Columns May 6, 2015 at 4:00 am

Teaching Moment

Comments

101
I think you made a small mistake, Dan. (I'm sure it's the first. )

When the lady with the teacher problem said she felt dirty, you took it to mean she felt guilty. But I think she felt dirty in the same way you might feel dirty after handling something gross. No moral blame, just feeling icky and disgusted.

Love the column! You are the Queen of Gay Best Friends.
102
@94 - I know from past experience that "I'm flattered but we are not a match" is likely to get "But whyyyyyyy?" as a response. "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm married" usually ends the conversation, so I have used it, even, sometimes, when it wasn't true. Is that ideal? Nope, but sometimes I just want to say no and be done with it, and I take the easy way to make the attention stop.
103
@102 I get it. But I feel 'I have a boyfriend' works much better after you make clear the rejection is based on your lack of actual interest. Then 'I have a boyfriend' backs up the merit based rejection with the information that the other man is not merely competition, but rather a potential source of trouble should advances persist. I think 'married' implies strict adherence to monogamy much stronger than 'I have a boyfriend' and an perfectly ok white lie in this context. But heck that's changing too thanks to Dan.
104
I love Dan Savage but I sometimes think when it comes to people doing shitty things to one another he can be a bit of an enabler to go with his 'I'm kinky and everything is cool image.'
A couple of years back he advised a coach who wanted to ask out an ex pupil who was now college age and Dan's response was 'call her up and fuck her' literally like Dan was his frat boy buddy and they were talking about a passed out girl on a pile of coats.
Not everything dirty and borderline illegal is hot or should be tolerated. I read something the other day about a girl who lived in an apartment block where she was being sexually harassed by a guy who lived next door to her. He would literally listen through the wall to see when she was home and repeatedly knock on her door. This resulted in him one day dropping his pants in their hallway, jerking off and telling her 'I want to fuck you.'
This is where a straight woman and a gay man might differ, if a guy did this to Dan Savage he might find it funny, if someone did it to me I'd be messed up about it for weeks and genuinely concerned ANOTHER girl would have to go through the same thing.
I don't think that threatening this teacher and deleting him is a good enough solution because the teacher is going to do the same thing as the apartment block jerk off DO IT TO ANOTHER GIRL.
She needs to actually notify the people who employ this teacher, not as a threat to the guy but to protect other girls from being groomed until they are 'legal' and bombarded with dick picks.
Again gay guys thinking about the male teacher's sex drive 'but but he worked so hard to become a teacher and why should his career have to suffer because he's horny, Im a man I have a dick I understaaaand. I don't understand whiny emotional women and how long they take to get over being sexually harassed.'
It's exactly this kind of overly sympathetic male thinking thats going to keep this guy in his job with no reprocussions, watching his teenage students blossom into nice fuckable twenty somethings and send more girls out into the world thinking they are just pieces of meat who can't trust anyone, especially their teachers. I can't even begin to describe how sucky it must feel wondering if every encouraging thing he ever said was just some kind of grooming technique.
Just because you're legal doesn't mean unwanted sexual attention doesn't suck, especially if it's from someone you respected and encouraged you.
Sorry Dan you are a gay guy with no way of comprehending this situation from a woman's perspective, it's not your place to give a girl some 'stop whining and shut up' bullshit advice. You just don't understand where this woman was coming from.
105
@102: Aurora Erratic, I know I've gotten the "but whyyyyy not?" response, too. I still think it's better for women to tell the truth, not so much as an expedient way to stop the advances (because as you've noticed sometimes it's not that at all), but because the message of I'm not interested is more empowering and gives a greater sense of agency than I already belong to somebody else. I think the attitude that women are only off limits if they're already claimed by somebody else is part of an entire construct which I would like to see erode, and that the only way to do that is for women to have to have no better or other reason to not accept a man's advances than that she just doesn't want to.
107
@104: I agree that Dan doesn't always see issues or situations the same way as most, but not all, women do. He often seems particularly blind to power-imbalance issues. But I have never, I mean ever, read or heard him say the equivalent of "'stop whining and shut up' bullshit advice." And I've been reading him for 13 years and listened to every podcast since its inception. I think you might be over-reacting.
108
I'm really worried about the number of people on this thread whose way to deal with an unwanted man's semi-assholish advances is *to contact his employer and make him lose his job*. Seriously, what ? How fucked up is that ?

I know law enforcement cannot be trusted to be level-headed and fair in your country, but putting pressure on an employer to fire an employee is an acceptable way to react to being wronged by that employee ? When the wrong he did to you has nothing to do with his job ? That's crazy. That's intolerant, rights-denying, witch-hunting behavior. Why not go and hang him as well ? When someone is wronged and wants the situation righted, the way to go is to lodge an official complaint and go to trial if necesary, where the alledged wrongdoer will have a chance at a fair trial - not to bypass the laws and avenge oneself by getting the fucker fired and hoping he dies of hunger in the process !

So the man is a teacher who's hitting on an adult ex-student. However not-right his way to hit on her has been, for you he deserves to lose his job ? The man is *not a predator to children*. He's not even a predator to LW : he doesn't stalk her, he hasn't attempted sexual assault on her, he just is, at most, harassing her with dick pictures and unwanted love, but from a safe distance for her because it's by mail/phone messages. He is not likely to ever attempt to force any kind of meeting with her - and as she's the one who's given him acess to her, he probably knows where she and her family live. And he should die of hunger over that ?
110
I totally understand LW's feeling of dirtyness over the dick pictures. Yes, crude attempts at enticing sexual interest from someone who has no interest in the attempter are disgusting. It's why exposing one's sexual organs in the streets is so shocking and offensive to bystanders, it is a form of sexual assault. Yes, it does feel violating. And the sender should be blocked immediately, not allowed to send more.

But it must be especially disgusting for a student who idealized her teacher. He was a hero to her and suddenly she finds out he is either an asshole or a dirty desperate leech. He's fallen from the pedestal. And she can probably not reconcile in her mind the fine teacher whom she admired with the pathetic dick-pictures sender. But, more probably than not, this is exactly who this man is : both a good teacher who does his job competently with his students, and a lame guy who takes pictures of his dick and send them to chicks.

