Columns Apr 30, 2009 at 4:00 am

Miss Me Yet?

Comments

1
Anon: you might not believe it, but this just might be the moment of your life that prompts you to make major change. Get out of bed every day, make some breakfast, go through your routine, and in another six months you'll feel better. Trust me. Try to exercise even a little bit every day, even if it's just walking down to the coffee shop to buy a cup of joe.

Also, there will come a moment when you wake up and all this hurts just a tiny bit less than it did the day before. That's when you'll know you've rounded the corner. From then on out, it will continue to hurt a little bit less each day.

Live through this. You'll be glad someday you did.
2
Yikes. Get it together.
3
Wow! College sucks! It gets better...seriously. Just give it a little time. And perhaps you should talk to somebody a little more helpful than your ex.
4
BORING!
5
Gay couple--drama queen.
6
Remember Diabe-tard, its down the street not across the road. And when you do off yourself, do it in a way that doesn't impact innocent bystanders. Just go quick and easy.
7
what's with all the negative, belitteling comments? I liked this I, Anonymous.
8
get some pussy, it will make it all better
9
He left because he was scared of maybe having to listen to this depressing sht everyday. wanted to get out before it was dire
10
Mongo-
And your problem is...what?
11
geez. stop whining. this is the most self-indulgent thing i've ever read. your friend killed himself, and your making it about how hard your life is? shut the fuck up. who are you to belittle someone's problems? some friend you are, someone expresses discontent with their life, and they're suddenly belittling YOUR tragic life? grow up.
12
You might have real problems, but if you're texting depressing messages to your ex, it sounds to me like you're asking for drama. If it's really as bad as you say, you need therapy. If you're just trying to stir things up or dredge for sympathy from someone who you apparently didn't want to dump you, you need to give it up and move on.
13
@Mongo
You need to shut the fuck up, I will literally come to your door and kill you.

@Lmnop
why do you assume "he left", that is some sexist bullshit. also obviously this person wasn't depressed when they were going out can you read?
14
Although the circumstance is fucked, still proud of you for getting this in the paper.
15
getting dumped sucks- no way around it. you just gotta give it time and have faith that things will get better. get laid too, and date other people, that helps.
16
I think it's safe to assume that they left you because you're terrific, and that's why your best friend killed himself too.
17
Boo fucking hoo.

We all have problems and mine are WAY worse than yours....but you don't hear me bitching like this.

Why? Because I'm grown and take life on life's terms.

And I wouldn't whine to my ex...and I most certainly wouldn't whine to a city full of strangers when my ex calls me on my shit.

No wonder you're alone.
18
Buy the ticket, take the ride. But hey, thanks for posting.It's true. There's always someone who's more fucked up than you. So, my life sucks a little less.
19
i totally feel your pain... just keep going... its gonna take alot of time
20
GOLD
21
We all get crapped on. And we all get our hears broken. And yes, sooner or later, we all lose someone we love to death.
And it hurts, it hurts so bad we don't think we can take it. It hurts so bad that we can't imagine that almost everyone has suffered this pain. And it hurts so bad that life starts to fall apart around us because, after all, we are walking around with the emotional equivelent of a compound fracture.
And we try to handle it with dignity. But we don't. We take that shit pile and smear it all over the walls for everyone to see. And we are embarassed, and still in pain. And we don't want to live.

But we do. And we heal. We slowly heal.

Fuck your ex. Don't call him/her, don't text him/her. Just writhe in agony for as long as you have to. It's what you have to do. You have no choice. And life will slowly get better.
22
Life sucks, fuck you, fuck me, blah, blah, blah. Now shut up, stop being a self-pitying retard and get some help if you need it.

@ Lizza
Don't be a snotty bitch.

@ dc
I will come to your door and kill you back for killing Mongo- why do you hate retards so much?

@ CM
Hafnium

@ CM again
Aluminium

@ CM thrice
Palladium? Am I getting closer? I love metal.
23
What's fucking diabetes? Is that an STD? Can I catch it from oral sex or will a condom stop it? Is it dangerous?
24
mongo doesn't have a problem, he made a valid comment. if you are gonna off yourself, don't take anyone else with you or make innocent bystanders witness your final act of cowardice.

