Columns Sep 11, 2013 at 4:00 am

I, Anonymous

I Believe the Children Are the Future of My Career as a Murderer

Anonymous
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Comments

1
Fucking Breeders ruin everything. Hodor.
Godzilla1916 on September 11, 2013 at 10:14 AM Report this
2
What happened to the I, Anon forums? This steaming pile of crap would have been righteously downvoted to oblivion.

Here's a hint IA: you're at a Bumbershoot concert and someone right in front of you won't shut up? MOVE.
TCLballardwallymont on September 11, 2013 at 10:42 AM Report this
3
...or spill the hell out of something on them! They will move away then!
woofy on September 11, 2013 at 11:12 AM Report this
4
Sounds like someone is a washed up and still struggling to remain relevant despite being old and lame.

Kinda like The Stranger.
Cascadian Bacon on September 11, 2013 at 11:12 AM Report this
5
You are expecting teenage girls to give a shit about anything outside of themselves. You've already lost. The bit about expecting them to leave you when you were the one with the issue was just hilarious. Your legs aren't broke, YOU move.
treehugger on September 11, 2013 at 11:21 AM Report this
6
What sort of hearing problem do you have that you have trouble hearing a concert, loud as they usually are, over a nearby conversation? And you were actually able to understand what the teenagers were saying? But you couldn't hear the music? What sort of weird concert is that? Every concert I've ever been to has been extremely loud. There is no way I could have heard someone yelling next to me. Heck, most of us were yelling and screaming along with all the other fans and we still heard the music.
Diagoras on September 11, 2013 at 12:33 PM Report this
7
All of this aside, I'd still go for the spill.
woofy on September 11, 2013 at 1:24 PM Report this
8
Sorry 1-6, but I empathize with IA on this one. I was at a concert once by my favorite performer, who I don't get to see often, and there was a crowd of left-over happy-hour drinkers standing directly behind me, talking load enough to ruin the show for me for several minutes. I would have moved, but the place was packed and there was no place to go. These drunks clearly had no interest in seeing the show. It did end happily, however, when I politely asked them to keep it down and they not only apologized, they actually stopped talking for the balance of the show.
Gay Movie Fan on September 11, 2013 at 5:38 PM Report this
9
So you're at some lame Bumbershoot show with "twerking" bimbettes and you're bitching about what now? I'll bet you're all hot for Macklamore, too. You sound creepy. Please stay the fuck away from my teen-age son...
Arthur Zifferelli on September 11, 2013 at 10:11 PM Report this
10
Just say, "hey, I don't want to make this uncomfortable, but do you gals want to go to a hotel and get weird?" Either they flee or you have a much better IA to write.
Simple on September 12, 2013 at 10:31 AM Report this
11
@10 (Simple): FTW! BEST idea ever.
on September 12, 2013 at 2:17 PM Report this
12
Goddamn those high-waisted shorts.
MacGruber on September 13, 2013 at 3:16 AM Report this
13
I never much minded the little things.
on September 13, 2013 at 6:13 AM Report this
14
Speaking as someone who was not an annoying teenager, and was actually highly annoyed by my peers, I have no sympathy. If you were an asshole teenager, shut up and take your comeuppance.
keshmeshi on September 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM Report this
15
You do realize you just yelled at some kids to get off your lawn. Think about it.
Cletus on September 13, 2013 at 3:04 PM Report this
16
Instead of yelling you should have joined the conversation and tried to act like you wanted to be friends with them. Like ask where they get their molly and do they think you could get some too and maybe you could all party together.
jussmbdy on September 14, 2013 at 7:52 AM Report this
17
@15 It is a perk of growing old.
Dr_Awesome on September 14, 2013 at 12:27 PM Report this
18
...get off my lawn!!!... I mean quiet down over there!!!!...I mean ....zzzzzzzzzzzzz, damn kidzzzzzz.....
johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt on September 14, 2013 at 12:31 PM Report this
19
I wish it was only teenagers who acted like this at shows.
sea98103 on September 14, 2013 at 12:38 PM Report this
20
Talking loudly while the band plays is rude, and anyone defending that sort of behavior is an asshole. If you want to have a conversation, take it somewhere else. This goes for club shows too.
very bad homo on September 14, 2013 at 1:15 PM Report this
21
I'm with #8 and #20. When you pay to go to a concert and listen to the music that's what you want. To be able to listen to the music. If you waste your money and find that you'd rather talk and be distracting, then leave. Don't stay and ruin the experience for others.