No one is a monolith, and if someone is amazing or just competent in a way, there's a fat chance s/he's totally lame in others. And it's totally fine ! Real people are not 1-dimensional Disney characters, either all good or all bad. There are murderers who are great parents. There are plenty of the shittiest parents and spouses who are pillars of the community.
111
What 108 said.
112
Re: STOP: Y'all give Dan too little credit. When he says he doesn't understand the STOP's feelings of "dirtyness," he's employing a rhetorical device. Of course he understands how a person, especially a young woman, could feel dirty in such a situation. By pretending to not understand, he wants STOP to realize there's no reason for her to fee dirty.
113
Vennominon, I'd love to be able to cheer you up. I'm worried over your 'definitely last boyfriend' expression of late, and over you saying you don't want to be around. Things seem to be tough in your real life, and having worries happens, but I wouldn't want you to worry over where gay rights are going.

They are here to stay. The young generation is educated about homosexuality, unlike we in my generation were, and for the most part, the young generation is more liberal-minded than their elders and more favorable in equal rights for LGBT. Add to that, that they are fast leaving religion now that they have such a better access to the world outside of their small pond, and let's get real : who but religions, with their foolish Victorian fear and hatred of sexuality, objects to equal treatment for LGBTs ?

The future is bright. Never have gender minorities been better accepted in the Western World than currently, over the last 500 years. All over bisexuals and homosexuals are getting out of the closet, and straight people are outraged at homophobia. Transgenders don't have to hide anymore, medical science recognizes their predicament and actual doctors, not back-alley quacks, operate them. Stigma is being lifted. RuPaul's drag race exists ! And drag queens can get international recognition, like Conchita Wurst.

Compare that to 30-40 years ago. I didn't know what homosexuals were for the longest time. When I asked my parents about the meaning of the slurs I kept hearing, I was told the correct word, but also that those people, all males, were unnatural and freaks (no religion in that household, so I was spared the sin nonsense) and possibly sexual predators of boys or young males. Actually that made me have an interest in them, because so far I has only met men who were active/dormant predators of girls or females - what is called a manly man and is considered as normal, no, desirable behavior in a country environment -, and knowing that out there were men who'd never even think of raping me much less do it, was seriously a hell of a relief.
And I had to reach adulthood to ever hear about bisexuals and transgenders.

It's getting better vennominon, and you are a much needed part of it, in helping us open our eyes to OS priviledge over SL - and you have our back in society and in real life. Hang in there. We love you.
114
Thank you Cat Brother, much appreciated.
115
sissoucat, you're on fire today! I second everything you say in all your posts.
116
For people who want to know what goes through the minds of teachers.

As Dan said, we're humans. We're also professionnals. We take very seriously the fact that we're entrusted with the wellbeing, actually with the lives (physics and chemistry teacher here, things can go horribly wrong and we're responsible whatever happens) of other people's children. It's part of the job for us to look after our pupils as we would look after our own children or better. Stories of teachers losing their life to protect their students from harm don't surprise me. That's not heroing, folks. That's just the teacher's normal mindset : be the keeper of your brother's children ; and meanwhile, while you have them as a captive audience in your class, teach them as much as you can.

So when the human side kicks in, and it does kick in, as anger, boredom, distress - we kill the human side as best as we can, because there's this obligation of not letting society down, of not getting out of the performance of being as close as possible to our ideal : "the good teacher". So however we might feel inside, we keep it way back in. We don't allow ourselves to be our pityful lame selves in front of the kids - at most we fall back on the next best thing, "the good enough teacher", who cares for everybody and who can make a roomful of disobedient rowdy children stay civil and quiet enough for one hour, just sitting in a chair and writing things and trying to comprehend new things - the very thing that most of the adult humans around them find boring to death and would rather never have to do again.

One can't be one's normal 'the fuck do I care about you guys' selfish being when teaching. It doesn't work. We have to portray our best selves to get attention and respect from the kids.

Being a teacher is an exacting performance and whatever happens, the show must go on, because otherwise you and the students will know you're actually 'the bad teacher'. And let me tell you that's not easy, folks, to vye not to be 'the bad teacher', when most of your job is being the meanie who wants other's children to work instead of doing nothing, or when you have to give to you, parents, however diplomatically, the bad news that your wonderful offspring and your pride and joy is just a lazy ass in school.

Anyway, no wonder the kids overestimate us and think that our role-model act is our real self. It's not. We're as stupid and as mean in plenty of ways as the next human - well, maybe not, since we're not as psychopathic as CEOs and lawyers.
117
@nocutename oh thank you so much ! I have just another post coming on teachers and sex and students coming and then I'll damp the fire, promised !
118
@112 I agree with your interpretation. I thought it was good advice for how to get over such feelings. And its definitely Dan's style.
119
No problem, this one is a little grimmer (potentially) than the blowjob thread.
120
Hunter @106
I think that your reconstruction is plausible. I don't quite agree with the conclusion in the 1st paragraph.

I think she went away to college for a year and reconnected during the summer when she came home. Then things started to happen. He waited until she was nearby instead of sending pictures long distance. There is also (weak) evidence that he's doing this with multiple women and thus might not have felt overwhelming urgency to start with LW1.

I tend to agree with the posters who think that this guy could be a great teacher and a scum bag simultaneously. but I also think that personal behavior might tend to bleed into the classroom (Disclosure: I have never worked as a teacher).
121
So, teachers, sex, and flirty students.

We teachers, outside of our classrooms, are normal humans beings. Outside of work, in private we fuck (or don't), in public we go buy our groceries (don't act so surprised to see us there, we have to eat as much as you do) or go to the swimming pool or, hopefully not in front of you, make fools of ourselves.

In the teachers' room, we don't relax usually, because we have like 5 minutes to print those forms for all 36 of you critters, to ask this colleague why was student Laura so upset this morning, any known family problems ? to vent over how unruly the last class was or how we've dealt with student George who was being his shitty asshole usual self and who refused to get out of the classroom when ordered to, the nerve ! When do we expell him for good ? Or we have to correct a bunchload of your works. Or we have to meet among one disciplinary team and plan what we're going to teach over the next weeks, because we have to coordinate the use of the beakers and stuff, there are 20 of them tops in the highschool and you are 900 students.

But when two of us have done all that and are left with time to relax, we talk about many subjects, including sex. We can make really lewd jokes. We flirt with the opposite sex, or with the same sex ; it doesn't amount to anything usually. Sometimes there are love stories among us. But we're so gossipy, and we may have enemies among teachers as well, that we keep any casual sexing way under wraps : there can be rumors of who dates who but there are no proofs.

