Columns Nov 11, 2015 at 4:00 am

Broadway, Babies


I'm going to need a Broadway show-loving gay dude to translate this week's column for me.
Shit! I really need to go see some more Broadway shows.
Thanks, Dan!

Happy Veteran's Day----hug a veteran (hugs are always good)!
Oh god, this column was awful. Can we go back to sexless marriages again?
@3 gueralinda: Frankly, I'd much rather go see a Broadway musical than further discuss my toxic ex husband any more---and I'll bet Dan and a BUNCH of SL regulars would drink to that.
Cheers, everybody!
Mr Savage deserves a Durham Award (if Ms Cute were here, she would remind the assembled company of what happens to Clive in Maurice) for this, except that I cannot shake the conviction that it is impossible to be a genuine admirer of Mr Sondheim's without secretly wanting to be straight, so that it would be a reward instead of a punishment. Maybe a Yoffe Award instead, which would entail the recipient's suddenly becoming unable to say anything interesting or eloquent beyond the level of a bad pun, and whose expressions of even the most profound thoughts will come out sounding like insincere banalities or polite lies in the manner of the outgoing Prudie, whose gift in that direction was tremendous.

(I am not in a good mood.)

Enjoy Veteran's Day, Ms Grizelda and anyone else of that distinction. It ought to be a week.
Personally, I talk about the ass or dick I'm getting because like most people, I like to talk about my hobbies.
wtf Dan, you been on the acid tabs again?
Go see Allegiance. Great show!
Way to fight those gay stereotypes, Dan. You're doing a faaaaaa-bulous job!
OK guys, help me out here. I've got a question similar to SLOW's, and I'm trying to phrase it both delicately and accurately, since I don't want to give offense, but I also need (perhaps) somewhat detailed responses (not being a possessor of a penis).

What feels good about a dry handjob??

LW 1 I'll say this. I think you should work on your marriage. All the stuff you're sharing with your friend is stuff you should be sharing with your wife. I think you're infatuated with the idea of this woman and not the actual person, because it can be easy to adore someone who isn't there, and who's bullshit you don't want to deal with.

You can confess but there's a good chance it will cost you, either your friendship, or your friendship and your marriage. Is that a price you're willing to pay?

"Do I even have a right to feel the way I do?"

You have the right to feel however you feel, but it's not in your best interest to nurse those feelings or act on them.

I've been where you are. @11 is right. Any time I developed a severe obsession (not a fleeting crush) on someone other than the person I was with, it had absolutely nothing to do with the object of my obsession. It had everything to do with how miserable I was in my current relationship. That kind of obsession is a defense mechanism, a way of escaping the pain of what's not working at home.

I know it seems like it's about her. Trust me, it isn't. It's about the idea of something else. Either you have a lot of work to do on your current marriage (you're getting crushed under the pressure of some hefty responsibilities or a crisis), or your current marriage is doomed (wife is distant, cruel, whatever).

Whichever it is, focus on fixing that and take some time away from the other woman. You can talk again when your head is clear. But you need a break.

Also, fuck Dan and his gay Broadway vinyl crap. Seriously, get your ass in rehab.
Dan, we're you hammered- when you did this week's column?
That was intensely boring. No context offered, and literally indecipherable for the people who haven't seen those shows.
@10 -- I think it's a matter of the amount of friction involved, long story short.
Sheesh! So much hate for the shows. Look everybody, chill out. Go to your local Veterans' Day/Remembrance Day/Whatever-you-call-November-11 ceremony and reflect on those who put themselves in harms way for our freedoms.

... then go watch…
NGAA-- Pay attention to Ms. Anon in 11 and Xiao in 12. I can only reiterate what they said in different words. Real life is in turns boring, frustrating, tedious, unfullfiling. It has moments of awe, wonder, and deep emotional connection, but it's hard to the point of impossible to live at those peak moments on a sustained basis. It's natural to look around and think that everything would be better if only ... and then fill in the blank with an old friend. But she's not the answer. Put the energy you want to pour into her into improving the life you have. It will be worth the investment.
If you'd picked some musicals I knew, we could be on the same page. So somebody who knows the where's wally messages, please share.