YesIdid just say that..so suck it!
25
What if something happens in the next sixth months that is so great you can't even imagine it? would you go through everything before that again then?
26
@ dark helmet lover
Obviously I can take you if I can also take the differently abled. This person is not saying they are going to commit suicide, so even broaching that subject is just adding more for no reason.
27
@ mr. poe
isn't there a dick you have to suck somewhere?
28
Negative, belittling comments are what overcompensating, passive aggressive Seattlites specialize in, moop. As for this I, Anonymous, ... I actually wish I could do something for this person. I have had diabetes since I was a child and dealt with the suicide of someone close. Hang in there, completely anonymous person who probably won't read my comment. Do hang in there.
29
Why is diabetes put ahead of your "best friend" dying? Get those priorities straight at least.
30
At least you got published in The Stranger. Cheer the FUCK up, FUCKER!
31
whatever. this guys ex sounds like so many people these days who cant see past their own fucking nose. whether you think its cool or not people have feelings and its about time , if i may quote bill and ted, that people started being most excellent to eachother. stop being such douche-bags.
32
fuck all you, you dont know the situation your dealing with till you face it head on. plaese dont comment further. THANK YOU
- blaine j darrah.
33
@blaine
That seems like a challenge. Will the slog mob be unleashed? Will fnarf ride in on a lion?
34
also some of these comments are helpful. apparently you put as much time time learning how to spell "please" as reading them though
35
Finally, an I, Anon, to sink ones teeth into. Author! Author!
36
If your ex-dumped you, why are you texting him/her? Grow the fuck up. School is hard. Your ex doesn't love you. You have a chronic illness.

Welcome to life. It's like that for everyone. You have an enormous sense of entitlement. No one deserves anything in life. It is only what you can earn.

You don't deserve your ex's love. You don't deserve an easy time in school. You don't deserve a working pancreas. But you can earn better things in life, by shutting your bitch hole and working hard.
37
Damn, I think I dated that chick 14 years ago. Lets just say it was a one and done.
38
Lets have a pity party!

The only thing you need to change is your shitty attitude.
Oh, and maybe your meds. Definitely change your meds.
39
I cringe when I hear about people being totally pathetic to their ex's. CRINGE. Have some self-respect, realize that he is FAR from the last guy in your life...You are embarrassing yourself and he's certainly not going to come running back to you.

In college I got hung over my ex for months and in the end it only damaged my dignity and a lot of respect that my friends had in me was lost.

Take a step back and really look at your life and problems. Not as bad as you think.
40
pity party ?.. can i come ?.. i'll bring tequila !!! i know a couple of single cuties.. can they come ?
41
When you're depressed over a breakup, DO NOT text your ex. (It's pretty easy to remember.. do not text the ex, it almost rhymes). Always imagine what it's like for them to receive these dramatic, whiny text messages.. they're probably sitting on a couch, having a beer with some friends, and guess what--those text messages are NOT going to help you get that person back. It makes you look more desperate. I know you really desire to express your feelings, and of course to the person who put you through this--but he broke up wtih you, and he DOESN'T care anymore.

'Tis life. Move on, find new friends, new happiness.

42
You people are so petty, mean and callous. The Slog is causing me to start losing hope for humanity, really.

Anon, you are clinically depressed. Please get some help if you are not already. It really, truly does not have to be like this. Here are some resources for low cost therapy in Seattle:

http://www.therapyproject.org/index.php

http://www.antiochsea.edu/community/clin…

http://www.jfsseattle.org/icounsel.html
43
I don't understand this. Anonymous seems to be mad at his/her ex-partner because the ex says that the depressing text that anonymous sent the ex made the ex sad. If anonymous thinks the ex has lost the right to be sad about him/her because they broke up why is anonymous sending the ex text messages anyway? No wonder they broke up. Only an idiot would want to stay with an irrational, clinically depressed, self-pitying, emotional vampire like Anonymous.
44
Reality check: YOU want to break up with ME?! Well, that means that you STILL get all the fucked up shit of my life, but now you don't get to comment on it anymore. AHAHAHAHAH. Take that, fucker. Teach you to break up with me.

