Savage Love

Comments

Hi,

A little harsh to the shocked potential ballee, doncha think?

on September 17, 2008 at 3:23 PM

That story effectively ruined my appetite for the next year. Thanks!

on September 17, 2008 at 3:58 PM

Yes! I can't believe it took this long to add comments to Savage Love. Also, points for using letters that haven't been posted to SLOG already.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:00 PM

SSBB should have used a condom, would be easier to clean up, and Hey!... reducing you chances of getting STI from random hook-up in Paris is not a bad reason to use it either. In my opinion he deserves being shitted on!

on September 17, 2008 at 4:02 PM

Did I read that right? A girl who's just shat on a penis, which was wiped 'clean' with some underwear (not so much as a babywipe) who then proceeds to suck it off might be "into shit"? Really?

on September 17, 2008 at 4:04 PM

Hmmm - if you're 34 instead of 43, that means Terry must have been... what - about 15 when the two of you hooked up??

Keep up the good lie. Works well for McCain.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:13 PM

I get that if you shit the dick you would be embarrassed, but isn't it reasonable to suggest that if you're going to put your dick in someone's colon you should probably be prepared for the possibility that it may get shit on? This sounds like an extreme case but in the event of a little brown, it's hardly fair to make the receiving party feel terrible for something that's entirely forseeable and not 100% controllable.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:16 PM

Well, you do have to give her points for Good Giving and Game after that. :-)
Him, too.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:16 PM

I've never understood people who participate in anal (especially impromtu anal) and then get FREAKED OUT by shit. Come on -- If you play in the mud, you're going to get dirty. SSBB needs to calm the hell down. I think the Spanish girl couldn't have been more courteous and hospitable (she sucked him off afterward, for fuck's suck!) -- To totally write her off now is to throw away a potentially fantastic relationship.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:19 PM

So on your blog in the letter of the day, you tell the guy that "ANAL SEX IS NOT FIRST DATE ACTIVITY", but you neglected to mention that to the shittee in the column. And i'm thinking the guy wasn't using any form of protection. Plus, the shittee mentions that the shitter was drunk, but we don't really know about his level of sobriety.

So while the shitter should have been a little more polite and mortified (provided that she even realized), I would have liked a little more guidance to the shittee about practicing safer sex, not having anal sex with total strangers, and maybe (if he was not as equally drunk) being a little more concerned about the possibility of exploiting a person that may not have been in a mind state to exercise her best judgement.

I'm not saying she was a victim, just saying she had put herself in a position to make bad decisions - and no one (male / female / gay / straight) should take advantage of that in a sexual or nonsexual situation.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:34 PM

Wow. You call the Spanish girl a "tramp" because...??? She's a woman and you're a mysoginist?
I can't comprehend why you are so harsh on her, telling the dude to ditch her number because there was *gasp* shit in her ass.

I am normally a huge fan of yours but the mysoginistic undertone is thick in this weeks column.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:36 PM

Way too harsh on RIT. Expressing surprise at a request for something you didn't know was physiologically possible isn't unreasonable, and especially isn't a play for moral superiority. It is what it is - surprise.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:43 PM

Sometimes a "What?!" isn't a moral judgment designed to make the other person realize your own superiority, but a genuine expression of surprise when something catches you off guard. And yeah, it's too bad it might have made him feel bad, but suck it up pal! An unusual request might illicit a "What?!" response from someone caught off guard. Figure out a way to talk about it with the caught off guard person. Humor? It might help.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:45 PM

Hey....Dan!

Two things: First, I read "What!?" to mean, "Is such a thing physically possible!?" rather than, "That's too weird to be contemplated!" My reaction might have been the same, only because I had no idea it could be done. It's too bad the guy was cowed, but the What-er might have been innocent of prudery, no?

