I, Anonymous

Your Cone of Stink

Comments

1
How very boring. This was the best entry for the week? *yawn*
2
I have taken craps that are more entertaining than that. PLOP. There goes one now.
3
You think the stench in Seattle is bad? Check out the suburbs. Those middle American fucks use just about every scented product they can lay their grubby paws on: scented laundry detergent, dryer sheets, shampoo, body soap, hand soap, body lotion, deodorant. The kicker is when they top that off with some cheap shit perfume from Bartell's.

Seattle is packed with granola types who are hyper aware of chemical sensitivities. Just watch out for patchouli.
4
I'm trying to decide where this falls relative the the beeping guy on the delicate fucking flower scale.
5
Okay, the overuse of cologne is understandable, but you REALLY need to get over yourself if you're going to bring scented soaps and shampoos into it. You can't even smell those unless you get up close.
6
......um...yawwwwnnnnnn..

Oh, excuse me! What was the question?
7
I agree the shampoos and soaps while unnecessary and annoying to use on yourself (if there is no alternative) do not compare to the perfume/cologne users. I had a tiny vile of Tommy Hilfiger that came in the maile and lasted me a year. So then I bought some at the store, but it was too much and I couldn't stand it by the second day. I learned the trick is to put on a tiny bit, and then take a hot shower and try to wash it off as much as possible. But by that time I had come to loathe Tommy H so much that I just ended up throwing it away.

But the worst is dryer sheets. Esp if you have to use a laudromat and some cunt thinks he/she is being thoughtful by leaving them behind in the drier. Those chemicals work by deadening your sense of smell, but conversely they stimulate your nervous system. They also repell bugs. Ironic that you might sleep better at night knowing bugs are killes, the toxic fumes from your pillowcase and sheets keep me wired like a meth addict.

My main beef with this is, why is it anonymous? Who is ashamed to shame the perfume people?
8
"My friend Nemo, a pro-perfume heterosexual man"? OMG, I've just come up with my Halloween costume for next fall.
9
You forgot to mention that the entire Westlake train tunnel seems to be under a cloud of AXE Body Spray - does Abercrombie & Fitch/American Eagle Outfitters pump that shit down there or what?
10
Bullshit. Men are far more often the scent offenders, particularly straight men under 30.
11
sniff, sniff...Man, you realllly stink!!
12
My wife and I spent a week hiking through the backcountry of Yosemite a few years ago, and when we reached the Valley, the reek of the day-trippers hiking up to Nevada Falls was appalling. After several days of breathing great 10,000-feet-in-altitude Sierra air, we had to end our trip gagging on the various synthetic aromas emanating from these fucks. Made me wanna grab the nearest skunk and give 'em a good dose of eau de nature. I don't care how bad your BO is, it's gotta be better than all that fake shit.
13
Uh...someone who can smell perfume on money or the scent in someone's scented shampoo from a non-intimate distance, does NOT have a normal sense of smell. That's a hypersensitivity most people don't have. Yeah there are people who use too much perfume, but it's nowhere near 80% of women or 10% of men.
14
Oh and I really do prefer artificial scents to the disgusting body odor of someone who hasn't showered in days or has multiple tooth rot from not going to a dentist.
15
anything to cover up the stink of un washed hippie !
16
I have to draw the line on people applying cologne in public, and on food handlers/preparers whose cologne ends up making my toast taste like their perfume. THAT is gag-worthy.
17
Jesus, Dan, if this is what IA has become please just let it die a dignified death. IA once had such masterpieces as Jack Palace Queen, if whining about perfume is the best that is coming in these days, run a few Best Of's and then let it die.
18
I agree that overly-perfumed/cologned people are scent-offensive. And yes, Axe is particularly disgusting (and long-lasting, it seems).

However, folks who use scented shampoo or soap are a different story. After you've showered, there's not much "public" scent there. Just because YOU don't like scented shampoo or laundry detergent or soap, don't go blaming the rest of us for stinking things up. THOSE kinds of scents aren't oppressive.

