Savage Love

Face Sitting

Comments

1
For NTOM: let the evidence of the affair be the subpoena for child support. lol. I loved your advice for her, Dan. Phenomenal.
2
Third letter... ouch...
3
Loud and Clear,

We had the same problem in college.

F**k 'em, they're simply jealous. Just ignore them, or crank the tunes like Dan said.

It's not as fun if you can't make noise. This is what you're supposed to be doing.

And there's nowhere else on campus to go? Puh-leeze. I can think of few places at my old Alma Mater where we didn't do the nasty. Get adventurous!
4
I think sex noises are just like other noises if you're in a communal living situation. Around 11pm to 7am, noise should be kept down on weeknights. You don't have to have Marcel-Marceau sex, but having your partner muffle you can be kinda hot, too.

I would be on edge, too, if I thought my creepy neighbors were listening.
5
NTOM, you suck. Your boyfriend sucks. His wife probably sucks too. All kids involved will probably end up sucking from your collective parenting.
6
You could at least put the mattress on the floor to eliminate the squeaking and thumping. That's what I did in college.
7
Loud and Clear:

1. Put the mattress on the floor.
2. Play jazz- not necessarily cheesy porn style jazz. Its obnoxious enough to help muffle things, yet mellow enough to work for most people.
3. Dont worry about them, they're just jealous. As long as you're not causing a tremendous ruckus the week of finals they'll have to get over it.
4. There are lots of places on campus which can be lots of fun, especially at night and on weekends. Dark corners of the library, doorways, hallways, bathrooms, study rooms...
5. Dan's solution works too.

8
third letter's a fake.
9
Put the stupid matress on the stupid floor, or buy an extra futon. This simple step, plus not screaming at the top of your lungs, will keep the neighbors off your case.
10
"When the neighbors complain about the music, tell them that they can listen to show tunes or put up with the noise you guys make when you have sex—their pick." I've been reading your column since I was thirteen and this is without a doubt the best advice you've ever given.
11
No other places to have sex? What do you mean? The surface area of the Earth, excluding water (which makes sex difficult, but not impossible), is approximately 33 million square miles. If you can't find any place to have sex in all that vastness, YOU AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
12
I don't know if your neighbors are jealous, LAC (one of my college roommates was pretty much an auditory exhibitionist ... making un-consenting people participate in your sex life is not cool), but boning in college is a challenge (which is part of the fun). Mattress on the floor is a good idea, but as long as you're not both screaming, I wouldn't worry too much. Remember: everyone else has music they can put on too, and idiots are the people most likely to write rude notes.
14
NTOM, What is wrong with you?!?

If he's cheating on her why wouldn't he cheat on you?!?

You deserve the same spite from what ever god you believe in as much as he does from his.

No child should be brought into this world from such a place of hate.

Read your letter over and over again until it makes sense to you that the hate you are sending his way is not even close to how she would feel about you if she knows about you.
15
Here's what I would say to NTOM: Having myself been in a serious (though only one year long, not 5) relationship with a married man, I think you need to buck up and leave him. There's no place for that kind of self-hatred in your life, especially if you intend to keep the baby. No matter how much he says he loves you, he is never going to leave his wife and kids. As for making him miserable when you leave? Just don't. It's not only your married boyfriend who's making you miserable now, it's you, too--you're the one staying, after all. Forcing him to tell his wife will just end badly for all of you. I understand that you might get some twinge of victory out of telling the wife, but it will be much more unsatisfying than you'd think (probably like the relationship itself) and in the end it's just not worth it. DTMFA!
16
Love, love, love your advice to Loud and Clear, Dan. I'm living in a dorm currently- it comes with the territory, kids. Get used to it.
17
Loud and Clear: Or get a carpet to put under the bed.
18
Dan, what the heck? Don't wish a miscarriage on NTOM. Not cool.

If I were her, I'd probably get an abortion, but she doesn't need you going on about how she should miscarry.
19
"Around 11pm to 7am, noise should be kept down on weeknights."