Second: The shit-prick guy: You missed a vital component of his mail. He mentions that this (presumably stranger) woman from a party was noticably drunk. That makes him a rapist and getting shit upon is the least of what he's earned. I hope he gets shit cooties, for a start.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:50 PM

Dan, you rock.

on September 17, 2008 at 4:58 PM

sounds like the whole thing might have been a language issue. I mean, it happened in France, she was Spanish... Maybe when she put her finger up her ass it was to signify that she had to go, and the misunderstanding escalated from there.

on September 17, 2008 at 5:05 PM

I think you were a little harsh on the girl with the guy who wanted to stick his balls in her. I don't know about you, but my instantaneous reaction to something I've never heard of is "what?" and its not that I'm not open to random things, its just a "wait, people do that? before a hrm...yea that could work and be fun."

on September 17, 2008 at 5:10 PM

When it comes to anal sex, you've got to be cool with poo. However, sometimes the other party doesn't realize they're getting messy. I had four fingers in a gorgeous boy once at a party, and things got messy, and I don't think he even noticed. I just asked someone else for some paper towels and kept going. When we were done, I was still gloved, so I called for more paper towels and a trash bag and cleaned him up as best I could. Then he went and cleaned up some more in the bathroom, and nothing was really said of it.

Its buttsex. Shit happens.

Though as to the comment that anal sex isn't a first date activity; well, that isn't really fair! Sometimes that's what the *plan* is on a first day, but hey, that could just be me. I'm a little butt biased.

on September 17, 2008 at 5:27 PM

And why should anyone who shits on a dick stuck in an ass be mortified? Seriously, folks--is anyone here surprised that shit comes out of asses?
If you have a problem with shit....don't stick your dick in an ass.

on September 17, 2008 at 5:53 PM

@Ruby--Dan Savage is homo so of course he is going to call girls tramps for doing the same shit homos do all the time lol that is part of life. He also says "the ladies", eww.

I don't think "What?!?" has anything to do with moral vs. immoral, more like...weird vs. normal. I don't think that guy should go to jail or anything, but he is suggesting something not really common so the "What?!?" is part of life.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:03 PM

No politics, only a snarky reference to Palin's hair! Thank you, Dan.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:17 PM

SSBB sounds like a fake with a hang-up about anal.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:29 PM

I agree - a little harsh on the What!?! comment. Guys are always pressuring women to put lord knows what into lord knows where and if they don't get it they pout. So a little bit of "WHAT!?!" is often a woman's knee jerk defensive mechanism. I understand Dan's point where it can be a real shut down when people do that, but I see both sides of this.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:39 PM

Yeah, and John McCain is 27.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:46 PM

Anyone else think the Spanish girl in Paris story was made up? Hot girl, exotic location, exotic girl, inflatable igloo, shit smearing and then a suck off? That's a closet poo-player who didn't feel like sending his fantasy to Hustler.

And I agree that you were way too harsh to the What?! woman. For all we know she's still with him and asking for how-to advice.

on September 17, 2008 at 6:48 PM

Did you accidentally send in your April Fool's column?
Because if surprise is enough to drive a man away, then he's anything but "The One." If his ego is that fragile, then I think RIT dodged a bullet.
As for SSBB, I think his story is BS.
I really hope you're baiting us and that you're not really that judgemental and gullible.

on September 17, 2008 at 7:45 PM

Yeah, that Spanish girl has done that before. I'll thank this gentleman for teaching me an important lesson by example. Hopefully he neglected to mention protection because it just goes without saying.

on September 17, 2008 at 7:50 PM

people forget that if you are gonna take it up the ass be sure you are as clean as possible. It's only fair. If you are not clean or are not sure or had Mexican earlier that night just say no to anal. A little brown is expected, a mudslide is just disgusting and rude.

on September 17, 2008 at 7:50 PM

Oh come on, you are NOT 34.

on September 17, 2008 at 7:55 PM

Glad to see all the comments on how mean the response to "What?!" was. I thought the response was over the top and pretty irrelevant. She missed out on a life of happy fucking and true love because some guy surprised her with a kink she didn't know was physically possible and her response wasn't completely positive?!? There's nothing in the letter to suggest it was a serious relationship, and if one comment could scare a guy off for life, then he's probably not the one.

