I think Dan missed the point on the whole Samoan boy thing. It sounds like the guy writing to Dan suffers from low self-esteem, and that living with his brother might be compounding the issue. Being Samoan does not equal being unattractive, otherwise the world would run out of Samoans very quickly. I'm guessing that S&M and brother are having an extended pity party over all the tang they're not getting and using masturbation to soothe the wound. S&M first needs to get over his embarrassment and speak kindly to his brother about the masturbation issue. Secondly, he needs to move the frick away from his brother, get a nice pad for himself and bring some ladies there.

I suspect the Samoan lad may be... referring to the fact that many people of that ethnicity are very large, which is generally considered an unattractive trait in modern Western society...