1. This is The Stranger's annual Back to School issue, in which Stranger staffers endorse various illegal and ill-advised things under the guise of "advice no one else will give you," and then irresponsibly refuse to sign their names to most of it. Why do you suppose that is?

2. Of all the irresponsible advice in this issue, which do you think is the most reckless? The advice about how to get away with underage drinking? The encouragement to "wake and bake" on the weekends? The detailed description of how to cheat on a romantic partner without being caught, right down to the name of the app you can buy for your phone that will help you perpetrate such deception? Or is the most irresponsible advice the casual but persistent undermining of the value of a four-year degree, even though people with college degrees have been proven to do better in the job market than people without them?

3. In a desperate attempt to appear "cool," or perhaps to appeal to advertisers that covet "the youth demographic," all of the aforementioned content is accompanied by fashion photos starring college-age models in various states of duress, inebriation, pregnancy, and nudity. With a black Sharpie, draw X's on the eyes of all the models in this issue you predict will develop drug addictions, eating disorders, or crippling depression.

4a. Three pieces of advice in this issue are actually signed by Stranger staffers, for no discernable reason except that some Stranger staffers are insufferable narcissists who refuse to write anything if it doesn't yield more attention being paid to their precious, one-of-a-kind selves. These three bylined pieces are by EMILY NOKES (one of her paragraphs begins: "Of the half-dozen or so times I was arrested as a minor..."), CHARLES MUDEDE (who has the gall to state that he can sense racism in someone just by looking at them), and DAN SAVAGE (even though his sex-and-relationships advice column Savage Love appears in every issue of The Stranger, he contributes an essay of advice for college students about... wait for it... sex and relationships). On a blank piece of paper, list these three writers' names in order of who's the biggest narcissist.

4b. If Mr. Savage or Mr. Mudede is not at the top of your list, throw away your piece of paper and start again.