on September 17, 2008 at 7:57 PM

I would say the story about balls inside someone is less a story about not reacting to a surprise by, well, being surprised, as your advise seems to suggest, but that if you're going to surprise someone one, make sure you're also 1)know the person well enough to know it's a good surprise or 2) be prepared for some type of reaction, possibly one you don't like/want. GGG does not and should not include surpressing surprise when one is being surprised. If it had come up, in a conversation, in a setting appropriate to surprising people and not in bed, then I imagine the "What?!" wouldn't have been present.

on September 17, 2008 at 8:00 PM

Now I'm a pretty GGG girl, but I've had things said to me in the heat of passion that, while not necessarily completely, utterly inappropriate, managed to turn my stomach a bit and cause me to dry up. I didn't bust out a WHAT?!, but I was left there with him pumping away at my dried up pussy all because I didn't want to make HIM feel bad for being vulnerable. What is the appropriate action when something someone says when "baring their kinky soul" really does turn you off (or at least it does right then)?

on September 17, 2008 at 8:01 PM

Dan, I love your column, but I have to agree with your critics that you do have a sexist side to you. Not sure why you seem to have such an axe to grind when you write about women, but it is getting tiresome and predictable--two adjectives that should not apply to an otherwise fun sex column.

I see this in your response to the first letter: my first reaction to reading that was also What?!?, as in "a guy can do that?" Not something any man has ever asked me to do, and not something I had ever heard of, so surprise is not such a prudish reaction.

And I also see traces of hostility in your reply to the 4th letter: while this woman sounds rather gross, this guy might have thought twice about bedding down with someone *that* drunk. Sounds like both he and she were tramps...

Again, I enjoy Savage Love, but would enjoy it more without the unnecessary snipes to the female side.

on September 17, 2008 at 8:12 PM

43 is HOT! There is nothing wrong with honest ages and I will read and love you when you are ancient (which, at 43, is a LONG way away).

on September 17, 2008 at 8:17 PM

I personally think it's rather nice that the desk remains inviolate.

on September 17, 2008 at 8:35 PM

Anal may not be a first date activity, but I'm pretty sure neither is inserting your balls into someone. I think that it is possible may be less than common knowledge outside of a small community.

on September 17, 2008 at 8:41 PM

Inaccurate Wikipedia actually includes a link to http://www.seattleweekly.com/2004-05-26/news/buzz.php - which discusses Dan's age. Eventually, I'm sure Wikipedia will include a link to this post.

on September 17, 2008 at 8:44 PM

Fer fuck's sake! You've written an utterly hypocritical column here. The woman who says, "What?!" to the potential nutsack inserter gets scolded. The guy who OFFERS to buttfuck,and buttfucks, a drunk woman, without protection, gets sympathy. And you call the woman he has consensual sex with a tramp and say that she should have been mortified. Why? He suggested, she agreed, he should be just as mortified as she; it was the first fuck for both and both, it sounds like, were drunk. That makes them both stupid fucks. And that makes you a hypocrite. In this situation at least.

on September 17, 2008 at 9:29 PM

Awfully harsh, Dan. Since when does surprise = moral superiority? Maybe sometimes it's just....wait for it...surprise! 'What?!' is not necessarily a value judgment; sometimes 'what?!' is just 'what?!'

on September 17, 2008 at 9:36 PM

Letter: Hey Dan I said "What" to my bf when he said he wanted to stick his balls up in me, wtf?
Dan: OH NO! You can't say "what", that's practically calling him immoral and it might hurt his feelings! What if you made him feel like a freak?!?!?! Stop trying to make moral judgments!!
Letter: Hey Dan a drunk girl pooped on my dick, wtf?
Dan: What a harlot TRAMP. :<

aahahahaha...but yea, Dan grew up in a different time that's all there is to it I don't think it means you hate females. My gramma goes on and on about the drunk "sluts" on tv (even she isn't as old fashioned as Dan in terms of vocab) but she supports female advancement 100%. It's a generation thing.