We also tell each other how you students are flirting with us, and we can make comments and jokes and comparisons over your attire, your body, your behavior. It's not tasteful as a rule. You'd be offended to know what we've said in jest or in earnest over you - but you're never going to hear it. We're letting steam off, and socializing. The same way you and your friends socialize by lambasting us, your teachers. But however you've behaved or dressed in the classroom, know that us teachers will spread the word if it was remarkable, either in good or in, more often, bad part.

I've heard male highschool teachers complain about girls who were flirting with them. Most of them were finding it pretty silly/sweet/bothersome 'I can't get any peace with this one, she'll pursue me with her questions to the teacher's room's doors, I know I'm handsome but girl, I do need a break !'. But some of them were saying they were barely holding back, 'and she's lucky I'm a teacher and she's a minor because she's sexy as hell and she doesn't know what she's doing going after a man like that'. Yep, there are horny teachers among us as well. Do they act on it ? Nope. They won't even let you know they're not insensible, if they're not insane. Nobody wants to give oneself a reputation as a creep among you students - reputation is the reason why the 36 of you listen to the one of us, in the classroom and out of it. And should we learn one of us has behaved even in the tinyest bit inappropriately with a student, that person would only see our backs for quite some time, because we don't take that shit kindly.

Not to mention the prospect of lawsuits : all of us teachers expect you students to go to the police if anything happens, and even if nothing happened ; we're cautious to never speak to a student without lots of witnesses around to cover our back if you accuse us of anything, we won't ever be alone in the same room as one of you without the door being wide open and people in sighting if not hearing range.

When we hear in the news about teachers who tried to get to fuck their students or pedophiles, we think they are psychopaths and the scum of the earth and we're sour that such sick fucks were ever allowed to come close to our precious ward, by becoming teachers. But the news are more about teachers assaulted by their students or their parents than about rapist teachers, thankfully.

I've had male students have a crush on me. One even brought me his mum, in a parents-teachers meeting. Poor boy was blushing all over and barely able to contain his happiness at hearing me tell mum how great a student he was. I never adressed it : he would have been mortified.

Besides, as long as a student is respectful of the rules of the classroom, as long as he's not obviously pleasuring himself (yeah, that happens, and the whole staff will know very fast about the offender) or intimately touching another student under their shared desks, why would we make a comment ? We're not the sexual thought police.

I work in a public highschool in Europe, and this is just my own experience. Mileage may vary.
123
Gee. I missed out on being felt up under the desk by a boy student.
See, You Catholic educators. See what else you stole from me.
Boys loved me, of course. How could they not? All that coiled catholic girl sexual energy. But we got letters. No pictures of private parts in those days.

Nice posts Sissoucat, though I think you may have scared off Chairman. He's a shy boy.
125
Oh Hunter. You are fair game, you know that. And well , did you address the situation like a Teacher or a young man?
126
Lucky there were no mobile phones in those days, Hunter. God knows what your younger self might have recklessly done. Your older self is reckless enough.
127
Ms Sushi - Mr Savage is one gay person. You appear to think that none of us deserve anything better than unwanted pressure from creeps and cretins. I'm tempted to impersonate the tones of the Republican pollster who telephoned me earlier this year thinking I was my father and tell you to have a rainbow day.
128
Mr Hunter - I walked just under half a mile to and from kindergarten alone on a regular basis. Nine years later, my brother, then in sixth grade, wasn't permitted to walk to or from the same school. Make it childhood if you like; I was in a very Brodie mood, reflecting on all the reasons that novel would never be written today. Ages ran together in my mind. Sorry to confuse you.

As for the backlash, that's still coming to me in dribs and drabs. The main thrust is that we'll be expected to go back to our proper place and shut up, as if this were to mark the end of a sort of rumspringa instead of the beginning.
129
Ms Sissou - My references to my Positively Last Boyfriend are something best explained in an analogy. Imagine yourself, dressed like a comtesse, at the roulette table at le Touquet or Juan les Pins. After being prudently intelligent most of the evening, you let your winnings ride on a huge gamble and suddenly find yourself with several million Euros (not nearly so period as francs; it's very inartistic). Wouldn't you tell yourself that the only sane thing to do would be to stop (and perhaps not to gamble again)? Well, I did.

My Unhusband and I probably felt as if we'd been married for ten years after we'd known each other for ten days, if not ten hours. When he'd been dead well over a decade, I was astonished to be pursued by a closeted teenaged Mormon. It was only possible because of his need and because it was so completely different an experience. He's now out and a far greater credit to Team Homo than I deserve, and I'm grateful to be done.

I think part of my depression was that I was starting to feel as if I'd been merely a functional safe space for his Voyage Out. A less noble part has been that a knee has begun objecting to regular exercise, not enough to make it seriously unpleasant, but enough to hint that it might become so soon. Of course I'm too poor to have it treated, and even when I have funds the medical profession is so unpleasant I just don't really dare seek help.
130
Mr. Ven: It's a lamentable truth that childhood seems to have become a locked-down and micro-managed, hovered-over affair, where parents are arrested for leaving their children sleeping in the car for 10 minutes with the temperature controlled for, and the term "free range parenting" has had to be invented to describe the childhood that you and I had. The lack of freedom and responsibility given to children today is appalling.
But I still think that The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie could be written today, since though it was written in 1960-61 it was set in 1936 and shortly thereafter. In other words, it was already set in the past when people weren't paying too close attention to children. And if you recall Brodie chooses the girls she chooses to be part of her set because she knows that for a variety of reasons, their parents won't protest or complain of irregularities. When Spark wrote TPMJB, it was already absurd to think that the single Miss Brodie could have been fired for having a sexual relationship with the equally single Mr. Lowther, but in the time period in which the book was set, and by the morals of the Marcia Blaine school, clearly this was a bigger offense than it seems to us or doubtless seemed to readers in 1961. Likewise, there was a sense of innocence in adult/child or teacher/student interactions that was already eroding by the time Spark wrote the book.

When I teach it, I talk about the contrast between Miss Brodie's ex duco and her characterization of Miss MacKay's in trudo, pointing out that Miss Brodie does nothing but in trudo, so the contradiction is ironic and funny. But then I try to get them to see that with all that "leading out" and "thrusting in," it's a very sexual model of education. And then I talk about the intimacy inherent in the student-teacher relationship that even if no one is acting inappropriately, there's a generally-not-acknowledged-but-intuitively-felt quality in the teacher/student relationship, if it's working well (not if it's dysfunctional) that is almost sexual in the exchange. And of course, the book is all about sexual relationships--real, hoped-for, unconsummated, plotted--between teachers and students. The whole novel is dripping with sex.

