punch-line, you might want to consider some less challenging reading. Do they still have comics on the wrappers of Bazooka Joe?
If you are able to read German, you should read this article. It is about a Dutch guy who impregnates single mothers in Europe.
However, he exchanges clean bills of health with the prospective mothers, provides a spermiogram, and the women have the choice between turkey baster and sex.…
cool story, bro :)
Yeah, I'm gonna go with fake. They didn't ask to see a clean bill of health? And if they did, the doc failed to note that he had had a vasectomy? Doesn't add up to anything but a wank fantasy.
To those who caught my mistake: You are, of course, correct, and I am an absolute imbecile. I thought I had read the whole thing, but did miss a very important line. Which makes me an idiot.

However, I still say that it is not "rape", though I would say that if they wanted to shoot his balls and dick off, I would not sit in a jury box and convict them. It is not rape because they consented to have sex at the end of the day. The reasons behind having sex have nothing, really, to do with it in a court of law. The only way they could do anything about it, is if they had paperwork drawn up and he had signed it, then they could sue him for breach of contract.. but rape? I don't think so. He's an utter douchebag who took advantage and they are two lesbians who sound like they either lack the money or the forethought to go through better channels.
This is either fake or rape. If it's fake, it's not funny and it's a nasty thing to make up. If it ISN'T fake then it's pig-level disgusting. It IS rape, and I say that as someone who has criticized the overuse of the word 'rape' before. This guy essentially stole sex if it happened at all. The lesbians, if they existed at all (let us hope and pray they do not), would have been and perhaps were violated.

This reeks of juvenile "Let's see what I can write that would be so fucked up that it'll get published" bullshit, but at the same time, I could see this legitimately happening. Fuck this shitty, shitty planet of ours in either case.

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