Agreed, we can only guess how loud these two really are. I know with my old dorm mates it got a little ridiculous when you could hear them screaming like cats in heat over your own headphones.
20
I'm surprised Dan didn't mention to Strange Fantasy Dude that attaching a what is basically a lever to the end of his nose, that is inserted in a woman of undetermined weight in the throes of ecstasy could be a spectacular way for him to break his nose.
21
Check out John Stewart's segment with Huckabee tonight on The Daily Show -- it's the best explanation and defense of marriage (regardless of gender) I've ever heard.
22
I would have supported NTOM's right to fuck up the married bf's life all the way up till she had a baby in that situation. You have no business wreaking such broken hell on an innocent kid. And he's been having an affair for 5 years? Sorry but the joke's on you, wife doesn't care.
23
Now the Other Mom--I know you're too selfish to give the kid up for adoption...so please sell your child. You could make a nice chunk of change. Seriously, you could do something great for the kid, whom you clearly won't care about, and still remain completely and utterly selfish...a win-win. Then, maybe you could buy yourself a soul. You're with a douchebag because you're a shallow, self-centered, horrible skank. Please don't reproduce ever again.
24
NTOM: The situation is simple. You're great in the sack, but you're crazy. Nobody leaves their wife for the crazy chick no matter how good she is.

And those are not excuses for not being able to leave the wife, those are excuses for not wanting to be with you!

Also, you forgot to mention how you managed to get pregnant twice - don't suppose you were engaging in some sabotage there too?
25
Jon Stewart was AMAZING tonight! How I want him.

Also, Dan's SNL crush, Samberg was HIGH-larious in his latest video.. Jizz in My Pants. But GAWD I wish I could get that friggin song outa my head.
26
Back in college, my boyfriend (now husband) and I were fooling around with little understanding of exactly how lofted beds rock or how thin the walls were in that particular dorm. Suddenly from the hallway we heard someone singing "Love is in the Air." It's hilarious now, but as a twenty year old sex newbie, I have every sympathy with the writer of the last letter.
27
I don't understand why anyone would complain about being able to hear their neighbors have sex... it always makes me happy.
28
Excellent response to NTOM, Dan. I hope she dumps the mofo and gets into therapy whether or not she keeps the child. Good luck to her--she's going to need it.
29
Help. What is a "mildly genderqueer, bi-leaning-het"? Seriously. I'm a 54 year old out, gay guy and I have no clue what "mildly genderqueer" means or what bi-leaning-het would be. If you're bi you're not het. Right. I'm not real concerned; just curious.
30
Help. What is a "mildly genderqueer, bi-leaning-het"? Seriously. I'm a 54 year old out, gay guy and I have no clue what "mildly genderqueer" means or what bi-leaning-het would be. If you're bi you're not het. Right? I'm not real concerned; just curious.
31
To Virgin At Thirty:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over two years now. We both had feelings for oneanother for a while, but it took getting drunk at a gig and an accidential kiss to get the ball rolling. We are incredibly happy together, have lived together, and are now coping (pretty well I may add) with living 600 miles apart.
You'd be surprised what a little moonshine can do.
32
As far as NTOM goes: Don't tell the wife. Leave the husband. Have the baby.

Then, file for child support. Since the father was married, and not to you, when the child was conceived, the state will factor BOTH their incomes into calculating child support (which is more or less specifically designed to keep the new baby from getting screwed by the father shifting all of his money into the wife's name). The wife will find out when she gets served with a notice to provide three years of W-2s. Wife freaks, husband gets screwed, new baby gets twice the child support.

And then get your goddamned idiot fucking ass to therapy in an effort to become something resembling a decent mother, or give the child up for adoption to two nice daddies who won't teach him or her such intense bullshit.
33
I agree with Dan, LAC, pump the music. But keep in mind that blasting music can cut both ways - a guy that used to live above my apartment would be getting it on every week night, keeping me up when I had to work the next day! A couple of times when that happened I decided that I needed to watch the intro to Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure at 3 am. Said lovin stopped pretty quickly..
34
Boil his bunny NTOM, boil his bunny!
35
The third letter's not necessarily fake--what makes you think that?
36
The third letter may be a fake or not, but sadly, that situation is very real for a lot of women.
37
Just to be clear NTOM:

1. The married man you're having a disgusting affair with is not your "boyfriend." Married men don't have "girlfriends"--they have mistresses or prostitutes on the side.

