I, Anonymous

Quit Yer Yelping

Comments

1
I do want fries with that!!!
2
Shut the fuck up! You don't get to write in to I, Anon. to complain about people leaving anonymous posts on Yelp.
If people are complaining about your restaurant in such high volume that you feel compelled to tell everyone who uses the site, "Fuck You," there is obviously something really wrong with your place of business.
Pathetic...
3
Dearest IA,

If you are consistently getting bad reviews on Yelp, you might want to project your anger in the correct direction - Inward. One bad review here and there isn't going to fuck your livelihood, as everybody has a bad day. If your livelihood is being fucked, it is likely because your business needs a serious overhaul, be it food, service, or shoes.
4
What 2 & 3 said....
5
I'm kind of with I, Anon on this. In all aspects of life, I see people more content to whine than assert themselves to those they wish would change. Confrontation and constructive criticism are not the norm; passive-aggression is.
6
An anonymous complaint about anonymous complaints.

Meta.
7
Comments made by people who aren't paid to write them are worth just about as much as they were worth to the people publishing them. (I wasn't paid to write that. I know ... that sucks, but waddya gonna do?) And why anyone would think comments would be worth any more to the people reading them, I have no idea. So relax, struggling food service worker. It's just noise. What I do have is 15 minutes and a cup of coffee. I'm on break. I'm not thinking. I'm commenting. So there. Yelp that.
8
One star.
9
My significant other and I use Yelp all the time to find new places to eat. Nine times out of ten, Yelpers are right on the money. Don't hate because you don't get good reviews. Take the hint you're being given and do something with it besides blaming the consumers, who are actually trying to do you a favor.
10
Some us use Yelp when talking to the business has completely failed and now we're reduced to warning people off. If you work for a company getting consistently bad reviews, you can either change jobs or take the feedback to heart and try to address the problems.

Or, you could write a whiny IA. Your choice.
11
"Your asinine, masturbatory online hobby is literally fucking our livelihoods. We bet it's a bundle o' fun to pretend at being real restaurant critics. Sadly, all you're really doing is expressing an inability to communicate directly, verbally, and effectively with your fellow humans. Service slow? Order wrong? Waitperson's shoes too ugly? Would you like these things changed? Probably best to semianonymously post nasty things online that we'll read, like, four days later, right? WRONG, YOU FART-HUFFING IMBECILES. If you come to our restaurants and something goes wrong, and you tell us TO OUR FACES, we'll either fix the problem or give you free shit"

wau, tell us where you work so we can avoid the terrible, antisocial service.
12
Or, you could get it right. Guess what, you're lucky it's just a bad review - good thing you're not a doctor, lawyer, pilot, mechanic, engineer, etc. I hear when they fuck up, people get royally fucked. You fuck up, and you get a bad review on the interwebs. Boo fucking hoo.

If I want to put effort into my meal, I'll cook it myself. If I want to supervise a restaurant, I'll get into the business. Until then, I'll continue to anticipate that a restaurant will provide the products and services I pay for, and when it doesn't, I'll let the world know. Best way to deal with a bad review? How about doing consistently well. Have a lot of bad reviews? Take the hint, you're doing it wrong.
13
I don't trust Yelp reviews because of their advertising/shakedown practices. They call small businesses and try to sell advertising. After repeated calls, if the owner doesn't advertise, suddenly good reviews are gone and negative reviews are all that's left. I use OpenTable, Google reviews and any others I can find. If all sites are revealing the same sort of reviews for a restaurant, I make my decision. But I never read the Yelp reviews.
14
I'm on Yelp on a daily basis and, like everyone has said, the reviews are there for a reason... hint hint, your service/food and or atmosphere sucks, or it doesn't. These people's opinions mean more, and are generally more accurate than a "Real" food critics would be. If you have a 2 or 3 star rating on Yelp, chances are a food critic is going to rate it even lower than that. And... the reviews on Yelp are not anonymous, become a member and private message the SOB that gave you bad rating. Who are you? We don't have a clue!
15
I'm on Yelp on a daily basis, and those reviews are there for a reason. Hint, hint, if you have a 2 or 3 star rating its because your food/service and or atmosphere sucks. If a "Real" food critic were to come to your restaurant I assure you they would give you the same or lower rating, food critics are much tougher. And the reviews on Yelp are not anonymous, become a member and private message the SOB that gave your place a bad rating.
17
Eh, it's understandable. A majority of the Yelp reviews are incredibly mediocre and places are often reviewed only if the person is displeased with something that is more than often trivial. Still it serves its purpose in a very positive way on occasions and helps to bring recognition to struggling businesses that have been overlooked by fashionably un-unique hipsteresque Seattle proto-mooks.

If you can't articulate yourself properly and have a knack of being "misunderstood" stay out of the amateur reviewing business.
18
I understand a business failing if it has a majority of bad reviews. It probably does suck. However, when i read one yelp review about a single fly in one soup ever, it still turns me off, logical or not.

The real problem is people posting yelp reviews about things such as: " I WENT TO COFFEE SHOP AND THEY DIDENT HAVE DONUT AND SPLENDA!? THIS IS A NO COFFEE SHOP ONE STAR. "

Especially since these folks most likely have zero experience in any sort of food service environment, and expect to be waited on like royalty in a casual dining environment. Many reviews are not proportionate to the complaints.

So as a food service worker yelper, yes, fuck yelpers.
19
At the end of the day, people write what they write... but it's the end-user who is reading the reviews who have to take what is said with a grain of salt. If you look at the Yelpers profile, and past reviews, you can generally tell if the review is valid or not.

The reviews to certainly be wary of or ignore in my opinion, not just on Yelp, but OpenTable, Amazon and all other sites are the reviews that don't bring anything to the table, or one or two word/sentence reviews.