on September 17, 2008 at 10:03 PM

Ehm... I am going to call shenanigans on shitty's letter. "Inflatable igloo?" Spanish chick in Paris? Some dude with a scat fetish just scammed you, Dan my man.

on September 17, 2008 at 10:10 PM

I agree with maughta - the Paris story reads as fake. Dan, you once did a whole, enlightening column on clues to fakeness. First: he nearly vomits over the shit, but a few minutes later she sucks him off - ie he ejaculates. Huh? He sure got over that ick factor pretty fast. Second: he really planned to carry his own shit-smeared underwear home in his pocket? Doubt it. Third: dick was 'covered in brown'. Doesn't read as believable. I'm an experienced buttfucker and have seen (rare) accidents; shit doesn't behave like chocolate fondue. It might cling in very small pieces, but otherwise would be mostly squeegeed down to the base by the pressure of the sphincter. He'd be more likely to discover it in his pubes. Lastly, he focuses at the end on the apology he thinks he deserves, as if he was victim of her out-of-control freakiness. It seems to me her lack of remorse is supposed to demonstrate her complete degradation - which is what I suspect this fantasy is about.

on September 18, 2008 at 12:04 AM

my friends say they found a porno where a guy pulls his balls out of a girl and goes "booyah!"... anyone have a link?

on September 18, 2008 at 1:23 AM

i'm kinking that the igloo deserved greater inclusion here

on September 18, 2008 at 1:34 AM

If for any reason I found any part of my person unexpectedly covered in shit, I would have no hesitation using my socks and undies to try to clean up. I would not plan on stuffing said undergarments in my pockets to take home: I would throw them out. What's wrong with you people?

And inflatable igloos, or "igloos gonflables" as we say around here, are not uncommon. I don't know about their presence at sex parties, but if I had sufficient space for a sex party, I would be tempted to use an inflatable igloo to provide a bit of privacy for my guests.

I agree that the harsh response to the What?!!? and to the shitter is not consistent.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:54 AM

No Politics? Hmm, I was hoping the "lipstick on an ass" example was meant to take Obama's supposed 'pig in lipstick' Palin jab to the next level. SSBB's letter reeks in more ways than one. I have to agree that it sounds like SSBB is a scat fetishist trying to explicate himself. If the letter is real, she is a tramp, but so is he.
Regarding RIT, she admits to feeling like she might have missed out on something because of her knee-jerk reaction to a harmless, if seemingly impossible kink. She details that she was making out with this guy a few months ago, so most of her has obviously moved on, just as he did, and yet she’s still thinking of what might have been had she used a few less exclamation marks against him. I think Dan's advice is appropriate, especially if you consider that he probably hears these types of sexual regrets all of the time.

on September 18, 2008 at 3:38 AM

Ann Landers' desk bring you to a whole new level of credibility. And, hey, how old WAS Terry? Even your mom thought he was jailbait, eh?

on September 18, 2008 at 3:39 AM

Ruby: Yes, a woman who has drunk anonymous unprotected anal sex with a stranger is a tramp. A MAN who has drunk anonymous unproptected anal sex with a stranger is also a tramp. This would seem to include the letter writer, btw... if he weren't making the whole thing up, which I agree he is. Hot Spanish chick in Paris? He should be so lucky.

on September 18, 2008 at 4:03 AM

Y'all should hold a "Violate Sweet Ann's Old Desk" contest with carnality on The Desk of Landers" as a prize.

Maybe charge an entry fee and give the proceeds to the O/B(b) in hopes of getting Alaska her governor back.

on September 18, 2008 at 4:42 AM

Geeze I love you, but the girl in Paris isn't to blame. He's an idiot. Having been in that situation before, I can say I wasn't mad at the woman. As someone else pointed out, if you play in the mud, you get dirty.

