Steven Weissman
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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Uh, no you aren't. You're a jealous, bitter, sagging bag of shit that would ruin a wedding by your reeky stench.
Oh, and as #3 said, nobody is required to buy anything of the registry, ya fuckin genius.
A meaningful gift I like to give when I can't afford the highest items? A nice bottle of champagne for about $35 and a hand-written letter. Open it now or in a year, the thought is the same: It was special to be included in your special day, so thank you.
Yeah because as everyone knows, nobody was rich in "the old days" whenever the hell that was and all 20-year-olds are always poor. But hey, whatever generalizations make you feel cool about yourself, go for it.
But for fuck's sake, don't buy them a gift; instead please go rent a brain. You're scaring me.
Do you troll here just to get your rocks off, you know, judgmentally-speaking???
Please feel free to use the above paragraph in your toast.
I don't blame the poster one bit. She won't even get a thank you note out of it (as determined by that previous idiot without a grateful bone in her body) so why should she provide a gift?
And I know it takes a lot of work and a lot of time and artisans do maybe three or four of them a month, but I'd gag on an $800 cake when there is so much real need in this world. Sorry!
Kind of reminds me of this:
Look at 17 and 18. Keeping score with Chanel lipstick - lipstick that's about $30-40 a tube. Have people no shame?
http://www.marthastewart.com/photogaller…
Anyway, when I got married we didn't give a shit about the gifts, although the ones we received were certainly appreciated.
What we really cared about was the people we loved being there with us to celebrate.
Isn't that the point of inviting people?
IA has a point, that "child weddings" of 18-20 year olds traditionally star broke people, so the older generation showers them with gear they'll need. Those that have made their careers and have one or more fully appointed households do not need this style of gifts at all: time for a new tradition!
That said, I don't mind giving a gift to mid-30s or 40s people getting married at all, if they are my friends. What's the big deal? Especially if I can get drunk at their party. Have a $50 set of coasters or whatever! It's all junk anyway! Knock yourselves out! Just try to be nice to each ther and not raise shitty kids!
also... many couples in their thirties pay for their own weddings. many "poor" twenty-somethings have parents who pay for their weddings.
seriously... don't go. a marriage should be a celebration.
this right here is a bag of shit. you are some fucking nitwit victoria star. you should acknowledge an event such as this, 'congrats!'
attend the wedding if you want to share in the couple's happiness, but if you begrudge these people a gift, do not attend. they do not need your sour puss showing up the pictures.
the registry is not a whole bunch of "i gotta have it". the registry helps those without imagination, or those with limited time and unlimited funds. if you know the couple, you should be fine going off registry. if you don't know the couple, reconsider attending.
But what kind of moron is affronted by the very idea of giving a wedding gift? Registering is really not some shocking, bold move that only a greedy asshole would do. Other celebrations involve gifts; why not weddings?
And here's a big, obvious hint for the OP: wedding (/holiday/birthday/graduation...) gifts aren't customary because people are demanding pricks. They're customary because it's a celebration and gifts are celebratory (The more you know)! And if you can't afford it, it's usually no big deal.
Come back when they actually bitch at you for not buying them a china set. Or, more likely, when you want to obliviously bitch that nobody got you a gift for your wedding.
Anon, stop stressing about it. Go to the wedding and enjoy yourself, enjoy your friends' special day, and give them something within your budget (ignore the registry). If the couple knows you, they probably know you can't afford it, and they won't think less of you.
Send a thoughtful letter saying how much you love the couple and wishing them every happiness. (41 cents until the post office changes it's mind) and all will be well.
Who were extremely generous since they didn't have a wedding and reception to pay for :)
Then again, I also scale gifts with how hard I have to work to get there. Do I need to get a hotel room - that $80 budget just went to $40 to help offset costs....
I got married on Halloween, our invitations said that people could bring a gift or wear a costume, but not both. Everyone in my parent's generation and beyond brought gifts, all of my peers and broke-ass friends wore costumes. It was awesome.
Unfortunately, a lot of people use this rule of thumb as a ploy to get more gifts. They invite people who they know can't come (or they know probably isn't interested in coming) so now that person is obligated to send a gift. It's also a way of getting more shower gifts - invite every extended family member who has two X chromosomes and shares at least 1/50th your DNA, or is married to someone who shares at least 1/50th your DNA, regardless of whether you've ever had more than a five-minute conversation with them or not (probably at some other family member's wedding or shower). Presto! An avalanche of gifts!