It's the people who apply tons of perfume or cologne that generate that horrible smell or the ones who don't use anything at all and need a good shower (or delousing). THOSE are the stinks that trail.
19
I think the worst perfume offenders are men, who seem to think that a gallon of axe body spray is a good replacement for a shower. Yeesh! Trust me, dude, the commercial is lying. Women are going to run screaming, not leap on you. I promise.
20
Yah, that over-perfumed gio es bien gross!!!! Makes me want to hurl... except weirdly, when mixed with the smell of beer at a club, then it is sort of ha-ha-hot.

I think it kills the natural smell that we have, which is a beautiful thing in a well-kempt individual.

Funny story, my husband is much more sensitive to my smell than my looks. Once I got a haircut, which was pretty drastic, which he didn't notice, but when he got a little close he said "Hey, why do you smell different?" b/c of the stuff the stylist sprayed on.
21
I have a good sense of smell, and don't like strong cologne but what a bitch this person is! Hyper sensitive is right, did they just quit smoking or kick some other habit?
22
The only time artificial scents have ever bothered me was when I was in the waiting room for the Oprah show audience. Hundreds of middle-aged ladies doused in hairspray and perfume. Almost fainted at one point it was so overwhelming...

But, doorknobs? Money? That's totally ridiculous...
23
On doorknobs? And money? Did somebody's dog write this?
24
Oh FFS. Your SOAP leaves a stench of 30 feet? Jesus Christ. Get the fuck over yourself. Or realize that you have a very sensitive nose and learn to deal with it. I'm not going to change my soap so your overly sensitive ass doesn't get their damn panties in a wad. Christ... I bet you're a fun date.
25
@ Ianon...

amen!
26
Is this that teacher who had a cow about Charles' daughter's hair care products?
27
Funny story, I got out of having to go to Church as a teenager, because I developed an allergy to perfume. :D
28
Shit, really?

I find the onion/ass body musk so negligently cultivated and aggressively defended by twice-weekly bathing hippies like "anonymous" 10X more offensive than a little too much Axe; which sucks, but at least it doesn't smell like smug assholes.
29
Shit, really?

I find the onion/ass body musk so negligently cultivated and aggressively defended by twice-weekly bathing hippies like "anonymous" 10X more offensive than a little too much Axe; which sucks, but at least it doesn't smell like smug assholes.
30
You Seattleites are something special! Go the fuck outside and enjoy some nature, quit sitting on your computers and bitching about each other, all anonymous because everyone in your tiny bubble of a city are afraid to confront anyone or anything! I lived there for a year, and looking back, you are all a fucking joke! People would walk in mud to get out of my way on the sidewalk, when I just smiled and nodded in my always friendly way. Get off your island, wash your damn hair, and clothes, and contribute to this world, other than bitching about everything! Bunch of pussies!
31
I'm having PTSD flashbacks of parents' visiting day at my suburban private elementary school, where the competition among mothers was apparently to achieve the highest possible personal saturation of expensive fragrance.

At a certain scent radius, I don't care if you're an Ed Hardy douche in Blade or a millionaire trophy wife in No. 5: you are violating my personal space with your fetor.
32
My stepson uses Old Spice Extreme body wash and body spray. The scent from that lasts! Ah, the smell of OS and stale cigarettes!
33
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And, for the record, I'm not a hippy, bathe daily, don't have a particular keen sense of smell, and agree that it extends to soaps and shampoos. Especially shampoos. Herbal Essence smells like shit.
34
@33 It's a good thing people don't force you to smell their hair.
35
Yes! I've had restaurant dinners practically ruined because I can't taste anything but pukey perfume. Yuck.

Hating on shampoo though? I'm team hippie granola no scent stuff, but I'd prefer a slight whiff of shampoo than BO.

Also, my girl friend refers to the Abercrombie lady scent as "baby prostitute". Makes me laugh.
36
Axe has sent me to the ER. I've had to use my inhaler because the lady on the bus was wearing too much perfume. My college roommate's lotion made me triple my asthma maintenance meds.

I have never smelled residual perfume on a dollar bill or doorknob.
37
This I anon hit it right on the head. I've never understood this phenom -- esp when I was working in customer service or an office.

Numbers are exaggerated, yes.

But as long as I've been reading AI, the comments have always -- EVERY SINGLE WEEK -- been full of people complaining about how stupid / boring / fake the confession or complaint is.

