Here is the winning poem:
"Hickory dickory dock / I looked up and saw a beer drinking cock / He was drunk as a skunk / He pulled out his junk / And now he must talk to the cops!"
Congrats "lydcat 98101"—you win a very special custom pair of Drunk of the Week underwear! E-mail email@example.com to claim your prize. Everyone else, happy Pride! (And try to keep it in yer pants this weekend—if only around the cops.)