Drunk of the Week

Who Peed the Bed?

Comments

1
We're putting our money on Megin Seling.
2
sean nelson. that guy could never hold his liquor.
3
Charles Mudede, but only because he missed Kelly O's mouth.
4
Grant Brissey coz his last name rimes with pissy. tee hee.
5
That's not urine, it's santorum - and as such may be Dan's mattress...
6
Why doesn't the editorial staff just end this column already?
7
exactly! who cares Kelly? Get on with showing the freaks in action. First the calamari then this. Unless you can add the details of the DOW's demise I am going to bet consider those on the list it has more to do with unresolved parental issues than Old Granddad Scotch.
8
Let's puzzle it out.

I get the feeling Kelly O could drink 99% of the general populace under the table without stumbling. I'm pretty sure Megan doesn't drink, and Graves probably only drinks wine as a result of years in the art world, which wouldn't give her enough volume to make her piss the bed in her sleep.

The picture can't have been taken in Mudede's bedroom, because there aren't any white women. I know it isn't Cienna's place, because I look in her window every night (could you raise the blinds more often plz?). And Savage is too rich to have such a crappy mattress.

Who does that leave? Frizzelle, Lindy West, and Grandy. One would assume it is Grandy's, since he probably drinks an assload of PBR every night in his duties as barfly, er... music guy. But that is is a red herring. He wouldn't parade a picture of his pissy mattress around the office.

Clearly, the mystery bedwetter must be Lindy West. She probably did it unconsciously to be more like Sarah Silverman.
9
Look at those pillowcases! THOSE ARE BOY PILLOWCASES.
10
@9 is absolutely right- those have GOT to be boy pillowcases... STRAIGHT boy pillowcases. So, Frizzelle, Savage, and all women are ruled out. It could be Mudede, except I'd assume he's got purple satin sheets, befitting a self-styled "ladies man". So, that leaves Brissey and Grandy, both of whom we can assume would drink enough PBR to piss the bed. HOWEVER! Only one of them is self-deprecating enough to actually admit to his deed... and so, my number 1 suspect has got to be Grant Brissey.
11
#s 3,6,7. Hey if you don't like Kelly's column, don't fuckin' read it!!! Go get a Christian Science Monitor (or maybe a Mad Magazine - you will probably be able to understand most of it).
12
what if lindy just really likes the color brown? after all, the pillowcases match the bit of the sheet in the corner. i think brissey is probably the right answer, but it could still be lindy. will this DOTW come with an answer? or will we be left to stalk the stranger staffers and see which one has a bed with brown sheets?
13
@8 - that was good puzzling, except you forgot Grant. If those listed are really the ONLY people it could have been, then it must have been him. Maaaaaaybe Christopher. Clearly not Lindy, based on the bed itself and the fact that I'm pretty sure there would have been a tweet or facebook update about it. Not Eric, I'm pretty positive, just because I am.
14
My money is on Grant, Frizelle or Kelly O. I'd have been 100% on Lindy but @13 was right, she'd have posted about it.

So really, who the hell is it? Don't leave us hanging!
15
All of them. At the same time.
16
Pretty sure it was Frizzelle, as the girly man with the boy pillowcases.
17
@8: "Who does that leave? Frizzelle, Lindy West, and Grandy." @14: "My money is on Grant, Frizelle or Kelly O."

One of those is right.
18
it's not dan's bed , no shit stains. not a female bed, no period stains. can't be mudedes, he wears diapers. grants into being peed on by fat black hookers , so my bets on him.
19
GilletteBeck fantasizes more about anal sex with men than I, a self-respecting gay man.
20
I think it's Frizzelle, he strikes me like the bed wetter type.
21
The windows are familiar, therefore Grant.
22
I can't figure out that pattern. It looks like a giant 3/4 circle or a crescent moon. Is that all the same stain? If it is, it implies that the person was definitely awake while peeing, and probably male. That makes Frizzelle and Grandy more likely, and Lindy less so, although of the female staffers, it's possible that Lindy is the most likely to attempt to drunkenly pee the bed in an elaborate shape. (No insult applied--everybody loves an ambitious drunk.)

Or is some of what I'm interpreting as the stain actually either a shadow/previous stain? Staffers-in-the-know, what's the story?
23
@17 Wait, does the fact that your name is the only one on both of those lists mean you did it?
24
@23, stating "one of those is right" implies one is false. By that logic, his name being on both lists clears him.
25
I got my money on Frizzelle
26
I'm pretty sure it was one of the Paid Externs.
27
That looks more like a (badly) cleaned-up murder scene than a bedwetting to me. That was a big fucking stain that someone tried to sop up.
28
From how high up on the bed the center of the mess is, the bed wetter has to be pretty short. Who's short?
29
Totally had to be pissy Brissey.
30
totally grant hands down
31
@28 The wetter could have been sleeping diagonally, upside-down, in the fetal position, or otherwise drunkenly, which makes it harder to use the location of the stain as a clue.
32
hahaha it was TOTALLY Megan Seling!!
33
John McCain works for The Stranger?

that's MAVERICK piss!
34
John McCain works for The Stranger?

that's MAVERICK piss!
35
I'm going with Grant Brissey.