If a brown penis freaks him out, don't stick it in places that might make it brown.

on September 18, 2008 at 5:37 AM

I also thought "What?!" about the balls issue, as in questioning the possibility, and how comfortable that would be for the guy. So I asked two guys if they had ever thought about putting their balls into a woman. Both responses: "What?!"...apparently that is something they hadn't thought about. One looked rather curious, so I don't think the response has anything to do with moral superiority or prudishness.

I also feel you've been too harsh towards women in this week's column. And I also suspect shitty's letter is indeed a fake, but if it wasn't, agreed he is a tramp, and deserved whatever he got.

on September 18, 2008 at 5:41 AM

I like the comments. But they need comment numbers like on Slog.

But I will say to Jaya - he wasn't GGG afterward, he had his cock in someone's mouth. That's pretty easy to do.

on September 18, 2008 at 6:18 AM

Gotta agree with Mywonderfulgirth, who said that your response to the would-be ballee who said "WHAT?" was pretty harsh. Yeah, it's dropping a bomb, but it's usually the first thing a person will blurt without thinking. I've accidentally embarrased a couple people with "WHAT?" in the bedroom...but I've also blurted it at work on occasion when I should have said "Right away, boss" instead. Point is, it can be pretty reflexive. If she'd said "You want to do WHAT, you sick fuck?!"...well, then there was definitely an opportunity to pause & reflect, and that's when someone really deserves to damn themselves to vanilla sex. May I suggest to people faced with weird requests that the word "REALLY?" is a much more functional suggestion. It still conveys that you're surprised (you either didn't think they'd be into it, or you've never even tried it) and it forces them to go into a bit more detail. You can say it in a much sexier way and sound intrigued rather than weirded out. And, bonus:they still have to tell you what the hell they were talking about and how exactly that would work.

on September 18, 2008 at 6:34 AM

Dude...Can I have the Spanish chick's phone number?

on September 18, 2008 at 7:53 AM

better name for MOCK - cock tease. Although second base is inclusive of lesbians (but they could always be called cunt tease or clit tease or something)

on September 18, 2008 at 7:54 AM

one of the best savage love columns in recent memory. thanks Dan!

-- love from texas

on September 18, 2008 at 8:12 AM

Wow, people asinine comments, can't wait to read more poo!

on September 18, 2008 at 9:18 AM

Please use the right terminology. It's not "shitted on", it's "shat upon".

So much more elegant, don't you think?

on September 18, 2008 at 9:23 AM

Thanks Dan! I hope all the What?! people out there read this week and keep reading to help them get over their What?! issues. I've had to help with What?! rehab too many times. Come on people! Be who you are..ask for what you want...and be kind and open (whether you accept or not) when someone works up their courage to ask for something they want.

on September 18, 2008 at 9:30 AM

that shit story is one of the funniest I've heard in a while. Well written shitty shitty bang bang. I had to laugh out loud. Could it be she might have wanted to spread things around a bit. I mean ... she was hardly moved. And if you're sober enough to fuck and remember who you fucked, I think you're sober enough to be aware of the brown. Seriously, how could she not know. There's some big poo worshippers out there ... and they come in all forms. And some of them may not be miss manners.

on September 18, 2008 at 9:58 AM

FWIW You look cute and yummy in your wikipedia picture :) Maybe you should upload a new one.

on September 18, 2008 at 10:07 AM

the espanish shitter might not be such a great catch, as the chance of her getting hepatitis A or E from oral/fecal transmission is rather high.

i hope shittee was not wearing his finest undies, btw...

on September 18, 2008 at 12:06 PM

I have had more than a few little "hook ups" in Europe and Africa and shit happens.

on September 18, 2008 at 12:27 PM

Joe Newton's artwork to go along with RIT's query this week made me giggle out loud. That's awesome! I probably would have had the same reaction if someone whispered that into my ear while making out...it's just so unusual...but intriguing! Why not? Brings a new meaning to "stuff sack".

on September 18, 2008 at 12:45 PM

Dan,

It seems like years ago I wrote to you with a stuttering slumbering lilt of a question slathering with ambiguity and restless contrivances....