2. He's a lying douchebag.

3. You're a vengeful whore.

4. His wife doesn't deserve either of you in her life, regardless of how bad a wife she "might" be.

5. All the kids involved are tragic victims.

6. Your questions are absurd and sick as far as all healthy-minded people are concerned.

7. Dan is right to dismiss your letter as evidence of the sad state of heterosexual parenting in this homophobic country.
38
NOTM reads like the plot for Fatal Attraction. Lol.
39
Ok I am not completely clear on what "genderqueer" means- I get the gist I think.... but really this guy sounds too wimpy for his own good. Perhaps if Margaret Cho were to walk up to him and yell "Stick it in!"he would fuck somebody already. Of course I think she embodies all of his objections to sex in one package but maybe thats just what he needs.
40
Re: Loud and Clear
I enjoyed Dan's advice and the comments about it. Dan answered her question about "what to do" about the noise, but he didn't get to "what to do" about how she's not enjoying 'the act'.

So yes by all means, follow Dan's advice or some of the great advice on the comments here. But she has to understand that it's not abnormal for 18 year olds to have sex in shared living accommodations. What's more important is for the creepy neighbours to understand that as well. And when they signed up to live in a dorm/student house, they cannot reasonably deny that guys and/or girls wont have sex. It's university, people... come on.

Think about this... who would look stupider: the two people having sex and were understandably a little too loud, or the person who sat there and listened to it all?

Also, I have to comment... "a few times a day"? Geez... sex is a renewable resource people. It's not gonna go anywhere anytime soon. I hope they're protecting themselves.

Re: NTOM
And I also wanted to point out that Dan actually didn't give any advice to NTOM. Rightly so. Did she not come to this conclusion after the 1st year? 2nd year? 3rd? 4th? 5th?

What gets me the most is her spite! She'd like him to leave his wife, but if she doesn't get her way, she wants him to be miserable. Good lesson for her future child. Sheesh, what happens when you can't get a bottle open - do you throw it out?

Oh and VAT sounds dumb but cute.
41
Virgin at Thirty, you could be just fine. It could be, though, that you'll want to lower your standards. Sure, your first sexual experience shouldn't be a drunken mistake. But the only emotionally invulnerable people are sociopaths. Pick someone you can be yourself with, and whose foibles you find bearable. Any human relationship is going to involve a little of "I want this from you" involved. It's a matter of finding someone who's above-board about it, and who wants what you have to offer.

The people who've told you to lose your virginity because it'll be too weird when you tell your first lover about how you've been saving yourself for your first serious relationship are wrong. If anyone's weirded out by that, he/she's the wrong one for you. The right person will see your decision to wait as a gift.

Having said all this, if the reason you've waited is because you're overly scared of getting hurt, you find it really hard to be vulnerable, or you don't think you deserve good sex, it'd be good to talk about it with a counselor. Get those concerns out of the way now, and your first lover will appreciate it.

And once you find the right person, you might find you enjoy alcohol-fueled sex. In the right situation, in the right quantities, it can make the act more fun.
42
What I wouldn't do to be SFD's girlfriend!
43
Now The Other Mom wrote:

"Whenever his wife goes away, I go over to the house to spend time with him. I've been planting evidence of our affair around the house in the hopes his wife will find it. So far, no luck."

Of course the guy's wife has not noticed any of the evidence you've been planting around the house.

Because, she's probably willfully ignoring all evidence that her husband is screwing around on her.

You could be shagging this guy in front of her, and she'd not notice, because she's tuned it all out.

Or maybe, for all you know the wife is quite aware of her free range husband, and perhaps even gets off on what he's doing.

Also...for all you know, he may be screwing a bunch of other women, besides you.

Do you really want to drag your poor little kid into a karmic nightmare like this?

Written by the daughter of a mother who lost her heart to a love pirate who dumped two other wives, and who also may have had a 35 year relationship with a live in boyfriend.

