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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
She is planning to move into his family space and shouldn't expect to call the shots.
Dan's advice is spot on but I am reading the early stages of a power struggle on Click's side.
West Marine and other stores that cater to sailors and windsurfers are your bestest bondage friend ever. Aside from the wide variety of lines and ropes, they also have a wide variety of d-rings, carabiners, grommets, and shackles for the discerning kinkster.
Snap shackles are what you're looking for here. They look kind of like a D-ring, but have a small piece of rope attached to one end. Pull the rope and the shackle pops open. They also have a ring on the bottom that is meant to have some line attached to it (usually the halyard for a sail). If you have a pair of soft wrist cuffs with a D-ring on it, you can attach another piece of rope to a pair of snap shackles. Voila! Easy-off wrist restraints.
If you're lucky enough to have a piece of furniture you can sink wood screws into, then either a jam cleat or a clam cleat can be easy-off anchor points. Jam cleats work by stuffing the line into them. If you pull against the cleat, it stays. If you flick the line up and away from the cleat, it releases the line right there. Clam cleats have a pair of locking jaws that hold down on a line. Again, flip the line and they release.
You're dating the man of your dreams. Really and truly don't put family in quotation marks, cuz this will be your family someday. And if this is your guy, family will be first and the next thing you know you'll be watching Netflix together. Wild sex, and I'm alll for it, is why motels were invented.
Ive discovered that I like being spanked. But not when my kids are around. So finding the time and space becomes a sort of flirtation and addition to the excitement. Kids aren't libido killers, they force you to be creative. Not a bad thing!
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
The guy goes into detail about how frustrating it is to have lost sensation in the head of my penis. That might help encourage STICK to explore using other parts of his body for at least some of his needle-experimentation.
I like @3's advice for CLICK, but wanted to add that five-year-olds go to school at least part time, so if you are flexible, you can play then; or you can arrange regular playdates with another family, so you can look forward to having a regular time alone at home. (Note: it's more difficult if you have more than one, as few people are going to want to take both your kids for the evening unless you pay them.)
And that's where I stopped reading. Everything. Permanently.
LW3: oh. A five yr old , with out a mom. You ok to take on that role full time?
Dan's idea sounds fine. Depending how often you guys want to play. Surely, once you move in ( if you do), the situation will relax a little. Five yr olds usually sleep thru the nite well, especially if they have had a full day at school/ day care.
Maybe, once you move in- just be patient, while you all adjust.
Hopefully, your guy, will relax the rules somewhat.
I'm still trying to get over the image of decapitated snake heads!
CLICK---how about helping your boyfriend arrange playdates for his 5 year old daughter? I'm sure she already has some school friends. Then you and your man could get together in the middle of the day....? Okay, I'm NOT a parent----my idea is only a suggestion, but I do agree with LavaGIrl (@11), who IS a mom and certainly knows that parenthood and step-parenthood are big jobs. Good luck for the three of you in your new relationship together.
But, needles are wrong. Sorry, but they are for medical procedures. Don't put nasty damaging things in your body.
There may be thousands of people successfully removing dead gerbils from their rectum at this very moment, and we'd have absolutely no way to know about them.
I'd venture a guess that some plumbers would have stories to tell.
If you are concerned with frustration/resentment associated with the live-in presence of a child, you might want to do a bit of introspection. The presence of kids change the dynamics of all adults' relationships. Period. Either your b.f.'s existing one or potential new additions should your relationship head that way. Get your priorities straight now or walk away.
When my kids were young, we used to have overnights with other families with young kids, in which the kids slept at the houses of their friends and we could go out (or stay in) and be adults until morning. They can be complicated to arrange if you have multiple children, especially if you want to place each kid with his or her real friend; you can't do it too frequently (or you wear out your welcome); and you need to be willing to reciprocate. But it's an affordable way to have a night to yourselves, all night long, in your own house.
I think a separate issue here is that the dad doesn't want to be tied up when he's in the same home as the child and the lw may want this to be a more frequent part of their sex life than the occasional night away from a kid can allow for.