As to the backlash you fear, I just don't see how it is going to happen, at least among the liberals.
131
Mr. Ven: There is something to be said for knowing when to quit while you're ahead. But I'd hope that you leave yourself open to the possibility of hitting a different jackpot at some future date. Separate, and maybe not equal, but also good. You never know what twists and turns the road may take.
132
@Hunter : I was there, and very scandalized over what she did, and I made the case that someone in a teacher position should have told her to knock it off, and that it was your only fault in the situation, if there was one. Exposing one's genitals to a teacher is not sexual thoughts or flirting, it's a sexual act. At least it's considered as such in my culture. And sexual acts have no place in the classroom... and then I got a lot of shit from someone who insisted that going commando was probably a thing too in my own country, despite local me claiming it wasn't, and that I was such a fool to say that no French highschooler or juniorschooler would think of doing such a thing in class - unless completely kukoo or groomed by a sexual abuser. To the best of my memories, that's what happened. Do you find me inconsistant ?
133
@LavaGirl

Sorry to disappoint you, in the case I saw it was two boys. But ! We do have some OS couples kissing in the corridors and the staircases. And we don't mind, as long as they don't make a porn spectacle of themselves. You missed on that :)

I hope I didn't frighten Chairman for real... see, I do have a thing for the shy ones.
135
@vennominon

Thank you for the analogy. I giggled at the 'franc' mention. I happen to know the Côte d'Azur a bit, though not the inside of casinos.

I can't offer you better words than nocutename. I hope that you'll someday have a pleasanter experience than with your last boyfriend, not because I think that being alone is inherently wrong, or a worse place to be than inside a relationship - but because I value you so much and I'd love for you to get some happiness, and for most of us humans having sex with someone we love feels tremendously good. I understand that you wouldn't be looking or planning or hoping. It's a bore to hope for sex or a relationship when nobody suiting is likely to come along.

What angers me is your comment 'I'm too poor to have it treated'. In Europe you'd get your knee treated costlessly. And, if you're in a big city you would be able to choose the hospital you trust best to have the surgery, or more probably the injections needed. I passionately hate those rich MFs who've made it their business that poor people in the US still get today the same level of shitty care that was accessible to Europeans before WWII.

Please have it looked at before your knee gets too bad. No joint is as vital as knees to keep one's full independence when aging. I don't want you to become prematurely wheelchair-bound.
136
Thank you Hunter.
I'll have to leave now, it's really late in the night over here, and I'm going to pay for that tomorrow morning. Sweet night y'all.
137
Venn; the fight will go on, for sure. Just like it does for women, even though many think we have
been " liberated."
I share Sissoucat's displeasure.
We have had assisted medicine since the early 70s,
For those not rich, it's free.
The conservative government tried in last yrs budget to begin to undo that service, but the Senate and the Australian people went into absolutely no, mode.
The letters to the papers were full of how the govt was just targeting the poor and how unfair their budget was. The measures weren't passed by the Senate and they have been scrapped.
Often the cry was , we don't want a health system like the Americans have.
138
@83 Souletta
I agree that in quite a few cases the legal system, especially when fanned by the media and populist legislators, can be too harsh when deciding what a sex offense is as well as what should be the offenders’ punishment. I have also met people who ended up paying a much higher price for whatever they did (or didn’t.)
But this teacher goes beyond “dumbass” and I’m not sure we should be sorry for him if he actually does lose his job. What he does may not be counted as “illegal,” but I assume most of us will agree that it is certainly “unethical.” In his line of work this is a fairly bright red flag (a tribute to May Day.)
139
Lava- we actually may agree on few things this week.
@106 Hunter- while it is possible that STOP is secretly plotting to launch a campaign depicting all male teachers as perverts, we should also acknowledge that at least one of them may have given her a fairly good reason to think so.
@108 zisou
I think the work place is actually relevant here. They’ve first met as teacher-student, and not too long after that ended the teacher is approaching her in a (supposedly) unwelcome, dubious-at-best manner. This is not necessarily an “intolerant, rights-denying, witch-hunting behavior,” although I'm not suggesting we should hang him right away. Can we roll him in tar and feathers first?

140
Mr Ven: I second @131 in hoping you remain open to Possibilities.

Have you ever read Traitor's Moon by Robert Neill? You make me think of a character in that book, the wise Mr. Nevil Payne, man of letters.

Sorry to hear about your knee. You might try large doses of curcumin, and perhaps a bit of glucosamine. Or even Dan's favorite cure if you can get it. I agree that being owned by the medical profession is to be avoided if at all possible.
141
CMD. agree with Me? Well.
My day is obviously made.
142
Sissoucat - enjoying your posts on this thread.

Mr. Ven - I don't know if you've tried accupuncture (for your knee, or for your melancholy), but there is a nationwide network of community accupuncture clinics that have sliding scale fees. Accu doesn't work for everyone, but it does wonders for me for migraines (can completely eliminate a migraine or head one off at the pass), gastrointestinal unhappiness, and I'm starting to use it for anxiety/depression. It helped my mother begin to recover from shingles neuropathy. Check out www.pocacoop.com to see if there's a clinic near you.

As a secondary teacher, I think it's really important to 1) recognize that attraction can and does happen between students and teachers, 2) for teachers to never ever ever encourage or express it, but 3) to clearly and compassionately put an end to it if a student initiates.

I was one of those who came down hard on Hunter about his lack of follow-up over the student who flashed him under her desk. From my perspective, permitting an atmosphere to develop in a classroom such that a student could imagine showing her genitals to her teacher was acceptable is an abdication of the teacher's responsibility to provide students with a safe place.

It seems that the teacher in question did not show any evidence of attraction to the letter writer until after she graduated, this in spite of her four-year crush on him - we don't know if he was aware of her crush or not. So even though his behavior now is creepy and wrong, and has an extra creep factor because he was her teacher, I don't think reporting him to school authorities is the right thing to do. I think following whatever sequence of steps she would follow with any guy behaving as he is behaving, Plus the reminder that he is potentially jeopardizing his career with the behavior, would be a good starting point. If he doesn't take the hint, then going to law enforcement with a harassment complaint might be a good follow-up.
143
Sissoucat, maybe Chairman is not that shy. He shared a fantasy with us, about going down( though technically it would be really going up, unless they were lying down) , on his woman in an elevator.
Maybe he's just out of town this week.
144
Lava @143-
"Maybe he's just out of town this week"
Or maybe they're stuck in the elevator and are still at it.
145
Don't be daft, CMD. Chairman is just to sensible for that to happen.
146
Knee pain?! (rolls up sleeves.)
In my clinic, all patients (for musculo-skeletal pain) are told that they need three S’s- strength work, soft tissue work, and stretching.
You will need to get the associated musculature stronger - the weaker the muscles, the more stress on the joints. You’ll either need a gym membership, or to purchase a couple of items for home use (medium Jumpstretch band, dumbbell handle, weight plates for it.)
Go to Youtube, check out ‘band terminal knee extension,’ ‘dumbbell goblet squat,’ and ‘Romanian deadlift.’ All can be done at home with the aforementioned equipment.