And I donated $350 to California Marriage Equality at a time when my finances were taking a beating on the flogging block.
44
doggie style works well to keep the sqeaks down bend over a chair,desk now thats hot or eat more poke less
45
LAC, I understand your embarrassment, but try to get over it. A friend of mine living in a 2-room apartment with 4 other folks had a personal motto: "People hump." Yes, it happens! I believe you do have a responsibility, as a humper, to be reasonably respectful of neighbors - that is, keeping down yelling and screaming. But it's not your job to silence every little bedsqueak. If you have the guts, it's fair to write to the downstairs neighbors saying you're sorry they've been disturbed and you'll make an effort not to disturb them, but that communal living means dealing with a little bit of noise. Don't be embarrassed - people hump!
46
Hey NTOM, you know who's going to be miserable? The people who least deserve to be and who had no choice in this whole fucked up situation: your fuckbuddy's wife and kids.

He's never going to leave his wife for a cheap piece of ass. If that's what he wanted, then he would long ago have done so. I feel sorry for your kid. But I feel much more sorry for the wife and her kids. I recommend you get yourself to an abortion clinic, and then try growing your very own patch of adulthood and self-respect. You need some of those badly.

47
VAT sounds like a douche: "genderqueer, bi-leaning-het male"? Too many adjectives. And I never trust a guy who has tons of female friends; it's usually a sign that guys can't stand hanging out with him. Because he's a douche. Anyway, have sex early and often so that you won't suck at it when your time comes. Which it likely won't.
48
LAC: If the downstairs or next-door neighbours can hear you having sex, it's probably a cheaply-built apartment building. Now, if the neighbours across the street can hear you, *then* you're being too loud. And I strongly endorse the Avenue Q soundtrack as a fine prop for a "lesser-of-two-evils" demonstration. Or anything by Diamanda Galas, if you can stand it.
49
Loud And Clear-

Fuck them. Fuck more than ever to piss them off. Maybe they will move and you can take the bottom floor apartment.

50
For the second letter: My husband was also a virgin at 30, waiting for the right one, whereas I had a pretty colorful sexual history lol. I ended up having sex with him while crying over being dumped by an ex..that was 3 years ago. We're now happily married, and expecting our first child together. All because
he took a chance...
51
NTOM is about to open a can of worms and is probably not prepared for the consequences.

NTOM's boyfriend is NEVER going to leave his wife. In the event that his wife does find out about the affair, that is no guarantee that she will leave him either. People can always find reasons to stay married, especially if there are children and lots of money involved.

NTOM has the choice of keeping the baby or terminating the pregnancy, but she should not count on any help from the father of the child. Sure, he should have taken precautions and worn a condom, but he is going to blame it all on NTOM and will most likely claim that she set him up.

My advice to NTOM would be to (1) DTMF and move away, (2) have the child and keep it or give it up for adoption, (3) don't use the child as a wedge to drive the boyfriend and his wife apart, and (4) thank her lucky stars that she isn't married to her boyfriend.

Remember: if he cheats WITH you, he will definitely cheat ON you.
52
NTOM. Being a Mom is about doing the best thing for your child and always putting your child before yourself. From your letter, it sounds like you are not ready to be a Mom.
53
Loud and Clear. If your neighbor hasn't gotten used to hearing people fucking then they should probably go find a house in the woods. I hear fucking all the time, and I've gotten used to it. Besides, I consider it a matter of etiquette not to mention what you hear to the neighbors, so in my opinion, your neighbor is the bad guy in this situation. And don't be embarrassed, at least you're getting some, unlike a certain downstairs neighbor.
54
NTOM: You deserve everything that has been said to you. Get an abortion already, and get a grip. The wife absolutely knows her husband cheats, you're the least important person in this situation. Move on already!

LAC: A few times a day? Jesus! Come up for air! Not that there's anything wrong with that I guess, but come on, if I had things to do and all I could hear were my upstairs neighbours constantly humping, I'd be annoyed too.

VAT: Ugh. You sound like someone who's been a virgin for a reason. And it probably hasn't been your choice. It's been so built up now, that the shitty sex you would have had at 16 is now going to be the shitty sex you'll have at 30-something. Lower your expectations or hire a really good hooker.

