Columns Jul 15, 2015 at 4:00 am

Armchair Psychoanalyst

Comments

1
If you have real clinical depression, it's not your "own fault." And you can't fix it by adopting better manners.
2
So that's all you have to do to cure depression? I guess all those silly doctors don't know what they're talking about.
3
You sound like a dick. An armchair dick.
4
I dont know about most, but I talk to people everyday - that is when I can actually get them to look up from their technology for two damn seconds - and believe me, most make me want to jump off a roof with their mind-numbing, two-dimensional "Facebook" thinking. There is nothing more depressing the 350 million lives in this country alone that are so all-knowing that they cant even sit through a meal in public with out a damn smart phone strapped to their mindless ass buzzing, dinging or beeping. This submission is like a once obese person telling a current obese person, "You're a fat sonofabitch, go in a diet and you'll have friends". 10 to 1 bet says the author is an overweight woman who crys a lot!
6
Shorter letter writer: I will focus on your problems so I can feel better about myself. OOOh! It's working already. Chin Up!
7
SPAM ON AISLE FIVE! REPEAT, SPAM ON AISLE FIVE!
8
Sounds like this asshole needs a lesson in clinical depression. It cannot be cured by going out there and doing stuff, because you are depressed and literally cannot go out at all ! The only one self absorbed is the author of this IA. You are a real honest to god asshole. Go and educated yourself and then go fuck yourself you self centered hipster punk ass bitch !
9
The one grain of truth in this rant is that you can build your listening skills and capacity for empathy if you start out by faking it. Weird, but true. It's not going to cure your depression, though, and it requires a certain level of mental functioning to do it in the first place.

It sounds like Anon is just projecting their own self-hatred. This rant sounds familiar, because when I was in the worst depths of depression I was told sometimes that I was depressed because I was self-absorbed. The irony was that at the time I constantly beat myself up for not doing more to support other people instead of being the one asking for support. It was just that all my mental energy was focused on very basic coping (e.g. eating, grooming myself, not spending entire days crying).

Oh, and once I finally got medication that worked, I suddenly started functioning well enough to actually help other people sometimes. Well, what do you know.
10
That's not necessarily true. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with major recurring depression in my 20's and was prescribed Effexor, then Seroquel, then Wellbutrin & Celexa. When they sent me to psychtherapy and tried to the advance me to Lithium, I realized what bullshit it all was, and that any idiot could see that my depression was situational (hated my job, got dumped, had few real friends, was homesick, etc...). So I made some hard life changes, stopped taking medicine and thinking of myself as a victim of my diagnosed "condition," which is in reality what most people go through during certain stages in their lives, and a few years later, I WAS totally fine and have remained so.

So I can't speak for anyone else, but I do suspect that many doctors are diagnosing people with major depression and somewhat recklessly prescribing medications instead of recommending therapy, which is what they actually could use. And I feel that this person's advice is pretty useful and that the friend should consider trying it before falling down the rabbit hole of pharmaceuticals, which, as I saw in the psych ward, generally end up turning longterm users into zombies.
11
Sorry, that should have read "psychotherapy."
13
Thanks for sharing, captain obvious. Do you need a hotel room?
14
Reductive, self-righteous, judgmental summations of other people's lives and pain! You have all the answers! Awesome!
15
Why are there so many passive-aggressive assholes in Seattle? Is it the PBR?
16
Just join a religion. Righteous indignation allows billions of people to feel superior to others without having to think about reality or understand anything.

Depression is a healthy and rational reaction to being human. You are, barring other humans, more complex than the entirety of the universe. You're trapped in a cage of meat and bone that's going to cease to exist because you are rendered powerless over your own destiny a mob that acknowledges the natural state of consciousness is immortality, but rather than pursue real immortality, they lazily assume a faith that immortality is already prepared for them. It's more comfortable to believe than to acknowledge the possibility of personal failure in extending your own life to infinity.

Believe. Join a religion. You will never know you were wrong. You will wink out of existence never knowing you could have lived forever if humanity were smart enough to understand its own nature and the nature of the universe.

Depression is for people that don't lie to themselves about the stupidity of their species. All happiness will be erased by time thanks to faith in magic. The people smart enough to understand the miracle of consciousness will also be erased in time because of the mob's cowardice. The only technology we should be pursuing is our own infinity, or our own empowerment over time. Because we are thousands of years away from acknowledging that, the choice is to blindly adhere to nonsense, or be depressed.

Everyone should be self-absorbed. The self is the most precious thing in the universe. Everyone should work to help and protect other selves. So, intervene when depressed people try to kill themselves, otherwise, respect the fact they are reacting honestly to reality.