I have come to realize that most Yelpers tend to be quite the opposite of "food critics", as they tend to over-rate, versus under-rate restaurants. I read in some article that most restaurant reviews on Yelp.com are 3.5 stars or higher.
20
Yelpers who give my restaurant a lower rating because "the place is small" or "you gave the cab the wrong directions and it drove away before you realized the mistake" or "you didnt like the beer selection at the cocktail bar" can all go Fuck Yourself.

The rest of you yelpers are pretty cool, and mostly hot.
21
An anonymous complaint about people who back their reviews with profile pictures and names...mmmkay...

I Yelp. I give places bad reviews if it's warranted. I also have my name and picture on the site and if you want to confront me about what I wrote...step on up. Let's talk.
22
Requesting that Seattle-ites not being passive aggressive? Good luck storming that castle.
23
Yelp!ers communicate what restaurateurs do not.

Sure, giving one star to a business because it newly opened within four blocks of one's fave restaurant is rotten, but far more likely, a Yelp! review will let prospective diners know if a restaurant no longer honors promotions that the restaurant's stale website advertises. A Yelp! review will tell us that one restaurant's idea of minestrone is celery in tomato broth; that stuffing three people at a table for two when there are other available normal tables is poor service.

One e-mails the restaurant, via the website, to alert the manager/owner of dissatisfaction; the message is not acknowledged. I now check Yelp! as well as the restaurant's website (if it has one) and call the restaurant to see if promotions are being honored.

Restaurants are suffering in this economic climate: cutting back on food AND service quality, then placing retaliatory, fake reviews to counter legitimate complaints is not a recommended strategy for staying in business.
24
the worst thing about yelpers is that they don't take into consideration how much of an asshole they might be. some people that haven't worked in the industry (and even some that have) don't have any idea how difficult they can be, how ridiculous their requests are, and how downright fucking annoying they are. a lot of them don't realize that the busier the place, the longer ticket times can get and service can be a bit slower. if you have a problem with your food/drink or service... THEN FUCKING SAY SOMETHING. if you're not into basil and you order something with pesto and you hate it, it's your own fault and it's not your thing, so don't rate the place 2 stars. if your burger is "not the medium you like" because it's not pink enough, it's not the kitchen's fault they can't read your fucking mind. if your server's a dick for no reason, then talk to a manager or don't tip and never come back. nothing can be done to turn your experience around if you just go home and bitch on your computer.
25
I've been a cook at 6 different restaurants spanning over 8 years and have written reviews on Yelp so I think it's unfair to say Yelpers have zero restaurant experience. The most apt reviews seem to lean heavily to those who were in the business as they have a sense of empathy for the profession.

I never wrote a review for a struggling restaurant when I was displeased with any aspects of it as I know a lot of people on Yelp read my reviews and wrote similar reviews in a weird lemming-like fashion and sometimes a flood of negativity actually managed to drive businesses out of business. I'd just talk to the proprietor and provide constructive criticism. Usually they are so surprised that someone bothered to speak to them in a civil way that they are happy and receptive. Not always but usually.

Still, Yelpers are often lockstep in some sort of a highschoolish need to please their peers and rate things the exact same way. Not all of them, but Yelp is not just a review site, it's a community and there is quite a bit of pressure to follow a protocol in your average community. The thing that makes it rough is that the Yelp administrator can often be capricious and dictatorial on the overall standards. Often it's purely driven by the businesses that they are funded by. But, we live in an economy driven by business so it's somewhat understandable.
26
the reason industry kids are bitching is because they are losing their jobs over someone whos too pussy to just talk to a manager. an internet bitch sight is making them have a shitty life. its kinda of like the boss whos ask about not having enough flair.
27
That is a lot of anger for a person who obviously stinks at his/her job.
28
I know you mean well timtech, but your comment seems ironically more angry.
29
Life ain't fair. Deal with it.
30
Quitcherbitchin'.
31
Everyone quit using "literally" to mean its opposite.
32
The problem is, if we complain to your face you might just give us free shit.
33
Who is still so naive to think that a website on the internet based on anonymous opinions from the general public will provide an honest description of an experience with a business? The internet is 85% trolling lies based off people's inability to deal with their shit lives (teh remaining 15% - porno), not an actual reflection on reality.
34
There's a lot of downright useless reviews on Yelp along the lines of "This Mexican restaurant gets one star because they only serve mexican food and I really prefer Italian."
35
#22 FTW
36
More than anything else, I like response number 33 the best. Break it down - "Who is still so naive to think that a website on the internet based on anonymous opinions from the general public will provide an honest description of an experience with a business?" - Step one, Yelpers aren't anonymous at all. In fact, many shout from the rooftops what they're representing and they use real names and real pictures to represent themselves. So... way to go on that one. Step two, and I'll do this one in your language - if you're looking for who is that naive, examine the F*CKING world economy. Oh, that probably doesn't count since your drunken, sycophantic rant spills from a mind shoved so far up your own ass, the smell you're associating with yelpers is actually emanating from your corroded liver.
"The internet is 85% trolling lies based off people's inability to deal with their shit lives (teh remaining 15% - porno), not an actual reflection on reality." - If you suffer from down syndrome, then I apologize in hindsight, but only an individual who is truly and clinically retarded thinks that the internet, the basis for 95% of business, the source of information and technology that spread across the entire planet... the source that allowed you to just shit a braincell onto the forums at the Stranger... is "not an actual reflection of reality." I'll respond to that as a nerdy internet user. Lollerskates. Go fuck yourself... and to the staff member of the Stranger who chose this to be featured. This has nothing to do with Yelp - you are promoting the degradation of our city. Do a better job. Hahahaha he said fuck and fart... grow the fuck up.