It's all about respect for others, especially the performing artist.

If you're a selfish twit, don't be surprised when someone gives you a smack down for being that way.

I've had it happen at concerts that were free, and at concerts that I paid a lot of money to attend. Doesn't matter. Respect others in a public space. Respect an artist when they're performing.
elbowman on September 14, 2013 at 1:46 PM Report this
22
I went to a Santana concert a few years ago... the 50-something women behind us would not stop screaming "CARRRRLOOOSSSSSS" the entire show. At least they didn't throw their panties...
JonnoN on September 14, 2013 at 1:54 PM Report this
23
Would all of you okease be quiet? I am trying to read here.
Simply Me on September 14, 2013 at 5:35 PM Report this
24
#'s 3, 7, 8, 14, 17, 19, 20.

Yeah! What they said!!
Slam1263 on September 14, 2013 at 6:20 PM Report this
25
Major major over-reaction. Count your blessed stars you are healthy, mobile and financially sound ( cuz if you weren't it probably wouldn't even occur to you to be pissed off). Get some therapy or some meds to up your serotonin levels and visit a cancer ward. You may see me there, hooked up to chemo, which I will be on for the rest of my very short life. I am so damn lucky to have lived as long as I have. Get some perspective!
on September 14, 2013 at 6:34 PM Report this
26
@4: Don't be jealous, not everyone can be as stale and dumb as yourself. You have reached a point of distinction.
undead ayn rand on September 14, 2013 at 7:49 PM Report this
27
I'm shocked at how much negative feedback this post has received. You really like listening to bitchy teenagers during the set of a band you paid to see? I'm fine with people talking, but when it becomes a distraction you need to SHUT THE FUCK UP OR GO AWAY. Anyone that doesn't understand that clearly shouldn't be going to shows. It's not a coffee shop with a guy and his acoustic guitar, it's a show people spent their hard earned money to see/HEAR.
Devin Floyd on September 14, 2013 at 8:13 PM Report this
28
Yep what @20 and I, anon said.
mr. herriman on September 14, 2013 at 9:29 PM Report this
29
That's what you get for going to Bumbershoot. On purpose.
kittenalarm on September 14, 2013 at 10:24 PM Report this
31
I'm pretty sure this self-involved assholes have wireless devices that they already pulled out and shot a million blurry, useless photos and indecipherable videos with. Fucking text with 'em. Sheesh.
on September 15, 2013 at 6:49 AM Report this
32
If a teenager's being a cunt fucking say so. They're all scared of adults deep down.
The CHZA on September 15, 2013 at 12:05 PM Report this
33
@32: As an adult, I have better things to do than embody http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkh7vm… . I just sidestep events like Bumbershoot and Block Party where kids are likely to swarm and make my experience miserable.
undead ayn rand on September 15, 2013 at 2:30 PM Report this
34
At a recent concert, a young lady flipped her very long, very full of chemicals hair over her shoulder into my face and into my mouth. I TASTED HER HAIR. It tasted sorta chemically.
Zog in PDX on September 16, 2013 at 9:18 AM Report this
35
So what we have here is a standoff. Yes its rude to shout over a show, but it is a venue that is open and allows everyone, even the rude girls. So if you want to hear a band uninterupted pay the money to go to a real show, maybe you even have to pay for a plane ticket to get there. But then again, finding an employee to make a patron shut up at a concert is near impossible anywhere, so maybe if you want to hear uninterupted music you should by the CD or download or whatever and listen at home? Maybe become besties with the band and they'll vome give you a private show? I mean I hate it when tall people stand right in front of me and all I see are shoulders but I either move or get over it.
jojo on September 16, 2013 at 12:08 PM Report this
36
Not posting what band you were listening to makes it impossible to support or flame you.
Fenrox on September 17, 2013 at 1:21 PM Report this
37
Okay kids, I played Bumbershoot 3 years (when it was a 4-day festival), and caught several shows during years when I was not on the bill. Not ONCE did I experience the IA scenario. Of course, as #36 noted, it really depends on the venue and the band involved. Some acts [because they're not all "bands"] attract louder, rude, body-chemical-laden fans.

And, mercifully, it was slightly before every loudmouth chick had acquired the technology for, and mastered the low art of, SCREAMING into their phones á la nasal brain-drill Britney Spears-voice.
Texas10R on September 18, 2013 at 3:36 AM Report this

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