bullshit, @1. there's no need for the letter writer to be patient, kind or respectful in the face of that kind of talk, especially from strangers. you think there people are doing her a kindness by telling her the hard part is up ahead? you think she doesn't already know that?

as a formerly pregnant person i can tell you first hand that everybody (everybody) gets in your business, and many people DO go out of their way to try to scare you. i don't know why that is, but they do, and it sucks, and as women we are always told again and again to be polite no matter what is happening to us and it's bullshit. so stop.

yes for some it is a form of bonding, even among strangers, "hey, you gettin' any sleep?" etc. but most of the time it's just meddling crap. someone somewhere declared pregnant women to be public property devoid of any privacy or personal space, and everyone seems to have gone along with it. they'll put their hands on you, ask you about your weight, whether you plan to nurse, etc etc etc and oh my god, how many people want to tell you ALL about their horrible labors and how they haven't slept or worn clean clothes or had sex in months since their kid was born??

it's not kind, it's not useful, and it isn't helping. these people don't need patience from our letter writer. fuck them.

Anonymous, if a whiny bitch can have kids and live to whine to you about it, so can you. Do the whiny bitches have more than one kid? Well, then it could not have been that bad, could it?
Yep, putting a baby in is a lot more fun than pushing it out, but you are living in the first world and you can do this - in whatever way works best for you. And if you want to, take all the drugs you can legally get and never feel bad about that.
I personally found the 'giving birth was the most beautiful, amazing thing ever in my life and only losers use epidurals'-natural-birth-freaks much more annoying.
And assholes in general don't deserve your patience. And that has absolutely nothing to do with hormons.

Oh yeah, and once the baby is born, you will have great days, ok days and days that just suck. Just like in your pre-baby days. I am always amazed that there seem to be so many people who either tell you that everything is sparkling bliss since the little angel fluttered down to earth or that life is just one vomit- & poop covered, sleep- and sexless hell after the little monster crawled out. Both is just bullshit.

If IA doesn't like the comments, she may ignore them, or yell like a crazy person.

We all expect the preggers to be a bit crazy, what with the hormone flooding and what not.

I'm sure not asking you to be patient, kind, or respectful. I don't care if you eat your baby.

@2. Yes.

I haven't had a baby, but yes to all of that comment, it applies to lots more besides pregnancy, women are always told to shut up and be polite to 'apparently well meaning' assholes, and that is bullshit.

There is nothing right about trying to scare a pregnant woman. Nor are hormones to be written off as some bad thing women need to get over or be excused for.
I get PMS, and hormones just give me the courage to actually say what gets repressed most of the other times.

Being 'hormonal' doesn't invalidate what a woman has to say.

That one annoys the crap out of me. (No I am not currently PMSy, just permanently female.)

Here is a list of all of the things that are safe to say to a pregnant woman:

@10: All the better reason to confine them all to a hut until they burst.

I've never understood why the world seems to think that a pregnant woman is public property. Touching her stomach, giving her advice, gettin all judgy and such. I don't get it. I've never been pregnant myself, but it still makes me cringe when people do that. Wtf. It's still a woman in there, with a woman's body with the right to privacy and personal space. Tell that well meaning (ha) stranger to fuck off, honey.

White babies look so gross. I hope your kid has some melanin.

@2 - You are, as always, awesome as hell.

How are you doing, by the way? Have you been getting enough sleep? Have you weaned your kids yet?

OOOh shit! Here she comes.

If you're looking for sympathy IA is not usually the place to find it but I'm going to offer some because I've been there. People suck and whenever they see you doing something great they want to take you down a few notches. That's reality. Also, if you think talking to another mom will help you gather positivity, support and courage, think again. They are the first to tell you a horrific story about vaginal stiches or whatever. Just remember that a year from now you won't remember them and you'll belong to an awesome little person that somehow makes everything else seem insignificant.

@16: I think her kids are teething now?
I have to say, this is one of the nicest IA threads I've ever seen!

RULE 3.) Don't grab a pregnant woman's belly and feel them up. Seriously, keep your hands to yourself! How would you feel if some random weirdo came up and grabbed your reproductive organs? Okay, some of you would be into that but most normal people aren't...especially if they're carting around a bladder-crushing grapefruit inside of them.