Do you see what I did there?
37
Dear Anonymous
I notice you used 'we' and 'our' a lot in your post. Who is 'we'? You and the mouse in your pocket? Did you have someone to help you write your pathetic little rant? Be accountable. People don't write bad reviews just because. Address them and not the general public.
kthxbai
38
in general I use Yelp to find a specific type of restaurant or a service company I won't be using frequently.

Usually I read through reviews to see why people are downrating a place (like the review of a dentist that was clearly a review of the person who had owned the practice previously, not the current one), but I will admit if I see a business that has a very large volume of very negative reviews I give it a wide berth. One ignorant rant I will ignore, the ten most recent posts being "bad service, bad attitude, dirty bathrooms" should make you think twice too.
39
WHOA! Umm... how in any way does telling someone "F U" solve a problem or leave any description of the situation?

Guess what! I review on Yelp regularly. I have over 20 years of restaurant/hospitality work experience - everything from fast local cafe to university barista(at lunch)to pizza to 5 star restaurants and festival serving, cooking and fun! bartending!

I review based on food quality, service, food handling, courtesy, cleanliness, accuracy, product knowledge, friendliness and problem-solving.

Anyone who writes as this article is wrritten is angry and afraid or too mad to look at his/ her own management or service.

Disappearing servers, growling servers, dirty bathrooms, yelling servers, food quality all can be improved. Personal angry problems are a bit more difficut to improve.. suck it up.. go to church/meditation/ yoga/ tai chi.. whatever and get a good look at a reflection of what you are projecting. Only you, the writer, restaurant employee can change.
40
WHOA! What kind of problem solving is this?

I Yelp a lot. I hav eover 1300 reviews- over 1000 are in food/hospitality/travel/ services.
I have over 20 years experienc ein food service from fast food to barista to 5 star hotel- all aspects.

When I review your restaurant I look at everything I have been trained to provide.

This anger thing.. telling people to FOff is a personal problem. You can correct bad food, tasteless food, dirty bathrooms, dirty tables, fire mean servers.. bu tyou and only you can look at that reflection in the mirror and make a personal attitude adjustment. I suggest hot yoga.
41
hot yoga cures sex (or lack of sex) blues too! -- maybe that's why this writer hates all of those yelpers (are they getting laid during your slump?). @40, how'd you get your last name?
42
LESSER SEATTLE now more than ever. put your toys away and act as if you're capable of BEING in public.
43
Do you really want customers who are stupid enough to believe that your restaurant sucks just because someone didn't like a waitperson's shoes?
I find it hard to believe that something like that would really hurt business that badly.
I don't know about everybody else, but I often go to restaurants despite (or sometimes BECAUSE) of bad reviews, especially when they are being handed out for ridiculous reasons like there's not enough parking or especially in the case of a steakhouse that didn't have any vegetarian options (thank bob).

However, if the service sucks (slow and the order is wrong?) people deserve to know that beforee they go there. I'll still try you out, but if it proves to be true, I'll say that in my review as well. If it turns out to be a dirty lie, I tend to write things like "I don't know what the rest of these crackheads are talking about, the service was great, even though the place was packed and I wanted a completely customized vegan meal that wasn't on the menu".

Not everyone who writes reviews is an asshole. Some of us ARE assholes, but are really, truly just trying to give an honest depiction of our experience.
44
Yelp sucks. The reviewers are usually wrong. They all bashed Toulouse Petit, one of the most successful and delicious restaurants in Seattle, when it opened. Yelpers are a bunch of whiners that can't write, and don't know good food if it lands in their open mouths. As a yelper,I know my people.
45
A friend of mine had a cafe in Northern California. At her opening, she was wildly popular. She worked very hard to be customer service friendly, and had a small dedicated customer base that was getting the word out and helping her build her business. These customers dutifully Yelped and gave her good, honest reviews, and she was happy to hear honest criticism and make amends if something was wrong.

A few months after her opening, she suddenly had a series of truly negative reviews all posted within days of each other. Several reviewers said they didn't even walk in the door, but thought the food looked horrible - and they should know because they "knew food" (no details given, no depth to their Yelp history). One reviewer had nothing to say about her food, they just said that they didn't like the chairs and color scheme. One reviewer said that - despite the clear labels on her bakery case - that they didn't realize that the fruit-filled croissant was actually fruit filled because it had chocolate drizzled on top. (How they ordered it without specifying the filling, I have no freaking idea.)

After this spate of bad reviews, her 50+ good reviews disappeared (a la normal Yelp practice - and many were reviewers with a solid base of reviews). The handful of bad ones stayed and dropped her overall rating to 1 star from the 4 star rating she'd accrued. Yelp was completely unwilling to help.

The walk-ins she had been getting completely disappeared. It really hurt her business (her subsequent douche of a landlord who inexplicably tripled the rent on all his tenants in a recession, forcing them all to break their leases killed it).

So yeah, I feel this IA's pain. Yelp can be helpful, but it can be manipulated.
46
if you're not in the industry then you really don't know how destructive yelp can be to not only your business but your mental health. just because a restaurant or a meal wasn't up to snuff to someones opinion doesn't give them the right to rip the business apart. if it wasn't for them, then it's plain and simple. "it just wasn't for me." the vast majority of yelp users don't know how to use the site properly and consider it only to be a site for venting about their HORRIBLE, UNTHINKABLE experience. if you aren't in the industry and you THINK for a second you understand the bullshit and mental ruin that comes along with shitty yelp reviews then indeed, fuck off.
47
I'm SO with this IA. Sure, sometimes restaurants do fuck up and people should hear about it. But you can't please everyone (especially an amateur eater-out who has little-to-no idea on how to behave in a restaurant). It's one thing if you have a bad experience somewhere, you communicate it to the establishment, and then later feel the need to give Yelp a head's up. Fair game.