Don't you ever feel tired of repeating yourselves?
38
Perfume users: Throw out your alcohol based scents and pick up something with pheromones. You can still smell unnatural, and you won't leave a cloud of poison in your wake.
39
This idiot has "douche bag" written all over him. Probably some hippy asshole who wants to justify his extremely funky body oder by putting down perfume, soap and shampoo. I bet this asshole could use a deodorizer. This is one of the worst IAnons I've ever read. EAT SHIT LOSER!
40
Yes, Axe smells bad. But as a high school teacher, I can assure you that 14-year-old boys smell worse.

And nothing is worse than old lady perfume. I once had a neighbor whose entire apartment reeked of her scent of choice. When she cracked her door, I could smell it two floors away. When she cracked her windows, you could smell it outside on the sidewalk. There was just no way to get rid of it. All of her belongings were saturated in it. It smelled like a funeral. It was just god-awful offensive, and I honestly have a terribly weak sense of smell.
41
When my sister and I still lived at home, she was absolutely paranoid about her scent. She would bathe two or three times a day (not because she had worked out, or gotten sweaty at all), and then use about thirty spritzes of body spray before leaving the house. You could walk in the door a half hour later, and tell she was on a date by the TASTE of the body spray in the air.

I don't advocate poor hygiene- if you smell like BO, you had better be on your way out of the gym! But ladies, men LIKE how we stink. For real! Do him a favor and don't drown your lovely feminine scent with nasty alcohol-laden sprays. You think he cares if you smell like Freesia? Believe me, he doesn't. A tiny spritz on the neck is all you need, no one should know your scent unless you deem them worthy of getting up close and personal. ;-)
42
OK everyone....imagine, if you will:

You're stuck on a bus in traffic; at the last stop a homeless man gets on reeking of urine and alcohol. A man or woman sitting in the front of the bus has way too much scent on...

If you'd rather smell the homeless guy, well, gross. Yes on a spectrum the over-perfumed is just as bad, but they were created FOR A REASON.
43
that would be prostitot , not baby prostitute . as long as your not a patchouli smelling , b.o. infested hippie i don't care . i don't ride the bus , so i don't have that problem either . and yes this is a lame i anon .
44
I gave up perfume-y perfumes a long time ago and went to food scents. My mother works in a hospital and was banned from wearing scent for fear of offending people. I gave her a bottle of Caramel perfume and now when she talks to someone, the first thing they say is, "What are you eating back there? It smells so GOOD!"

Why smell like Chanel No. 5 when you can smell like Angel Food Cake (and it's sugar and calorie-free)?
45
@42, you seem to have confused the purpose of perfume with the purpose of soap.

OF COURSE people would choose to sit next to the lady doused in perfume. But they'll be wishing the entire time that she'd just stuck with soap.
46
"Wah! Why are your polkadots in my sight lines? Stop putting things on your body that I don't like."

You know how I can tell this post is from someone in Seattle? All of the bitching is prefaced by an inaccurate blanket statement about Seattle.

80% of Seattle wears too much perfume? 80% of Seattle is terrified that if their clothes don't smell like yoga and PBR they're vicariously killing baby seals.

80% of Seattle needs to fucking wash their clothes in Surf after one wearing.
47
Your writing is way more obnoxiously up my ass and overapplied than any fragrance. I can just picture you, hovering over your keyboard and reading 'Eau de Raid' over and over again, imagining yourself the cleverest little sniffy in the land. Good writing isn't about lots of florid words, any more than smelling hot is about earnest rubbing with dog balls. Though I do recommend you rub down with dog balls.
48
Totally agree. I don't want to smell someone unless I'm licking them! I have *some* tolerance for a few products like Aveda that kinda smell like a real plant.

On a semi-related tangent, why do so many restaurants insist on supplying perfumed or "anti-bacterial" hand soap in their restrooms that leaves an unrinsable reek on your skin? Thanks, now every bite and sip of my meal tastes like an oil refinery. Guess where I WON'T be eating again!
49
Is that Sex Panther?
50
@45

You know how many soaps have "perfume" as an ingredient...no wait, the list will be easier if I ask for a list of the ones that don't...

Sorry next time I'll be sure to have my quote fingers working for you. But only if you promise to use your finger mustache for me.
51
When did Andy Rooney move to Seattle?