wow, i think that was the best argument for kink i've ever read.

I went to Mollena's site and read a lot of the stuff there. She's fabulous and dead right. I think she's also right about some of it being an age division also. I'm a little bit younger and live in nyc where we deal with race a little differently than the west coast, and while i would think this kind of thing needs to be handled carefully there isn't any reason it needs to be off limits if everyone involved wants it!

Thanks for doing this column Matisse. The kink community in Seattle, for all of its admirable support of gender and sexual diversity, has been shockingly devoid of any conversation about racial diversity. I know this column doesn't talk about this directly, but any conversation about race and kink in Seattle, in my opinion, is a good thing. My hope is that the people who read this column will look around and start to have that conversation within the community.

I've been thinking about this since you wrote the column on verbal abuse. I always wondered how could I fantasize about a race-driven scene with a Nazi officer, since I'm a left-wing activist, proud of my African origin. Then I understood - that's precisely why.

I mean, I can only accept being abused and humiliated in a scene if I don't actually believe the words I hear. Not more than I believe that I'm a "slave", or that the mistress is a "goddess".

Therefore, it's my very political awareness that allows me not only to take part in a race-play scene, but to feel aroused. That's how I see it.

As an African-American submissive I find Mollena's comments to be utterly repugnant. Her comments aren't just culturally offensive, but self-contradictory. She says she knows the race-play scenes are perpetuating negative stereotypes, but thinks her "getting off" on one culture's idiosyncrasies and misfortune is going to somehow alter or redirect these misguided stereotypes. Get real!

I think one reason race-play scenes are such a "taboo" in the BDSM community, is because those events are still festering and meandering in the hearts and minds of people of color. It's still a phenomenon that affects us everyday. Imagine being pulled over by police or followed in a department store because of the color of your skin, then going to a play party and seeing an African-American woman "getting off" on being called a nigger. There's an intrinsic ignorance here on Mollena's part. I think respect and understanding beget reverence, and her actions show that she holds no reverence for what African-Americans have had to face and overcome.

Matisse, I love your writing,and I appreciate the fact that even you--a Caucasian woman--can respect the boundaries that race-play scenes apathetically cross.

This interview has definitely opened my eyes...

I FIND IT DISGUSTING! "WANNA RACE" IS SICK IN A BAD WAY!IF YOU ARE WHITE YOU ARE WHITE AND PRACTICING THIS YOU ARE A RACIST! YOU ARE A POISON!iF YOU ARE A BLK. American or any person of color know that to the poeople who actually sufferd this bdegraiding of their souls were not happy they were mistreated disrespected and treadted wost the shit! You are a poison!if getting off for you is about a repeat of this type of misery that mained and killed millions of people do us all a favour lay right here,put these ear plugs in, thats it, now lay on these train tracks,dont worry the trains always one hr late trust me!!!!

What the hell? I'm not in the scene but I would have never guessed that this is such a huge taboo. This is coming from people who regularly act out scenes of violence and humiliation and claim it has nothing to do with their real attitude. All kinksters agree that female submissiveness doesn't have anything to do with real world violence against women, so why should black submissiveness have anything to do with real life violence against black people? You kinksters are shooting yourself in the foot if you believe race-play is racist, you are basically saying that everything you do is wrong but you do it anyway because it doesn't cross some arbitrary moral line.

The columns about the deeper psychological and sociological implications of kink are great. I look forward to reading more. I'm not a kinkster but it's fascinating to read about how power dynamics functioning in other parts of life (e.g. workplace, non-kinky relationships, and in this case: attrocities ) are examined, manipulated, turned on their heads, whatever, in kinky play--regardless of whether or not I agree w/ the viewpoints of the players in question.

I don't know if this is off-base, but to an outsider like me, it looks like that BDSM exaggerates the dynamics of non-kinky relationships, or at least throws them into the light. Again, I don't know, but interesting to think about.

Thanks for a thought provoking column.

I agree with confused.. wtf? why is play-sexism ok but play-racism is off limits? me no understand the logic.

I, too, am left wondering why sexism and rape, in real life and in BDSM play, are less unsavory than their near-exact analogs, racism and slavery. An interesting contradiction and I'm awfully glad someone's having a look at it.

add me to the list of the uncomprehending.
why are race scenes taboo?
if it is not taboo for me to fantasize about being raped, used, existing for the sole propose of a partners pleasure, if I can concede to a desire to be without rights, personal motility, or a partners respect, or even basic humanity, and still understand on a visceral level the horror of real rape, real sexism and oppression of women, why can't a person of a particular race be capable of the same complexity of sprit. I have struggled for years to reconcile the sick scenarios that turn me on with the real horrors of the world, and it hurts me that the BDSM community, which is so glib about saying that the games they play have nothing to do with real life violence against woman, is so sensitive to the suggestion of playing on the equally charged themes of race and racism.