NGAA; I disagree with the others. I think you should tell her. If the feelings are that strong that she keeps popping up in your head/ fantasies, whatever, then I'd find out how real this connection is. You don't mention the word love in relation to your wife, not a good sign.

Not So Talky-- Regardless of you friend's tone, he is bragging. The question is whether you mind. Assuming you do, ask him if he's talking about sex so much because it's his way of making a pass at you. Then tell him quite seriously that you're not interested because he's not your type. Or you could insinuate that he's telling you about his exploits because he's hoping you'll share yours and that will turn him on. Again, tell him that you're not interested. The problem should be solved in one brief exchange.

The next question is what else you have in common with this guy, why else you want to hang out with him. I'm guessing it's not much in which case you stop hanging out with him. So that whole problem is solved. (What's the emoticon for a the hand brushing motion indicating over and done with?)
Agreed with 11. It's easy to fall in love with someone whose dishes you don't wash.
NGAA will easily solve his problem by following Dan's advice, because anyone who listens to "Send in the Clowns" -- the worst song ever written -- wants to kill him- or herself.
Dan must be bored. How about another charity auction with a prize of writing next week's column?

NGAA: Ah, the One That Got Away. I agree that NGAA is in love with an Innocent College Girl who no longer exists except in his own mind -- and quite possibly with his own youth which he'll never have again. He says "I think about her often, want to share things about my life with her, find myself wanting to rely on her when things are tough." Sounds like he loves her as a best friend. There's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps he should work on telling himself "When Harry Met Sally" was just a movie, and men and women CAN be friends?

I'm with @12 -- this pining either a sure sign NGAA isn't getting something very important from his wife, or that he's hopelessly stuck in the past. He should figure out which and address that, rather than confessing a post-adolescent crush he never got over.
Sondheim isn't dead
I once played Larry (one of the husbands) in a production of Company, and whenever I sang the last line ("You always are what you always were / Which has nothing to do with, all to do with her") I thought, yech, I think I'll stay single!
I meant the last line of "Sorry/Grateful"
NGAA is chasing a dream, a memory. He's in love with an idea and not a person and needs to cut that self-destructive daydream bullshit out before it starts causing problems in his relationship. Tough to get through to these people though, being so firmly rooted in fantasy.
Jesus Dan, I had to quickly google Stephen Sondheim and make sure he didn't die.

Fuck you for shitting on JATATDC - it was the first musical I knew all of, due to the passion of an elementary school music teacher who recognized it was serious, accessible musical material to teach to young kids, and I LOVED IT! I still know all the words. If I didn't know JATATDC there's a good chance I never would have learned Sondheim. SHEESH!

Good point about the clarity of thought that comes when it's time to turn over the vinyl. Flipping the record brings a slew of thoughts, marks the time into spaces, re-focuses my mind on the music. My roommate got me a turntable for my birthday a couple of years ago and I play musicals all the time- much to the consternation of my roommate, who I think didn't see all the show tunes coming at him, like a tsunami, when he got me the turntable.

So what do you think about "The Rape Song" from the Fantisticks, it's removal later on when the word, um, fell out of fashion, and the rewrite that went with it? I say that, musically, the original tune was best. Just curious.

WTF Dan? As a tongue-in-cheek snarky advice column with somewhat esoteric references, this one was successful. However, if it's intent was to seriously provide advice to people who are genuinely asking for help, that sucked.
LW1 NGAA: The grass is always greener on the other side of the panties. I agree with Euda@20, "It's easy to fall in love with someone whose dishes you don't wash." If you're spending this much time fantasizing about someone other than your wife, time to take a closer look at your marriage. You basically have three options, but first get some counseling to find out why you're not satisfied with what you've got then 1) Be satisfied with your stable relationship and stop looking for ways to fuck it up 2) negotiate an open marriage 3) get divorced and pursue all the tail you can find. Choose one and own it.