SFD: There should be more like you!
55
The gf and I make it a game with our neighbors. If we hear them having sex, we have to outdo them.

One day, we will get up the courage to see if they're attractive and just ask them if they want to join. Until then it's yelling, "SMACK MY ASS, BABY" as loud as we can at the adjoining wall.
56
Virgin at Thirty, I can relate to some extent. When I was 30, I had had sex a grand total of...once. And I asked myself similar questions as you're asking. And you know what? Everything worked out fine. But, as Dan suggested, I think you need to ditch the "waiting for the right person" thing. Loosen up a little. Go out and have some casual sex. So what if it's not "the right person"? One of the sad facts of life is that there may not be a "right person." But there are a huge number of people who are at least close to being "the right person," and who aren't alcoholic, emotionally vulnerable, or apt to be manipulated, and who are actually quite nice and gentle.

When I was 30, there was no internet, but now there is. And it's a great resource to help you with your dilemma. Create a personal ad, and SAY WHAT YOU WANT!! There are plenty of people out there, male and female, who would respond to someone wanting to have sex that's at least a little bit special, and who aren't freaks. Best of luck to you.

PS Don't be "genderqueer." Be gay, be bi, be transgender, but don't be a buzzword.
57
NTOM: here's a haiku-

Do not be ashamed
Of exercising your right
To an abortion

Also, you're very stupid for being with this guy, hurting his wife, their kid, and letting him play you.
58
"the only emotionally invulnerable people are sociopaths" Love that comment!

It's fine to wait for true love, if that's what you want, but the excessive fear of manipulating anyone makes me think he is a paternalistic ass. It's not actually respectful to tell someone, "I can't have sex with you because, while you may think you want to, you are really too vulnerable to know what you are doing and may regret it later."

59
I've had the same problem as Loud and Clear, except for me, it was my RA. The problem with ignoring noise complains in a dorm is that it can get you in trouble with the school - and if you're going to get in trouble with your school, sex is maybe the most awkward way to do it. Boo on Dan for not being helpful to someone with a legitimate problem.
60
I loved your response to NTOM.

Loved it!

61
i HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR. WE HAD HARDWOOD FLOORS AND AT BAR CLOSING YOU WOULD HEAR THE TAP TAP TAP AS SHE MAADE HER WAY TO THE ROOM, WHICH WAS RIGHT ABOVE MINE. I HAD TO BE UP @ 5:30 AND THESE MINKS WERE AT IT AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK. TALK TO YOUR LANDLORD ABOUT PEACEABLE EXISTANCE AND PUT IT IN HIS HANDS AND LET HIM DEAL WITH IT
62
Letter 3 - The guy isn't going to leave you and guess what, you are going to have your hands full with a baby on your own. The child support you get from him won't be enough and he won't be coming over to hang out with you and your child. You will have a lot easier time finding someone who is single and start a family with him when you are sans child. Don't be ridiculous.

Dan's reply of giving your stupid letter to every doucheburst out there was priceless.

good luck
63
Letter 3 - Chances are his wife knows...so even if you plant more things at the house or go over and let her know, it won't do much because they are staying together for the kids and it would cost him too much to divorce her. Grow up, move on, dump him. Don't mess up his children's lives just because they have a stupid-ass for a dad. (And you want him???) GEEZ.
64
Loud And Clear