What is fucking ridiculous is when you see someone Yelping on their iphone who refuses to responsibly articulate to the establishment what needs of theirs haven't been met, but who are completely capable of whining their asses away on a website.

Now, you might say that this is what I'm doing. The difference is - that Yelper would get commended for expressing their opinion directly and openly to their server/chef/restaurant manager. If anyone working in that restaurant were to tell a customer to their face that their requests were totally and completely unrealistic (or just a plain, "FUCK YOU") not only would a huge scene be caused and that person would lose their job, that would also just be 100% disrespectful.

Thus, we have outlets like IA and blogs to vent about things like this. I say, if you haven't had this experience directly - shut your goddamn mouth and let this person stand on their soapbox.
48
I'm SO with this IA. Sure, sometimes restaurants do fuck up and people should hear about it. But you can't please everyone (especially an amateur eater-out who has little-to-no idea on how to behave in a restaurant). It's one thing if you have a bad experience somewhere, you communicate it to the establishment, and then later feel the need to give Yelp a head's up. Fair game.

What is fucking ridiculous is when you see someone Yelping on their iphone who refuses to responsibly articulate to the establishment what needs of theirs haven't been met, but who are completely capable of whining their asses away on a website.

Now, you might say that this is what I'm doing. The difference is - that Yelper would get commended for expressing their opinion directly and openly to their server/chef/restaurant manager. If anyone working in that restaurant were to tell a customer to their face that their requests were totally and completely unrealistic (or just a plain, "FUCK YOU") not only would a huge scene be caused and that person would lose their job, that would also just be 100% disrespectful.

Thus, we have outlets like IA and blogs to vent about things like this. I say, if you haven't had this experience directly - shut your goddamn mouth and let this person stand on their soapbox.
49
Of all of the reviews posted to Yelp most are actually positive. It appears that people seem to really focus on the negative. Someone pointed out that Toulouse Petit was hated by Yelp. Umm... when? They have a high rating and they've been reviewed by HUNDREDS of people. Get your facts straight. Since when is a solid 4 star rating spanning across 559 reviews BAD? That's fucking excellent.

And with regards to people thinking they're experts... who ever said that? The purpose of Yelp is to spread word of mouth faster. If your business sucks, people already know that. Yelp is just a way to tell 500 people instead of just 5. But if you had crappy service it's not like if Yelp didn't exist people wouldn't still know about it. And again... more reviews are positive. Look at the active members, look at the profiles of the people who are on Yelp more than once every 3 months. If someone has frequented the site and contributed 10+ reviews, they are more than likely writing about their favorite places. The shill reviews come from people who are whining, the quality reviews come from active contributors. Learn how to read the site and navigate between the bullshit. It takes no more than 5 mins of your time to do so.

I find that the people that piss and bitch the most are the people who are the ones being called out in the reviews. They focus on the negative stuff because it's about them.
50
No one likes being criticized. Think back to bad bosses and school. It's hurtful when done without tact. The cyberworld makes it so easy to be awful with limited liability. Seattle folks are quite a bit anti-social and passive aggressive, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

I've noticed on Yelp the reaction to this thread is overwhelmingly defensive. Again, this is understandable because most people avoid being criticized because it's uncomfortable. But this is a case of the shoe suddenly forced on the other foot. Both sides being tactful and more articulate will cure the circle of angst. If you can't articulate well and resort to childish acting out, it's best that you either refine your communication skills or abstain from posting on public/private sites. Unless you revel in being the instigator of sh*t storms.
51
Yelp is worthless. I stopped using it after reading too many worthless reviews from 14-year-olds and other types that fancy themselves literate.
52
I second what everyone's said about the anger and the misuse of the word "literally" - if there's a way to literally fuck a business, I don't want to know about it. Guess that's part of that other "15%" of the internet!

Sounds like the real problem is Yelp manipulating reviews. Everything else can be solved by users actually reading the negative reviews (and for that matter, the positive ones too) and by restauranteurs actually responding to negative reviews.

Any business owner can respond publicly on Yelp to any review, and I've seen many of them in all fields respond to negative reviews with great customer service, and often turn the reviews around and get more stars again. (I've also seen a couple of really defensive, nasty responses that made the business look much worse than the reviewer was even saying.)

When I read a review on Yelp, just as when I read any kind of review anywhere, I pay attention to WHY the reviewer felt the way they did. Got a bad dish and didn't send it back? Were treated rudely and never said a word to the management? Got all-wrong food and didn't mention it to the waitstaff? Then screw that review. If you're not willing to give the business an opportunity to fix it, I have to take what you said with a bucket of salt.

But there are many, many negative reviews for many restaurants in which the customer complained and was treated worse, sent the food back and was charged for it anyway, and so on.

I guess what really bothers me about this I, Anonymous is the unspoken assumption that people who read Yelp are all idiots who just accept every word of it at face level.
53
I second what everyone's said about the anger and the misuse of the word "literally" - if there's a way to literally fuck a business, I don't want to know about it. Guess that's part of that other "15%" of the internet!

Sounds like the real problem is Yelp manipulating reviews. Everything else can be solved by users actually reading the negative reviews (and for that matter, the positive ones too) and by restauranteurs actually responding to negative reviews.

Any business owner can respond publicly on Yelp to any review, and I've seen many of them in all fields respond to negative reviews with great customer service, and often turn the reviews around and get more stars again. (I've also seen a couple of really defensive, nasty responses that made the business look much worse than the reviewer was even saying.)

When I read a review on Yelp, just as when I read any kind of review anywhere, I pay attention to WHY the reviewer felt the way they did. Got a bad dish and didn't send it back? Were treated rudely and never said a word to the management? Got all-wrong food and didn't mention it to the waitstaff? Then screw that review. If you're not willing to give the business an opportunity to fix it, I have to take what you said with a bucket of salt.