Now, I'm gonna go cry.
45
Guys, do the poster a favor and provide a little of this fuckin' thing known as "empathy." Self pity can be frustrating for those around us, but we all do it when we're at a low and venting fuckin' works get it off our chests. Lord knows we all have smelt the ass crack that life can be and needed to vent and have someone help us stand back up again. When you're looking down from your soapbox, you may just spy a past self of yours out there.
46
This deleting comment thing is highly amusing. It kind of reminds me of those LJ posts where somebody posts "Tell me what you really think" but then deletes all responses that say anything negative about them.

This will be deleted as "Off-topic" I imagine.
47
Nobody controls your own happiness but yourself. Nobody.
48
@Christina

You are taking this way out of context, and I don't think anyone calls it "the" slog
49
Hey Anon,
ignore the heartless posters, they're just trolling the internet looking for easy pray. the world is full of innocent kids who've never learned compassion, never really let themselves feel real pain. they're vile monsters, but what can you do?

The first poster's advice is good. everything changes.No excruciating emotional agony stays exactly the same forever. But things can also get worse, if you are reckless. Focus on surviving and recovering, and improving your situation...

I'm sorry you lost your only real friend, and that your ex was flippant, and doesn't get what you're going through. some people live in bubbles compared to others. But people who feel real pain, also get stronger. I always thought that was a cliche, but it's turning out to be less of a cliche than I realised. but you have to focus on getting strong and surviving as your goal. forcing insensitive bystanders to recognise your pain is a waste of energy. Thank you for putting my bad year into perspective. I've been hurting too. but I didn't have a friend die, and I have a job. good luck.
50
you're angry, and you should be, it is not your fault you have diabetes, it is not your fault he did what he did, you have every right to be depressed, but things will get better. it sounds so ridiculous to say you're better for it right now, but seriously it will begin to hurt a little less in time, and when things are going wrong for your friends in the future your empathy will be so much deeper. you will be able to support people, unlike your ex who can't help you now, but there are people out there with the same hurt who can support you. be strong, you will find them.
51
Dear buttheads he's not upset over the break up. obvs. Please improve your analytical skills before you offer your self indulgent opinion.
52
an angry depressive who threatens to kill themselves and accuses their partner of insensitivity? Who would walk away from that?
53
The best thing this person can do is find their support system to grieve properly for their friend. The un-supportive ex might not be the way to go. You can at least try to make friends. None of them will replace the person that committed suicide, but at least, if they really care about you and are good friends (this includes members of your family, as well...never underestimate what your family will do for you), they'll be willing to lend an ear and a shoulder. I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of the death of the love of my life and I can only tell you, it gets better. You'll never get completely over it, but you do start to move on. Hopefully you can learn something from that person that has passed and use it to improve your own life. All you need is to remember the love you have for them and apply it to everyone else. Stop communicating with the ex until you're in a better place in your life.
54
I have learned how complex life is when we enter adulthood. Bad things happen to everyone, but it really is possible to get over them, and to learn something from your hardships. As others have said, time alone has an amazing way of healing pain. But remember to make the changes in your life that you think will bring you happiness. It's all up to you. As someone who is clinically depressed and has taken anti-depressants for a few years, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re living in a world you never agreed to be in. But it doesn’t have to be like that! I am changing my life plan, which is hard. But I am learning how to live deliberately, and I really am a lot happier. Do what you really feel, and don’t be scared. Go to therapy, it will help. Reach out to people. You would be surprised by how many people care about you and think of you often. I just can’t stress enough how important it is to make the changes that will help you through this. No one but you knows what those changes are. In fifteen years you will probably be happier than you can even dream of right now. You will think back on this time in your life and think, “after he died was a miserable time in my life, but thank goodness I got through it. I can’t imagine not living the life I am living now.” Human to human, I love you. Don’t let these negative comments get you down.
55
all I can say is Kali's comments hit the mark. After all, Sweet Kali Saves.
56
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-kay.....I'm shutting up now...
57
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!
58
jesus, this is the best "I Anonymous" you tards could come up with? Some whiny emo-tard who thinks anyone gives a flying ratshit why he/she can't handle the everyday trials of the human condition? This idiot should hurry up and off him/herself and everyone who posts sympathetic comments or helpful advice should join in the suicide party.
59
Moving, compassionate, real. I enjoyed this rant, and I second what the first commenter said: live through this. It will get better.
60
Why are you even giving the person that broke up with you the time of day? You don't want to hear their bitching and complaining, then BREAK ALL CONTACT OFF, and concentrate on getting yourself back to a better place.

