Not a great idea; he will most likely take it out on her. Better to urge her to leave his sorry ass. Once she's safely somewhere else, THEN kick the shit out of him.

get her help and get her to press charges. that is the only answer. then hope the bastard gets time in at least county.

Break his wrists, he'll never hit anyone again.

This "circle of violence" could be due to a lack of HUGE PILES OF COCAIN and a case of 40 ounce motor oil...

Your friend stays with this POS. Beating him up will eventually turn her against you if she doesn't get the hell out. She needs the cops and therapy.

Just get your friend out of there! Violence only escalates.
I hope it works out.

Yep, she needs to leave first. Then the guy needs to get the crap beaten out of him.

You and your crew will be the ones in jail for assault or worse, unfortunately.

But it's soooo hard to resist the urge to destroy a piece of fucking garbage like that.

Try the legal route first. and good luck.

Give him a Certified Fair Trade beat down.

And serve him with a shade grown domestic violence protection order

@10 Sea Otter: You bested me again for the win!
@11 Spiffy D: I agree with you, too: the wrong party would end up in jail.
So get a good lawyer, Anon, who will stick a legal fork in the douchebag's ass, and THEN call him done.

Convince your friend to leave him, if you can. Report him to the police if you can't. I know the beat down is deserved but you'll only wind up in jail and she'll continue to "stand by her man". In fact if you attack him, there's a good chance she'll turn on you to protect him, either verbally or physically.

para la violencia

Going after her boyfriend is a great idea, because things have a way of working out so well when a group of pissed-off guys decide that someone needs their ass kicked.

Why the fuck didn't you just call the police the first time you knew it happened?

Ski masks are good for not being identified. Men like that don't respond to talks, legal maneuvers, etc. They only respond to violence. They're the type of people that violence is the only answer. I agree. Beat the fuck out of him and let him know what it's for, and that if it happens again, he CAN and WILL be found, and they will make sure he NEVER does it again to ANYONE.

No illustration? Boo.

I hope that the main idea of this was to make the guy shit his pants (and maybe a few others who happen to fit the description, as gravy) without the intention of actually touching him, because at this point you'd probably be readily caught and charged far more severely due to premeditation and "lying in wait".

Not that I'd have a problem with something happening to this guy, but for the reasons that have already been pointed out I think it's best to settle for making him shit his pants with this column and have him arrested.

Good luck.

For everyone advising against the beat down and suggesting that I Anon will end up in jail instead . . . when was the last time you heard about a successful prosecution of a group who did such a thing?

Beat him. Get her away beforehand if possible, but beat him. Then have someone else call the cops on him, someone who doesn't talk much and won't give up your names. Then, when the cops are done with him, beat him again.

@23: I'm just not into violence, after surviving an abusive relationship, myself. Unfortunately, I actually HAVE met someone who hit back, because she couldn't take it any more--just in time to get handcuffed by the cops and have her kids taken away by Child Protection Services. CPS then branded HER an "unfit parent". Go figure, huh?

Most abusers WANT to fight, and live to prolong escalating the violence. They WANT to get beaten up; it's part of their craziness. Sometimes it's best to just GET AWAY.

DO NOT urge women in violent relationships to leave unless you can provide them with a secure place to go and hide; attempting to leave a DV relationship places the victim at heightened risk for homicide.

"Risk factors that emerge from the research literature based on interviews with surviving family members are the female partner’s attempts to break off the relationship, the abuser’s lack of employment compounded by a lack of education, no police arrest for a prior assault, and having a child in the home who is not the partner’s biological child."

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/0…

To those saying "call the cops": adult-on-adult DV is not a reportable offense, even if there are children present. The victim has to press charges, which can be a terrifying and impossible-seeming prospect to a victim. There are many reasons a victim may stay with her abuser, including financial reasons and history of childhood abuse.

Anonymous, please teach this motherfucker a lesson he won't soon forget.

That, and it takes the average woman six to eight attempts to finally leave her abuser for good. The abuser has spent days, months, years breaking down her confidence and (yes, I know right-wing types hate this word, but dammit it applies)her self-esteem. He has told her over and over again(often WHILE beating her)that she can't make it without him, that she's nothing.

If you and your friends wanted to do a "commando raid" rescue mission(have some female friends waiting in a car to actually take her to the shelter, as it's generally not a good thing to have men showing up there) that would be a good idea. Opening a can of physical whoopass, much as the bastard deserves it, won't help matters and may give the batterer a chance to actually portray HIMSELF as the victim-and yes, he won't be above doing that-these guys don't do shame.

If this guy has a lot of cash, it might be a more effective(and less traceable)form of payback to do identity theft and wipe out his savings and his credit rating. Be very careful if you do that, though, as the authorities are getting better and better at tracing such things.

@27, if her skull has been fractured it's assault whether it is domestic or not. He had still be arrested and jailed until he posts bond. Even if she does not chose to press charges (which this makes much more possible if all she has to do is sign off as opposed to calling the cops, herself) he still has an arrest record, mug shot, and finger prints on record and the incident has been documented for future reference.

What 10 said.
Wear ski masks.

@26: You're absolutely right---get her out of there to a safe, caring environment, preferably where her abuser has no access to her new whereabouts. She definitely needs protection; I meant for HER not to hit back at her abuser. It's like @29, says: don't give the asswipe, now matter how much he really deserves it, an opportunity to cry "victim". He's already doing that each time he hits her.

@29 AlaskanbutnotSeanPurnell: Spot on for the win!! You said it best about the "commando raid" approach.

@27 & @28: And another reason for NOT calling the cops: usually they don't show up in time to prevent a preventable homicide.

