So I know a lot of you guys are mad at Kanye West right now... wait. Correction. A lot of you guys are mad at Kanye West ALWAYS but are particularly mad at him now, following his latest performance at the Grammys.
For those who missed it, Beck won album of the year over Beyoncé, causing Kanye to rush the stage. BUT! Instead of yanking the mic away and going on an "I'mma let you finish" rant (like he did with Taylor Swift back in 2009), he stopped, smiled at the audience, and ran back to his seat. Now, that would've been hailed as a universally hilarious joke and a sly reference to his past shenanigans... but backstage, he began ranting about how Beck isn't an "artist" and didn't deserve the award. (Which is completely true, BUT BESIDE THE POINT!)
Kanye needs to realize—along with the rest of the internet—that just because one is in possession of an "opinion," it doesn't necessarily need to be shared with the planet. Take me, for example: I have LOTS of opinions, and yet? I only share maybe .000037 percent of them every week. I only give you the good stuff! But even though no one gives a crap, Kanye and the rest of the internet shart their opinions on you every second of every day. In short: No one wants to hear ALL those opinions, Kanye and the internet! (And that is my opinion for the week!)
OH, WAIT! One more opinion. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing Kanye interrupts people all the time... I just want him to be more selective, and interrupt the people I want him to interrupt! For example, I think it would be awesome if we paid Kanye to interrupt TV shows other than the Grammys... such as...
• The Academy Awards (ABC, Sun Feb 22, 5:30 pm): Five bucks says George Clooney will take the stage and launch into a speech designed to make us feel guilty about something. This is a perfect opportunity for Kanye to jump up, grab the mic, give a counter-lecture on how his wife, Kim Kardashian, is the Madeleine Albright of pop culture, and scold the audience for not buying his new line of pleather trousers.
• The Odd Couple (CBS, Thurs Feb 19, 8:30 pm): Based on the Neil Simon play (and early-'70s TV show), The Odd Couple now stars Matthew Perry (Friends) and Thomas Lennon (Reno 911!) as divorced roomies, slobby Oscar and fastidious Felix. Kanye will make a surprise guest appearance as himself to interrupt and remind us that true artistry never relies on imitation... except, of course, when it comes to all those song samples he's been borrowing over the years. Ahem.
• Parks and Recreation (NBC, Tues Feb 24, 10 pm): Let's all say a wistful good-bye to Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Ron's mustache (Nick Offerman's mustache), and the rest of the P&R team in the final episode ever of this great series. Oh, wait... Kanye just popped into my office to remind me that, in fact, HE'S the greatest, and that, actually, Beyoncé should be writing this column. (DAMN IT, HE'S RIGHT AGAIN!!)
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18
10:00 FX THE AMERICANS
Paige makes a surprising birthday wish—to visit her first gulag!
10:30 COM BROAD CITY
The one day Abbi and Ilana leave their camera phones at home, they see a dog wedding! WHAT ARE THE ODDS??
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19
8:00 NBC THE SLAP
Harry gets a visit from the police, specifically the “slap division.”
8:30 CBS THE ODD COUPLE
Debut! “I’mma let you finish… but this show’s gonna be terrible!” —Kanye West.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20
11:30 TOON THE JACK & TRIUMPH SHOW
Debut! 30 Rock ’s Jack McBrayer and Conan’s Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, in a sitcom together? YES PLEASE.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21
8:00 LIF BABYSITTER’S BLACK BOOK—Movie
(2015) Teens turn their babysitting business into an escort company for horny dads. (Lifetime… the network for women!)
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22
8:30 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS
If Young Guns and Young Guns II don’t win, I’m going to murder the galaxy.
9:00 AMC WALKING DEAD
Rick and the gang meet “a friendly person.” In the words of Admiral Ackbar… “IT’S A TRAP!!”
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23
9:00 HBO CITIZENFOUR—Documentary
(2014) A terrific documentary about NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden.
10:00 AMC BETTER CALL SAUL
Jimmy’s idea to build his client base steps on some very big and ugly toes.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 24
10:00 FX JUSTIFIED
Boyd revisits his old mining days—with the intention of blowing crap up.
10:00 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION
Series finale! The entire gang reunites for the sole purpose of making me cry like a goddamn baby. (SOB!)
Uninterrupted tweets. @WmSteveHumphrey