A foam roller - you must address excess tension in the musculature, something you can’t do with either strength work or stretching/yoga. Buy a black one off Ebay, it’ll last forever, next best thing to a live-in massage therapist. For a number of my clients, this, all by itself, fixes their back pain/sciatica/knee pain.

Stretching - You can use your new Jumpstretch band for a full and easy lower body flexibility routine, Dick Hartzell, who came up with the ‘big rubber band’ thing in the late 80’s, has all his vids also up on Youtube. In the early 90’s, had to order them on this medium called ‘VHS,’ God I’ve had a hard life.
You don’t so much need to stretch the quads, I’m guessing, but probably the hamstrings and hip flexors.

I’m also an acupuncturist, trained in several styles, but firmly believe that if you don’t address the physical structure, you’ll just have to keep getting treated by someone. Just did a seminar with Richard Tan, who’s been teaching more than 30 years and is not, believe me, humble about his abilities on treating pain, and even he admitted that he can’t do much if the pain is coming from ‘structural issues.’ So, TCM, herbs, acupuncture, cupping, all that, can get you over the hump, but not keep you there.
147
Dan gets it so wrong. She feels dirty cuz this mothafucka is a creep who not only violated her trust, by hitting on her, but has continued to do it even when she told him to stop. Where is the respect for her? There is none. People who are sexual predatory aholes shouldn't be teaching kids.

Every woman knows what this feels like, uh ihollaback.org anybody?! Dan's so fucking bent on monagamish and putting down the ladies, sounds like he's having in-house relationship fulfillment issues.
148
@CMDwannabee
In my country, it's considered inethical to cause someome to lose his job over any deviant sexual behavior which is not illegal . I know in yours politicians lose their work over dick pics. There's a female politician from northern Europe who was filmed way back by a tourist while a male had sex with her on a castle's battlement. That was embarrassing but she didn't lose her career over it, nor was made to apologize.

Tar and feathers though was good. I wonder : is tar and feathers just an humiliation thing, or is it actual torture by skin burning ? Can one die of it ?

@Still Thinking thank you ! So lovely to hear from fellow teachers ! I quite agree with you.

@Cat Brother oh, awesome ! Purrs and licks all over !

@Ms.11

Yeah, well I happen to be a woman and I still can make a difference between someone to whom an ex-*adult*-student willingly gave her personal info, and attempted to build a relationship with, and who used it to serenade her with dick pics and 'I love you's - and a total stranger who physically and verbally sexually harasses a woman in the streets.

There is a difference between annoying behavior and a let down of one's experation, and outright threat. You conflating the two makes you the very last person who should be teaching kids.

Not to mention that you give ammo to woman-haters who love to depict feminists as irrational cry-wolf bitches. A lot of whom frequent ihollaback, I've found.

Sample question from there : 'My male teacher told me that my bra was showing, and to cover it. Is this sexual harrassment ?' The crowd : 'Hoo, the disgusting leech was totally eyeing your underaged breasts in the classroom ! Report him to the supervisor and the authorities, sexual predatory assholes got no job being around kids !'
149
expectations
150
Another angle : the teacher-highschool student bond is a hard one to shake.

Three of my student have gone on to become teachers. The one who became my son's teacher treated me with the reverence due to an elder, not with the courtesy shown to a parent. It was 'don't worry, M'am, I'll personally watch over him'. Among the two who've integrated my highschool, one had a quite relaxed approach to it, and I was the one gloating the first year : 'actually, your biology teacher is an ex-student of mine, I'm so proud of her' and asking her 'I hope I was not too bad of a teacher to you ?' And the second one, fresh from this year, is still looking up to me as if I had some kind of magical knowledge way above her own. She actually expected me not to remember her 'because I wasn't much of a good student in your class'.

So, while possibly sexual attraction could happen with an ex-student, I wouldn't personally hit on one until I knew we were in the same place, treating each other as equals. But that's just me, and my personal distaste with power dynamics in sex. Rock stars have sex with awe-struck groupies all the time and nobody objects to it.
151
My thanks for the kind thoughts, but the knee is just really giving preliminary warnings that I might not be able to practise my tennis strokes indefinitely. The medical aspect is rather amusing. It would cost me a bit more than five thousand dollars for a year to have the privilege of only having a ten thousand dollar deductible on that year's medical expenses. Perhaps the assembled company will allow me to expand LMB to LNB for once. Whatever adjective one might choose to describe such a situation, I'd have to be Mr Savage or perhaps Ms Erica to contemplate the word "Affordable". At the very least, I'd have to be able to afford to do all my grocery shopping at Whole Foods instead of just getting good honey (now it appears that even blueberry honey has gone the way of the dodo - it was my favourite sort since tulip poplar honey of old - and I must make do with raspberry); if it isn't a national or international chain, I'm sure people can all imagine a local equivalent.

As my car is more than ten years old, I want to hold off until I have to replace it (which I can actually afford to do when the time comes) and then strategically plan how to get the maximum medical benefit out of the slightest amount of cost in a smallish time window. I thought the knee was just like other complaints that generally clear up in a couple of weeks, but it seems to be indicating that it intends to be an ongoing Thing.

One of my little jokes is that the definition of medical insurance is that doctors and their offices are as unpleasant as possible to real or potential patients in order to insure that people only consult them when it is absolutely necessary. Strangely, though, my dentist and everyone in the office is quite nice, although I think I might have drawn the long straw there, as one of the other dentists in the group, whom I had to see once when mine was on holiday, is as unpleasant as most doctors, or at least was so to me.
152
Ms Sissou - I'm glad you enjoyed the image. Almost everyone I know who goes to casinos plays either poker or slot machines. I've long complained that slot machines conjure the mental image of Registered Nurses wearing stretch pants.
153
Meh, I think the former teacher thing is a red herring. While I understand while you're grossed out at the thought he was perving on you when you were 15 and had what sounds like an innocent crush on him, the issue is that you've made it clear to him now that you're not interested in him and he's still sending you dik pix and making advances. Have you clearly said to him, "I'm not interested in you, will never be interested in you, don't welcome any further advances and will consider any further pictures of your junk indecent exposure and report you (I don't know who to, but it sounds like a threat!)"? If not, I'd try that, and if he keeps it up, threaten to go to his employer.

