Columns Dec 24, 2014 at 4:00 am

Why I Won't Date You

Comments

1
Yowzaaaa, well, I guess this person can tell the future to their imaginary domestic partner when they're 100 years old!
2
Is your pussy hurting you?
3
This I,anon sounds like an episode of Seinfeld. A bad one.
4
And this is why women are shocked to realize the man they married is secretly gay.
5
Once they come out with a vibrator that has a string you can pull to hear a compliment all of your problems will be solved.
6
Get thee to a nunnery.
7
Something tells me that the weird vibe this person puts out will scare away all these pesky healthy people anyway. And then in ten years we can all look forward to a Savage Love letter from I, Anon wondering why he/she is just so darned lonely, won't that be fun?
8
Anybody who only has 1 shelf for gear does not really "do outdoor sports". My wife and I have a whole room next to our garage for all our gear. So, feel free to date that person - chances are they will end up sitting next to you on couch watching TV anyway.
9
How about a big mirrored glass table in the livingroom for the COCAINE and a small fridge next to her knitting chair for the MALT LIQUOR? Is that "OK"?

No?

I guess you'll have resign yourself to spending your evening with ladies from Craig's List or your Fleshlight...
10
Seeing the illustration before reading this, I assumed a woman was writing this.

Agree the yoga pressure could be a deal breaker but the outdoor sports ban sounds sad.
11
Wow, a partner who exercises and who wants to share activities and is likely to get you in better shape. What a fucking nightmare.
12
And I thought anal sex was a deal breaker...
13
So they are okay with fisting?
14
God I hate people's sense of humor around here.

Who ever wrote this IAnon should be slapped. I don't usually advocate violence, but in this case I think it would be warranted.
15
And here Savage is running around telling lonely people to "get out" of the house and "do things" so as to "have a life" whether they ever find a partner or not. And come to find out they don't want you if you "do things".
16
Yep. Women who do yoga think they are the center of the universe. They picture themselves as the lou lou lemon queen in the vagasil ad standing on one leg with the other one touching the back of her head on the top of a rock structure in some Utah canyon. Yoga mat = high maintenance. Outdoor sports on the other hand is a good thing.
17
Where does it say a woman wrote this?! GTFO with the gender stereotyping already. As for the actual I, Anon, this was really the best submission for the week? Really. A person who doesn't want to go outside or exercise doesn't want to date someone that does? Unsurprised. Also, uninterested.
18
That's quite alright, so long as you don't whine to be about how painfully single you are!
19
is this writer in the PNW? if so, they just narrowed their potential partner pool to 0%.
20
Plus yoga people drink their own pee.
21
Okay I agree the writer is being an insufferably condescending, ridiculously cliche Capitol Hill hipster, but yeesh you grumpy commenters could stand to dial back the outrage a little.
22
Newsflash: your partner can be involved in activities that you aren't without pressuring you to do them too.

Admittedly, it requires a mature partner. And the person who wrote this looks unlikely to attract such a person.

Also, there is no indication of the gender of the writer nor of the gender(s) the writer is attracted to. So, assuming it's a heterosexual woman is weird. It might be. Or it might be a any other possible combination of gender and sexual orientation.
23
Spoiler Alert: You die alone.
24
I don't understand why working out is a deal-breaker when it's a good indication that, god willing, someone has a chance of a long, healthy life ahead of them. This seems like the complete opposite way someone would want to narrow the dating pool.
25
Maybe he'll find someone who likes piña coladas.
26
And taking walks in the rain?
27
This was pretty funny. I laughed.
28
I thought this was amusing. Nothing wrong with knowing what one wants and being OK with one's self. I thought most of us were for those values.
29
Seems reasonable. If you aren't into better to say so up front.
30
I'm with @21, the commenters may not agree with ianon (which I thought was hilarious), but they could def stand to calm the fuck down. Why are YOU so outraged by someone else's (stupid) opinion and dating preferences?? Holy fuck. Get over yourselves.
31
I've been going to yoga off and on for the whole 18 years I've been married. Here's how it works. My husband has never been. It's pretty simple, I ask him every few years if he'd like to join me in a class, he tells me he has zero interest, and I say ok, I'll see you after class.
32
@16 yoga people in general are pretty high maintenance, not just the women. Besides doing attention getting things like yoga poses at parties and just taking an obnoxiously noisy breath so they can find their center they also do things like misdiagnose all their stupid yoga related sports injury. Your upper back doesn't hurt because your out of alignment, you've pulled it doing some dumb pose named for an animal for too long. Lay off and do some rehab.
33
If you're a man who does yoga, you're not really expecting to get laid anyway.
34
@33. Beg to differ. Guess you never heard the story of Willie Horton.

35
@ 16, 32, 33 - Is this where we conjure the most extreme stereotypes we can think of and chime in?!

Wow. I don't know anyone who practices yoga who behaves like you folks are describing. Maybe I've managed to avoid the trendy classes and self-absorbed yoga people? The people I have met through yoga are some of the least self-absorbed and most down-to-earth folks I've ever met, which is one of the reasons I continue to go. Hmmmm... I don't return to a class when I don't like the vibe or the instructor, so maybe I have managed to stay away from the people you describe?

My yoga experience consists of people interested in fitness and health, but who are often dealing with chronic challenges from sports injuries or just basic aging. Nobody preens or does poses at parties! It's a personal practice that we use to avoid chronic pain and minimize stress.

I feel sorry for you lot who have this impression of yoga, for it is far from the reality of yoga that I know. As foreign as your descriptions are to me, consider there are genuine, peaceful, contemplative, good souls who practice yoga that you clearly have never encountered. Perhaps the peaceful yoga folks don't feel the need to advertise their personal practices? You're apparently only hearing from the Kardashians of the yoga world!

And men who do yoga are typically pretty fit. And hot! Men who practice yoga do NOT have trouble getting laid. But keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.
36
Everybody has different preferences. One person's favorite thing to see in a prospective date is another person's deal breaker. And that's how it should be. Without people who don't want to date people who do yoga and outdoor sports, where would the sedentary people look for love?
37
Translation: Fat Out Of Shape person tells Athletic Crush Object (who has no interest in them and probably does not even know they're alive) why they can't date.
38
lol you should totally go to yoga, tho. with good teachers, your practice will keep you in a great shape for a good, long while.
39
I didn't see anything about dry anal. I suppose that's OK.
40
l actually found this pretty funny, and l appreciated the straightforward nature of the post. Who gives a fuck if this person is active or not? At least THEY know exactly what they do and don't want, and that's a fuck ton better than dating someone who knows exactly who you are from the get-go and tries to change you later, only to freak the hell out over why you won't. And you shouldn't. So why should this person take a backseat to their own preferences in order to simply have a relationship, rather than exercising discipline over the circumstances in which a relationship happens? Y'all be some triflin bitches.

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