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Translation: No Sex For YOU!
Oh, and kudos on shaming her for being a single person who does single person things. Clearly you are the mature adult in this fucked-up relationship.
But don't seek retribution. You guys didn't work out as intimate companions for life, and that is okay. Your best move is to accept this and move on; process the situation and develop yourself more individually.
Best wishes sincerely.
However, I agree with @1, should have seen this coming.
Find yourself a nice young something to fuck like crazy, ideally in the front hallway right around the time your ex-wife typically arrives home after work. Boom! - instant equity.
Best way to get even is get out, live your life and find someone better than her.
Now, grow a pair, and GTFO, and move on.
I just pray to my dark Lord Cthulhu that there are no children involved.
I understand that this scenario is not uncommon, but as a happily divorced person, I can honestly say that I'd rather move back in with my mom than stay in the same house with my ex. As financially and emotionally scary as the unknown without the spouse is, you just have no idea how good it will feel to have your own space until you do.
Was it "cohabiting?" Because that literally means unmarried people living together; it's not even a buzzword. It's the most effective word to describe their situation.
I'm not "airy fairy" in any way. I'd totally kill someone if it came down to it. No guilt. I can see how it seems like that though, from the one comment you read.
And really, whats the point?
Im currently going through a separation too, So I feel for this person.
On another note: I'd never date someone that still lives with their ex as "roommates." That smells like drama from miles away!
If that was me coming home to that, depending on how hot she sounded getting worked I'd probably rub one out and then move out. .
That's just taking things way too far. It doesn't matter who you are.
Maybe when you tell everyone you know, they'll pretend to side with you, but this is partially your own fault. Grow up, move out, and move on.
And I think your mutual acquaintances would agree with me that you'd be doing them a favor by sparing them from a negative PR campaign about your ex's oddball fuckuppery. You're just perpetuating the pain by this point, and your ex will not change or grow for the better or learn as a result. Drop them and move on.
you know when it's over when you say "hey, you forgot to log out of your secret email account" and he says "which one?" and you say "the one where you have hundreds of emails from strange dudes on CL seeking anonymous hand jobs and blow jobs" and he says "hahaha THAT one, wow, it could have been a lot worse"
later when you are moving out:
you know it's over when he asks if he can keep the strap on he bought you for your birthday. just cuz.
and he still claims he is straight!
then he knocks up a 20 year old very naive girl before you have even moved your shit out. to prove how very straight he is.
i told him to remember to log out and to try wearing a condom.
you're better off without a lying shithead, anonymous. he did you a favor.
Anonymous - salvage what little remains of your dignity and do not advertise to everyone just how much shit she threw at you before you stood up for yourself. Seriously, find a hot replacement and bang the hell out of her...somewhere other than your former home, where you should no longer be staying. Even if you get to keep the house, at least until your ex is moved out.
I have known many a gay couple who break up, but become roommates, and it's no big deal.
Clearly the letter writer and the letter writer's ex have too much mutual bitterness to treat each other well. I would not be surprised if horrible attacks on each other were part of what led to the break-up. The very fact that the letter writer could act this way makes it clear the letter writer is not currently fit to be in a relationship. But the ex also acted very badly. They should split up, stay apart, and each get individual therapy.
But the ex was clearly wrong about the two of them being able to live together. They clearly cannot and should not.
Also; LW's spouse withheld sex, presumably let him go to marriage counseling alone for 18 months, and finally said "ok, we can divorce, but I'm going to live here still." Are you surprised what happened next?
P.S. Don't seek revenge, and don't drag another woman into this. What LW needs is a spine. Solve your current problems best you can, then get on with your life.
I agree the ex was disrespectful to ask that neither of them have sex in the house and then to have sex in the house. That was wrong. The ex was also probably wrong to drag out the relationship, but we don't have enough info. It's quite possible that the ex didn't want to go to counseling, because the ex did not think the relationship was salvageable, which would be reasonable. From the written letter it is just as possible that the ex wanted a divorce, and the letter writer took 18 months of counseling to agree to one, because the letter writer was set on saving the relationship.
However, clearly the ex was wrong about the two of them being able to share a dwelling peacefully post-break-up. I still think the likely issue is that they both treated each other badly, and they are both too bitter to currently treat the other one well.
Unfortunate, but it doesn't excuse the letter writer's actions. And I do hope the ex's family reacts sensibly, with sympathy for the letter writer sharing personal information that is nobody else's business. What did the ex do? Have consensual sex with an adult while not in an exclusive relationship with anyone. How terrible! Yes, doing it in the home after saying neither of them should was wrong, but that's certainly nothing that justifies having your personal life spread to other parties who probably didn't want to hear. And it's no reason to hurt the ex's brother.
I once had somebody tell me personal details of one of my sibling's sex life. I thought it was extremely discourteous of them - toward me. I didn't want to know. And I have a right not to have my family's sex lives shoved in my face. And what did that brother ever do to him?
>> Internet is weird. >>
This whole thread is pretty uncomfortable, huh?
Sometimes you meet a really good person who is just not quite ready yet, still recovering from 25+ years of relationship to let go of, and that's not easily done overnight. Sometimes you have to hang in there until they, and their exes, are ready. (Yeah, sometimes I am far too nice for my own good).
I think the slack you have to cut a person in this situation, needs to be proportionate to the length of the previous relationship?
If that person is being a total dick after 2 years of dating, say, vs trying to figure a lot of real-life practical shit out after the end of a 25 year marriage, that's a consideration also.
People also process grief very differently sometimes.
I guess a lot of us have been in various combinations of this situation. It's not easy from any direction.
Regardless of the plumbing, tell whomever you want, especially if it helps get you out of the shared living arrangement.