Could you possibly find a way to eneter into the heart of HUMP, all the little articles of faith in such a fashion as I have laid on Mike Nippers Table and desk and chairs and passed through that little slot of yours at the front lobby so as to finally lay to rest the farce and fickel nature of repugnant bigotry and judgement of innuendo for those who will NEVER SEE A HUMP and have no idead as to the nature of whimsical sarcasm and the bluff of a power-fist?

This would of course give you the pleasure of rule in HUMP for the exchange of un-observed loyalty.

Yours in tandam,
Savaged Daniel.

on September 18, 2008 at 1:07 PM

Dan, I never knew you had gotten the blessing of Ann Landers' daughter to acquiring the desk.

I enjoyed Margo Howard as the second incarnation of Slate's Dear Prudence advice columnist. That you sought and she gave permission speaks well of both of you.

on September 18, 2008 at 1:56 PM

Sometimes you really can't help the "what" that comes out of your mouth. It's not about moral superiority. It's about being a bit shocked and surprised. You have to smooth it over though and it can be done. A simple, "you just surprised me, but let’s talk about it" would suffice. There are just some things I’m not willing to try, but I don’t think for one minute that I’m not the sinner that the next person is. I’m sure there are things I’m into that others are not willing to try, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it. Luv ya Dan!

on September 18, 2008 at 2:00 PM

If your gonna go in the out door you better be prepared for the concequences and not be a crybaby about it. If he was afraid of getting shat on he shouldn't of offered to put his penis in her rectum. That's what comes out of there, after all. In fact, I think she's awesome for not getting freaked out by it and I'm sure she knew. I think he should be feeling lucky to have had sex with a cute little Spanish girl who's into anal who'll suck his dick after she shit on it. She's a freak and it sounds like she's beyond his sexual comfort level. In short, be glad you got some ass and had a chick that open.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:01 PM

I have to agree with the folks saying the reply to RIT was pretty harsh. She didn't give a lot of context, first of all, and I've had my fair share of experience with guys with absolutely no tact who volunteer their sexual fantasies and desires before it's even clear I am interested in talking to them, let alone having sex with them. Maybe she had just met him and was like "wtf why are you telling me your weird fantasies already"

Even if they'd been having sex already, I think this letter shows there should be some sort of protocol about bringing up kinks - talking about stuff when you're NOT in the middle of anything sexual means you're more likely to be listened to and have your request considered, and less likely to be shot down and ruin whatever perfectly enjoyable vanilla experience you were having at the time. Not only can you ruin it for yourself, but you can ruin it for the other person, as another commenter pointed out.

I'm a pretty kinky GGG person, and even to me bringing up kinks to someone during sex (or immediately beforehand) comes off as rude and demanding (as in "I want to do this right now" instead of "Hey, would you like to try this thing sometime") and isn't encouraging to the other party to be open-minded.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:04 PM

Re: WAHT?
I think that's a pretty normal first answer when confronted with the unexpected, I don't think you have to be trying to be superior etc., you may just be surprised or caught off guard. What you say after "What?", either, "You perv!" or "Oh yeah?" is more important I think.

Re: browncock
You know, the "shittee" never mentions whether he was using a condom. He was already banging her, so either he was using one and probably kept using it, or he was not, so shame on him anyway. But, if he was, cleaning up the shit probably was not so bad, and assuming he didn't get it everywhere when taking it off, her blowing him probably didn't require her to be "into shit". Just, maybe not too grossed out by being near it. Anyway, sounds more plausible to me.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:09 PM

I'm surprised you didn't yell at Shitty Shitty Bang Bang for not wearing a condom.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:19 PM

HEY DAN!! Is it possible to have ONE column where you don't mention politics? The Democrats are losing the election (again) and there is nothing we can do about it.

on September 18, 2008 at 2:22 PM

benny chung is gay and wants you

on September 18, 2008 at 2:34 PM

SSBB's letter is so fake -- can't believe Dan doesn't mention that...