Be happy you're getting some. 5 years and not so much as a kiss goodnight for me. I miss sex.... :(
65
The wife is probably enjoying how insane it drives the gf that she's not getting any reaction in the form of dramatic blowout and divorce. Really NTOM, I can excuse that you were too naive and easily manipulated at 23 and fell into this situation, but you're 28 now. Please grow up and stop being made such a huge fool out of. Having this man's baby means you will never ever be rid of the stain.
67
Telling them to solve the loud sex problem with loud music? What a stupid ass idea. Dropped the ball here. Downstairs neighbor might have shit to do. I used to live under some obnoxious screamer who couldn't stop screaming "Oh shit!" and her guy could only thrust for about 4 seconds before having to get up and walk around the room. It's annoying as fuck when you have to wake up for an 8 o'clock class or have a 7:45 final. Teaching people to be inconsiderate of their neighbors is a pretty jackass thing to do, Dan.
68
NTOM, you and I are the same age, I have two children. It hurts my heart to think about your future child. Believe me you will love your child more than you could ever have imagined. Don't worry about the guy so much, he lied to you. That hurts and that sucks. Do the right thing and create a healthy environment for your child. Your child matters more. Imagine the guy staying with his wife and they dismiss you and your child for the rest of your lives. How will you create a healthy environment, for the both of you, in that situation. Think about it.
69
I'd toss out to VAT ... get it over with, already. Being a good lover involves certain skill sets. You weren't born knowing how to change a tire, cook a souffle, or how to type 65 words a minute- these skills took active learning and practice. Being a good lover does, too.

You're not going to be okay, you're going to be "cute" the first time, but unless you fall in love with someone very dominant who gets off on telling you exactly what to do for him/her/them, moment-by-moment, your inexperience may get old awfully quickly, and may well be perceived as selfishness by your partner.

Having sex is an intense experience, and being able to be present for and connected to your partner while also experiencing intense sensations yourself requires practice and experience. If you're "mildly gender-queer, bi-leaning-het", it doesn't sound like you are looking for an equally inexperienced partner you can "grow up" with.

Get on it, VAT. You've got some catching up to do.
70
VAT- you have GOT to be kidding me. firstly- there is no way you can call yourself ANY kind of teammate, het, genderqueer,bi because you DON'T HAVE A JERSEY! just play skins for now, pick either side, and GET IN THE GAME!
secondly- you are totally ensconced in a target rich environment. "pretty much all of my friends are women" sounds like you have hit the low self esteem jackpot. you'd have to look at internet personals for BBW desperadas to find lower self esteem than your crew. any one of them would quietly dispose of your maidenhead for you.

and C- you could go find some dick. guys, gay ones especially, can be very understanding and accomodating for virgins such as you suggest you are.

also, this guy is so fullashit he squeaks
71
VAT: ignore budds pal. Orientation isn't determined solely by who you've fucked, or even if you've fucked. It's about who you're attracted to and/or fall in love with. And what's confusing about "bi-leaning-het"? What idiot thinks being bi means being exactly 50/50? Haven't you ever heard of the Kinsey scale, wolfbone?
72
NTOM

Its too bad things have to be like that, both of you should know better, becasue of you two, people are going to get really hurt (kids, wife) and another family will be distroied.

You both should be a shame of yourselves.

For the girl why would mess around with a man who is married? I don't think your that bright and I think your to irresponsible to be a good parent.

For the guy, what can I say about him, that he's just an idoit like his girlfriend on the side.

You both would make a perfect couple, without kids, of course
73
VAT, I was about to totally support your desire to not have drunken/manipulated sex, but you're 30? Time to pull the trigger, man. Seriously. A little drunken fumbling won't seriously harm you and you'll probably find it liberating. You might even find a way to have sex without being constantly plagued with the idea that there's something wrong with it, and that'll put you in a place where you can find someone sober and willing to screw until you can't stand up.
74
Geez, college kids have gotten prudish these days. Single sex bathrooms. Complaining about sex noise. Seriously, what is wrong with these people?
75
NOTM: The wife already knows, and she probably didn't need to find your evidence to know. She puts up with him because of the kids and the finances and maybe for the same reason you find this cheating, lying doucebag so charming and desirable (he lies to you -- he was never going to leave her). He's never going to leave her, and if he did, he'd cheat on you with someone else because he's a cheater. What makes you think he's just seeing the two of you? Sue him for child support. Then find some better method of birth control, because two failures is two too many. I'm with Dan: poor kid.
76
Clues that Loud and Clear could be an old dude writing his fantasy in:
She's 18. She's a college freshman. She just lost her virginity. She has sex several times a day. She's so loud that all the neighbors hear.

So basically you have a ridiculously horny, barely legal, just lost her virginity, college freshman. Sound like anyone's fantasy?