This post was a drunken thought experiment. All grammatical, punctuation, and philosophical errors are the fault of the idiot typing this. Booze accepts no blame in being ingested by an idiot.
17
Well. I'm keeping left of centre on the terminology. Depression is about feelings and thoughts.
Thoughts can be worked on. Feelings will follow. And keeping the body looked after.
It is hard to dig out of the hole.
18
When I feel sad, I like to eat a sandwich, after which I feel better. Hope this cures everyone's depression forever, because they are being total pains about it.
19
"As a survivor of chronic depression, I should have sympathy for you, but I clearly learned fucking nothing from my own experience, and remain a sociopathic asshole devoid of empathy."
20
To whomever wrote this, have some empathy instead of fucking condescension. I have anxiety issues that are problematic while my brother has issues that are crippling. Just because I handle my comparably minor problems does not mean that I can (or should) pass judgement on him for failing to solve his problems just as easily as I did, It has been annoying to have to deal with the effects of his issues but I work with him instead of pour salt in his wounds. My strategy is that when his anxiety reaches crippling levels, I have him acknowledge that the issues are in his head, then we focus on getting him in a position to overcome them. It is a constant battle, but saying "I got over my depression, what's your excuse" is like a 6 year old learning to read then insulting their "stupid" 3 year old sibling for not knowing how to read yet
21
Fck that shit
22
Depression only ever comes from things you have control over. You're not depressed because you were born into a maelstrom of constant information and endless screens designed to engage your attention at all times. You're not depressed because your brain is an insanely complicated aggregate of many delicate systems, each trying to process and react to more stimuli than you could ever consciously acknowledge. Oh, and your mind and your body definitely have nothing to do with each other, so don't try to let yourself off the hook by crying "biological" problems.

No, friends, you are depressed because you are willfully bad and lame. If you chose to be cool and good instead, you wouldn't be depressed. You're welcome in advance.
23
I know plenty of perfectly happy people who are perfectly happy to blather on about themselves all day without asking you a damn thing about your life.

Control group: fail!
24
@16 marry me.

i'll bring the booze.
25
Unless a doctor insists you work out 30 mins a day, drop the sugar and sodas, and insists you meditate 10 mins a day, then no, they certainly dont know what they're talking about and are probably carrying water for big pharma. There are things we can do to help ourselves.
26
People who have big brains let their heads sag from the incredible weight.

They also tend to listen first, evaluate the quality of the company, and then decide whether it's better to interact, or flee, most often making the latter choice.

27
I got over it this way, so everyone else should too! I'm superior! I understand everything.

Tempting mindset for someone who's been down themselves for awhile, but utter bullshit nonetheless. Anon, as with most anons here, you are a ranting, bitter, attention-starved asshole. If you want acknowledgment for doing stuff right, go do more stuff right until people notice. Quit judging. Jesus, glass houses and all that.
28
Do you like it in the butt? Did that question offend you? Why don't you have any cool stories to tell people? Have you really done nothing you would like to share without me prying? How much money do you make? etc... NVM. I moved an hour and a half away from you and I'm already feeling 10,000 times better. I even have plans for this weekend. I probably invited you, but you are too self obsessed to hang out with us.
29

There is nothing worse, then going through hell of depression. You wake up each day, not knowing if you will make it
'till night, or you will simply give in, and end it all yourself. The drugs sometimes help, and sometimes make it worse.
Felt like I had no control whatsoever over my own life. It took me a while, but I managed to teach myself how to push trough the day, and keep on fighting.
In the end, it all comes down to helping yourself get up and fight. For anyone suffering from depression,
I recommend something that has helped me a lot. It is James Gordon’s system at http://lookingupstuff.com/mentalhealth/2…
He is a former depression sufferer, and teaches a totally natural 7 step process which relieves depression from your life.
30
I could have written this about my own sibling, but I didn't. I could hardly function as a teen due to depression. I was hospitalized twice during those years. I know what it is like. At the age of 18 I escaped from my dysfunctional family and have been fine ever since. Worked my way through college, became professionally successful through hard work, had a happy marriage that went sour, divorce, brain tumor diagnosis, brain surgery, then treatments, and of course life in general...I remain optimistic and I am truly thankful for each day and for the people in my life. My brother has always "been there" for me, or so he says. Looking back on it I realize that I listened to him talk about his "problems" while I was recovering from brain surgery. Never once has he ever asked how I am doing. Self-absorbed doesn't even begin to describe him. I have tried giving him advice. He doesn't want it, nor does he even listen. He doesn't recall our conversations, or he gets them completely twisted around. For years he has been stoned on prescription meds. I have worried about him most of my life, but recently I have realized that is the life he has chosen. He talks about his depression/bi-polar/PTSD non-stop and he thrives on the attention.
31
I like the way @18 thinks.
32
Maybe. But if it is a chemically caused depression, which is usually what real depression is, he might be unable to focus on anything other than his own pain. Being in pain can cause being wrapped up in yourself. I know I certainly feel I have more to give to others when I am already happy. He might not be able to take your advice until he's on medication for a few weeks.
33
Depressed and tried everything? Have you tried getting in a medical research study for depression? Some psychiatrists are doing studies using ketamine (Yep, "Special K", the party drug) for use in people with chronic treatment-resistant depression. I've been through two of these trials and they completely changed my life for the better. The first trial was an i.v. infused study and worked really, really well. The second trial was for an inhaled version and worked well, also but had some freaky side effects that I didn't much care for. However, the medication still turned my depression around and gave me vast and long-lasting relief. Unfortunately, the F.D.A. hasn't approved its use yet--I'm hoping, though. As it stands now, I take Effexor and hope for the day when ketamine or eskatamine, as it's being called, is available on the market. This medicine is helping with bi-polar and schizophrenia, too. Check out ClinicalTrials.gov for more information.

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