Yo, any straight dudes reading this, when a woman says "I have a boyfriend" it means she's not interested in you. She may not even have one...it's a classic way to let a guy down easy. Leave her TF alone after that.
155
GG1000, that's how I've always taken 'I've got a boyfriend.' I'm a bit baffled by those who don't, but some people just can't believe they're being turned down, I guess.

Ven, I strongly recommend becoming proactive now, before the knee becomes a non-ignorable issue. Tennis, like jogging (yeah I said it), is something you need to be in shape for, not something to do to get in shape. I train a few players, and the fast lateral stops and starts can be a bitch. Becoming (as much as you can) your own therapist is the first best way to Stick It to The Man, and will make any therapy you have to do later that much easier.
I tell clients, if you want to avoid surgery/PT, get as strong as possible. And if you can't avoid surgery and PT, get as strong as possible first.
Glucosamine/condroitin isn't bad,but the effects are pretty 'meh.' Fish oil will get you more results, systemic enzymes (which eat up scar tissue) will get you even more. I also prescribe TCM joint-specific formulae, of which there are many.

Sissou, thanks for #148, that whole, 'He's a cad and a doof, so I"m going to equate him with a child molester and ruin his life' is indeed what Rush LImbaugh shows are made of.
Even a mention of going to his employer will get him to back off like wow, unless he's shit nuts.
I noticed that we're all talking in the present tense, isn't this one 2 years old or something? LW should let us know how it shook out.
156
@sissoucat: Wonderful stuff, thank you.
157
Ms Cute - Spot on about intrusion, of course.I'm not thinking properly this morning; I keep getting sidetracked by ideas, the most promising (and therefore irritating) of which being Monica, Jenny and Eunice on the day of attending Sister Helena's funeral (and Rose not showing).

As for the backlash, I feel as if I'm on to something with the rumspringa idea. So many liberals feel so pressured to present a front of liking SS people more than they really do, and I am getting a strong feeling that a big reason for the bump in ME support is a general sense of this constituting the end of the road, a sort of last gasp of inserting ourselves into the general consciousness before fading into the assimilation of a postgay world in which most liberals can quite cheerfully carry on as if we don't really exist any more. When they learn that marriage is most closer to the beginning of the rainbow than the end, there will be reprisals.

I don't like these oracular moods of mine, and the weather has cleared; I think I shall go determine today's mood of the tricky knee soon.
158
@153 I'm with people who don't like the precedence that women using a boyfriend to turn men down sets. To me it says that I belong to a man so we can't. I think just saying not interested is better from being more direct and assertive of a woman's agency.

I think I just don't like people saying one thing under the assumption that everyone will interpret what you mean by that. I find it reasonable for someone to take words at face value since that is what I do. Especially considering people cheat and that more people are non-monogamous, I can understand a man not reading a situation well enough to think a woman is interested in him after she said 'I have a boyfriend'.
159
LW1: I'm feeling you have left out your part in this scenario getting to this point. Unless this man has just gone into career suicide mode, why would he assume you wanted declarations of love, pictures of him? He must realize by doing so he would be opening himself up to ridicule and/ or loosing his job.
So. I'm guessing your communications with him somehow lead him to believe you too had affection for him. Obviously, he has misread your intentions.
But that's really all it might be. His affection for you is not bad, is it? The pictures- a little sad, but you know, people can get a little lost once their love/ lust buttons are pressed.
If you can look past that he Was your teacher, see him as another human,
A man human, maybe you could find some compassion for him. And then maybe you feeling dirty, about this, might pass.
Clearly communicate to him his advances and pictures are unwanted and then block his number.
160
@154 Ballsy “Let's stop giving her permission to infantilize herself and feel victimy because she is a woman.”
At least in my case it doesn’t necessarily stem from the fact that she is a woman but because this is nonconsensual, as opposed to a similar case we dealt with last week. Same goes to how those two people met in the first place. A relation as such if consensual may be viewed as “different”, though I would champion their right to do what they both agreed on. When one side is forcing itself on the other, and considering what we know about the power dynamic between those two, this may set an alarm of some sort. I’d say the same if the gender roles were reversed, which is far less likely or may not be reported as harassment, but I’m sure does exist.
161
Jesus: did it again. Losing his job.
162
Lava @ 159
"Unless this man has just gone into career suicide mode..."
This is what sex addiction look like some times, despite some Savagistas denying that it even exist. And judging from what I've seen and heard afterwards some wish they would have been called on or caught earlier in their addict career.
163
@148 Zisou
Yeah, attitudes may differ in different parts of the world and the US has been very annoyingly hypocrite for way too loooooooooooong. I still think this case may be a little different for reasons I explained in my #160 post. May I ask what region you are from?
Tar and feathers: A Europe- originated punishment method: "The aim was to inflict enough miserable pain and humiliation on a person to make him either conform his behavior to the mob's demands or be driven from town." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarring_and…
164
CMD. If this man was really a sex addict, surely he would have hit on this girl
Thru high school?
I don't buy it, that he is a sex addict.
This girl is not really disclosing the whole story.
We have no idea how old this man is. Is he in his 30s maybe?
Just not enough information has been given to really understand what has gone down between them, since her leaving school and becoming a young adult.
I'm not excusing his behaviour. Just not accepting that it is some old Sleaze, suddenly showing his true colours.
No need to punish him, with telling anyone in authority.
Just find a way to process her responses to the dynamic between them and closing him down communicating with her.
165
@vennominon

Even if the liberals consider themselves done once gay marriage is accepted everywhere, I think the outrage over homophobia is here to stay. And that means an easier, but I agree with you, not perfect, life for all gender minorities. Look at what happened with the segregation issue and civil rights. There are still unacceptable levels of racism and of police violence against black people, but whenever it happens it makes the news and people are outraged and some perps are punished. A far cry from when a black person being killed in a racist attack was not even called racism, but 'they had it coming'. It will be slow, it won't happen in the red states as fast as in the other states, but it will slowly tend towards equality.