I agree with Confused and Sonia.

I am heavily into age-play but have never felt I trivialize pedophilia or child abuse.

I think that either you are into kink or you aren't into kink. If you don't get it, you will probably always find it offensive no matter who is doing what. I actually believe that refusing to allow yourself to acknowledge, talk about or explore a taboo is far more dangerous than sexualizing it with a safe and sane partner. If you express it safely, then it has no power over you. Having a conversation about sex or exploring your emotions and sexuality is healthier than repressing your thoughts or feelings.

In the same way that a woman who has a rape fantasy has no desire to be raped in real life, a person who explores other bdsm themes (racial or otherwise) in the safety of his/her bedroom most likely has no desire to act it out in their real lives. Consent is the key. I would never suggest race play, but if a partner thought it was hot and it would get him off, then hey, maybe. It doesn't make me a racist and I would certainly never suggest that a person who was uncomfortable with a sexual theme or idea should try it. They shouldn't...but they also shouldn't try to regulate what happens between consenting adults who would like to safely express themselves sexually in the privacy of their own homes. To each his own.

The point that I think a lot of people miss is that sexual role-play doesn't translate into real life desires. While I might enjoy getting off thinking about being over powered/ ravished, I have no desire for this to happen non-consensually. I imagine for those who are into race play, they have no desire to be discriminate/ be discriminated against in the real world. I would think it's more about the control or submission or the naughty/taboo factor than anything else...exploring conflicting emotions can translate into some really hot sex. Getting off on taboo is nothing new whether it's centered on a racial theme or not.

I want to stress that my position is not pro-race-play and I don't think it's cool to treat people badly on the basis of race or nationality, etc. My position is pro-sex, pro-consent, pro-self-expression. Just because it's not my cup of tea, doesn't mean that it's wrong if other people find it hot. What leather-clad people do to get themselves off in their own bedrooms is their own damned business and has nothing to do with actual racism in my book. It has to do with kink, sexual exploration, submission and domination and getting off on taboo.

This is my view as mock slave auctions go, just to put it out there. I've been involved with one in the Sci-Fi Convention scene for some years now. Its a great Live Action Role play that touches lightly on BDSM and kink, but never goes near the subject of race or sexual orientation. At this years event we even ejected some newcomers that thought they were getting a chance to really "put some kinds of folks in their place" (quoted directly from one blacklisted attendee). Just putting it out there...

Dear Mistress Matisse,
I've noticed that people often use identity-language to express their BDSM preference/orientation ("I'm a submissive;" "I'm dominant") much like people often use identity-language to express gender preference/orientation ("I'm gay;" "I'm straight"). Now that gender preference is considered by many to be innate rather than acquired, I wonder if there's been any discussion or research on the origins of BDSM preference? Could this too be something physically present from birth, perhaps inherited? Thanks!

I am black, female and was raped as a teenager by a sranger. I find it odd that this would be any more taboo than a rape fantasy - I do not think being called a nigger hurt me more than getting raped.

But this is the whole point of FANTASY. We have no idea why we are turned on by the things we are turned on by. People wanting to act out rape fantasies rarely want ACTUALLY be raped/rape someone. I suspect that people wanting to do race play are similarly unlikely to want to purchase/become ACTUAL black slaves.

I think what most of this comes down to is "My kink is OK, your kink is icky". I've always found it interesting how intolerant the kink community is. There's this huge fascade of tolerance for everyone's individuality and preferences, but it turns out that kinksters are just as prejudicial as anyone else. The only difference between the kinky and the non-kinky is the scope of what is acceptable bias.

Hmmm, I am trying to picture "homophobia play" as hot and failing. As a lesbian mom I just find the people who want to destroy my family annoying I have been part of the BDSM scene and know that some people do play with racist or anti-Semitic themes. There is a built-in power imbalance in those historical models -- the slave master or Nazi officer had the power of life and death. While crazy elected representatives have similar power over my family, I cannot imagine making a fetish out of this.

Actually I'm quite surprised that you would think race play is wrong Mistress Matisse. Especially with you knowing that the sub is only roleplaying and fullfilling a fantasy that he or she doesn't do in everyday life. To say you can't mentally do it is one thing but to declare it wrong is another. Wrong in who's eyes? What about the religious community declaring that your acts are wrong and sinful in their eyes? I do respect your work and love watching your scenes but I'm shocked that you would label it as "wrong." Just say you can't do it mentally than to past judgement against it and fearing "The edgiest pervert in town in your face, telling you you've gone too far."