Columns May 28, 2014 at 4:00 am

You Are Invited to Drink My RSVPEE

Comments

1
I Anon sounds like a real pain in the ass twit of a friend. Who can blame Mr/Mrs soon-to-be-married for not wanting such a caustic douche-waffle to attend their wedding. Maybe you and your toothless cousin ought to have your own meth-friendly ceremony. I'm sure you'll have plenty of privacy...
2
...but I'm not bitter.
3
Great, so despite invitations to my get-togethers, I'm not invited to any of your soirees, and now your wedding.
Maybe your "friend" doesn't enjoy your company for some reason? And you seem like such a peach!

Seriously, your attitude seems like the primary suspect here. But it sounds like these aren't your kind of shindig anyway, the way you trash the themes and the venue... Too much or too little COCAIN and MALT LIQUOR, I suspect.
4
Regardless of IA's deserving or not deserving an invitation, it is really lame to beg any and all via Facebook to DONATE decor to a party they're not invited to. Real classy. Send em a bag of sheep shit.
5
Portland Scribe:
it is really lame to beg any and all via Facebook to DONATE decor to a party they're not invited to...
That's a bit of an overstatement, it's a little "lame" but getting this bent out of shape about it is an over reaction.

I, Anon:
I just can't be bothered to do more than block your shitastic ass.
You should have done this long ago, and moved on. Do you own any guns?
6
Who would ask for wedding supplies from people who aren't invited to the wedding? What a douche.
7
I agree with @4. Maybe the Anon really is annoying and not deserving of an invitation but asking donations for an event from people not invited to the event is either incredibly greedy or a deliberate attempt to rub someone's nose in the fact that they aren't invited. Either way, defriending and blocking is the way to go.
8
Hmm, isn't a bit offensive to do a wedding in Barn Face?
9
@8
Hmm, isn't a bit offensive to do a wedding in Barn Face?
Not in Enumclaw...
10
Anybody figure out yet they sent him the request for help with a wedding to which he's not invited.... to get him to finally piss off and stop inviting them to his events?

It's the passive-aggressive Seattle Way!
Nothing upfront!
11
I've routinely received invitations to parties or requests for help finding a lost pet from Facebook friends who live on the other side of the country. It seems like many people on Facebook will send these requests to everyone they've ever friended, even people they've never met in meatspace. I think Anon might have taken way too much offense over this.

That said, if not being invited to the wedding is really so egregious in his/her estimation, breaking up the friendship is probably a good idea.
12
I notice you don't mention that this person you're ranting about has ever actually accepted any of your invitations. And you come across as desperate. Tone it down a notch or ten and you might start getting invited places.
13
Hell hath no fury as an empowered woman NOT invited to a country hitch'in. On the flip side - the language and venom is worthy of any hootenanny thrown by the Hatfield's and McCoys! So I say go and crash the party with a big ol box of Boone's Farm Wine and wish the couple a happy life!
14
I'A should go to the reception with a horrible case of gas and quietly mingle.
15
I agree that one should not ask for help putting together a party from people you haven't invited (maybe there are some weird special circumstances where it's okay... maybe a party for very young children that most adults wouldn't wan tto go to, but in general certainly don't do this). However, I read this and thought, why does the writer care? Yeah, you're not actually close to this person. You thought you were better friends than you are. Stop inviting them. And if you don't want light social media contact to keep up with the general gist of their lives, remove them. There's nothing wrong with having less close, more casual friendships.

tl;dr: They're not that into you.
16
Faux-folksy/countrified is big business, I guess. I was looking for venues recently and barns command ridiculous sums. I don't know whether to blame Nashville loving suburbanites or Mumford and Sons.
17
Those hillbillies be tripping.
18
Me thinks this is a case where Anon is under the impression the they are "friends" and the other person is under the impression that they are "FB friends."

Happens all the time I, Anon. Move on and move up.

Or even better, since I don't know all the facts, go crash the wedding and put on an impromptu staging of "Equus". That'll shut the party down. The bride might even cry. Don't do it in Enumclaw though. You'll just give them more ideas.
19
Yeah, IA makes no indication of whether or not the bride actually shows up to any of these get-togethers. Your friendship apparently means more to you than her. Cut your losses and move on.

That said, asking people who aren't invited for donations is incredibly tacky. Donate a rusty pitchfork anyway.
20
You can get uncomposted horse shit delivered by the truck load. Cow shit you can get in liquid form and sprayed. If you hit the venue the night before, or the field across the road - it's a distinctive bouquet, quite distinctly rural, and it lasts for a good solid three days at peak intensity.
21
Can we express appreciation for how funny IA's letter is?

IA, I get you.

This person looking for donations is tacky, their wedding reception is super tacky, and while you may be a big bag of drama best avoided, I personally cannot infer that from your letter. Drop that rock and run!

22
See, when I hear about a wedding that I'm not invited to I dance with joy. Expensive, vile affairs.
23
I, Anon is a pathetic drama queen. That's really the bottom line. This is the kind of guy who sits at home in front of a mirror and masturbates just to watch himself blow his load.
24
Arthur, behave yourself. This is your conscience speaking, I know we bumped heads earlier in the week and I have learned a few lessons about moderation when posting. Sit back and watch and then post when appropriate, we all have opinions because we are all different (except republicans, they are all morons) so don't be offended by my comment, it is only my opinion.
25
Sorry long, but you're wrong.

This guy is clearly wrapped up in himself, and thinks he farts rose water gas, yet is clearly the kind of obnoxious person that most friendly folks avoid. HE is the source of his problems.

One day, he might mouth off to the wrong person and end up on the ground, but the reality is probably more like he doesn't have the balls to mouth off to anyone except on the Intertubes.
26
This goofy column has become a place for whiny people whose friends have moved on to better people. Somebody call the waabulance!
27
I think you are probably right about this wuus. Bravery on the internet (anonymous) is cowardly. He should be hung by his feet and spanked by bunch of angry dykes down on first ave. I'd pay money to see that!
28
This sounds more like an angry relative rather than an angry friend.
29
Bwahahaha.. Not sure who's worse here..

LOL @18 Equus is an awesome movie.

Seriously folks, it does hurt not to get invited to weddings. I am not a whiner, I am fun, I get invited to a lot of things, but it happened to me recently. Weddings for some reason, always strike too many nerves. Blame Walt Disney.

Otherwise points taken about weddings being awful anyway, mostly. Especially if you don't even like the people getting hitched.

Facebook begging of ANY kind is absolutely lame.

Block and move along..
30
@5 Zifferelli, no, it's a little lame to ask for donated (not borrowed) stuff on Facebook. But it's REALLY lame to then not invite everyone you've begged donations from to the show. I mean, it's a farm wedding, what's a couple of extra sloppy joes?

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