If I anon chooses to go the ski masks and violence route, know that their identity could be traced back from this I anon post. I don't know how they do it, but pretty sure it can be done.

It's one of the few things that make me glad of my Southern upbringing: There is nothing lower than a man who raises his hand to a woman.

I'm not saying there aren't any mean women out there. We all know that there are. But logically? It's never a fair fight (men are bigger, stronger). It's a real skuzz who even contemplates hitting a woman.

I like this one. It's a straight-up threat.

@ 27 et al: In Washington domestic violence is a crime against the state, meaning that the victim DOES NOT HAVE TO PRESS CHARGES in order for the offender to be arrested. Anyone can call and report DV and the police will go and make arrests if they find enough evidence to support that DV has occurred.

Trying the person is a different story; unless there are other witnesses, the victim is the only witness, and a case against the offender is pretty much dead without that testimony. Still, in such a case there is a record that the offender has been arrested for DV. Enough of such arrests on a person's record will make it easier for a victim (even if it's not the same one) who deals with this person down the road, even if the previous incidences were not tried in court because the victim would not testify.

The moral? You should call and report DV if you see it happening.

@37 heatherly: That's good to know. Thanks for passing it on.

I just saw this on Family Guy. Have fun getting choked to death.

Billy Bob Thorton was fuckingly AWESOME in His (wrote. directed. starred in.) 'Sling Blade.' (Hell, a gay John Ritter was pretty fucking good, too!)

If you really wanted to emulate Billy Bob (and who doesn't?!) in his Masterpiece, you, too, could spend the rest of YOUR Life -- in either The Big House or the Nervous Hospital.

Help her get out. Before it really IS too late.

"Why does she stay? This is the wrong question.

We routinely scrutinize and evaluate the survivor. What is she doing wrong? How can she change? What should she be doing? By doing so, we avoid looking at the behavior and intentions of the perpetrator of the violence. This error rests on the assumption that if we could change the survivor or force her to leave, the battering would end.

People believe that if a battered woman REALLY, truly, honest to goodness wanted to leave she could just get up and go. (Therefore, if we can “get” her into shelter or convince her to leave we’ve done good. Our job is over). We overlook the environmental barriers that prevent women from leaving, ignore how the batterer is trapping her, and too often focus on psychological “characteristics” of survivors instead.

And by the way, why doesn’t he leave?"

http://www.feministpeacenetwork.org/2009…

Protect your friend, first and foremost.

And don't get caught. Assault with a deadly weapon is a felony.

Good luck.

Before you punish him cruelly and unusually, make sure you convict him without a trial. After all, you're PRETTY SURE he's a bad dude, right? And you're PRETTY SURE it's not a consensual BDSM relationship and that it's this guy who's doing it. So why not go ahead and beat the crap out of him? He probably deserves it.

Probably.

@42: You make some good points. But the situation is not all black and white, however.

As a post-survivor of an abusive relationship, I'd like to add that we can neither change the abused nor the batterer. We can only help end a horrific situation by assisting the abused in getting safely away. "Commando raiders" are going in at their own risk, and usually understand what they're getting into: technically rescuing the civilian equivalent of a prisoner of war, and often at the risk of getting hurt ---or even killed---themselves!

Ultimately, the abused must make the tough final decision to get away, no matter what those who care say and do, and regardless of what is happening. This is not easy. Once she (or he) makes the effort to leave a bad relationship, the batterer will likely do either of two things: become even more homicidally violent, and /or deceivingly sweeter towards his (or her) victim---until they're alone! The abuse is not only physical and emotional, but psychological. It's all about control, and has absolutely nothing to do with the abuser loving or caring about the one being victimized.

Good luck, ANON, family, and friends! I hope it works out for all of you.
You can always report Mr. Coffeeshop Asshole to the police and mental health authorities after ANON is safely out of his clutches. But she has to WANT to get away first.

@46 cockyballsup: I'm assuming you're talking to ANON?

Notgettingit, this woman is not responsible for her friends' violence (or her boyfriend's). You're definitely not getting it.

Batterers perform a sort of debilitating brainwashing. By now she could easily believe all the violence is her fault and she needs to make everything the way it should be so he doesn't *have* to hit her. Or she could just be terrified - the most dangerous time in a battering relationship is when the victim is trying to leave.

The reasons why she doesn't just leave are complex and sometimes a sign of how much her own psyche has been twisted against her and sometimes a sign of a very realistic fear, and often a bit of both.

Some abusers may respond well to have their ass kicked by someone who cares about their victim; many more will use it. If anyone said anything bad about my ex's treatment of me, he used that to "prove" that person hated him and didn't really love me and wanted just to break us up because *they* wanted to control me or they were prejudiced. He used the very real fears and concerns and anger of my family and friends to isolate me further and further and keep me from anyone who could help or protect me.

It helped him that I had been abused as a child - but that's not true for all battered women. All I can really say is that battering and constant fear and blaming oneself changes the mind completely in destructive, terrible ways, and it's all done very purposely.

So notgettingit, fuck off blaming the victim for the actions of her friends or her abuser. And Anon, as much as your anger is righteous and justified, keep in mind a couple things:
If you go to jail, you can't protect her when she finds the power to leave.
You can't change the crazy going on for her.
Don't help him isolate her from those she can depend on when the time comes to flee.

Argh, and one more thing. All you can really do until she realizes she IS powerful and she IS worthy of safety and she IS brave and then she can leave is decide for yourself how much of watching this you can handle without causing irreparable damage to yourself.

It doesn't make the friends of someone being battered evil to have to withdraw to preserve themselves. It is my hope, only, that it be a choice you make, and not one the abuser makes for you by turning your actions against his victim.