If they're serious and want to send their pics to me, I'll pay $500! More, even!

It does annoy me that just about any brand of compulsion that doesn't involve copulation, gay or straight, is labelled a fetish.

I've observed the evolution of what is considered 'normal' in society and never cease to be amazed at the ignorance that remains, often amongst groups that were previously persecuted and now enjoy more mainstream acceptance.

I have always found men dressed in a particular way and wearing particular types of footwear more attractive than naked men, who remind me of apes.

I enjoy sensuality but have no interest in exchanging bodily fluids, any more than I maintain an interest in eating phlegm off the street.

Only by virtue of the fact that sex is sugar-coated by poets, abstracting it from what it is, a bodily function no different to evacuating one's bowels, has it achieved the status of being called an 'expression of love', one, apparently, that we share with everything from rabbits to baboons.

I'm glad Mr Savage saw fit to see the humorous side of things, after all, it does confirm that ridicule, be it the "Don't bend over, lads" office gossip behind the back of a gay colleague or blogs discussing the diversity and complexity of the human condition, remains as much a part of society as racism.

Seriously? Sex is like taking a dump for you? You're not doing it right.