But there are many, many negative reviews for many restaurants in which the customer complained and was treated worse, sent the food back and was charged for it anyway, and so on.

I guess what really bothers me about this I, Anonymous is the unspoken assumption that people who read Yelp are all idiots who just accept every word of it at face level.
54
Oh and it's even harder to take criticism if your livelihood and the livelihood of your employees and family are at stake. Hmm, maybe I should just flat out avoid reviewing.
55
Yelp is word of mouth amplified. If you think Yelp will make or break a business you're wrong. If your business sucks people are already talking about it offline. Just because there's a forum where people could share it faster/farther doesn't mean they're to blame for your poor customer service, crappy output.

Take 5 mins to look at the site and look at profiles, not reviews. Negative, shill, and unfair reviews are written by people who don't frequent the site. Compare the profile of an active contributor to that of someone who just had a bad day and signed up for an account to write one review and never come back. There's a HUGE difference. Millions of people use Yelp to make decisions about where to spend money and if you're a frequenter of the site then you know to ignore reviews written by people who are just on the site to bitch and moan, which by the way is a very small percentage of people on Yelp to begin with.

The people most offended by negative Yelp reviews are the people who know the least about the site. Sadly, it takes all of 5 mins to educate yourself and browse beyond the reviews that are about you or your business. Are there complainers? Yes. But they're few and far between. Everyone's always so bent out of shape about one negative review when their business overall has fantastic reviews.

Someone mentioned Toulouse Petit. Let's re-visit that joke of a comment, shall we? Toulouse has 559 reviews and an overall rating of 4 stars. Who says yelpers hated Toulouse? Looks to me like they fucking LOVE Toulouse. Why aren't people focusing on the valuable information? For any business listing with 100+ reviews, it's no longer necessary to read ALL of the reviews to make a decision about whether the business is great or not. You look at the graph to the right (rating distribution) and you can clearly see that even if a place as great as Toulouse has some bad reviews, 90% of the people walk away totally happy with their experience. That's enough for me. I don't need to read anything to figure that out unless I skim for some suggestions of what to order. People focus way too much on minor details and don't look at the big picture.

And who says yelpers think they're food critics? I use Yelp because I'm an average person with an average palette. I don't care what food critics say, I care what real people say. It's a community of friends and neighbors and I want to know what they like because they're not being paid to write reviews, they do it to be informative and helpful.
56
Some Yelpers=Really Smart. Some Yelpers=Total Idiots. Most Yelpers=Somewhere In Between. Yelp's Business Practices=Totally Fucked Up. See #13 & #45.
57
First let's start with Yelp who arbitarally pulls reviews (good and bad), but they also try to sell a service to restaurants that allows them to decide what reviews will stay on the site and which ones will be deleted. In addition to this they also allow the restaurants owner (manager) to put the reviews in whatever order they choose. All so that Yelp gets paid and you the yelp reader don't actually gt to see what everyone says just those who Yelp or the owner deem to be credible.

Now on to the passive-aggressive assholes you inhabit this city, if you have a problem or don't like something just say it to our faces insteaded of sitting their planning on how to phrase your complaint. Say something so we can fix the issue and don't have to read about it tomorrow when we get an email from Yelp about how much you didn't like something.

Finally if you are a dick to someone expect it back at you. We are servers and Bartenders not mind readers. The next time you complain about service go get an application at a chain restaurant and enjoy listening to people complain about things that are far beyond your realm of control and multiply that by 4 or 5 (the number of tables in your section)

Fuck yourselves yelpers!!!
58
I can understand someone in the restaurant industry posting an 'I Anonymous' in response, as they can get reprimanded at their place of business should they be linked to derogatory statemtents concerning bitchy customers. I've lived in Seattle for over 5 years, and I most definitely concur with this statement. The restaraunteurs have a viable interest in staying anonymous. You whiny bitchy douchebags who sit and eat with a smile and a thank you and then turn around and post hurtful and (i'm assuming most of the time) inflammatory comments about your less than perfect experience should really try working in the service industry for a while. That'll teach you some humility.
59
yes to 45(that is a sad concern), 50, 52.

To 55, I recall the beginning of Toulouse's reviews. Things apparently did not go well when it opened. The owner responded in an angry fashion to many not great initial reviews.

Interesting and good to see it has turned around. Maybe I shall try it soon.
61
FIRST, fuck yelp. It's a faulty set up and isn't trust worthy. Never use it.

SECOND, get some fucking priorities people. When it comes to any problem resolution, be it a noisy neighbor, an under cooked meal, whatever... Speak directly to whom you have the problem. Be an adult! If it doesn't work, and you just have to cry your little heart out, go yammer or whatever it is.

Lazy pussies.
62
this might be the best IA yet. I totally agree.
63
LOL @ 36 thinking the internets is srs bzns. The whole thing could shut down tomorrow and the only difference would be that people would start looking each other in the eyes when they speak again. Post 60 sums up the internet perfectly.
64
Thanks to poopstain for all your rational posts, and #34 as well. As a server in two of Seattle's finer restaurants (both generally well reviewed on Yelp, and with positive mentions of me by name in at least one) I am still with IA for one simple reason. As a server, I can see a negative Yelper at 10 paces, but because I am a server (and a good one) I can't call them on their bullshit, then or later. Like one of the posters said, going ballistic on Yelp only makes it worse. Most of my guests are great, but after 15 years of holding the negative in, sometimes you need an anonymous outlet.

Some examples--the precious faux foodie who asked me what the most and least interesting pastas on the menu were. I told him, he ordered the least interesting, then flagged me down and asked me inform the chef that this dish was "pedestrian and uninspired". It's the one we keep for the kids and the grandmas who aren't adventurous. Sure enough, the quoted phrase showed up later on Yelp.

