Savage Love



The guy on the plane - he was getting off on the other guy listening in to his conversation. That was a form of exhibitionism.

No normal person would expect to cover some graphically intimate subject in a phone conversation while shoulder to shoulder with a total stranger, and not expect to discomfort/startle them.
There's already a joke site called Saddlebacking Church (offering our Poopers for Purity!) -- at least, I *think* it's a joke site. They expect video proof that you did the "sacrament" correctly and left the vagina alone!

I tried Googling strap-on and found strap-on tree steps & tree stands for hunters, strap-on crampons for mountain climbers, strap-on tackle boxes for fishing, strap-on doppler flow meters (used in industry, to measure liquid inside a pipe), strap-on bike racks, strap-on control systems for robotic vehicles (which could be pretty exciting), a band named Strap-On Tools, and a strap-on musical keyboard (again, might be exciting for the musician who's been wanting to try such a thing!)

I can't say I ever noticed the porn socks. But while there *may* be a funnier bedroom sight than a man naked except for his socks, I can't think of one at the moment. If a woman can get through the scene without laughing her ass off, more power to her.
You're really on a roll in this column. Fairly rare that I find multiple belly-laughs in such a short space, but "a high-quality, looks-like-a-prick, feels-like-a-sneaker strap-on" topped it.

This opens a whole new area for porn for sports-nuts. Can't wait for the NFL endorsements.
I presume guys wear socks on their feet in porn because the floor is full of lube and jizz and is probably cold and because they hardly seem the type to engage in a pedicure, all good reasons to wear socks even though they look ridiculous
Mizz Blau, FTW.
time to post to the web some images of saddlebacking to promote implementation of the term.
God love you, Dan. The answer to SEI12E with a glancing reference to an Easy Spirit shoe campaign, circa 1987? Just brilliant.
I agree with Mary (and Dan) about manual and oral "milking" as actual sex. In fact, as a straight woman with an easy-please anatomy, it takes less effort and is more enjoyable for me to lie back and get fucked than to go to the trouble of giving oral or handjobs. So if I wasn't in the mood for sex, "milking" would be a doomed suggestion. In such cases, my partner should go get himself off and I'll enjoy the show. Or I'll just go read a book or something. Pleasuring him is my pleasure, but not it's not my duty. Sometimes he needs good old DIY spirit.
From Rick Warren's 1/24/2009 blog

After the Inauguration I was asked, "Hey Rick Warren - after leading the nation in prayer, what are you going to do now?" "I'M GOING TO SADDLEBACK!" I shouted.
I'll see you this weekend.…

I would like to see show up in Google TOGETHER with its soulmate sites.

You know, sites like: (currently inoperative, best damn site I ever saw)

and any others, especially all the reports about how teens don't keep their purity pledges. Those, you get when you Google "purity pledge".

I just Googled "getting your site on Google" to learn more.

Help me out here, computer nerds.
Danny Boy is on his way down to Portland to meet the Beau Breedlove.
Saddlebacking definition has already reached Japan... on a gay man's website...

Googling "saddlebacking" returned 10,000 hits as of 13:00 EST on 29 Jan 2009...

Though Jane was enjoying the thorough saddlebacking she was getting, Dick felt a bit icky about all the santorum being produced.

You should change the verb tense to be "to saddleback" That way it will ultimately rise to the top of the google search results for those looking for the church.

Basically the same effect that Santorum had.

Great definition. I've known/known of several Mormon girls that were into Saddlebacking. Why is it always the Mormons??
heh heh..."gaping margin"...heh heh...
I just googled 'saddleback' and the final result on the first page was a Boston Globe article entitled:

'Saddleback a comfy fit for McCain'.

What more is there to say?

Because Mormons are scary.
I had a roommate that was a mormon in college, she was always confessing to her bishop about the shit she did, the "raciest" of all was licking her BF's spine...
Saddleback, I am going to blog about it.
I've already used "saddlebacking" in a sentence today (talking about a scene in Nip/Tuck). What a useful word!
There's also a state park in California called Saddleback Butte.
I have to object to the "Christian" part of the definition. I was in the Middle East last year, a place where the stakes for a woman having sex before or outside of marriage can be very high indeed.

I was living in a college town, and was told that plenty of hanky-panky goes on, but that if it goes past 3rd base, that it ends up as saddlebacking.

