@456: seandr: Thanks for sharing the Amy Scumer sketch via YouTube & Comedy Central (I don't have a TV). While admittedly amused, I'm glad I don't have Amy's meerkat voiceover job!
That's a lot of snacks ---and excrement!

@nocutename
You just proved what I said : going commando is an American thing. You don't know what other persons are doing but you don't have underwear beneath your skirt. I am making no moral judgement on such a practice in saying that it's 'not done' in France. It simply isn't culturally ingrained here : people don't even think about doing it. It's a cultural difference. You won't see there women going braless either : teasing is done by exposing one's bra strips, or the superior part of one's panty, not by going without.
I think a matter for further inquiry would by, why is it that in a more latin country women stick to their underwear like dear life ? One could say that a more prevalent rape culture makes exposing parts of one's body something that no woman would do to a stranger in France. Same as being found without clean underwear. But simply dismissing my observations as bad manners from a foreigner is not productive, at least it's my view.
In light of this cultural difference, I first proposed that a fellow female teacher be told about it, because it's not such a transgression in your country than in mine. But had it happened in my country, the school nurse would have been more appropriate, to check for possible trauma, since it's so outside the cultural norms even for adults.
Last, sorry if my opinion on the Bible Belt shocked you. I thought it safe to express on SLOG.

@Still Thinking
Hello fellow teacher ! I completely agree with you on the necessity to deal with sexual transgressions from kids. The classroom is not general society where nobody cares. Teachers have their own, more exacting code of conduct towards minor students and I'm happy to see it's internationally shared.

@sissoucat: My not wearing underwear under skirts is not a "cultural" thing; it's a comfort thing. And if I don't flash anyone and don't talk about it, and no one knows I'm doing it, how do you know that no one in all of France isn't doing the same thing for the same reason?
Yes, my mother instilled in me the idea of always wearing clean underwear, too. So when you say that "it simply isn't culturally ingrained here : people don't even think about doing it. It's a cultural difference," I'm going to reiterate that it's not "culturally ingrained" in America to go without underwear, that I assume that most people are wearing it all the time, and that you have no idea what people "even think about" what's going on under your clothes. Unless they announce it or flash, you don't know who is or is not wearing underwear. For all you or I know, the entire city of Lyons is walking around sans undergarments.

As for going braless, I don't know if that's a "thing" or not. You say that in France, "teasing" is done by showing bra straps (Hunter's take on why they show, too), not by going braless, and I'm not going to claim that no one in America ever goes out without wearing a bra, but I am going to say that I haven't noticed a bralessness phenomenon.

My point is that I don't try to speak for all Americans, and don't assume that you speak for all French people. And it's frustrating when you presume to characterize certain individual, clearly personal, human behaviors as being representative of American culture.

Nocute; if you go sans knickers, what happens if you see some hot guy/s? Which there must be many of in San Fran.
Don't you worry you'd stain your skirt when you sat down, with all those juices released?

Hunter, I'll flash you any time you want.

Sean; you not going to be naughty now, are you?
Stay away from the Wife's best friend. We all know danger lurks there.
No. The wife's other best friend.

Hunter78 @463,
No, Philophile was giving an example of going on and on about the negative shit (she'd find my body unattractive because it’s female and she’s straight) when one could just as easily focus on the positive, and she’s right. I do that too much. (I find my body plenty attractive and anyone who doesn’t agree is an asshole with poor taste.)

RE underpants:
I wear them because they’re more comfortable (I resorted to making my own to get a good combination of comfortable & sexy) and because it means I can rewear my skirts and pants and do less laundry. I have been known to wear a short skirt, stockings and a garter belt but no underpants on a hot date, but that’s an exception I’m willing to do laundry for.

RE @470, I didn’t mean to imply that Philophile is an asshole with poor taste.

RE How easy it is to tease a [straight] man: sexy librarian! My favourite. An outfit that would theoretically be businesslike but is just a little short, heels a little higher than practical, tits riding high but showing just a little more cleavage than would pass unnoticed behind a desk. And glasses.

RE heel height: I’m used to wearing heels for playing dress-up but I’ve just started seeing a man who would be shorter than I am if I wear them. Is it in poor taste to ask him if it’s all right for me to be in heels? Should I just go ahead and wear them and see if he comments more on my hotness or my height?

