RAAAUGHRRRR!! HULK AT WIT'S END! Wait... Hulk take deep breath... Hulk start over. Okay. Because Hulk so lonely, Hulk decide to adopt 12-year-old orphan. STOP SAYING THIS TERRIBLE IDEA. It good idea, because Hulk no longer lonely... but now Hulk FURIOUS! It all started when Hulk change adopted daughter name to "Lisa Hulk." Lisa Hulk say, "But I already have a name—it's Chrissy!" Hulk say, "Hulk your father now, Lisa Hulk! And Hulk no like Chrissy! It remind Hulk of mean girl in high school. Besides, Chrissy Hulk sound stupid!" Then Lisa Hulk stomp off to room and slam door.
But that just start of Hulk problems! Lisa Hulk blast Maroon 5 and text friends all day long! "Adam Levine am idiot and him music am derivative!" Hulk yell for umpteenth time. "And if Lisa Hulk have time to text, Lisa Hulk have time to take out compost!" Once again, stomp, stomp, stomp, SLAM. "Lisa Hulk! Hulks no slam doors in this house!" Then Lisa Hulk stick head out of room and roll eyes at Hulk. This make Hulk want to SMAAAAAASH!!!
Hulk try to be good daddy, but Lisa Hulk never want to talk to Hulk. "How Lisa Hulk's day?" Hulk ask. "Mmm-nnnn-uhhh," Lisa Hulk say. WHAT THAT EVEN MEAN?? The only time Lisa Hulk talk to Hulk when her ask about Hawkeye. "Are you gonna see Hawkeye today, Daddy?" "When's Hawkeye coming over, Daddy?" "Can Hawkeye teach me how to shoot arrows, Daddy?" "SHUT UP ABOUT HAWKEYE ALREADY, LISA HULK!" Hulk yell. "Hawkeye wear Oakley sunglasses that make Hawkeye a big, dumb choad!" Stomp, stomp, stomp. "AND DON'T SLAM THE..." SLAM!!
Lisa Hulk hate Hulk's recumbent bike. Lisa Hulk hate Hulk's collection of 1970s jazz vinyl. Lisa Hulk even hate puny Bruce Banner! (That one thing Lisa Hulk and Hulk agree on.) Otherwise? LISA HULK HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT HULK! Except maybe time when Lisa Hulk "fell asleep" in Avenger jet. Hulk carried Lisa Hulk into house and tucked Lisa Hulk in bed. Lisa Hulk smile a little at that, Hulk think.
But today? Lisa Hulk rack up $300 credit-card bill at Forever 21! WHERE AM YOU, LISA HULK? DADDY HULK WILL SMAAAAAASH!!