The guy who wanted a cheap glass of red--something big and full bodied, declined my suggestions of something from WA, and ordered the cheapest glass of Italian red we had. Told him it was thin, pretty acidic, and tart. Ordered it anyway, drank more than half of it, and the told that he wasn't "really in love with this wine." Posted on Yelp that we didn't comp it. No, we didn't. If you hate my recommendation, I'll happily replace it. Want to experiment on your own, don't expect the house to offer free glass pours just because.

I like to think that most Yelpers are smart enough (hi Cathy Smart One) to see through these people, and yes, as a waiter, I try to focus on all he nice people, good reviews etc. but sometimes, after reading a review from someone who took you away from appreciative, well tipping guests, to deal with their often irrational expectations (and yes I have gotten complaints that the 5 non seafood items in my SEAFOOD restaurant don't present enough options) so that they can be rude to me, complain to a manager, and then Yelp about it later, is enough to make a person scream. The best outcomes for me have been when the guests at the adjacent table tell me how awful they were, or in one memorable case, marched up to the hostess stand to tell the manager on duty that they had overheard the entire dinner exchange, and that the manager should make them pay for their meal, and then blacklist the whiny asshats forever from our restaurant. God bless 'em!
65
Yelp is a fucking racket, and the self-absorbed asswipes who think their opinion is worth reading need to find a better way to assure themselves that their existence has meaning.
66
Yelp should automatically delete all comments that have the phrase "it was my [friend's] birthday and..." or "I know this place just opened this week..." in them.

It would solve about 90% of the issues they have.
67
Whatever happened to generally being appreciative to the people who wait on us? Is it because we have to tip them that we feel we can be so cruel? So your meal didn't come out perfect- do you always do your job perfectly?
68
Dude, congratulations on writing the most whiny fucked up piece of 'want to be intelligent' literature I have read. Ever. Period.

If you're not happy in the service industry, here's a thought, GET THE FUCK OUT OF IT. How dare you blame your shortcomings on the fact that a user based website exists that provides a realistic idea of what to expect at said restaurant.

Fuck the professional food critics..... Here's how it works bud. The entire restaurant is aware that a 'real critic' is coming.... Everyone (staff) prepares accordingly, blows a shit load of sunshine up said professional critics ass, free food, free drinks, ( even free blowjobs if necessary); and then the following morning the same staff members sit around in some sort of circle jerk/daisy chain ritual and read the 'glowing' reviews.

FUCK THAT.

The shit I want to know about your food, you service, etc, I will gladly take from Yelp. Those are the reviews that matter, those are your real customers. I want to know how the food was for them, how the service was for them, how the experience was for them.

I could give two flying fucks what the 'real critics' have to say.

Fucktards like you are the problem with the service industry. Your sense of entitlement and your equal denial of reality is pathetic.

Tipping is another area I take huge issue with...
When you start serving me... you are worth......WHATEVER MEAGRE WAGE YOUR BOSS PAYS YOU.

Automatic 10%??? 15% minimum??? Hahaha, fuck no man. You start at 0%...you want more???? Earn it.

When I go into a restaurant

69

Cont...

I expect you to wow me to the point that I want to tip you, rave to my friends about the place, and then come back again.

Period. End.
70
Yelpers are insufferable, self-absorbed, self-righteous twats. You can tell the type by reading their narcissistic "reviews" that frequently read like junior-high level creative writing assignments, pathetic in their attempts at criticism or humor and navel-gazing in their attitude.

I have had the misfortune of knowing a few people in whom I recognized certain annoying personality redundancies, and when I found out they were yelp "power users" something clicked and it made sense.

The idea of yelp isn't necessarily evil, but it seems that the people who gravitate to it are really, really insufferable human beings.
71
Hey, 13: That's a serious accusation you make. Care to back it up with some evidence?
72
Um yeah. People who comment on the Stranger website are also the people who comment on Yelp. Internet-obsessed losers with poor social skills and an inflated feeling of self-importance. Me included. But at least I can own up to it. Yelp is stupid because the people who post on it are stupid.
73
I love reading one-star reviews. I've spent many hours reading hundreds of such reviews on Yelp! and despite the occasional idiot (as lampooned in this thread) and the more common "bone to pick" A good deal of them have something to say that is worth reading. Business owners and service sector workers be aware that your "fuck that guy, he's not our type of customer anyway" will no longer fly. It's a brave new world.
74
Realize that when you're seeking the reviews of potentially everyone in the world you're going to get a mix of honest opinions, fanboys, divas, hatchet jobs and psychos. Fortunately after a lot of reviews, the majority are honest opinions and tend to water down the crazy ones.

Point is, there will always be a crazy critic who tosses out an inane review on Yelp. But I think you'll find that after sifting through a number of reviews and ignoring the crazies, Yelp is reasonably helpful.
75
This hypocritical rant (really, who comes off looking more like a "bratty fucking child" at the end of this?) would be more compelling if the penultimate sentence included what we all know are the other very real possibilities, i.e., "we'll spit in your food," "we'll continue to give you bad service," etc. For the record, I understand that this is directed at only SOME Yelpers. However, it fails to acknowledge that many Yelpers (1) write a majority of GOOD reviews in order to REWARD companies and restaurants we appreciate (and, rather than being anonymous, are often recognized without prompting when returning to restaurants they've reviewed well) (2) write negative reviews very judiciously, almost always either as a last resort after unacceptable responses by the company to the first step of direct action or as a first resort when the offenses are so egregious and obviously systemic within the company/restaurant the direct action would clearly be pointless, and, when doing so, largely write detailed and well-reasoned (if emphatic), negative reviews so as to let the reader make his or her own decision. One look at Yelp forums would let any idiot in on the secret that Yelp review readers aren't idiots and can understand vitriol for what it is and take such a review with a grain of salt. Hey, Proprietors of Sub-Par Restaurants Who Don't Respond to Direct Criticism Yet Don't Want to Be Called Out in Public Fora, FUCK YOU. How about you stop being such a whiny baby, trust the kind of intelligent clientele you want to see through irrational negative reviews, take valid criticism like a grown up, and step up your restaurant's game so as to be competitive? Word of mouth is word of mouth and the modern world is a glut of choices, so I'm sorry no one told you that when you want my money, the onus is on YOU to get it right the first time, not ME to give you a second chance, much less coach you through it. In a world where the consumer has been disempowered in just about every arena, if you don't like the evolution of a technological water cooler, suck it the eff up or go into another line of business.
76
Helllo, Princess! Way to go.