LW2 NST People who have no social boundaries are like wood ticks, they're just sucking attention instead of blood. Like I want to hear all about your imaginary sex life. This is standard fare if you're fifteen. If you're actually scoring all that fabulous pussy, trust me, your friends already know about it. No need to brag. If this guy is really your friend, just say, "Knock off the gory details, dude, you're embarrassing yourself." Then repeat the preceeding four sentences. If he's not that good of a friend, just say, "Not interested, Jack, talk about football or don't talk to me."

LW3 SLOW and @10 It's lube for me, but everybody has their own preferences. Some guys like dry, scratchy handjobs, some guys like fucking sheep. Shake your head in wonder at human diversity, then give 'em what they like.
Good advice to all @29
RE dry handjobs: some guys like talcum powder instead of lube. Give it a try.

One man casually commented that he liked the way I touched his cock (gently prodding and exploring with fingertips, not a handjob), that women tend to just yank on it. Maybe your boyfriend is asking for more delicate touch.
My man likes both dry and wet hand jobs. We probably do wet more often, but dry ones are fun too. As Alison mentions @31, they can be interesting for involving a different style of touch: more subtle, since you can't just jerk away. It took me a while to figure it out, but it was worth it! Don't despair, play around!
have I mentioned how much I love you guys? *group hug* I'm not sure if any of the letter writers got what they wanted today, but I did--a couple of good grins and some interesting discussion.
RE why would a guy volunteer information/fantasies about his sex life?

Maybe that’s what’s on his mind. Other people think about work, or food, or relationships, or music, or electronics, or the war in Syria. That’s what they talk about. This guy thinks about SEX. All the time. That’s what he talks about.
@ 10 - Alison @ 31 hits the head on the nail. People tend to yank at other people's dick when they give them a handjob. I, for one, find that a turn off. I prefer dry, gentle and not too tight.
@ 9 - The sad thing about stereotypes is that they have some basis in truth (however distorted).

I'm gay, a huge music fan, but my appreciation for musicals is very, very limited, yet I've come across the musicals-obsessed type in my life so often that I know those guys are out there, just like the Abba-obsessed type and the Carpenters-obsessed type (at least among my generation - I'm 50). There's nothing wrong in stating that such people exist.

What would be wrong is if Dan implied that all gays love musicals, and he doesn't.
@ 34 - "This guy thinks about SEX. All the time. That’s what he talks about."

Yes. Until my 40s, sex was my main interest in life (along with music), and those were my main subjects of conversation. Now that I feel a bit shagged-out ("a bit" is the key phrase here), I talk about it less often, and I definitely talk about politics more, but I still pity guys who only ever talked about politics.
@NGAA If you were to find a way to realize that the changes in your life since your "missed connection" were your own doing, and not the magical work of this woman's presence in your life, you might have an easier time letting go of the strong attachment to her. You seem to have made her into some kind of savior in your mind, and so I can;t imagine a romantic relationship with her, even if you somehow had one, would be a healthy one. That said, if the relationship is as asymmetrical as you make it sound then telling her how you feel would accomplish 2 pretty good things:end the relationship and give you the chance to get those bottled up feelings off your chest. So fuck it, tell her how you feel so you can put this thing to bed and move on with your life.
@39 Being sex positive and treating sex like going to the movies are not the same thing.
@ 41 - Going to the movies and sex are two things people enjoy doing in their free time on order to have fun. I don't see why you shouldn't treat them the same (to a certain extent, obviously).
"in order", not "on order"
I also have a list of best friends, real or imagined, that I'd like to fuck or at least think how I would have done it 30 years ago. But as Mistress B rightfully pointed out @ 22 I'm fully aware that these are no more than recycled fantasies and should be kept this way.

Blame musicals, movies, tv shows and the Beatles for giving us perverted stories that don't go beyond the she/he is finally in love with me. No one tells you what happens five years into the relationship. Paul McCartney created more unreasonable relationships expectations then Richard Nixon.
"I was sitting in a bar and this broad looks at me and asks if I want to fuck."

That's definitely the kind of thing I'd have to tell at least one particular friend about, assuming he wasn't there to witness it. How is a guy supposed to sit with something like that all by himself? I suppose you could make a case that I'm insecure, though.

