Control Tower

Getting Fucked


wow, that was actually one of the most informative columns i've ever read here. no mention of the annoyance/ignorance of your would-be clients or the "difficulties" of being poly.. bravo, and thank you!
i never understood this whole idea that getting fucked = being submissive. think about a scene with two men, one leaning back with his dick out and the other on his knees working very hard to get the other one off. who do we think of as the top? the one just standing or lying there receiving pleasure. so, why if a woman is lying receptively and a guy is working really hard to get her off, it's assumed that he's the top? a little thing called misogyny is all.
the issue of 'penetration' being submissive is just as arbitrary. some second wave feminists (who, admittedly, are not usually my first choice in sex advice - but they had somethings right) suggested calling it 'envelopment' instead. switching the words offers a nice change in perspective.
And don't let him come! ...unless you want to reward him.
Excellent article! Thank you!
Yes, this is what we need! More articles that do more than prove that poly relationships are just as boring to read about as heteronormative ones! Nice work Matisse, please keep it real!
gotta agree with Devon on this one: nice to see a column from Matisse with information and no whining.....
I like really rough sex, but it never makes me feel submissive. Teasing him about not fucking me hard enough seems to work quite well... as do threats of what will happen to him if the intensity isn't ramped up. Certainly makes me feel in control anyway ;)
To everyone bitching about Matisse's previous columns, why on earth do you obviously continue to read them?

I myself like the mix of personal anecdote, kinky scenes, discussions of polyamory and the more "interesting" customers.

If you like your bloggers to be more one-dimensional, there are plenty out there who will meet your needs. Whether or not they can write as well is another matter.
Thanks. Being a top and sagg.I have always had bottom cravings but, it always comflicted so much with my dominate desires!To be iserted.nailed,pluged ment that you had to"let" it happen opposed to "making" it happen!But, because of the getting fucked artical i relized i can get what i want and the way i want it and still feel good about it!Thanks Control Tower! You relized how mwany yrs.i have been fighting this?
Agree with Trix. MM does the sex-advice bit as well as anyone, but I like her humor and seeing her takes on her unusual life as much or more.
Of course when you get fucked you’re submissive. It’s the raw animal act of the male of the species dominating the female during sex that fucks up all our egos. Some men don’t like the power/ responsibility of being the physically dominate half of the species, so they like to play with women who will pretend to dominate them. And some women feel the burden of being the weaker sex and seek out men that will allow them (many times even pay them) to dominate. But of course it’s pretend. That’s what puts a charge into for some people.

I do find it funny when some people forget that it’s pretend and that the man is only letting the “dom” be in control. You can tell that Mistress Matisse often gets lost in the pretend world. It’s great she can make money off a bunch of chumps who aren’t comfortable with their own role in a relationship. But it’s laughable if she thinks she’s in a position of power. It’s the man who exchanges his power for his pleasure. In this type of exchange of power the man is always in control, because it’s his will to exchange his power for his pleasure, and he can take the power of control back whenever he wants.
For jonayone:
Your spelling (or typing?) is so atrocious I can barely understand what your point is! I think you were getting "iserted,nailed,pluged" while you were trying to write this. Best wishes from NW Pennsylvania.
The act of getting fucked is not a submissive act. The interpretation "I'm getting fucked" is inherently submissive. If the act itself was submissive, it would be logically impossible to top from the bottom. Change the mindset, and you lose the submissiveness. MM's suggestions are excellent ways to do this.
"I say you can run the show and still get the orifice of your choice stimulated just the way you like it"
Most of the rest of the article seemed to say it was easier to be dominant if the guy was restrained, impeded etc. All of which can be way fun, but the main thing is to have him fuck you the way, and where, you want. And if that means pumping your arse like a powerdrill till he's sweaty and aching and hurting inside, it's domme. Sorry, Matisse, I'm with Bitchy Jones on this one.
Congratulations, M, this is the most appallingly sexist several paragraphs of utter bullshit I've read in quite a while.