For everyone.. I get FB PM's from Patrick McGuire's " I'm Your Server, Not Your Servant". It is an interesting read. The topics can make you mad.. not only does he include outrageous customers.. but current issues in hospitality.. illegal workers, food critics dissing establishments, the NY restaurant scene..

Re the Yelp thread in Seattle about this article.. a few excellent comments.. and then the usual fol-de-rol.
77
I don't understand why people continue to post to IA. It's all just an opportunity for the commenters to dump on some random person. Every week, the same damn thing: 60-70 people bitch their colons empty after a paragraph or two. Moral high-ground achieved & a stink down your back! Good job, IA commenters.
78
heaven forbid you quit being an incompetent asshole and take pride in what you do
79
the people that review on yelp are insatiable. They roll in like royalty, expect you to kiss their asses, act like children, tip jack shit, and go home and write a shitty review of their server.
At #3, there is no pleasing the unpleasable, and these people are the most unpleasant people on the face of the planet.
I applaud whoever wrote this review. Not to mention that yelp is extremely unreliable. I have worked in restaurants that have encouraged their employees to give rival restaurants bad reviews. No shit.
Fuck. yelp.
80
That Yelp operates as a social network first, and as an aggregator of information and advice second, explains why it attracts the exasperating personality type described by @70.

Yelp users' egos are incapable of entertaining the possibility that their every fleeting thought may not be valuable. No matter how ill-informed, it must be expressed!

On a site that positions each and every establishment as a competitor to each and every other, mass-expressed ignorance is more than just a minor irritation.

No Ethiopian restaurant with more than a dozen reviews can ever rise to the top of its neighborhood rankings. There will inevitably be too many "What's with the bread?" 2-star ratings.

How can you compare the quality of non-sushi Japanese restaurants when half the reviews on each are 1-star "Where's my California roll?"

And then there's the 300 5-star Yelp reviews of Bakery Nouveau's "awesome macaroons." Those are macarons, morons. A macaroon is something completely different. And if you'd had a real macaron outside of West Seattle in your entire life, you'd know that Nouveau's are stale, crumbly, over-sized, over-flavored, disastrous insults to that delicacy.

Yelp is so easy to search that, in spite of all of the above, I've been known to use it for a quick snapshot of suspect-yet-interpretable community opinion. But each new accusation of shakedown-esque behavior and review-tampering (there have been many, @71, and I believe lawsuits are pending) makes me less likely to even accept it on those terms.

If I owned a restaurant, I'd be hoping for some business-practice skeletons to come out and torch the site!
81
blahblahblah. next.
82
Jeff is the voice of a new generation
83
i'm so pleased that no one fed the troll at 68. proud of you all.
84
As a long term yelper can I say that more than half of the reviews are phony and or plagiarized reviews.Troll accounts, accounts that were flagged, or just a bored person that uses the talk threads, make up reviews.
You see people that write 500 reviews in a year?
And eat several dishes at every restaurant?
Really?

I am fair and serious person, and write fair reviews reminding the reader that if the service was slow maybe the place was busy. et al.

Who really uses Yelp anyway, beside other yelpers.
I know of no one. Perhaps the accidental tourist.
Stop giving yelp any importance. Its only a pastime for bored people that want to be important or get free meals from their phony Elite status.
85
someone get up on the wrong side of the bed?

yelp rocks. your rants are a bore. man up, sweetie.
86
You know what.... fuck yelp. Yelp sucks ass. Most of the time, it's so important who is posting the review. For example, some great Seattle restaurant gets a shitty review, but then you investigate a little bit and it turns out that the person writing the review moved from some hick town in middle america and is used to eating his or her weight at dinner every night. Ahhh, so that explains that "Small portions" thumbs down.

ANYWAY . . . until yelp is more transparent, and allows users to comment on reviews, fuck yelp. Fuck them a hundred times over.
87
The anti-yelp restaurateurs sound too ratings obsessed. Treating the "overall star-rating" as a public judgment of your business' worthiness is just a dumb thing to do. As a yelp reader, I don't read it that way. Read the reviews for the specifics of the feedback. Did they have a fantastic experience? Why? Did they have a crap experience? Why? In some cases, you might get a one-star (or five-star) rating that means nothing because the person doesn't understand your gig. In other cases, if you're self-aware and self-critical, you might find a nugget of truth buried in the review -- a strength you'll want to emphasize or perhaps a weakness that needs attention.
88
Customers suck. What else is there to say? You demand to be fed by a spoon, and have your chin wiped. You have Yelp at the ready? You know you're sitting there just waiting for one of those automatons (they can't be human beings or anything) to mess something up. They looked at you funny. Some of you, yes, I'm looking at you--deliberately "forget" what you ordered so you can say "THAT'S NOT WHAT I ORDERED! WHAAAGARBLE!" You bring your pwectious children and llet them run about so someone can trip and spill hot gravy on them.