Thanks for the love, vennominon, WoofCandy, Cat Brother. I have some shit happening in real life and it's nice to not only decompress over here, but also feel appreciated. Hugs !
166
No appreciates necessary, you said Right, which is more than a lot of people want to say, lot of the time.
I can’t always just be tying NoCute to bed frames and such.
167
Lava @ 164
"If this man was really a sex addict, surely he would have hit on this girl"- not necessarily.
That said, your other arguments make sense so I'll put my case to rest.
169
sissoucat: I hope that life calms down soon. You are very much appreciated here (even though I was the person taking you to task regarding the issue of who does or doesn't wear underwear by nationality).
170
Hunter 168-
I didn't say he necessarily is, just pointed to skeptical Lava that "career suicide mode" may be one of the issues faced by a sex addict.
Former congressman Anthony Weiner comes to mind. Here's the story for those of you who haven't heard of him:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Wei…
171
CaTB; ; thanks for the free therapy/ infomation. Just wondering what you mean by systemic enzymes..
172
@146: Thanks, Cat Bro for the knee tips. I've actually had a bit of pain myself lately, and knew there must be some stretches that would address it.
But don't untie me from the bedposts just yet.
173
Am I reading this girls letter right, or does she imply she's still receiving this man's texts/ photos.
That she hasn't closed down communication with him?
Is in fact- unknowingly, perhaps- playing him.
175
#171 - Systemic enzymes are enzyme compounds (6-8 per formula, I think) in tablet form that are taken mainly for trauma repair (different from digestive enzymes) though I also recommend them for people with chronic conditions like fibromyalgia. They’re very powerfully anti-inflammatory, and as stated eat up scar tissue, only thing I know that does.
One of the most popular and well-known brands is from Germany, called Wobenzyme. Any American readers who want to order it, Swanson Vitamins has the best price. There are several brands now, I know Mike Mahler has a formula that he thinks is the shizzle and will give you your money back on a month’s supply if you don’t agree.
They can be a bit of a pain, in that you have to take them on an empty stomach with a large glass of water. Most people do them first thing in the AM, second dose sometime in the afternoon. Sort of a drag, but for a person in ongoing pain, worth it.
NoCute, stretches may help, but rolling and strength work definitely come first. If everyone in the country had a black foam roller, half the PT’s in America would go out of business.

As you recall, the bedpost game was that two of your limbs were tied at all times, so we went from both your wrists tied with you bent over and standing,
Then both ankles tied (and a pillow for your knees, of course) as you knelt before me and brought me back,
Then on your back with your knees way up by your sides, wrists again I think.
Like a basic dumbbell handle with a pile of plates, amazing the utility you can get out of such simple tools.
176
Cat Bro: Thanks for the black foam roller tip and (ahem) thanks for the other message--and especial thanks for thinking to include the pillow for my knees.
Is there a preferred brand/size/weight/density of the black foam roller? Or is the density graded by color, so that all the black ones will be the same? Where do you recommend getting it from? I'm finding stuff like this.
177
Foam rollers used to just come in white, blue and black. White is so soft, that except for some seniors, or people with extreme sensitivity (fibromyalgia patients,mostly) or who were just holding a whole lot of tension, they were basically useless.
Black is pretty firm, and what most people should start with IMO. Blue is more or less in the middle, but if you’re doing it daily, within about 2 weeks a blue roller will also be too soft. I recommend that most people work to being able to use plain PVC pipe (though gluing on a think layer of packing foam is a good idea, you slide around less on it); that’s the level of non-tension that you want to get to.
All black rollers are more or less the same density, you don’t have to look for one special model. Now there are other colors, gray and red come to mind, that are...somewhere between blue and black? Have to roll on them and see.
Check either Ebay or Amazon. The standard is 3’ long, but 2’ is long enough. 1’ is kind of awkward.
Again, what the roller does, is change the level of tension in soft tissue. You CANNOT do this with stretching; I’ve had a number of yoga teachers here, and they yelled as much as anyone when rolling the IT band or whatnot, and it wasn’t because they didn’t stretch enough.
Knee rehab/pre-hab is impossible without a roller, IMO.
178
Hunter, the first thing to do would be to close down his communications. Yet she seems to be saying she still receives them. She is discouraging him by telling him she has a bf, yet continues to receive his messages.
Sending this man mixed messages.

Thanks for the answer CatB.
179
I also think Dan wasn't very sympathetic about the dirty feelings. I was prone to crushes on teachers throughout my teen years, and I think I'd feel similarly to STOP if I found out they'd returned my feelings at the time. I know it's not rational, and I'm on board with Dan's general policy of giving a pass to inappropriate sexual attractions that don't lead to any actual wrongdoing (e.g. people with pedophilia who never molest children or use porn with actual children).

Basically, I'm trying to reenvision the scenario without the teacher being actively creepy, like say somehow STOP randomly found his diary from when she was a teen and read about his feelings for her. I could totally understand feeling dirty in those circumstances, even though the teacher didn't actually do anything wrong in my hypothetical (save, I suppose, the mildly clueless action of writing it all down). And I think it would be reasonable to seek help sorting through those feelings and to expect Dan to parse them a bit better.

Maybe this is just my internalized fear of sexuality or something, the whole choosing someone forbidden so it would be impossible to act on it anyway. Maybe it's students' own projections about teachers being unattainable, themselves as being "pure" and untouchable, that create the dirty feelings upon learning that was never true from the teacher's perspective. Idk. I'd be curious what someone with psych training would say about the underlying forces here.

As for KINK and the cited study, I just have to say that I wonder if it would have been more accurate to say, "[K]inky people . . . scored better on most measures of psychological health than non-kinky people...*for people in the Netherlands*." ;-) Living in the US, I have to wonder if the high levels of sex-shaming wouldn't give different results than for our generally saner European counterparts, but who knows? :-)
180
Good post, @179.
181
ive been in Hawaii! hooray for me. Not shy Sissou/CMD/Lava... hahaha. but thanks for thinking of me.

Havent had a chance to read through all the posts.... but i will say this... its a shame we have so many ways that we are not allowed to meet someone... (i.e. former student)... yet at the same time we constantly champion risk takers and men and women who are direct and honest about going after what they want. Bit of a mixed message... At the same time, i think the teacher hitting on his former student without doing a better job of sticking a toe in the water first is INSANE.
182
Lucky you Chairman. So. You were outta town this week..
184
If I were talking to STOP at 15, I would say that it's normal to get a crush on nice attractive people. But it's inappropriate for children to be romantic with adults. Appreciate his good points but flirt with peers. When you're an adult and you have a few romantic relationships under your belt, you can try a big age gap, or hitting on your priest, or playing other extreme power games if you want (I'd include BDSM here). You will still have years of legal adulthood but physically immature brain development.. don't worry, it's still possible to really fuck yourself up if you wait til you're an adult.