Please seek professional help, you're in too deep to do this alone. Please don't give up on yourself. Good luck.
61
because emo-tard is SUCH a real word. you fucking moron.
62
DAMN! No wonder he dumped your ass! Get some therapy, study your courses and get a life!! SHEESH!
63
This might sound flakey at this point, but along the suggestion of getting some excercise I recommend trying a yoga class. I was pretty depressed too but it helped make me feel better physically which in turn made me feel better mentally. Forget all the eastern mysticism mumbo jumbo, its a bunch of bs that gets on my nerves every time the instructor starts pontificating on it. But the stretching and moving really makes you feel better and, your spirit will follow suprisingly quickly. Worked for me and it was very inexpensive. Who knows? Might help with the diabetes too!
64
I lost my spouse of 20 years to kidney disease/diabetes, waiting on the transplant that never came.

Grow up. At least you can still talk to them whether you're together or not. I'd give anything to have my spouse back, even if we were broken up (we weren't), so I could call and talk about how depressed I was. As it is, I get to deal with it all on my own.

I probably have 40 more years to live, and I have very little desire to get involved again. That's OK for me, I enjoy my own company. And I don't gripe about being single, even 2 years after being widowed.

Yeah, poor me...NOT. I'm making the best of a shitty situation. You should try it.
65
Anon: This was said before but bears repeating: Get therapy! Now! Things can get better for you--maybe not rainbows and sunshine, but better as in you'll actually enjoy yourself once in a while. Therapy will get you there if you stick with it.

Angus: I think the yoga suggestion was a good one. Practicing yoga releases endorphins--great for depressed people, and well, everybody.

To all the bitter posters (you know who you are): Life in general tends to work better when you find commonality with other people who are suffering instead of crapping on them. Otherwise you're just trafficking in misdirected anger. Might be anger that you're entitled to feel but throwing it at somebody else tends to make it grow rather than quell it. Adding more misery to the world never helped anybody or anything. Maybe you feel a tinge of evil joy for a moment but once that's gone I guarantee you'll feel like shit again.
66
well said know it all.
67
Damn I am absolutly surprised by the negative feedback. I'm guessing that those people have never felt this way. Depression is a very real thing and the people that haven't at least experienced some depression haven't been open with themselves and explored who they are. You learn an amazing amount about yourself when you go through depression. You learn how to really coup with the shit that is in your life and you learn who your real friends are.
I'm still on the verge of climbing out of a low point in my life. Last summer I felt like my life was coming together for the first time and then it all just fell completely to hell. I did have suicidal thoughts and believe me there was more then once where I thought what the fuck is the point and the world won't miss me if I'm gone, but once life started to get back on track I felt a strength in me that I hadn't felt before. I was hurt but made it though and was stronger because of it. You will feel the same, in time The best advice I could give is don't keep your feelings/thoughts inside. Talk to someone, start a journal or exercise just don't let things fester and even though you might not feel like it don't stay at home all the time. As TV dinner said even if it's just to walk down to a coffee shop and get a drink your out and if you feel like it would help take a semester off of school, you can always go back.