It's bullshit. When I get an invite from someone I barely know, I send a card for the wedding or my regrets (ha!) for the shower. If I ever get married, I'm going to do the courthouse thing and send out announcements after the fact that say "no gifts please, but if you feel so compelled you may make a donation to Lambda Legal in support of marriage equality." Even though I could seriously use the loot.
I never buy anyone anything I can't afford and I make sure to drink more at the reception (based on wholesale cost of liquor v. retail of gift) than I spent of the gift. And if I were to get married, I'd be happy to see my guests doing the same.
I got married ten years ago, without registering for gifts. Not everyone who came gave us a gift and that's completely fine. Our friends and family came to celebrate with us, which is what we wanted and what we most remember. If you can't afford a gift, don't buy one. Show up and celebrate. Maybe you could write them a note telling them how happy you are for them. If you want to give a gift, give them a homemade gift certificate good for dinner at your house sometime. If you both garden, tell them you'll be bringing over some plants next spring. If you cook, bring over a cake sometime during the first couple of years that they're married. Give them jam or homemade applesauce or a casserole dish with your favorite recipe attached. Teach them to do something they'd like to learn. Buy tickets for all of you to a local amateur theater production. They'll remember the homemade, personal touch much, much longer than they recall who contributed a blender.
Depending on what you choose--like dinner or a gardening session--the present can give you a chance to spend time together, which is the whole point of friendship. Registries started as a way to make helpful suggestions, but they've devolved into what can feel like a shakedown.
Make a donation in their name to a charity they would plausibly support. They will either get the hint or reveal their true greediness by showing their displeasure. Do you really want these people in your life?
He's an actor, she's a teacher, they are not rich by any means. They live in a tiny NYC apartment, and searched their brains for things to put on it, entirely for the sake of their friends who already wanted to bring gifts.
So, for some of us, that's all a registry is really about.
The blind self-righteous indignation is just GUSHING out yer grouchy lil' asses. Take a pill already. Reading this hooey reminds me of why I ditched your miserable community. Y'all just live to disapprove of everything (esp. when you secretly approve of it). Bleh!
Don't want to buy a present? don't. I couldn't possibly tell you who brought a gift and who didn't to our wedding. I do remember a couple of gifts very specifically (a long-time friend bought my wife a Kitchen-Aid mixer which she loves to this day), but I don't remember much else. It's simply unimportant, but if it makes your whiny ass feel better to bitch and moan about a surrogate problem (the real issue here is that you're single and hate yourself) feel free, but be prepared to get mocked by people like me without such insecurities.
Please just send your regrets that you'll be unable to attend if you're this angry about the prospect of giving a present to people who you, presumably, like and wish well. It's unkind (and bad for your own blood pressure) to be this concerned about what people already own and what you perceive them to need or not need.
BUT, it appears that the couple also put their foot in a bucket:
Registry information should not be included in the invitation. The utterly correct way for the registry information to be shared is by quietly asking the wedding party and a few others to "let people know, if they ask, that we registered at Widgets-N-Stuff."
And the registry is NOT a mandate- it's not obligatory to buy an item on the registry and even if you do, for example, want to make a gift of 12 demitasse cups, you're free to look elsewhere to see if they're available at a better price.
If you can't spend a fortune (or think everything on the registry list is lame and that you fear your friend is becoming a Stepford spouse), then get a cute basket from a crafting store and fill it with tea, cocoa and a pair of mugs or whatever would please them on a cozy "at home" evening... or whatever suits your budget and fancy.
If they then bitch that you did not abide by their shopping list, I suggest that the next gift they need is a book on proper etiquette.
Especially if you're feeling self-righteous--you get a tax deduction and proof that you're a bigger person. Or, that is, you're a bigger person in the logic of self-righteous fury. You've been there and you know it, no matter who you are.
@43 Good call. As for charities to choose...I would go with Lambda Legal or a similar LGBT-rights organization.
They're divorced now. I wonder who got the iron in the split?
A registry is a COURTESY for gift givers so that they don't have to think too hard and won't end up getting the same thing as some other guest. You and another attendee could go in on one of the items on the list. OR you could get all Martha Stewart and come up with some inexpensive but meaningful gift which will--in all likelihood-be even better received than the registry stuff.