Still, I have another friend who's just one of those guys the ladies love, not insecure at all, and he sometimes talks about his adventures. They're interesting stories.
@Alison @31: Bingo. Personally, I prefer the caress of non-lubricated fingers, breasts, cheek, nose, etc.
Hand jobs in general and Still thinking @ 10 in particular:
For me the issue at hand- absolutely intended- goes way beyond lube or not. At work right now so I'll forgo the specifics.
Details and possible related videos will be available later upon request, so lets get a little philosophical in the meantime...
Hand jobs can be an extremely intimate experience for al involved. It doesn't need to be a bang bang like Hunter's story lines. There's a lot of teasing, communicating, and- believe it or not- also vulnerability. Lube is just a side issue.
More details to follow later. Specific answers also require specific questions if you have any.
How about listening to Rocky Horror because this week seemed like a Time Warp to a younger, more flippant Dan Savage. Well done.
Good news NGAA! You can skip the ridiculously difficult requirements of finding gay dudes with vinyl recordings of Broadway musicals he knows by heart and simply watch "High Fidelity" on DVD. Heck, you can just read the quotes I have posted here (trimmed to save space):

ROB: That other girl, or other women, ... I was thinking that they're just fantasies. And they always seem really great because there's never any problems. And if there are, they're cute problems like she wants to go see a movie that I've already seen. And then I come home, and you and I have real problems... and you don't even want to see the movie I want to see, period. There's no lingerie and...
LAURA: I have lingerie!
ROB: Yes, you do. You have great lingerie, but you also have the cotton underwear that's been washed a thousand times, ... and they have it too! It's just I don't have to see it because it's not in the fantasy.

Translated into straight forward advice, you and your friend get to have this delightful, so happy relationship because (as you point out) "We are barely part of each other's lives anymore." When the two of you do get to hang out you get to focus on the happy aspects of your lives, the things that are going well, the lingerie of life if you will. Also, she may feel at ease and comfortable around you since the two of you are MARRIED TO OTHER PEOPLE so she thinks (incorrectly) that you are happy to be just friends.

Furthermore, from an outsider's perspective, taking option 3, a married man telling a married woman that he has always loved her ends with restraining orders, not romance. She will take your declaration of love to mean either "You should divorce your husband then I'll divorce my wife so we can get married" or "we should cheat on our spouses with each other." And the fact that over time the two of you are becoming less involved each other (not more) says she is not harboring a secret, undeclared love for you.

Closing with another quote from High Fidelity
"Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."
StillThinking @10: Here are a few specifics for you...When I masturbate without lube I use a much lighter touch, letting my thumb and index finger just skim along and gently make contact with my dick's head while holding a little firmer with the rest of my fingers lower down. The light touch on the head is "good friction", nice and warm. If I'm using lube, I'll hold on a lot tighter all around, letting the lube do it's job. Two completely different, yet equally pleasurable sensations. Grab on tight when I'm coming in both cases, the come gives plenty of lubrication, and the extra sensation during orgasm is intense. If you're doing the work with your guy, stop just short of orgasm & let him cool down a bit, then start up again for as many times as he can stand it.

Of course, if you've been working on a chain gang swinging a pickaxe all day, or spend extended periods of time with your hands soaking in lye, you might want to sand those calluses down before attempting any manual manipulation.
Oh, and I might also suggest sucking on his nipples while you're at it.
Cocky @39: This isn't "talking about sex." These aren't conversations; the way NST describes it (which is all we have to go on) this friend just blurts out stories of his conquests out of the blue. And unless this friend is Johnny Depp, it's unlikely women are throwing themselves at him in bars on a regular basis. So while, as Sean says @45, this presumably rare occurrence would indeed be begging to be shared with a close pal, if NST's friend has regular stories along these lines then he's either making them up or they're actually so commonplace as to no longer be remarkable. So he should stop remarking.
Are you okay, Dan? This column seemed, ah, a bit random.
Johnny Depp, Fan@52? A most unattractive men imo. His wife Amber, stories of men or women throwing themselves at her in bars, I can believe.
Re: NST.