Ok Hunter. But ill wear a pair of my edible panties.

@Alison: Wear the heels; don't ask first. If he is uncomfortable with you towering over him as a sexy goddess, then he has a problem. If he needs to be taller than you, he can always be in control when you're both horizontal.

I think it's nice to ask when you're not sure too.

I can't believe Seandr withdrew. Spill!
The weirdest thing I have to report about last weekend was my growly howly ordering of Phil to just get on with it, it was really out of character. I had misscheduled sexy time. I was pissed that I should have been asleep but was horny instead. No energy for anything interesting. I don't remember much except that I slept deeply. For a bit. Sorry my story sucks. I bet Seandr's is more interesting!

LB - YAY for the turn around!

Re culture wars - I think it's interesting to hear how Lava and Sissou think of America personally. I'd ask them to remember that America is big, and I agree that there are some fucked remote pockets. Like Sloggers.. kidding.. kinda...

Undead - My laugh was mean if you were not joking, I'm sorry. I dislike categorical thinking.

Lava, I quoted some lyrics you liked last week. You might like the other verse of the song.
"You know god is in the rain, how else can you explain, how it takes away the pain."
Too bad I can't say it's American.

@471, my own instincts are to cater to the likely preferences of the person I'm interested in (based on averages), but open up a conversation over time to determine where this particular person diverges from the average.

So in the case of height, I would start with the premise I'm unlikely to make him insecure if I wear cute flats or low heels on our next date. But I might offer a photo of the "pair of shoes I was considering wearing tonight" and see if he started drooling. Then before our next date, I might text to see if he'd like me to wear the high heels.

Similarly, I would try to pay my way on a first date (unlikely to cause offense), but then start a conversation to figure out whether he's more comfortable splitting, taking turns, paying for both of us, or having me pay for most of our outings.

America to me Philo. A huge, wide, crazy assortment of immense creativity and random violence.
With a lot of very cock sure people in it. Beyond beautiful landscape.

General note: glad to see so much good news among the regular posters recently!

@456 seandr re @458 (me): I do have to agree, though, with Hunter78 @464----thumbs down on the cunt monster and scatology--ick!
But otherwise, I thought Amy Scumer was funny.

I guess I'm more into Tina Fey spoofing Sarah Palin...?

Happy Saint Pat's, everybody!!!!
To the Wearin' o' the Green!

Nice lyric Philo.
True. Rain when one is heartbroken,
Going out in it. Being soaked by it.
Equally true when one in love.
Rain can turn into raging floods. Power.

Lava, I think you might hear the loudest parts of America and not the most common parts. But cool perspective.

Funny thing is, varying on perspective, "A huge, wide, crazy assortment of immense creativity and random violence.
With a lot of very cock sure people in it. Beyond beautiful landscape."

Could just as easily apply to AUS stereotype :D

But enough about Nick Cave...

@hunter, @griz: I do have to agree, though, with Hunter -- thumbs down on the cunt monster and scatology -- ick!

seandr: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
hunter: I don't know.
seandr: I don't know why you're shaking, she's not going to eat you!
hunter: I don't like bananas.
seandr: ?

Undead; I'll add then
America, a country where Capitalism is the Supreme God, and guns guns guns guns.
My 30 yr old son, is a Nick Cave freak. I Never got with Nick's special brand of music...

Sean; omg. A Vibrator joke..
We all 12 now.
Hunter; think he's nailed you.

@488 seandr: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay--you got me. I guess ol' Griz is like a martini--a little shaken, bit not stirred.

@492: I'm still laughing, Hunter.

Mr Hunter - Not at all. If anything, I'm tempted to resort to the Mapp and Lucia novels and emulate Georgie Pillson by calling call this little parade of OS privilege "tar'some". Still, the straightwashing that went on in this thread, even from at least one person who has encouraged me to up the SS content around here, leads me to consider my point well supported, and that's a decent day in my book.

ha ha seandr!

Rarely do I hear the words "screed" and "love" so close together. A screed that was coming from a place of love? A screed of love? Hm. Our letter-writer seems a bit conflicted as to how to characterize his father--as might be said of most people at one time or another, I'm sure, but the juxtaposition did amuse me.

