Lol. Re: "The Plank."

When I was staying with my sister and her husband once, I went to their room to tell Brother-in-Law that dinner was ready. He's a very open guy and he said in a gruff, out of breath voice through the door, "Man, I'm 30 seconds into a one-minute plank!"

I did not understand. And my dirty, savage-reading mind immediately assumed that my brother in law (who farts loudly and tells us about his latest dump size) was in the middle of masturbating ("plank") and telling me so, nice open guy that he is.

Luckily, he went on to discuss his workouts during dinner, and I was able to tell him what I THOUGHT he had been doing. To some great laughs.

If NCA's letter is to be believed as gospel then it is a terrifying story and Dan's advice is spot on. When I first read it I moved along without a thought. But later on something struck me and I came back here to post.

While I know that Dan often has to edit submitted letters for all sorts of reasons there was one interesting omission. NCA tells that she was restrained during this session. One resason for the use of bondage is to push people's limits. All BDSM role playing should be SSC (safe, sane, and consensual) and rule number one is having a safe word which brings the game to a swift stop until the issue is resolved. She mentions she told him to "stop" many times, but "no", "stop", and "don't" are NEVER safe words since using them is part of the game. More common is "red"(although I used "octopus" with my ex-girlfriend, and "Pluto" with my current wife).

While I can't find it in my heart to blame NCA for what happened, if they played this game without this crucial rule then they are both stupid. Again, though this may have been expressed or implied in the original letter and edited out.

NO, SlimJim! that's a BAD SlimJim!

she didn't say they were roleplaying, she said she was tied to the bed. completely different. and her feelings on anal had already been well established beforehand. there is absolutely NO FUCKING WAY that having a fucking safe word would've helped at all in this situation, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

oh, but wait, you "can't find it in your heart to blame NCA". well i guess you're not a dumbass piece of shit. oh wait, YOU ARE. fuck off with your pseudo-sexual-maturity bullshit. fucking nonce.

@Catface: Normally, getting flamed like this would evoke some emotion from me, but at most I am a little bemused.

If your comment had been edited down to its core point, that you disagreed with me and that a safe word wouldn't help then I would have considered that a valid counter point and probably not worth a reply.

The need to turn this into a personal attack on me actually lessons the impact of your points to future readers, even if they also disagreed with me.

I took great pains to explain my understanding of the situation and couch my advice. Clearly, someone violated her trust. That is not acceptable under any circumstance, but especially under these. Be very careful who you play with.

My problem with your post is that you read a letter about a girl who got raped while tied up and decided to have a talk about safe words and shit like that. You sound like you're building an audition portfolio to become a sex advice columnist, but your advice was completely irrelevant to the given situation and would not have helped at all, because in any situation where a safe-word rule isn't established, "no" and "stop" are ALWAYS safe words. So if Enis was ignoring "no" and "stop", he would've ignored "octopus" and "Pluto" too.

You're basically telling her that if she was tied up, she shouldn't have expected saying "No" to stop him. That she wouldn't have been raped if she had set some ground rules ahead of time. That's what pissed me off, you basically saying, "Well she should've said octopus!"

It turned into a personal attack not because I disagreed with your core point, but because they way you made it was infuriating. It was almost as pedantic as your response to me. So no, it doesn't lessen the impact of my point to future readers, because my point is "you pissed me off with your bullshit advice."

Well, it appears that my advice sucked and for that I am truly sorry.

Just for the record I am not defending the asshole, because there is no defense for his actions. He had the control and he abused it and her. There is no excuse for that. There should be a circle of hell designated for his kind.

It appears that he was a latent asshole from the beginning pressing her when she had been clear about her limits.

It appears that my position on that didn't come through either, so possibly I suck just as badly as a writer as I do for my advice.

Finally, Catface, I am sorry that I pissed you off. Hopefully, you will believe that it was not my intention. If there is some way that I can make it up to you then I would be willing to try.

I know this happened to this woman a long time ago, but I want her to know that I can only imagine her pain, but have a real good idea, having had a serious ass abcess that put me in the hospital several times with butt problems. Every nerve radiates out of your ass, not always in a good way.
My prayer is that some very good, well endowed gay men heard about this, took this jerk and made him their party pig for the night, with no lube. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
And SlimJim- must be lonely in China, if that is where you are at, but you missed it, and Cat was exactly right to nail you for it.