I've been there under certain circumstances. For a while, everyone was dragging in their hopless female cases, looking for a potential husband for them. For some reason (perhaps because I don't beat the crap out of women), I got a rep as a "nice guy". One who won't expect much from a mate. Sex once a month, no anal, no oral, no light bondage. No way.

So I'd start regaling these people with tales of some of my kinkier exploits. Until they backed down with their matchmaking.
@5 vennominon: Take care--hope things go better for you this week.
@48 debug: I'm game for that.
ngaa; maybe the problem here is you don't love your wife anymore, and this is what you need to face. Believing this other woman is really the one for you is perhaps just the old line em up so I'm not alone for too long, scenario.
@31 Alison: I'll bet gently tickling from the scrotum upward (agreed: you're right---not yanking. I can't imagine any guy liking that) would work pretty well, too.

Dan----is everything okay?
Everyone please forgive my emotional outbursts these past few weeks. Rape is a touchy subject for me, and these past two months have been awkward in dealing with past military service and bad relationship related ugliness but I'm letting a lot go finally.
On a more positive note, collaborative work on a Finale music project is coming along---my fellow musician loved hearing my first symphony over coffee.
Auntie Griz, I'm glad to hear that your symphony was so well received. Keep up the good work! PTSD (which is what it sounds like you're dealing with, to me) is horrible: sometimes the most innocuous-seeming thing triggers all the trauma all over again, and it can be very difficult to mute the panic response. I'm sending my best wishes for continued healing, and for letting yourself off the hook if you don't come as far as you want as quickly as you'd prefer.
Nice one Grizelda.
ngaa; you could listen to whichever version on whatever format, I'm not as fussy about it all as Dan is, of
" The street where she lives", from
My Fair Lady.
Really immerse yourself in the if only story you are playing on repeat.
In the absence of a gay friend, with good taste in musicals, born before 1965, with enough disposable income to prowl estate sale vinyl, a copy of Company may be all you need and requires far less time to obtain.
Holmes @55: That's not a nice guy. That's a boring guy! Most women would run a mile from a guy who would only shag them once a month, no oral, nothing but vanilla. Anyone who'd put up with that would have to be hopeless indeed!

Lava @54: Really? I was under the impression that Mr Depp was considered so attractive as to transcend preferences. Out of curiosity, who's your celebrity crush, then? Do you prefer the beefier Vin Diesel type perhaps?

Grizelda @58: "agreed: you're right---not yanking. I can't imagine any guy liking that"
I couldn't imagine it either, then I met one.

Cocky @61: "Should we not reasonably expect friends to listen from a place of interest and generosity, as opposed to a place of envy or moral censure?" We shouldn't if said friends are as sick of hearing it as NST. Other friends may vary.
[So as to quell the incipient flame war: Yes, some women are happy with vanilla sex once a month and no oral. And that's okay.]
[As are some men. And we all live in hope that these men and these women meet each other.]
Thanks a lot, now I have Donnie Osmond in my head singing "Children of Israel are never alone..."
@64/65: Right. Problem is, some people don't listen very well. They project their desires (or lack thereof) onto others. They must figure that once the nuptials are over, they can 'fix' their partner to fit their desires.

Perhaps NST is using these stories to shut people down who keep bringing up 'nice girls', 'when are you going to get married' or Jesus.
Get out of it, Fan. As if. Re vin whoever.
Brad Pitt, what a honey in body and mind. Both Helmsworth boys.. Aussie guys.
Sam my favourite Sheppard.
I agree with you re once a monther, no oral, no bondage guy. Is he really rich? Then maybe and find a cute boy on the side.
Wtf, landed on @69 again.
Correction; Hemsworth boys, Chris and Liam( the one who got away from Miley, lucky).
@cockyballsup: but are we really supposed not to tell our friends when we have an interesting sexcapade

If you're my friend, please do. Like (presumably) everyone else who reads Dan's column, I'm fascinated with stories about sex.
Hunter @ 66
“A preference for dry hand jobs indicates that the guy likes a rougher experience.”
It had just occurred to me that for good or bad you have just nailed the difference between us: I’ll go with the dry version as for me it means a gentler, kinder way.
@Hunter, @Still Thinking: A preference for dry hand jobs indicates that the guy likes a rougher experience.


