I work as a server at a well-known seafood restaurant, and this might cost me my job, but it will be worth it if you read this. Tonight I had the pleasure of waiting on your table for more than two hours, during which you racked up a $300 tab. Bottles of wine, appetizers, salads, entrées, desserts. Several items were comped for you, and you left fat and happy—business as usual… Except for the fact that you didn’t leave a tip. Which means I had the distinct pleasure of PAYING for your company. Also, no, I don’t make $15 an hour as a waiter, and even if I did, your pleasant evening out would have cost me an hour of work. Thanks for the verbal gratuity. Go fuck yourself. And I guess I’ll start looking for a new job.