on September 18, 2008 at 2:48 PM

my flagging middle-aged libido was not helped by ANYTHING in this week's column, i'm sad to say. in fact, i'm thinking it's time to leave it to the youngsters and devote myself completely to the pta.

on September 18, 2008 at 4:25 PM

A month after moving to NYC I hooked up with a guy, started to fuck him, and then noticed a funky smell. Sure enough, shit. He was embarrased, left, and then I was even more shocked/repulsed when I noticed there was shit all over my comforter, sheets, etc- I promptly threw them all in the wash, called one my friends in SF, and he wisely told me "If you keep drilling, you're bound to hit oil". 2 days later, Mr shitter called me and wanted to go out- I was debating whether I should or not, and did as I figured he'd be a good friend for a new york newbie. We ended up dating for 5 months, and to this day he was the best consistent fuck of my life. The fact that we got stoned a lot, and he introduced me to cock rings helped too. Point being, try not to get freaked out by the small shit in life- there could be great things lurking therein...

on September 18, 2008 at 6:28 PM

Dan Baby - I was shocked to read your reply to SSBB. Why did you refer to the Spanish hoe's actions as a 'malfunction'? I think this babe should be applauded...she wasn't fazed with the occurence of a normal bodily function. As you said, shit happens, and when you are in the throws of ecstacy, who knows what will happen. Shame on you...I expected more from you sweetie.

on September 18, 2008 at 8:59 PM

Who's taken over Dan's column?

This is not Dan.

Bitching out a girl because she was surprised yet curious about a fetish? Not Dan.

Slagging off a 'tramp' because she had an understandable accident when having drunk anal sex? Not Dan.

Not noticing that the couple weren't using protection and putting in a well-placed warning about it? Definitely not Dan.

Bring Dan Savage back! Who is this imposter?!

on September 19, 2008 at 4:07 AM

You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you—and we're talking shit here, not a splash of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on. Some folks would've freaked but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on ass, my friends, but it's still ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known."

---------

I love how you managed to get three anti-right wing political references in one paragraph!

As for the Spanish chick, it sure sounded like it was no accident.

on September 19, 2008 at 7:08 AM

Re: hump never having a leak - sounds like a challenge. ]:-)>

on September 19, 2008 at 8:30 AM

Chill on RIT. She was asking an honest question, not condemning the balls-in approach.

SSBB - Ridiculously fake. The dude who wrote this (and it was a dude) has probably never had his dick anywhere warm, let alone in a poo-happy Spanish lady's ass.

on September 19, 2008 at 10:01 AM

Um...that igloo story is obviously a fake. I'm surprised Dan didn't call it out. How on earth would a woman, wearing a skirt and "mostly dressed", be penetrated by a penis from behind and manage to stick her own finger in her tush while standing up [in party heels?] in an inflatable igloo? Please. It sounds like some kind of weird fantasy by a man who wants to imagine a woman so humiliated that she eats her own excrement in the process of giving him a blowjob.

--LG

on September 19, 2008 at 10:43 AM

As a womanwho was part of the early years of the "sexual revolution" I personally DON'T think that women need to accede to EVERY stupid, idiotic, pervy request a man makes; nor do the need to be "guilted out" about it. If you ask me, any man who comes up with requests like "I wanna fuck you with my balls" spends FAR TOO MUCH TIME with his homo friends; women never had to contend with as many of these pervy ideas before the homos slid out of their closets and started spreading notions like this around! What's next, "gerbiling" for women? PS. For those of you who heard the rumour about "gerbiling" and Richard Gere, I am here to tell you: It's TRUE. I heard if from the very best source of all: a PARAMEDIC.

on September 19, 2008 at 10:56 AM

I understand somewhat your negative view of how you look. You've mentioned it several times. My personal feeling is that you are above average looking and way above average sexy.