Your hand doesn't need lube to slide up and down a dick anymore that it needs lube to slide up and down your arm. It's just a different kind of hand job that involves a softer grip. When done right, I personally think it feels better, but I'm probably not in the majority.

And I'm all for rough sex, but not if it involves being rough with my dick.
Lava @ 69
You always land there for some mysterious reason.

Still thinking- let me know what you're thinking
Nice try, poser, but most of the lyrics in Porgy and Bess were written by DuBose Heyward, author of the novel Porgy, on which the opera is based. The frequent omission of Heyward's name has been a bee in Mr. Sondheim's bonnet for decades. In fact, when the most recent Broadway production of the work - the one for which Audra McDonald won her fifth Tony - was titled The Gershwin' Porgy and Bess, Sondheim criticized the title in a letter to the New York Times, as it undermines Heyward's contribution to the work. It's true that George Gershwin worked with very few lyricists, but that doesn't mean Ira wrote everything.
To the 1st question:

Your 3 options are indeed shit, NGAA, but that’s in part because you are limiting yourself to those 3 options. They’re also shit because you’re viewing them as shit. In all cases, you have something to lose and something to gain. That’s the case with any risk you’ll ever take, and if you’re going to view every risk’s potential as shit, you’re going to be miserable for all your life. Instead, be honest with yourself about the best and worst case scenarios with each option and ask yourself what you can live with and what you can’t. Here’s what that looks like with each option you gave: option 1) status quo. You value your friendship, and you’ll get to keep it, but absolutely nothing will change, and you’ll likely be in misery for longer than if you took any action. 2) Your friend will hate you, and that will make it easier from you to move on from her life and potentially allow your feelings to wane in her absence. But YOUR FRIEND WILL HATE YOU. And you’ll feel guilty about it forever. 3) Assuming by “blowing shit wide open” you mean confessing your feelings to your friend. That’s not necessarily a bad idea, but you have a plethora of possibilities in your vague idea of “dealing with whatever happens.” A lot could happen. Your friend could hate you for putting her in the position of having to deal with your feelings. Your friend could love you. You and your friend could have an affair that ends in everyone leaving their marriages amicably and you and friend get to frolic in the sunset. Or the affair ends up in a big murder/suicide and we all get to shake our head when we read about it in the HuffPo crime section. Yeah, option 3 is not at all thought out. You’re also missing a 4th option, which is a combination of 2 and 3. You decide to take a break from your friend, but instead of just dropping her, you tell her the truth and explain that you need some time away from her to sort out your feelings and see if you can move on. That’s probably the best option. Some time away will let you know if this is something you can shake, or if you know you’ll if with regret for not acting on it. If it’s the latter case, keep in mind that you could lose your friend and your wife in one fell swoop. But that’s risk for you.

@ 77 - He states "We are barely part of each other's lives anymore", so I don't think your option 4 really applies.
@77: Why not marriage counseling, if he feels like he's going to somehow miss a chance to reconnect in a romantic, emotional sense? He's going self-destructive here about someone that is just not interested in a life with him, has expressed literally zero interest in this brash fantasy. I don't understand why people are enabling him, this isn't "following his bliss" by taking a new job or something, this is doomed to work out poorly for all parties involved.
Him acting upon it certainly worse than working through it to realize why he's trying to destroy his current marriage, and quashing his desire to escape the stability of his stated otherwise happy marriage.
@79 Agreed. That he says his marriage is happy and then proceeds to thoroughly ignore his wife in the letter makes me think the real problem is the marriage, not the crush. That the crush is really a symptom of the problem.