I suspect that if you move in -- if you become a family without quotation marks -- you will naturally begin to fill the role of second (step-)parent and your boyfriend will be much more comfortable with the idea of you tending the nighttime needs of your child when he's bound. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
That said, because of Safety, I'd recommend against doing bondage scenes that involve suspensions, hooding, or ball gags when the kid's in the house. If, in the unlikely case she wakes up and needs you, you do NOT want to have to choose between handling the child and leaving your boyfriend alone in a situation where he could suddenly pass out (as with suspension) or need to call for you for some other reason but is unable to. But presumably if you're doing bondage regularly you know how to be as safe as possible about it. All the books say "never leave a tied sub alone," and that's great advice on paper, but it's not always 100% practical.
I've been left (under a warm blanket, on the floor with the door open and without a gag) for the two minute it takes to get a kid a cup of water and pat her head and send her swiftly back to bed, and it's NBD if you plan ahead for it and agree on what makes your sub feel safe.
Keep those paramedic shears handy, for darn sure, though.
The perfect man with baggage thing, yeah, that. Nobody comes baggage-free. Nobody. Everybody has a history once you get past about 25.
But you suck it up and deal with it, if they're the right person. And when you do that, they should also respond and handle as much of that baggage as they can, to allow your relationship to flourish.
I know over time that things that were ok at the start, not an issue, can very quickly become an issue if they don't get handled.
See http://www.theawl.com/2012/11/a-complete…
My offered opinion of pre-arranged playdates for the 5 year old daughter to free up CLICK and her boyfriend is just that: a suggestion.
CLICK (and anyone else) can take my advice or leave it.
Seatbelt cutters (like what the fire dept uses for car wrecks) are also an excellent instant bondage release. Completely safe if used correctly and much faster than safety scissors on strong ropes. I never trust a rope top without one.
Guess media advertising is a waste of money and videos go viral via ESP.
Yes, there are many types of sitters (paid ones, I mean) but considering that we pay our sitter by the hour (which I think is normal) we'd have to be pretty fucking rich to pay for them to look after our kids all night.
In my experience most 5 year old girls love sleepovers with their friends. My daughter would have had a sleepover every weekend at that age if she could have arranged it. I would think cultivating sleepovers would be a great idea for this couple. So much simpler with one child to get some alone time than if you have two or more.
That word is "grandparents". And if you're kinky with kids, they're about the best thing ever. (Probably still pretty awesome even if you're not.)
Just remember that the clit is analogous to the glans/penis and the idea of sticking a needle in it will be adequately cringe-worthy.
Not everyone has living grandparents. Or grandparents who live close enough to babysit. Or grandparents who are capable of watching kids. Or grandparents who are willing to watch kids.
I don't know, I keep a very dulled knife in my bondage bag to use in scenes. It couldn't cut if you sawed it across the skin (I've tried) (on myself, duh), and it's only for play & scaring my bondagees, not cutting them.
I don't know, this young woman doesn't seem quite on board with how living with this guy and his daughter will change the dynamic. They may play families nice, living together however, different story .
I suggest LW, that you really check yourself re your commitment to this child as well as to the man..
That said, I agree with the people who noted that it seems to be a psychological thing (and I don't mean that as a dig, or in a dismissive way), so quick-release techniques are only going to do so much at this stage. The same feeling of helplessness that is appealing to a bondage bottom is understandably worrisome to a parent, even if the parent is also a bondage bottom.
Or do you need ALL NIGHT for your bondage sessions?
My original letter was pretty long-winded... Dan or some editor has wisely cut the babbling ;) But perhaps what now doesn't come across: I certainly know that my boyfriend's relationship with his daughter won't bend for me, nor would I want it to. (One of his many good qualities- being a great father.) I know I'm the one who has to adapt.
But even knowing that, I'm also aware that I'm a novice when it comes to parenthood. Which is why I'm trying to be so cautious! My real fear is jumping in unprepared and messing things up with this wonderful man (not to mention his wonderful kid).
See what I mean about babbling? TL;DR, what I really need right now is perspective. And your comments have been very helpful in pointing out exactly what I need to do to make this work, which is all I want to do at the end of the day. Practical or harsh, I really needed to read the whole gamut of them. I am very grateful to you all for your time.
And, as suggested by others, sleepovers. If I wasn't saying, "No, you need to be well-rested for school." my grade-schooler would sleep over / host 3 nights a week. As it is, it probably averages once a week.