But it could also be real, I totally know people in similar situations. In which case, the advice given is pretty good: drag the mattress to the floor, play some music, have sex in the library, learn to be quieter. The thing is, it's ok to periodically wake someone up with sex- that's an accepted part of being in college. But if it's habitual, you're really not being respectful of your shared space (dorm). You gave very different advice when the guy found his roommate jacking off outside his door to his loud girlfriend. Then you said that it was their obligation to respect the roommate. Why is college any different?
77
VAT Get it over with already. I don't know who with... male or female. Just do it. Could you actually be gay and just not want to admit it? So your choice is not to choose? Indecision is a choice but it is very unsatisfying.

I know a guy that was the same way, he seemed very hetro, adored women (pedestal, etc) and never had sex because he was waiting for the "right girl" to come along. That was over 10 years ago and she never did come along. Now, he has finally admitted that maybe, just maybe he was too scared to think of himself as being attracted to men.
78
Sex several times a day? When do you go to class? Study? Spend time with friends? Enjoy a hobby (other than sex)?

Sorry, but if you're making enough noise to be heard (at night), you need to tone it down, and not make it a choice for his neighbor between being kept awake by loud music and kept awake by loud sex.
79
NTOM: Intentional childlike damage to other people has a way to come around.
Be careful with Karma.
80
Advice to LAC was a classic case of Dan's wit getting the better of his wisdom. Cute answers don't solve problems (or keep advice columnists employed). Take another shot, Dan.
81
Just find a dildo/strap on fat enough to fit over your schnoz and comfortable enough to wear on your face. Carefully drill a nose-sized hole up into the darn thing! Custom harness/dildo?!!! can't anyone help them selves. We need more maguyvers in the bedroom. Handymen like myself. Hey jagoff, I'll build you and myself a nose harness and we can take turns face banging your wife...how does that sound?
82
Loud and Clear - I don't believe you when you say there are no other good places to have sex. College campuses are *full* of little nooks and crannies that are practically designed for having sex in. Under stairways, utility closets, boring sections of the library stacks, outside behind the cooling vents, etc. Music and theatre buildings seemed to be especially worth exploring as I recall.
83
I don't think Dan would ever put a "fake" letter in his column. However, from reading his column NTOM or whatever would have to know how he was going to respond. Dan is not well with suffering fools. He gives the honest advice, straight from the hip. Way to go Dan! After reading that, the only thing I could think is "Oh great another two douchebags would didn't use a condom and he is never going to leave his wife, duh..."
84
To Loud and Clear:

Put the mattress right and box xpring right on the floor.
85
I think (if the letter is for real) that the pregnant home-wrecker is going to have to choose one or the other: the baby or the man. It seems that she's already chosen the baby (which would be my choice) so she has nothing to lose by telling the wife. Besides, the wife deserves to know. FIVE years? I'm married and I would want to know.
86
I don't think you were harsh enough on WTOM--having a baby just to break up a marriage--WTF?! "I've been stupid to stay with him for so long, but I just can't keep away from him."--OK, the behavior is stupid, not you--you're smart enough to KNOW it is stupid--so you're just being a douchebag. If he leaves his wife (she already knows) it is not going to be for you. More likely he will just find another slut to have on the side.
87
Said the wise 14 year old.
88
On the second letter:
Guy is stupid for cheating on his wife.
Girlfriend is stupid for getting involved with a married man.
Wife is stupid for not noticing anything odd in 5 years. Why don't they all just have themselves a stupid threesome and get it over with?
89
sorry, 3rd letter
90
I'm just wondering what "OtherMom" is thinking...if she were suddenly the "wife" of her baby's daddy would she want to know what he was screwing in her formerly-illegitimate place? He's a dirtbag and she's his partner in crime...sad excuses for parents. Go Dan for noting proof that the straight version of "love" can be a train wreck and is hardly reason to be a card-carrying-homophobe about gay marriage. This letter is proof of the dysfunction that makes me hate people...was this woman raised on Pepsi and Jerry Springer? Sad :(...but more so, disgustingly pitiful for that child to be.
91
I loooove Dan Savage. The PC answer would have been to comfort her and call the guy an asshole. But instead, he recognizes the reality - they are all idiots! A woman who puts up with that shit for years for no reason deserves what she gets - no, scratch that, she must WANT it somehow. There are so many available guys, and she only wants that guy? Idiot!