@77 there's another possibility where he tells the friend, she rejects him and tells his wife, and he loses them both.
Interesting take, Dan. I don't believe I've ever seen advice dispensed via Rube Goldburg machine before.
@59 nocutename: Thanks so much! It's good for me to get the crying out. I really miss my beloved parents. I am hopeful that I have enough tech savvy to be able to tackle the Finale collaboration project I'm into in addition to my own composing (with my second symphony under way). I had a productive day today, despite nasty weather outside; I have a kickass new PTSD counselor, a baby boomer like me---born three weeks exactly before me--in 1964. Girl power! Cheers to being among the last of the Booms! And my veteran's employment counselor was also born in 1964. An encouraging sign; three of us from the same year and era.
@60 LavaGirl: Thanks, and @69 LavaGirl: I will always drool over Brad Pitt.
@63 BiDanFan: You're lucky. My ex seemed to enjoy a game of penile tug-of-war, but was heavily into rough, aggressive contact sports--then got mad as hell when I'd accidentally scrape him going down orally when he started bucking. I never knew where I stood, sexually.
Boring hunter. Really sad. Really boring.
The whole idea of PL was to create an erotic fantasy/ that others could join or just sit back and find some enjoyment in. You just use it to be a bitch and a person who knows nothing of the finer points of seduction.
Hey Grizelda, yes, I knew you were a fan of Brad. He was such a delicious young man. He's just got more sumptuous as he's got older. Lovely dad. Lovely husband.
@85 LavaGirl: I keep eagerly waiting for you to take over the SL Week in Review......
@86 LavaGirl: ...and I predict that Brad will be just as deliciously boyish studdly when he's 70 as he currently is pushing 52, retaining his youthful exuberance just like Sam Shepherd in Grandma with the equally kickass Lily Tomlin.
Sam Shepard is a Scorpio like me, Grizelda. I'm sure I read somewhere that also like me, he doesn't fly. So, this fantasy meeting between us is never going to happen. I could catch a boat I guess.
I did catch the ferry to Tasmania many yrs ago. I was 16 plus. With my mother and sister. It was fun.
America is a little further.
No shipboard romances though Grizelda, not for want of the officers trying it on. I was still too heartbroken over losing my father.
I would have travelled by ship. Alas, that age is done unless you got the big bucks.
I want to go round Australia. By train, by bus.. Not that fussed being in cars either.
The ferry left from Sydney Harbour, G. That was some beautiful scenery.
Thanks to all the folks who mused on the appeal of dry handjobs for my benefit. Advice to the wary - explicit content below.

I guess I prefer giving blowjobs to handjobs for a number of reasons, a major one of which is the lubricating quality of saliva. Other reasons are:
* I feel more intimately connected to my partner - a handjob feels more distant
* I'm better able to sense -- and respond to -- my partner's level of arousal with my mouth
* I feel that I can do more interesting things with my long, flexible and sensitive tongue than my plain ole fingers
* I'm less concerned about irritating my partner's sensitive skin (saliva, again)
* If we're taking a break from PIV, the smell and taste of my own, ahem, fluids on his cock is a turn-on for me
* My current sweetie reaches orgasm during a blowjob more often than during any other single sexual activity - I like making him come
* OK, I'll admit it: I have an oral fixation!

That said, I do use at least one hand during most of a blowjob, because he is fairly well endowed, and I have a sensitive gag reflex. Also because I want to keep some pressure on the shaft and head while I lick and suck on his balls. Nipple play doesn't seem to do anything for him.

I think he occasionally wants me just to use my hands and not my mouth, but I feel unsure of what I'm doing. He hasn't taken me up on my request to "show me how you do it."
Brad Pitt vs Johnny Depp... it's like the Beatles vs the Stones, isn't it? Everyone has a preference, but no one can deny these two are the epitome of looks and talent for their generation. Yes, I'd prefer Johnny but I certainly don't wonder why people fancy Brad.

Lava @85: I hate to go Mars vs Venus, but it's true, we of the double-x-chromosomal persuasion would like at least a few intro posts for plot setup and seduction. Ho hum.
Welcome to NYC. I second seeing Allegiance. I saw it in previews first week. I hope it's more polished now. Lea Salonga is amazing! Mr. Takei is just a lovable adorable grampa and Leung was great. It does have way too many musical numbers though and I think it detracts the story telling.
Go see the Gin Game too and the Puccini repetoire at the Met. Opera. So amazing.

