Columns Dec 5, 2012 at 4:00 am

To the Lady on the Number 1 Bus


So excellent!

How are we going to blame women for ruining society and attacking masculinity with this I, Anon?

@4: fear not, I'm sure Ziffy is up to the task.
good one.
My question is about the image...were the eyes of the hobo supposed to be so...uh, phallic?
You should have kicked Joe Cool in the balls and then asked,"How about some holiday cheer?"
Doctor Braindead passed the following gas:
fear not, I'm sure Ziffy is up to the task.
Wow, so funny!

Anyway, I think #9 nailed it. This jerk will keep up with this kind of patter until someone introduces a shoe to his balls.
Also, I think people like this are potential rapists...
Ohh, oooh! Ziffy the attention whore has moved from "sheeple" to funny name variations!

It's like watching someone graduate from kindergarden to first grade.

On their 40th birthday.

We're all so proud of you, Ziffy! Keep plugging away at it; in a few more years you might manage to make some half-heartedly chuckle.
@11: You would know...
I guess now we know where this guy gets off.
I can see that you are obsessed with me, Dr. Dope, but I'm not gay, so you will have to live with only your fantasies of me in nothing but a Speedo "banana hammock".

As for #13 (suddenlyorcas), how old are you? 14? Because your comment is so, so "MySpace", and since MySpace is now dead, that would imply you are a paedo.

It's so nice to read a positive I, Anonymous.
Soooo...I guess the MALT LIQUOR and COCAINE is a no go this week...well, OK, I guess...

Good on you, lady on the bus, well played. Defend your sobriety like your life depends on it. Cuz it does.
Here's the thing, Ziffy: I get bored easily. And when I get bored, nothing quite alleviates the torpor like verbally bitch-slapping someone who's really, really stupid.

And here you are, slog's current most reliable source of stupid: a lackwit who has to hide out on the "I, Anon" threads because you know that they're a backwater and that you'd get cut to ribbons by the regulars if you dared show your face there.

So yeah, for now and until I get distracted, you're my hobby. And we're gonna make some beautiful music together, by which I mean the sound of your metaphorical head hitting the metaphorical curb in 3/3 time. (I like a waltz, me.) Because it's not that I'm a super genius (although, to be sure, I am), but it's that you are so very dumb. (Case in point: having thought about it really hard for several hours, the best you could do for a comeback was UR SO GHEY. Bitch, please.) It's gonna be awesome.
Doctor Memory, I hope you bore as easily as you suggest. Methinks a self-proclaimed super genius with the truly sad hobby of harassing a "lackwit" in the comment threads of a free paper is going to get tiresome for all the rest of us pretty quickly. Don't you have something better and more useful to do with your time?
@20: It is a physical impossibility that anything I do, say or gesture at in the process of mocking Ziffy's slackjawed droolings could be even a thousandth as tiresome as Ziffy himself. But fear not: I will endeavor to make this as entertaining as possible, and when it starts getting boring I'll move on.
Dr. Dope, you really need to get over your obsession with me, it's embarrassing (not to me, I'm flattered with your attention even though I'm not interested in whatever perversions you have in mind).

Since you don't know me personally or really anything about me at all, all your "pithy" comments are really just you masturbating at your keyboard while making up fantasy nonsense that like most Interweb fantasies, has little to do with reality.

One really has to wonder about what your secret agenda is... You spend so much time assessing my comments, but make very few of your own “original thoughts”, but of course, that’s part of what an obsession is.

As Abigail Van Buren says, “seek professional help”.
Borrrring. I misread the title and thought it said "to the lady who did number 1 on the bus". Boy, was I disappointed.
Once again, ask yourself... why don't people take the buses in Seattle more?

Ding! Ding! Ding!
Ding! Ding! Ding!

Number 23 for the win!
The nicest Anon I've ever read. We should all be so strong.
I don't know, Doc, me thinks you doth protest too much. Perhaps you need more COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR?
Sigh, and now we're backsliding: it's back to random emphasis on words. Ziffy, you do realize that sane people never do that, right? That people read your messages and go "jesus, who gave the smelly guy at the bus stop access to the internet?"

Also, protip: when your first attempt at OMG UR GAY completely whiffs past the mark, a second attempt only makes you look... well, let's just say even more foolish than usual. But keep trying, I'm sure the third time will be awesome!

As for my secret agenda, well... that would be telling.
@27: I will never say no to either, as long as someone else is buying.
Dr. Dope, your argument (such that it is) is so weak, you can only come back with "insults" about my use of italics and bold?

Dude (if I may call you that), it's December 6th, and the WEED is "flowing" like cheap alcohol in Belltown.

Can't you be just a little more creative?

You are a sad, sad man.


Yup, third attempt just as pathetic as #1 and #2. I'd pat myself on the back for the prediction, but let's get real: everyone saw this coming. Keep plucking your single string, Ziff: it's fun watching it get ever closer to snapping.
@Dr. Memory and @Sr. Zifferelli, can't you both just settle this the old fashioned way by hurling feces at each other at the break of dawn on some pre-determined grassy meadow? Say Victor Steinbrueck Park?
MacGruber, I've been flinging shit at Dr. Dope all week, and it seems that he actually likes to eat it.

I know there are people with that fetish, but I've never actually met one in person or "on line".

But of course if we were to meet at Victor Steinbrueck Park for this Shit Fling-off, we would actually have a variety to choose from: dog shit, bum shit, unidentified shit... That park is full of shit.

I would of course bring my own, in zip-lock bags.

But the crux of the problem is that Dr. Dope has an unhealthy fixation of me, and I sense that in part it is sexual, in a possibly perverted way.

So, I'm not inclined to meet him because I don't wish to be tied up with a ball in my mouth a la Pulp Fiction, and forced to let some Neck Beard like Dr. Dope have his perverted way with me.

There are plenty of ads for Rent Boys in the back pages of The Stranger that he can choose from to fulfill his fantasies of personal humiliation.
Doesn't Anon know that "bless your heart" is actually a veiled insult?
@34 "bless your heart" is indeed a way of calling someone stupid. Am I the only one that thought this stunk of sarcasm?
@34/35: As soon as I read "bless your heart" I immediately thought the same thing. Wasn't sure if this anon wasn't slightly caustic.

@Ziffy & DocM: Get a room already. Jesus tap-dancing Christ you two take the cake.
@36 -

Dr. Dope offered to meet me at City Hall this weekend with platinum rings, cocaine, and malt liquor, but I turned him down. He wanted to bring St. Ides, and I only drink Olde E.
@37: Dude, take the platinum ring and run then. Platinum closed at almost 1600 an ounce yesterday, dont'cha know?

Please wait...

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