Jesus Venn. Sad sack or what?
You know. It's not a crime to be heterosexual. Just like it's not a crime to be homosexual.
Sometimes, your lack of generosity towards us straight shooters, is, well
Extremely boring.

Like Grizelda, Sean. I'm still laughing.
Good joke.

This comment is for Blueballs. I have actually been in your wife's shoes. The problem isn't your sex life. The problem is that she is depressed. She doesn't feel good about herself. She doesn't feel good about her body... and all of this means that she doesn't feel good about sex.

Why? Because sex is a confrontation with your own physical self. Because sex is an intimate sharing of yourself, or at least your body, with another person. Because sex requires energy and enthusiasm for it to be at all good- and depression saps you of both.

I won't go into great detail about my own situation. But suffice to say, i was depressed. I had lost a relationship, lost a pregnancy, lost my job, gained thirty pounds, and my health had severely deteriorated. I had never felt so down in my life.

Sure, people gave me advice. My mom told me to lose weight. My sister said to snap out of it and get my act together. My doctor told me to exercise- and my best friend tried to help me do that. My new boyfriend, a bright, uplifting, handsome man, told me that I was beautiful and intelligent, and that he loved me. But none of that made an impact because it didn't change my personal condition.

I tried to lose weight, but dieting didn't work. I never over-ate, but I was so crushingly sad that I didn't have the mental and emotional stamina to control my diet. I couldn't snap out of it. I had always dragged myself out of a funk in the past by sheer willpower- but i had no willpower left. I tried to exercise (usually a big step in dragging myself out of a funk), but my body was pretty broken. Exercise threw my back out several times and left me in a lot of pain. Plus... to my surprise... it turned out that anything physical you want to do is about ten times harder when you are overweight.

So... snapping out of it and regaining my health required exercise.. and exercise required physical effort and better health... and the physical effort to exercise required willpower and energy that I didn't have because I was depressed and couldn't snap out of it. You see the catch 22?

My wonderful new boyfriend said great things to me. He said he thought I was smart. He said I was beautiful. He said he had always loved me. He said I was creative and talented. He said I had accomplished a lot. Everything he said should have made me feel better. But it made me feel worse. Because I didn't believe it. All of his assertions rang hollow because I felt that the opposite was true.

And having sex was a chore. It was an emotional and physical ordeal. It didn't feel good because my body hurt. Emotionally, it didn't feel good, because depression kept me from being able to be emotionally intimate with my partner. I was disgusted by my own body- and I hated seeing myself naked. Catching a glimpse myself in the mirror was jarring- because it didn't look like me anymore. And this body that didn't look like mine was just a constant reminder of the things that had caused me to feel to depressed and fall apart in the first place- the baby, the relationship, the job, my health.

Your wife's problem isn't that she doesn't want to have sex. That's just a symptom of her problem. Her problem is that she is depressed. She doesn't feel good about herself. And whatever advice doctors or other people are giving is not the right advice- because she is clearly not able to follow it. She needs to be doing something else.

In order to feel better, I gave up on trying to exercise. I moved as little as possible for almost a year- and my back healed very slowly. I gave up on my relationship with my amazing boyfriend, and ended up feeling more centered in myself. I stopped trying to jump start my career and started living day to day. And yes, I moved back in with my mom for a while. Initially, I was afraid and ashamed to do all that- but I decided that I had hit a point in life at which I needed to take a break. Oddly, it worked.

Your wife needs to come to a place of feeling better about herself. She may need to lose weight. (I actually lost thirty pounds (eventually) using a book called "The Fast Metabolism Diet"- and my weight is almost back to normal.) She may need to get out of her environment for a while-- just get away from things and regain her perspective. Taking a trip or visiting an old friend for some days might be a good idea. She may feel bad about her career. Maybe she needs to take a break and start fresh or do something she loves... or find the occupation or hobby she loves. She may be grieving something.

Whatever it is- that's what she needs to focus on. Sex will come when the problem is cleared up- because she will love herself, her life and like her body again. Which means she will then be able to share her love, her life and her body with you.