Could I like casually bump into you for some relationship advice?
Bravo, Dan. What a lovely, sweet answer to the first question. You so often show us the crusty, hard-shelled Dan. It's nice to see the soft-hearted, grey-not-black-and-white, romantic Dan now and then. Thanks a lot.
@ 51 Donny you are a genius
@ NGAA: I went through that phase once-upon-a-time. It is pure nostalgia, your imagination has decorated your memories of her with all things twinkly and lovely and No reality can match it. My advice is: 1) to take 5 MG of Zyrtec every night at bedtime for 3 weeks, 2) throw away all recorded music that remind you of her and,... 3) well, the photos have to go too.
@ SLOW The amt. of lube is directly proportional to the pressure applied to the organ. Very light teasing touches are fine dry,... but to really "get where you are going" I absolutely need very slippery lube. Plain old generic mineral oil is hard to beat. (sorry about the pun) .
More Un-asked-for Advice from hard -earned experience: Even though Vicks Vapo rub looks like Vaseline NEVER employ this as lube. Oh that was bad.
I need to get back to my shop. It has suffered enough from my negligence
@ still thinking-92- you, my partner does not consider handjobs one of the best tools in her arsenal. I prefer pretty much everything elses over a handjob.... i have a hand....

for me the best BJs include a handjob anyway... just with an oral twist
PIP (penis-in-person) is the finest use of an erect penis, in my opinion, closely followed by handjobs. Bjs come a distant third (intended). I could do without them altogether if there were enough of the first two. Sure, I've got my own hand, but it's orders of magnitude different from someone who knows what they're doing, and is doing it for you. Deep kissing while getting a handjob Is it getting hot in here?

Wait a second, bjs are penis-in-person. Whatever, you know what I meant.

Further trashing male stereotypes, BDF, I need a little bit of slow build-up myself. Foreplay's half the fun.
Could be Fan. I'm not a Stones person, at all. Skinny little Mick, yes nice lips and all.
John Lennon, I still get a buzz when I think of him.
Really what has Mick ever achieved, except to break the hearts of women.
Marianne Faithful tried to kill herself in Australia in the late 60s, when she and Mick were together. They were here to fim Ned Kelly- the famous Aussie bushranger. Obviously she got saved, she used pills.
Then when the Stones arrived here a few yrs back, tour was postponed, because L'Wren Scott, Micks gf at the time, did kill herself.
Narcissistic little twerp.
Johnny Depp not the same. I've never really liked him. It was his club where River Phoenix died, he was a beautiful boy.
@ 100 - Gimme Shelter, Sympathy for the Devil, Paint it Black: three of rock music's greatest songs.

Otherwise can't say I like him, though.
Sorry Late, you were saying?
I can't get no, satisfaction- the only song of theirs I ever had time for. Of course, amazing musicians. Song content never got deep enough for me. Talking of song content, I've been listening to weeknd,
Beautiful voice, and his song contents are very cheeky. Young men and their poetry.
@ 104 - I think the Stones had a great ten-year run with a lot of "social commentary" songs (Mother's Little Helper, Sympathy, 19th Nervous Breakdown, and many more), but the thing about Jagger is that it has always felt like an act: the nice bourgeois suburban kid studying at the LSE who decided to play the part of the bad boy of rock'n'roll because he saw a niche that wasn't being filled, and from which he could profit.

I do think he's been unnecessarily vilified, though: I don't know the reasons for his late GF's suicide, but it was said that her business was going bankrupt and that she was suffering from depression; besides, she left him everything in her will, so she mustn't have been that angry with him. As for Marianne Faithfull, even though he was a bastard to her (not crediting her for the lyrics to Sister Morphine, for instance), she harbours absolutely no ill will towards him (according to a lengthy interview with her I saw 15 years ago). Maybe she herself was just in a bad place at the time. She did struggle with drugs and all throughout the 70s.

But we are derailing the thread.
Derailing it from what Ricardo? Oh that's right, Late's little self sex story, it was getting a little hot.
Yeah whatever re Mick. I see he's on with some young woman.
His social commentary was always about the dark side. Mostly. Even his love songs never got me responding in any way.
Now the Beatles. Those boys transformed themselves in front of our eyes, and took us with them.

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