Have you looked up any step- parents sites or read books on dealing with this situation? Might be helpful.. Maybe, stay open for therapy at any time things might get a bit stuck between / with the three of you. Most importantly, do not compete with a child- ever! Be the adult as best you can, most of the time.
Hope you guys have a good , loving life together...
Thanks for writing in. Being a parent means putting your own needs or desires on hold or moving them to the bottom of the list many times. It means being creative and using ingenuity and learning to take advantage of time when you get it--even if that time isn't the ideal time you would have chosen.
It also means that even as sex is moved down on the priority list, it sort of hovers near the top, by which I mean, going back to that "take-advantage-of-whatever-time-you-get" that when a random unplanned child-absence occurs, even if there are other things you should be doing or need to get done, you should use that opportunity to have sex, whether b/d sex or just vanilla sex. But loud, joyful sex.
I completely understand why your bf doesn't want to be tied up when his daughter is home. It is a reversal of his role as protective, in-charge adult; it means he can't immediately go to her if she needs him; it means there's a possibility she walks in and sees something he doesn't want to explain. I don't know that that will go away as she ages. But as she gets older, there will be more opportunities--many spontaneous--to get your freaky sex on. And should you two last that long, someday she'll move out and you can hang that guy from a hook right in the living room.
Having kids changes the dynamic in a couple's relationship. And in your case, you didn't choose to have this kid. You don't say how old either you or your bf are, but maybe you're just not ready to change your life in this way. And you also don't say how long you two have been dating, but I hope you're not rushing to move in too early, both for your and the kid's sake. For the time being, I'd say keep your own place and plan a one-night a week date there, and perhaps spend one-two nights a week sleeping at his place so you can balance your kinky sex life with the kind of sex life parents of young children have and also continue to develop a relationship with your bf's daughter.
Good luck!
Nowadays, we buy overnight trips at school auctions (win-win) and have our nanny spend the night, assuming both of the kids aren't sleeping over at a friend's house. We're staying at the Four Seasons Downtown Seattle this Saturday night for some happy fun playtime. Very much worth the splurge when compared to the cost of divorce.
@65: seandr, it sure sounds great and I'm glad you are able to swing the splurge. While you're right that it is cheaper than divorce, many couples don't think of it in those terms and would have a hard time affording babysitting and a rented hotel room more than once every great while (for us, it would have been a less than yearly event, given the cost) and/or a nanny to stay with the kids at all.
Good luck!
It sounds like your boyfriend is a good dad and definitely a keeper. Kudos!
@69 DanielleinDC: I'm also childless and agree on the playmate(s) idea.
Excellent suggestion on CLICK and her boyfriend's finding another couple to exchange kid-sitting while the adults go play.
We do have a few constraints like some of you have guessed- both work 9 to 5, money is not overflowing, grandparents unfortunately not an option... But I see plenty of workable ideas in your advice here. I think I overwhelmed myself by thinking about it in isolation. But this getting to feel very doable. Thank you for bringing back the reality ;)
@62 Thank you, I found this comment really instructive, & I think you (and some others) have hit the nail in terms of my boyfriend's issue...
For the record, we've been together about a year and a half, and have spent many months now trying to bring our lives closer together as you suggest. At this point I am really tired of not being over there for every mundane second with them, if that makes sense :) But I know moving in means everything is intensified. And I recognize that having a child in the picture means an extra person gets hurt if we do this wrong... Which is why I so appreciate the advice and preparation from everyone.
@73 Oh, no, I've watched her alone many times...
You do have a point- I have met that kind of couple! But I don't think it's a trust issue here. At least, I hope not...
we had friends whose daughter spent weekends with us all the time, but they never reciprocated. which was okay, except they wouldn't even take one of our kids when the other was in the hospital. made me look at them different.
http://www.piercingbible.com/contact
Those do not sound like the most supportive friends.
@76, don't believe that story.
CLICK, I can completely relate to your boyfriend's unwillingness to be tied up with the kid in the house. It's just not sexy, not the least little bit. Sounds like a good dad.
Now I'm going to back away as quickly as possible.
There are a few clubs that cater to these sorts of activities. If one is willing to pack a suitcase of truly personal items and use the communal equipment where possible, this could be cheaper than the hotel option.