New Column!

The Incredible Hulk vs. The Germans


Fabulous pastiche!

Lame Hulk humor from 70s TV, lame observational/ethnic humor from the 80s, lame anger management humor from the 90s and waffle references for that patina of modernity. So ironic. So hip. So what?
Other than this having to do with the very-rarity of all-you-can-eat-buffets in Germany, the Germans - although generally very rule-abiding and orderly people - will just cut in line anytime and always. It is as if they have line-blinders, as if they don't even notice the existence of a line... I would attribute that to the collective memory of everyone starving after WWII and waffles being tastier than boiled show leather topped with wallpaper paste. That mentality has managed to be passed down from generation to generation in the same way that my midwestern grandparents, who came of age during the depression, have passed down their supernatural spendthrift powers and eat-everything-on-your-dinnerplate urges to their children and grandchildren... meh.
C'mon Hulk! You just finish saying that you were bad because you got back in line for a second dose of starch and sugar, and then you get pissed because a Kraut slips in and takes it away from you? I'd say that maybe you have an Aryan guardian angel. He saved you from that extra time on the elliptical, and this is how you thank him? Somehow, this German tourist must have caught a subconscious Tweet from the All-Knowing Twitterer and rushed in to save you from yourself! He probably didn't even WANT a waffle until the Divine Presence put the idea in his head. And then he has to cut in front of a green dude the size of a grizzly bear and snag the last waffle? Respect! He was an agent of your karma, man. Get with it!
Since my family fled the mess named Alsace I am torn over who is worse, the Frogs or the Krauts. However, there is no doubt that Frogs, Krauts, and Limeys have collectively done more to exterminate the human race than the rest of the world combined. That sure is a lot to live up to. However, I find myself disragarding all that and finding myself concerned for the welfare of the Hulk's anger management therapist...
It isn't racist to talk about how the Japanese very polite. And it's not racist to be enlightened about the uniqueness of each culture. So one need only politely laud the beautiful culture of politeness that has evolved in Japan over the centuries.

And observe how very, very uniquely different the German culture is from that.
Germans are the biggest assholes in europe, there is no fucking contest. Rude, fat-assed, selfish shitheads. Fuck Germany up its Dolfhole.
@7: perhaps, but you've never hung around Brits, I take it.
I was shocked and saddened to read your Hulk column. It is pure germanophobia. To stereotype German people because of the inconsiderate action of one German tourist is reprehensible. I was offended as an American, as well as an American of German heritage. I wonder if Dan Savage is aware of the content of this article.......njgarden
I didn't know Germans are known for cutting in line. I'll add that to my list.