-a man who thinks both men and women are stupid
92
VAT - I got my current girlfriend through drunkenness. We've been dating five years.

NTOM is an idiot. Why damn yourself to being a single parent?

as others say, put the mattress on the floor. Don't be noisy at night. Turn on MTV or something and don't scream "Oh Baby!" and you should be fine.
93
How is a dorm different from any other place where people live and work? If they were a yappy, barking dog instead of two horny kids would there be more sympathy for the students trying to concentrate? I would be annoyed as well and those love birds should think about renting a house together. A place that has thick walls.
94
Dear Strange Fantasy Dude:
http://www.oralcaress.com/accommodator.h…
95
NTOM, what makes you think you are sooo great that a man, already married would walk out on the wife and children he has spent years cultivating? I feel very sorry for you that you feel the need to sabotage an innocent woman just because you can't have what you don't deserve. Your boyfriend is a loser, and yes his wife deserves better but you deserve less than shit and your child will pay the price for your inability think like a mature adult. Don't have that kid, or better yet, give it up for adoption to a capable and loving gay family.
96
"Doucheburst."

Brilliant.
97
NTOM -- I pity any child you bring into this world. Clearly, you are a narcissistic bitch. Your "boyfriend" is playing you. He's been playing you. And instead of waking the fuck up, and dumping him, you're spewing your venom on innocents -- his wife, his children, and your unborn child.

Speaking as a now ex-wife who was married to an asshole like your boyfriend, who found out about the cheating 6 months into the marriage, because a skank like you left "evidence" -- she got her wish. I DTFMA. Guess what she got? Leftovers. A cheating asshole, (who's broke after his divorce settlement) who won't marry her because she makes such a nice sidedish.

I was his third wife. She's been around through three marriages. That's going to be YOU, you idiot. Nearly 20 years of waiting for him -- because you know, she's the one he "really loves."

Assholes like your boyfriend don't love anyone but their cake-eating, sorry selves.

I didn't know. I didn't deserve it. I hate my ex, and I really hate sluts like you.

Your child though -- I hope you give her/him up for adoption -- you could swing a cat in an assylum and find a better parent than you.
98
HEY NTOM!

Let me forecast your future for you b/c I have a a 'friend' in the SAME SAME SAME situation you're about to be in.

1) WIFE leaves HIM (b/c he's a ball-less wonder)-takes kids away from him.

2) He seeks solace in you while he's going through his messy separation. You mistake this for true love & affection.

3) HE then resents YOU AND YOUR CHILD for wrecking HIS life.

and here's the kicker......

4) HE LEAVES FOR ANOTHER WOMAN. A woman who's younger, fitter & less complicated b/c, lets face it, that's what you USED to be to him.

5) YOU & YOUR CHILD end up as Social Services cases b/c he's not paying a dime in support.

WELCOME TO YOUR FUTURE NTOM!!! YOUR YOUR UNBORN CHILD DESERVES BETTER THAN WHAT HIS/ HER 'PARENTS' ARE ABOUT TO OFFER. YOU BOTH SUCK!

99
NTOM - the wife already knows. If you've been planting evidence, she's probably found it. She just hasn't left him.
100
Loud and Clear might also try putting the mattress on the floor... that tends to cut down noise. Or look at it like this: just be glad you aren't a closeted gay guy living in the dorms... 2 years of restrained sex was certainly enough to make me finally start to come out.
101
NTOM ... if you're leaving stuff around his house and there's no reaction it's probably because the poor woman found it and doesn't want to accept the facts. Or maybe marriage is more important to her and she ignores her husband's affairs. And you yourself lady are a bit of a loser.

Dan *thumbs up*, great reply.
102
I had a roommate in college and he and his girlfriend slept in the top bunk in our room many nights as he screwed her silly. while I lay below and listened to her squeal like a dying cat. Frustrating, but interesting. I had her once the next semester and she squealed for me too. Noise is good. Bed thumping is good, healthy sex. You go girl!!