Trust me Life WILL get better and if someone rags on you for being depressed tell them to fuck off.
68
@poopy: emo-tard has now been used 3 times in this comment thread alone. I think that validates it. Also, your inability to criticize any other part of my previous post says to me that you know I'm right but you got butthurt anyway because you were probably listening to Dashboard Confessional while you tried to think of some way to paraphrase Dr. Phil that 57 other assholes in this thread hadn't already hit upon.
69
@ Dirtytime
He is not bitching, his best friend killed himself. Is that enough to entitle him to some moments of "depression"? I guess you may not have any friends yourself, so this type of empathy may be a little of our your grasp.
70
depression is for sissies. life is rough, get a fucking helmet.
71
Thanks for that bomb of negativity!
72
this was a good i, anonymous. haters step off.
73
Jesus, all the negativity! I hope Anon gets some help and stop considering the ex a friend. They aren't. They are X. If they text, call, e-mail, or make any other form of contact "to see how things are with you", be sure you're not around to respond. Get out their and meet people who can give you real support.

Like these folks: http://www.meetup.com/seattle-social-dia…

Or these folks: http://depression.meetup.com/454/

p.s. To the douches who make the negative comments to somebody who's going through some tough shit: FUCK YOU! Seriously, I Anonymous shouldn't off themselves, you should! You people are a waste of oxygen.
74
to the people who say "it gets better" I just want to add the missing part of the sentence. "it gets better, except sometimes it also doesn't and sometimes it gets worse." good luck though. that delusional optimism is potentially dangerous. think about a woman in some war torn country who has just lost a family member. then another, then they get raped and murdered. sometimes it doesn't get better, sometimes it gets worse. sometimes depression does spiral downwards and you get weaker, not stronger, you get more ill,(just saying... i hate bullshit is all. and sometimes that optimistic bullshit can set people up for worse falls, worse grief and disappointment)....
75
Whew. Been there. It does get better, though.
76
Stop fucking whining you fat fucking nerd. Get off WoW and get shit done. Jesus.
77
to everyone who's defending the anon writer: we get it. s/he's sad. s/he got dumped. big fucking deal, people get dumped all the time. the problem is we don't all write and submit self-indulgent whining rants. this angsty motherfucker is making a friend's suicide about how sad s/he is, and guilt tripping an ex for being upset about shit in his life? cut the shit. this bitch doesn't need therapy, s/he needs to get out of his/her own ass. i mean christ. i know plenty of people going through worse shit who aren't whining anywhere near as much as this writer is.

to the anon: i stick to my original advice. grow the fuck up. go out and see people with real problems, get some perspective, and stop sitting around festering in your own bullshit.
78
tottaly a gay couple, a weak gay couple. boo hoo drama queen, get over it and find a new pole to smoke. better yet do us all a favor and kill yourself remember "jump bitch jump!" the bridge is right down the street bitch!
79
PETA you are a bigoted fuck, and there is not even any indication this is a gay couple so you are fucking retarded

changing the the meaning of the peta acronym is the most hackneyed and passe attempt at humor of time
BTW
80
PETA you are a bigoted fuck, and there is not even any indication this is a gay couple so you are fucking retarded

changing the the meaning of the peta acronym is the most hackneyed and passe attempt at humor of all time
BTW
81
changing the the meaning of the peta acronym is the most hackneyed and passe attempt at humor of all time


I don't know, I think quoting Dennis Leary ("Life is a rough. Get a helmet.") fifteen years after the fact might edge it out.
82
1- You need a clean break from the ex. No contact unless and until you can be completely over this person. It might mean no contact ever. You also need some perspective - everybody gets dumped, usually multiple times before marriage (and that's if you're lucky.) You need to remember that all relationships are supposed to be temporary until you're ready to look for a potential spouse or life partner. And you're still in college struggling with grades, so it's no time to be looking for a spouse/life partner anyway.



2- Focus on your schoolwork. This will do 2 things - keep your mind off your ex and improve your grades. Get extra help from your professors if necessary. Plus, once your grades improve you'll have something to feel better about.



3- I agree with other posters that you should get out and meet new people but manage your time well so you have enough time to bring those grades up. Don't jump into anything serious until you have your own crap together, though.