So sue me!

on September 19, 2008 at 11:17 AM

I don't think the balls-in girl was being sex-negative, I think she was just confused. Maybe she meant "what" as in, "I'm open to that idea, but how exactly do you mean?" But yeah, a little harsh on the breeders, Dan. You had to go there - he might have been "the one". Um, ok.

Also, I think the poop story is fake. Really? A Spanish girl in Paris in an igloo in the butt?

on September 19, 2008 at 12:44 PM

"One of last year's winning teams made its HUMP! film the day before the deadline!"

Well, they didn't *shoot* it the previous day, right? They edited a sub-8-minute festival version from existing footage, right?

I'm not trying to reraise the barriers or anything, I'm all for people deluging you with as many entries as possible. I'm just for truth in advertising too.

on September 19, 2008 at 12:56 PM

This is the fist time i have had the great pleasure of reading your articles and can i just say three words "I'm in love"

on September 19, 2008 at 1:15 PM

awfully brutal to the ballee

on September 19, 2008 at 2:30 PM

common people, just because there was no mention of condoms in this story doesn't mean their weren't any. remember, when you ASSume you might just get shit on.

oh, and the inflatable igloo makes the story more credible. who makes up that kind of shit.

on September 19, 2008 at 2:41 PM

I think the "what?!" might have been legit in context. Not all "what" bombs have anything to do with superiority (moral or otherwise). Sometimes a "what" is just a "what". You pretty much heaped onto her all of the condemnation you accused her of heaping on the guy. Guess that means she's less likely to ask about things in the future, "resulting in less interesting sex lives for all".

on September 19, 2008 at 3:09 PM

I agree. Too harsh on RIT by far. As a vanilla-ish straight girl, that would be my first reaction. But with a few minutes to get used to the idea, she'd probably come around.

on September 19, 2008 at 9:51 PM

I love you Dan but this week your advice was off and a little sexist.e

When did being GGG mean suppressing all emotions including surprise? It reminds me of the time a boy asked me if I knew what a supernova was and then asked to fuck me with champagne, mintos and then his cock. Maybe my 'what' scarred him off too. Oh well.
I have a weird fetish too actually and it is hard to tell partners but 'what' seems like a natural response.

on September 20, 2008 at 8:19 AM

Re: RIT and the 'What?!' bomb -- one of the best things about Savage Love is that Dan calls straight women (and others, sure) on their bullshit -- specifically, bullshit on which they are rarely called because they are straight women.

Death to Gender Hypocrisy!

on September 20, 2008 at 10:33 AM

I once had a shit incident and the dude I was with totally fucking freaked out!! It didn't even get on him but when I stood up some shat came out my ass HUGE suprise. Needless to say I never gave him the booty again. Current bf loves my tight little ass and never complains about residue or scent! ;0)

on September 20, 2008 at 12:54 PM

As an aspiring writer I just have to say; I idolize Dan Svage!!

on September 20, 2008 at 5:18 PM

You know Dan, it's O.K. being 43. Really, it is.

on September 20, 2008 at 7:45 PM

The guy probably said that he wanted to "go balls deep" and she had no idea what he was talking about. The fact that there is some ball dipping fetish is coincidence.

on September 20, 2008 at 9:54 PM

I remember a Savage Love column where a guy fucked another guy on a beach, without condom - the situation was pretty similar if I remember correctly: alcohol involved, two unknown people, a shit incident. In that case though, you told the writer he deserved being shit upon for not using a condom with a stranger in the first place, and not caring at all - "you shat on him, he shat on you" I think was the quote. Why so different perspective here?

on September 21, 2008 at 5:13 AM

Tracey S - I mostly agree - the girl in SSBB was not a victim, and she did put herself in a position to make bad judgments (unprotected anal sex) due to drinking too much. But I say tough luck. No sympathy or understanding from me. CAVEAT POTOR, as the Romans might have said at their orgies.

on September 21, 2008 at 7:37 AM

100

Oh, I forgot to say, same for the guy, too!

on September 21, 2008 at 7:42 AM

Savage Love

HUMP!

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