Suspense....killing...me!!!
36
Whoever did it has a HUGE bladder. Jesus.
37
I was about to say the arc indicates a male, except then I saw there's actually a second circular pee stain on the far side of the bed. Meaning there was a spread out of wetness, leaving the darker exterior stains behind.

So now I'm thinking lady. Not that I'd know how lady pee stains spread out in that direction. Because being so drunk you pee the bed is gross and I'd never know about that kind of thing.

No matter what my filthy liar of a husband says.
38
grandy, no doubt about it.
39
Colonel Mustard, with the lead pipe, in the conservatory.
40
@33 & @34: Wouldn't that be Maverick santorum?

41
OMG. I havent done that in quite some time. I once woke up in bed with a chick who had pissed herself. I had to leave to be at work and she was still asleep. I felt bad for her so I left an empty glass on the bed so she would think the glass had spilled and gotten the bed wet. When I came over later to bone her again she had just finished washing and drying the sheets, just in time for a second one night stand.
42
Well, there appears to be an absence of lice and scabies, so that rules out Christopher Frizzelle.
43
Hint: The guilty party is not a section editor at the paper.
44
EDIT: My above post, #41, failed to mention that we were both wasted drunk. Being drunk and pissing the bed is better than being sober and then pissing ones self, no??
45
So its totally cienna mardid or Kelly O
46
Not sure why anyone isn't seeing the obvious: doesn't the photo credit give it away? Who but Kelly is going to have ready access to take a photo of the soiled bed? Also, it's one thing to "out" yourself when you've already got a "party girl" image, but something tells me she's not publishing the crime scenes of her bosses.
47
Combining @17 and @43 leaves:
Frizzelle, Lindy West, Grandy, Grant, Kelly O.
48
Combining @17 and @43 leaves:
Frizzelle, Lindy West, Grandy, Grant, Kelly O.
49
Combining @17 and @43 leaves:
Frizzelle, Grant, Kelly O.
50
One of the boys. We chicks can hold our own a lot better.
51
Because of Frizzelle's enormous whozeewhatsit, the urine stain would be much farther down the mattress if it was him.
52
@49 is correct.
53
@52 + @24 = Grant or Kelly
@9 , and the closeness with which Grant seems to be following/commenting on this thread would indicate a suspicious amount of "caring" about this issue, but I still maintain that no one, no matter how "masking-my-shame-with-pride", is going to CALL Kelly over to take a photo of their piss-soaked mattress. Besides, Kelly could very well have boy-pillows.
54
Frizzelle...
56
It says in the text that this person peed their bed. Those are MAN pillows, so this eliminates Kelly O.

That leaves Frizzle or Brissey, and I know who it was.
57
@53 Hmm, I thought that Frizelle was cared a suspicious amount about this.
58
Only a guy would be proud enough of this to post it on the interwebs...
And if Grant posted this about his OWN bed wetting experience, that's just twisted. I'm voting for Frizzelle.
59
Changing my vote to Frizzelle.
60
From this day forward, I will think of "boy pillows" as a measure of one's masculinity and/or butch-ness
61
It sounds like there was some sort of to-do with a bunch of The Stranger staff so saying that it has to be Kelly just because of the photographic quality doesn't really hold any water...as it were. One of the boys could easily have peed the bed and been drunk enough to brag about it. People in college used to take pictures of other people puking all the time. One of the fraternities on campus actually kept a photo album of it. Also, girls sooooo do some effed up ess when they're drunk, don't try and tell me it HAS to be Frizzelle or Brissey simply because Kelly wouldn't do something like that. We all know she would. That being said, I'm still going with Brissey.
62
Kelly O
63
Passed out sideways on the bed.
64
Okay okay, if you MUST know.... it wasn't Lindy, Savage, Megan, Grant, Cienna, Charles, Jen, Eric, or me.
65
Christopher Frizzelle!!

O those pesky, enormous, whozeewhatsits...
66
mystery solved: christopher frizzelle, the proud owner of seattle's most famous urine-stained bed! let's hope this thing winds up in strangercrombie.
67
Kelly O for sho!
68
Ok, now we know who peed the bed- but which Stranger staff did he pee on?

69
Frizzelle wins a $25 gift certificate to "Bed Bath and Beyond."
70
Hey, Frizzelle, want me to check your prostate?

Hope you were sleeping alone. Peeing the bed can be a deal breaker.

71
GOSH! Much ado about nothing. Just freakin' spray it with Lysol and flip the mattress. SAY...is it for sale?! Ha ha ha...all I know is I am sure Lindy West would never have done such a thing.