4- Losing someone to suicide does really suck. I don't know what to say except that it's supposed to hurt but will get better in time. Also, most colleges have grief counseling you can get for free.


83
Whoa, lay off bitter seattlites.



Seems like there have been a lot of comments lately on whether the "I, anonymous" columns are "I, anonymous" enough. Why is it that a comment is dumb just because it deals with something that happens to a lot of people?



Plus, the people who write in don't get to dictate that they will get published (all they do is send a few sentences of ranting to an email address)...calling them self-important is pretty unfair: all you "I've suffered so much more" people prove you are at least as interested in exposure of your trials by chronicling them in these comment sections.
84
Life is tough...didn't anyone ever tell you that?!?!? Grow up and deal!
85
Life is tough...didn't anyone ever tell you that?!?!? Grow up and deal!
86
I think Oprah would call this an "AHA" moment.
87
wow HARSH
88
I was on board until the suicidal part. In all, a hilarious rant that rings quite true. So often people wreak havoc on our lives and then when we are sad/recovering want to know why we are sad/recovering and how they can help. Stitching the wound after inflicting it. Grrr.
89
"There is a general notion that if we go through suffering, tribulations and physical pain then our system will be purified. This idea is not founded upon reality"
Sorry I couldn't come up with something original.
90
Yes drama queen!!
91
School is hard, until you drop out and spend a few years (try 12 in my case) doing absolute shit labor for absolute shit wages. Then you sell a kidney on ebay to go back to school and realize that college is fucking HEAVEN. We all get dumped, stomped and shit on-broken hearted. It passes, eventually, and it never hurts that bad again. And as someone who has spent 2 decades with suicide shrapnel wounds let me tell you this: 20 years later, they're still dead. How many decades of your life will you allow their death to traumatize you? Love yourself, love the fact that you're alive, mourn those you've lost (dead and alive) and go out and get your new life. Make goals and tell other people about them - that makes you go after them. Live like you're happy, and eventually you will be again. Don't lose decades to self pity and shock and sorrow. Move on.
92
what a fucking whiner
93
Go cry, emo kid.
94
*ahem*

Again, seriously. You emo drama queen, get a fucking life. Get a grip. Being a bipolar whinestain is not attractive, not appealing, and definitely doesn't look good on you. Change the diaper. Change your emotastic reality. And stop passive-aggressiving your friends and loved ones, ok?

Otherwise, I believe I can speak for many, many people by saying, Go Cry, Emo Kid. And stop ejaculating tears already.
95
Totally get it Anon,

I have been battling several chronic illnesses for 40, (that's right 40, not 4) fucking years. So, when some fuckwad starts whining to me about the terrible cold that he/she had for 1 whole week, I express brief polite sympathy.
However, what I really want to do is run over them, repeatedly, with a very large truck.

Sometimes we all fuck up. Sometimes we just get hit with a lot of bad luck beyond our control. You have every right to be depressed and every right to vent. Keep venting at places like this in cyberspace, in a journal, to whatever psychotherapy type is supposed to be helping you through this etc. It is also o.k. to tell your self-absorbed, empathy free, college acquaintences to shut up and fuck off because you will never have see them again after college. However, don't succumb to permanent bitterness. It will poison your life.

A little trick I use when someone I don't give a shit about tries to unload on me is to say, "Welcome to my world." Ha, ha. That confuses them and they shuffle off to bother someone else.

Good luck to you. Things will get better.
96
I liked the "smelly bar patron" one better. I think we could use a little less whininess and a little more telling-people-that-they-smell-like-a-foot-ness in I Anon.
97
this one has "fattie" written all over it.
98
I haven't read all the comments, and I don't know if this has been suggested, or if you'll find it, but get down to your colleges student representative (whatever they may call him/her) and tell them whats going on. And get proof of it. You should be able to get those low marks taken off your record, or at least amended so you don't flunk out, and you can continue going to college or take a break and come back.

I have no idea how to help with anything else. I wish you good luck.

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