If you work in the service industry long enough, and work your ass off hard enough, you learn that working-class schlubs and entitlement whores alike feel they are now privileged to treat anyone like underlings, because FINALLY you have the POWER. Isn't it glorious. No tip for you! THE POWER!
89
It's funny how this this thread only has comments from one extreme to the other (except CathySmartone)and no middle ground. Most people suck and that's a fact. Yelpers, restaurant employees, and the rest of human society generally suck. Reflect a little and you'll notice that you're quite a bit egotistical and frankly quite a bit awful.

Myself, a former cook and current Yelper included.
90
this I anonymous is DEAD ON. Kudos to the author for finally calling bullshit on all the frequent yelpers who think anyone should really give a shit about what they think is "yummy!" And for all the comments bitching about the I anon being anonymous: they will lose their job if they aren't! Unlike an anonymous yelper, who is only attempting to look like a bad-ass standing up for themselves online. DON'T FUCK WITH THE PEOPLE WHO CAN FUCK WITH YOUR FOOD.
92
One thing that really sucks about a bad yelp review is when you have a boss that reads them~ and blames you for playing your favorite Mariah Carey song ONCE during opening~ and that happens to coincide with the oil not being hot enough for the very first customer's truffle fries(who you kindly open the door to a little early) and they yelp about the entire thing making fun of the bartender (obviously me) and the "20 minute wait for French fries, I mean get it together people". That becomes a total pain in the ass, as you are mentioned in every staff meeting associated with Mariah Carey and used as an example of how every little detail counts. So good luck staying perfect for these yelpers, who most do NOT have restaurant experience, and therefore lack empathy for the efforts you put forth trying to make everyone's experience positive. they totally suck, I stand with Anon.
93
fuck yelpers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
94
that's hysterical... you were playing music .. your personal favorite on the job.. and so the french fry oil.. your JOB! that you are paid to do was not hot enough. And someone Yelped the bad fries.. and it's their fault because you were stupid and self- absorbed and were playing around at your job.

I do not think your boss should be making fun of you however. I think you should have a written warning in your employment file and everyone move on,.

It is a problem that many folks think they deserve to check cellphones, ipods, wear ear buds, listen to music, make personal calls and text while ON THE JOB!
95
I can get why servers and other people busting their asses are annoyed with Yelp. You do a hard job, every day, and every freakin' day you have to put up with whiny, shitty people who are actively seeking things to moan about.

But get over it. The balance of power has shifted, and it's not ever going to shift back. I read Yelp, and it has been extremely helpful. I've found places I never would have found before, and many of those have been wonderful. (I have very little free time for exploring, wah wah poor me.) I've written a few reviews, most of which were mostly praise and/or specific details about a place. And when I have something negative to say, I do my utmost to consider the context, consider my own choices, understand what might have caused something, etc.

Yes, you'll find terrible reviews on Yelp -- terrible in the sense that the reviewer did a shitty job reviewing. But you know what, that already happens -- in word-of-mouth reviews, people already say all that shit. Your new problem is that now you can see it, now you can read it.

And I seriously have sympathy for you, because now when someone says something stupid to a friend, it's not just gossip over coffee somewhere that evaporates, now it's written in stone on some damned web site, and will be read 10,000 times a week. Yeah, that's shitty, but get over it.
96
I feel emotionally abused by Cathy Smartone and my boss. I'm changing my name to RodneyDangerfieldNoRespect
97
I feel verbally and emotionally abused
98
You feel abused becauuse you were playing at work and messed up and customers at your work place yelped about your late work and your boss didnt like it. And I commented on it. Terrible! That one woudl be expected to WORK at work!

I even said you boss should let it go.

You may need to have a job - not there- but somewhere where the boss pays for slow work so people can do their cellphone and FB and whatever else.. play music.. etc instead of work. the economy is great these days- I am sure you will find a job like that easily.

99
Here's something that servers need to understand: People will put up with A LOT if you communicate to them and not trying to cover shit up.

Take uswine's slow-ass fry-cooking skills. If you had gone to the customers and said, "Hey, we're open a little early, and the oil is still warming. Sorry, but it'll be fifteen minutes before those fries are ready." Then I guarantee you that 99% of human beings would respond with basically "Ahh, ok, thanks for telling me."

But if nothing whatsoever happens for 20 minutes, what is the customer supposed to think? That you're making out in the back with your boyfriend, or chatting on your phone or whatever? If you own up to a *small* problem early on, then there's a good chance that it will not become a *big* problem.
101
Oh Anonymous, you are a wonderful person and absolutely accurate.

Yelp has become a sinkhole where every disgruntled fucktard feels they have the right to gripe about their sad lives and that their opinions matter so much that they feel justified trashing people's businesses, hurting people's livelihood instead of addressing issues directly. Cowards.

I, A - Keep up the good work.

Hey Yelpers (aptly named) - go fuck yourselves, go piss up a rope, go eat a ten lb bag of shit, go play in traffic - or just shut the fuck up. Your opinions don't matter. (What? - oh yes, mine DOES.) You people are too dumb to know how dumb you are.
102
@41, 49: Toulouse Petit was not hated when it first opened. It got very many good reviews, and the occasional two-star review. It quickly became hated in the Yelp community because a certain individual, presumably a manager, took it upon himself to rip every user who left a less-than-stellar review a new asshole, telling them they were wrong and they didn't know anything about food - a bit like you, #41. If you look at reviews from 2009, you can still read those lovely comments from the management. A lot of people were turned off, and yet Toulouse Petit recovered and is doing quite fabulously today. Proof that it's not up to Yelp to ruin a restaurant's reputation, even when the restaurant in question is doing its damndest to dig its own grave.
103
Going to Yelp to find good restaurants is for losers...people are morons, they complain about EVERYTHING....hey, idiots, try something really novel--just walk in and try something new!
I don't know why I bother saying anything--you "sheeple" will do what you are told anyway....and I agree--if you have a problem, how about TELLING the restaurant?