If I were talking to STOP now, I'd tell her not to feel too bad about crushing on, possibly flirting with a flawed human being. It happens to us all. It's necessary to learn how to keep very flawed people from hurting us and others, though. If the school would only observe his classroom as a probation, instead of fire him, telling the school might be a good choice, to make sure this is not a grooming situation. But it's probably more appropriate simply to gossip, generally tell others that they have reason to be cautious with these two teachers.
185
I don't understand what a fake crush is, unless people are referring to a fantasy. I understand friendliness (to show you like someone), flirting (to show you're attracted to someone), a crush (a person you feel attracted to), a hero or idol or fantasy (apotheosis of a real person or an imaginary perfectly awesome person).

Toddlers learn friendliness by mimicry, so they'll mimic flirting but I thought most parents explained that some behavior is just for mommies and daddies, and stopped flirting behaviors along with kissing and laying down hugging etc. I haven't heard the term 'toddler flirting' before and it rubs me as pedophilic.

I don't think it's good to "foster" trust with anyone. Blind trust is maladaptive. I think it should be encouraged with reasons; "Listen to your teachers because they know way more about their subjects than you do". Or "treat others with respect so that you can demand respect without being a hypocrite (and stay out of jail)". There are always reasons why good behavior is good, or bad behavior is bad (unless you're delusional eg "God told me so").

And I think that the stories we see on Savage Love show that when students flirt with teachers, teachers will usually respond, even if they manage to hide it; it feels good to be flirted with, basically to be told you are attractive. It may feel good for kids to feel attractive, so they like to flirt with adults who are less embarrassed by bodies and sexuality and will more likely show attraction than ridicule in return. Even if a kid likes you they may be too embarrassed to show it, it's awkward at first, and vulnerable. I ran away from my feelings of attraction at puberty, because I knew that sex had major repercussions, yet the urge was still there. Adult attention may seem safe compared to awkward kid attention, but I believe that adults can hurt kids sexually much worse than other kids can. Although it's not wise to trust adults too much, it is natural for kids to do, and the betrayal of that trust when an adult has sex with a minor adds another level of violation. The line between showing attraction and acting on attraction is fine. When people are attracted to each other they often have sex if there is no reason for restraint, and it seems many people have disregard for statutory (colloquial: fake) rape laws. This is why I don't think that kids should flirt with adults.

It seems that the major objection is that kids like it, to stay in a comfort zone while showing flirting. But you have to learn to leave your comfort zone to clean your toilet too. Most people manage. Others are dependent adults whose parents spend their lives cleaning their kids' toilet.
186
I had an ex who did a stint at high school for a year. He quit because of a girl. Only 4-5 years younger than him, she had a troubled home life. It started when she went to his classroom when she didn't have class, I believe to study quietly during free periods. She confided in him about her troubled home life, and the real mistake was giving her his phone number to call in an emergency. She did call, and threatened to cry rape, if he didn't pick her up from her home. I don't remember what happened afterward.. he told someone at this point, quit teaching and went to grad school.

She probably loved being able to flirt with him and even threaten him if he didn't play along. He seemed very hurt by the whole thing.
187
Hey Philo, wondered where you'd been.
188
Philo: a crush, I associate with my self as a young woman. Before, you know, boys
Or anyone else, had touched my body.
Like all those screaming girls have, on One Direction and the like.
Not saying a crush can't happen whenever, that's just how I view crushes.
Exquisite feelings, if I remember.
190
Funny , Hunter. The Icon, smashed and broken.

191
So, how many years of separation are necessary after the teacher-student period? How old does the former student have to be before it's no longer creepy for the former teacher to treat their former student as an actual adult?

Are you an adult now, Letter Writer?
192
By the way, whatever hot-shot UX designer thought it would be cool to make the scroll-to-the-bottom thing behave like an actual physical panel, complete with soft-start acceleration physics: Fuck you. When I want the bottom of the page, I want the bottom of the page NOW, not watching the screen frantically scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll some more, while it gets there the hard way. And this was only 191 comments. Imagine what an actual controversy would look like. It's a computer, you dipshit; you have the ability to teleport. Use it. Nobody wants to waste their time admiring how artsy-fartsy your pretentious presentation is.

Hardware designers must want to punch you.
193
That refers to the automated scroll-to-the-bottom that happens after posting a comment. What happens when you type the End key is pretty reasonable. Ditch the cinematic javascript auto-scroll, and make it behave the way the End key does.
194
But Avast. I don't have an End key on my mobile phone. I want to be able to teleport too..
195
Hey Lava. I like talking about sex, and I like talking about children, but the two subjects together can be rough sometimes. No great Hawaiian story here.

@191 how many years of separation are necessary after the teacher-student period
It's not so much student-teacher as minor-adult. And not exactly a time requirement, but a relationship change that is required. From mentor or fantasy or "trusted adult" to a peer friendship. He seems like he's skipping this step and going straight to cashing in her crush for sex, no respect. And she seems like she's still caught in her taboo untouchable high school fantasy.

KINK - I see little reason to suspect that KINK's gf will start real fights to get spanked. He is just as likely to start to hit people during real fights without consent. But they seem to be very conscious of the dangers. It doesn't sound like the greatest anger management technique. I don't think they should stop here. But if it works, that's what counts, no reason to get superstitious and self doubting.
196
I had a crush on a high school teacher. If he would have contacted me and wanted to hook up after I graduated, holy shit! I would not have hesitated. The man was respectful all four years. It was obvious I had the hots for him. He could have been a creep and gone after me at some point, but he didn't. However, there was a creep-ass teacher in my school that sexually assaulted one of my classmates during a convo.
197
CMD. You accused me of making a cheap shot at Middle Eastern Arab men last week.
New book just out,
" Headscarves and Hymens"
Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution.
By Mona Eltahawy.
You might be interested in reading it.
198
I am a teacher. STOP should report this asshole. The reason we have creepy/abusive/asshole teachers around is because no one reports the shit they do. Even if this isn't illegal, the appropriate people would look into whether he has done this with his current students.

It's still an abuse of position, even if the person is 18 and an ex-student. A teacher can't fuck their student the day before grad, but can the next day? This guy is fucked and should be reported.

STOP, please let people know. The admin, and further up the ladder. Report it to the body in your state/country that gives teacher's their licence to teach. Please.
199

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