Gift giving is not necessarily an exercise in materialism. It's a way of expressing congratulations, celebration and friendship.
Fuck yuppie bridal registries.
BUT...the smart thing to do is play nice and buy them shit, then call in a favor when they start to go splits in a few years and one of them need s best pal to cry all over when 'Rene' turns out to be a frigid bitch or 'Jason' spends as much time watching gay porn as he does writing code for Adobe.
Hell, you may have first shot at the husband - or wife, if you swing that way, you little Breeder-H8ter!
But niceties must be observed, mustn't they? Give a suitable donation in their name to some cause that you know would annoy or embarass at least one of them, and call it a day.
Right, in this time of record unemployment, THAT is what people should be measuring their priorities against.
I'm disabled and living hand to mouth due to that disability, and that comment is also an ablist bunch of jackassery.
FWIW, I give the people I love things I make. Luckily I have some skill with craftery and making stuff out of general crap other people might throw away (like fabric scraps). But not being able to afford to give someone else a $35 bottle of anything that isn't medication doesn't really keep me up at night wondering where I (or my body) went wrong.
For fuck's sake, people, it's a very simple solution to "not wanting to give gifts" that has been posted a thousand times.
Yet everyone's still acting like there's no way out of giving forced gifts once you've lain eyes on a registry list.
What part of "suggestion" don't Seattlites understand?
Have a great day, okay?
I understand not being able to buy a present, but why would you go to a wedding where you didn't care enough about them to want to give them a gift? I know that everyone's love language isn't gifts, but the idea of not wanting to give a present seems completely strange to me.
If anything the registry makes it easier to get a nice gift without the hassle of actually thinking about it.
Anonymous is a cheap twat.
possible engagement party gift
bachlorette party
shower gift
wedding gift
house warming, baby showers, etc
Top it off they've lived together for years? Those who think this is being stingy is the guy who picks up a $35. bottle of wine and isn't responsible for doing the rest of the crap. Its even worse when its wedding #2 or 3...
Thank you Ianon. I am so fucking sick of the nuptual industrial complex.
Except the $80 you spend on each guest? That's really for you too. The whole wedding is about you and your ego; otherwise you could just get married at the courthouse for (almost) free.
Remember, (s)he who dies with the most stuff, still dies. And probably is more miserable while alive.
Anyway, that said, Anonymous probably knows what type of people her friends are, so I'm giving her the benifit of the doubt on this one... of course she could just be having wedding burnout, it sounds like this couple isn't the first of her friends to get married recently.
Alternatively you could donate to a charity in their name. This is a really good suggestion that has been made by several people.
I had friend who recently got married and they added on their cards to out of town friends that us making it was our gift since they know that we are broke. It was really sweet and took the pressure way down.
Established households should NOT expect gifts, and adding a registry to your invitation? Do you KNOW how tacky that is? That's a no-no in every etiquette book I've ever seen.
Absolutely, so many weddings have become gift grabs. Just because you're registered with the state does no mean the world owes you presents from Target that you will inevitably haul back in your fancy hybrid and try and get cash for them. Luckily you can't.
The writer here is fucking right on. It's about damned time that someone became a "whiny-ass bitch" (because they didn't conform, thou wisened Stranger reader) and said the truth about this corporate-invented way to sell more cheap-ass shit that ends up cluttering a hoarder's back room, still in its package.
Everyone in Washington knows that we like our cold, hard cash in little white envelopes as wedding presents or something we can get drunk on or something that will make us cry.
I have been to a ton of weddings and never received a registry ... usually the invites state PLEASE GIVE US MONEY, OH GOD, WE NEED TO PAY FOR THIS STUPID THING or Please give us _____ so we can fix up our ______.
Well... maybe I'll wear some white fur panties. A tiny bit of modesty and white for the bride.
If you must have crystal, flowers, a band and videographer, that's your problem. Do you think that really makes it any more enjoyable for your guests who are supposedly there to share in your joyous event? Hardly. Maybe asking for gifts is rude. Maybe not registering leaves those who WANT to buy gifts in the awkward position of not knowing what the couple would most enjoy. Anon is not an ass for feeling shaken down. But Anon should really just relax and go without the damned gift. Eat and drink as much as you can stand. If the couple even notices, they truly are assholes.