So I think "Christian" should be replaced with "Christian or Muslim" or maybe just "religious."
I have to agree with the commenter that pointed out that "saddlebacking" is a verb and the definition is a noun. It doesn't matter to me personally but it'll give you more credibility if you know basic elementary school grammar. just sayin.
As for the attempted rebranding of the name "Saddleback" and "Santorum", evangelical Christians would be wise to ignore it (with the possible notable exception of Rick Santorum). If gay groups have the audacity to co-opt even a symbol of God's promise to humanity (in the view of Christians), a rainbow, certainly trying to abuse a church's or person's name is par for the course. Though it is mildly surprising that the community would attempt to generate more fuel to feed stereotypes and derogatory comments. Perhaps it should even be viewed as an honour. You know, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." (Matt. 5:10-11), kind of thing.
Kudos, Dan. You said, "Some small-dicked men—ones who are not at all insecure—use strap-ons on partners who miss that "filled-up" feeling." Although my very-secure husband is average sized, he bought a strap-on (we've tried a number of them, in fact) just to give me the utmost pleasure. We don't always use it, but it certainly gives us one more way to have fun with each other.
The only sox I've seen in porn are in bestial porn. Not that I go for that stuff, but I have had incidental exposure. The old myth of any kind of porn was that in case the cast and crew needed to make a fast getaway to escape a bust, they needed to be ready to run. In this day and age, I doubt this is necessary.
jens, a verb can be used as a noun. it's called a gerund. just sayin.

Is it true that 'saddlebacking' can be added to the Oxford English Dictionary as soon as it appears in three different published documents?

About the strap-on: you guys have no imagination! One of the things that attracted me to my present boyfriend was his post on Lustlab describing his use of a strap-on in addition to his cock, so he can fill both holes at once. It's the next best thing to having two guys, and hey-- no jealousy, no STD risk, no kicking out the extra guy...
I played volleyball in high school with a girl who was known to saddleback...she could jump REALLY high!
Please help me get this grouped with its sister soulmate sites!

I think should be informed of its twin site, at They can learn from us, who know what their teens are doing!

(Which used to be so beautifully detailed in, until this informative site went down.)

I think should have some marketing people offer to sell them wholesale T-shirts. A T-shirt with a slogan such as "TEENS SADDLEBCKING FOR PURITY!" or "ATTEND THE SADDLEBACK BALL" would be a product true to their customers' tastes.

miss information on nerve is giving away a snuggie for whoever writes the best answer to a reader question. maybe we could all leave our socks on and get under the snuggie and screw like sweaty old-navy clad monkeys. what's next? vibrator cozies?
Saddlebacking is already on half the sites that come up on a Google search of the term, and it's the #1 definition on

Let's keep it going, guys!! :D
Excellent! And I love how you worked 'santorum' into the explaination quote as well.
what's a snoball? Or is it sno balling?
Regarding the first letter, you're absolutely right in saying socks are not a foot-fetish thing, Dan; those of us obsessed w/feet insist on socks being OFF, for heaven's sake. Unless they're also masochists, I suppose, but then we get into territory even more confusing than the so-called straight men having much more gay sex on than any gay man I know.
Eh, I was rooting for condom-protected anal sex between homos. I felt the term would be in more common usage and seemed to fit better.

Plus how many Christian terms truly engage in anal sex to protect the hymens (as opposed to it just being enjoyable?)
Mary was a virgin if you don't count saddlebacking...
I presume the use of virginities instead of virginity on was a reference to the born-again virgins?
I'm a pro Domme and sex educator, and I teach classes on strap-on play. I suggest that men can use strap-ons for lots of reasons--
1)much lower risk of pregnancy with vaginal penetration
2)ability to penetrate a partner even if he can't achieve an erection (or, if he, say, can't achieve an erection sufficiently firm to do anal penetration.)
3)ability to keep going and going and going and going. Or ability to have "round two", even if his penis won't comply!
4)a different size or shape dildo from the size or shape of his penis-- it's not just small guys, Dan! Maybe he's got a huge penis and she likes 'em on the smaller side. Or likes a longer skinnier one for anal penetration.
5) DP, as has been mentioned
6)Chastity play, ditto above
7) Tease and Denial or Humiliation play. Maybe he hasn't "earned" the right to be inside her yet!
The options are endless-- and often pretty darned hot!

I think your're wrong about the socks. Think about it this way: is there anything *all* men dislike on a woman? It's really hard to find one thing that all men agree upon a woman should not wear/be/look like/say etc. How about women. Is there *any* woman who approves of socks during sex? It's quite hard, I think, to find one. This suggests, that socks in porn aims at a male audience, and at something else.
What is it with men who don't wear underwear. I am missing the point. When it is sub zero weather, wouldn't this just be plain silly. The last tow men I have dated don't wear underwear. What is the big secret guys?
i still say its getting a fat chick on her hands and knees and getting on her fat back and wacking off in her hair. this way you dont have to see or smell to much of that fat funk.
well I read through all the comments and indeed it was only mentioned 1 or 2 times.I not only use a strap on with my fiancee for the DP with two people. I also use it because if I come too soon the action is only a strap on away from continuing for as long as she needs.
dear stink-eye, My goodness, did you then sit through the whole flight without talking to him? dan should have printed your letter and then left a blank space. Do you think maybe you could have asked? Are you sure you WERENT giving him the stink-eye? And your gay friends didn't ask why the silence? Maybe you could swap friends with SID. You both need a new batch!
Okay, call me crazy, but I'm a little jealous of the kids today who get to saddleback and give and get oral and still call themselves virgins. I called my self a man-whore and I didn't get as much action as some of today's virgins. It's a changing world!!
I Had The Greatest 30 Minute Conversation With My Parents In Their Car, En Route To Dinner, About Saddlebacking.