RULE 4.) Keep your unsolicited pregnancy/parenting advice to yourself....especially if you are childless. Seriously, folks just STFU and mind your own beeswax. Parenting is hard. It's like trying to housebreak a jack russell terrier on crack and redbull 24/7 for 18 plus years. If you haven't any real world experience with that sh*t just STFU already!

Wow! No Shaved Bear versus Arthur Zifferelli battle going on here. Did you guys finally embrace each other and go out for some champagne? Anyway, all pregnant women remind me of penguins(it's the walking thing). Even their voice. I hope to have a real penguin someday.

Hey, IA, congratulations and please know that labor is not that bad. People like to tell horror stories like they like to talk about injuries and car accidents. Did you know that I was on e t-boned by a dump truck? The insurance adjuster was shocked speechless when I said I was the driver- she thought I was dead!! Its one-uppsmanship and bonding. Or is intended as such, I suppose. People enjoy these stories as a way of remembering an experience they found life altering and believe others will relate. They don't genuinely mean to scare you, they are living a little vicariously through a shared human experience. Enjoy that baby, and don't let anyone tell you the kid won't smell good. They smell awesome!

Oh they're doing great, thanks for asking! They're right on pace for their age, walking and talking now, even!

This clearly is a "pregnant-woman-thing". This is not to be confused from the slightly different "that-time-of-the-month" thing, which usually is a bit worse than the "that-change-of-life" thing.

@2
Your lack of capitol letters completely distracted any point you were trying to make. Say again?

@14 - For the life of me I don't understand why that is or why people continue to act like it is acceptable. And it goes so much further than what IA is talking about. People seem to think that pregnant women lose all autonomy and decision making rights as well. It makes my blood boil when people confront or otherwise publicly express their displeasure with, for example, women who drink while pregnant--despite the fact that there isn't a lick of evidence that suggests light to moderate drinking during pregnancy has any meaningful impact. And that is just one of many things pregnant women are supposed to just blidly do because they are pregnant, which means they have to do 100% of everything that people think might be good for the baby, and avoid 100% of everything that might be bad--regardless of whether there is any actual evidence to support it.

@27: Yep. Second guessing all over the place. Meddling crap. There's so much paranoia - I tried to get in the hot tub at the gym once and got reported, even though I had done my research and knew that if you keep your arms out of the water and only stay in for a few minutes at a time and it's after the first trimester then there isn't any issue. But nope.

Everyone asks you what you're eating all the time and tells you you have to give away your cats. It's ridiculous.

Even the docs know that light to moderate alcohol consumption during pregnancy is no big deal and can even be beneficial in some ways, but they advise against it for two main reasons: There's no amount that's been officially declared "safe," but also and perhaps more importantly because if there is anything wrong with your baby you will always think/wonder if it was because of something you did when you were pregnant and blame yourself forever, so it's best to follow the guidelines. They have a point for sure, but it creates a lot of worry. I think in general it's best for pregnant women to listen to their doctors but to also relax and not be micro-scrutinized by every joker who comes by with an opinion.

Hang in there, pregnant person. The world is a peculiar place and some things just make fellow humans drop all inhibitions and crawl into your private bubble. (See casts, bandages, babies in front packs, mixed culture children with curly hair, new VW Beetles, etc.)

Some don't know any better, some are desperate to have a reason to talk to another person, and some are dorks.

You can gather a collection of responses and choose one to match your mood: Low growl with teeth gnashing for emphasis, whipping out a laminated card with some snappy comments - no speech needed, just point to one of them, or you can simply use the truth. "Thanks, but I'd rather not discuss this with you."

I also like a small suggestion box with a slot in the top (*great* possibilities for obscenities here) with a pack of Post-its and a pencil at the ready. Just hand it to them and make the insensitive nitwits put it in writing.

Salud!

Don't be scared. Childbirth in a first world country is not nearly as bad as the 9 months previous to it. I recommend stadol...takes the edge off the contractions without numbing you, so you can still push.

Any comment about your body is inappropriate. Any reaction to those comments is a service to all women. 'Are you having twins?' is particularly awful.

'Just wait' is dumb. Kids are great, but it can be challenging at times for a myriad reasons. I don't think it makes sense to take great offense and correct people on that one. You made your choice. Who cares what others think?