We Suggested Several Uses For The Word.

Thank You.

Santorum Is Also My New Favorite!
You'd think that teens who are so hooked up to the internet would at least pull up a website or two about sex. This whole abstainence from sexual education in schools thing only works when people keep themselves ignorant. People are still trying to get intelligent design in schools, but no one is stupid enough to ignore the facts on that one. Why can't this be the same?
Not topic related, but i thought you would enjoy this comic strip.…
Am I the only one who thinks that to successfully Google bomb something, you have to type the correct word as the link text?

For example,


If a billion people do the above, when someone Googles Saddleback they will get the dirty meaning. Members of the Saddleback church aren't going to Google Saddlebacking....

Do you have to be a Christian teen to saddleback?
There are times I've used the back door when the front door was "out of service" for some other reason. I'd like to call that saddlebacking. Can I? Of course I would never saddleback bareback...
mw: it's not the same. A vibrator is stimulating. Porn is titillating.

All this talk about vibrators got me curious. I've used mine exclusively along up until now, and decided to bring it up with my boyfriend after reading all the comments. He was hesitant but game. The orgasm, with him thrusting, was mind blowing... Yes I'm doing that again!
So, how do we get Saddlebacking to be a top hit with Google? And we want the link to come up when people search Saddleback also, correct?

I'm a little clueless, but I think using all the words Saddlebacking, Saddleback, and Saddlebacked like this, does the trick, I think.
"...You poofs just don't have the balls..."

Amen to that! And if they thought that was bawdy, they should keep an eye on your column more often.
155 fucking score.
Oolongtee, is your friend.

Be warned, though, it's one of those friends who's a mean drunk and frequently embarrasses you with his overgrown-frat-boy attitude.
Right on with your response to DAWG, Dan!
Why people would want to confine themselves to one style of sex, and the most disease and (if you're het) pregnancy prone sort at that, is beyond me.
Some love for saddlebacking:
we should make sure we link the term Saddleback, as in "to saddleback" rather than just "saddlebacking" as people type "saddleback" into search engines....
Sadly, after all the media hype dies down, this will not have much presence. How often do you refer to teens having anal sex. the teens doing it won't call it saddlebacking, and neither will you or me.

Santorum is a term that can be used in various conversations. But oh well, it was funny while it lasted.
i'll be writing to our very liberal prime minister, kevin rudd (here in the land of oz) asking for saddlebacking instructions to enter the year 8 sex education cyllabus, right after the section about homosexuality being an 'alternative life choice'. yay dan - now it all makes sense!
you need to put like facebook links on your saddlebacking page to really spread the word.
this is for DAWG, I have a strap on for my male partner. it is not for flicidness, it is for bondage. It is a harness that has a very large opening for the penis and a very nicely replicated penis shaped dildo for the anus. not only do I get to ride but he also gets riden at the same time.I have seen many forms of these in use in bondage.
oh how I luv to miss type while reading that post was for stink Eye sorry
Shouldn't the definition submitter be identified and given credit?!! Let's face it, Dan is making this term popular but he isn't the creator. Give credit where credit is due :)
I am SO peeved that when I was a teenage Christian, the girls thought anal sex was sex, BJs were sex and even milking counted. Mr. Warren is 40 years too late for me.
Hi Dan,

Love you, hate this term. I live in the Saddleback Valley, as do many open minded people. I don't appreciate being stereotyped in this way. Please consider how you are "saddling" people who just happen to live in the vicinity of Rick Warren's megachurch.

Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D.,
Psychologist & Sex Therapist
do you think there will be a problem with the difference between 'saddleback' church and the term 'saddlebacking'? due to the 'ing'... is it similar enough so as to compete with 'saddleback church' when googled? I cant wait until it is #1 on google. Great job everyone!!!!
Shoot, I was voting for Def. #4; but #5, I guess, was my second choice. Anyway, glad a definition has been settled on...

--Karen the LairMistress
There's a campground in Central Idaho called Mormon Bend. I thought that was a great name for what you call saddlebacking.
Sin: That would be barebacksaddlebacking....

Perhaps this is one of the most interesting blogs that I have ever seen. Interesting article, Funny comment. Keep it up!
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This one seems to have not caught on *quite* as well as santorum...