Savage Love

More Than a Mouthful


Perfect follow-up to the SBOOO feedback. :)

Is it wrong that I think it would be cute to see four straight guys next to each other on a chair lift?
Okay, here's the problem with MACHO's question. Everyone knows (sober alcoholics, raging alcoholics and non-alcoholics) that "friend of Bill W." means AA. And, for those who didn't know, now they do.

When I got sober (over ten years ago), someone told me it was secret code. I *never* use Bill W as secret code, cuz it hasn't been a secret in many years.

Also, didn't "gay" used to be a secret term. Didn't folks back in the day ask "Are you gay?" and non-gays thought it meant happy and gays thought it meant queer?
Psh, I'll sit four-to-a-chairlift. I'd sit with a guy in my lap, and I'm pretty straight. Anything for the snow.
I'd never heard the Bill W. thing before. Hm. You learn something every day. But not all shibboleths are common knowledge. Do you have stairs in your house?
Hey Torontonian - why don't you take umbridge with Sasha? Your 'Listen to me I'm the Centre of the Universe' tone does not wash on this side of the 49th.
"Are you a friend of Dorothy's?"


"Callas or Tebaldi?"
No way he totally gave the "Open minded girl" an appropriate response
What question would make a good shibboleth? Something that would fit in at a Superbowl party or a deer hunt, but be recognizable to those in the know.

yes, i am protected
I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of MK's question. She said her boyfriend wouldn't kiss her after fellatio. That seems like she's not talking about snowballing; she's talking about kissing, I would think post-swallowing. In that case, he's probably still hung up on the "gross" factor: the common straight-guy conception of semen-as-waste-product, not unlike urine or feces, that must stay away from their mouths. I tend to think of this as a red flag in relationships; if he thinks of his semen as revolting, then why is he okay with her having to swallow it? Thoughts on that?
I think "friend of Dorothy's" is pretty appropriate. I've heard it once before, but I think it could be pretty useful. Or maybe "friend of Judy/Liza."
Hmmmm, all male setting but not wanting to tip off or piss off the all males. The easiest thing would be just "How bout them Rams?" (naturally it would change in different states/regions) and the obviously straight guy would blab about the team and the not so straight reply could be just a look of the eye – or a simple "… yessss"
fuck yeah BC!!!
For Macho,

What if he asked if the guy knew (name of popular gay porn star)? Guys who don't watch gay porn, that is straight guys, probably won't know, gay dudes will. Plus it is a quick test if your porn tastes are the same.

There's a third possibility, Dan, that you missed. In his curious pubescent explorations, it is very possible that he's already tasted his own cum & didn't like it. I speak from experience. I think a lot of other guys have as well. (I can't be THAT unique.)

I had a gf who was just like MK, she wanted to 'share' and I politely declined. She did have a strange peculiarity, she was very shy (and sometimes downright reluctant) for me to go down on her. Which is something that I love, can't seem to get enough. There's something about the smell of warm, wet pussy that gets me all hot & bothered.

I think it's simply just hormones. I'm straight, I like smelling the hormones women give off. Straight women & gay men get excited smelling men & their hormones. I think LC needs to get off her high egalitarian horse. There's a big difference between equality and homogeny.
"...but he will not kiss me if I have his come in my mouth."

LC, this wording makes me think that's specifically NOT meant to be post-swallowing. How would it still be in her mouth if she already swallowed?
what about feminine dykes?
"Some men are afraid of tasting their own come."

WHAT?! This from the sex columnist who encourages partners to be GGG? Honey ... There's a lot worse your partner could ask for.

I don't think I've ever heard Dan say anything along the lines of, "Some men [or women] are AFRAID of having a cock stuffed up their ass." Hmm ...
So are we sure that the MK article wasn't about two guys?
What if he asked if the guy knew (name of popular gay porn star)? Guys who don't watch gay porn, that is straight guys, probably won't know, gay dudes will. "

This is the first thing that came to my mind. Dan, in one of the podcasts you sussed out that a caller was gay because he referenced a porn actor and I almost didn't even register that he said it.

Another possibility: "Are you a santorum fan?"
I'm a fan of Savage Love, and I just finished reading The Committment and thought it was great, but Dan is definitely biased towards non-monogamy. Any time the topic comes up (in the column, the podcast, or on Slog), in any context, he rants about how it's irrational and unnatural and can't be successful. That's fine, just don't then follow it up with "I'm not biased towards non-monogamy."
I agree w/ Ananda--the guy should try it at least once, just to be GGG. Even if it's full snow-balling. Maybe if he's super opposed, she should trade him something SHE really doesn't want to do but he's into.

I personally don't mind kissing my wife post-swallow, but SHE actually seems quite reluctant to do so, I think because she hates the taste of (at least my) jizz, and doesn't want to inflict it on me. Thank god I've never had a snowballing request from her...
@MACHO Back to the hankerchiefs in back pockets, huh?
My boyfriend was originally reluctant to kiss me after I had given him a blowjob. There was no hint of snowballing; he was just that freaked out by his own come. He pointed out that he hadn't asked me to go down on him and probably never would have asked, because he did think it was kind of degrading. I pointed out it wasn't degrading if I wanted to do it, I was the one who got to be in control, and if he ever wanted a blowjob again he was going to kiss me afterward, period.

We worked up to it. For a while he would kiss me on the cheek or the corner of my mouth, hold me, and find other ways to be affectionate. Now we're ok with normal making out after a blowjob. But baby steps helped.
"straight boys who refuse to sit four to a chairlift...[because they] think gayness can be contracted through thigh-to-thigh contact."

Nah. I ski, sleep in the same bed as a gay dude when we travel, and am still 101% straight. (Unless my travel companion used roofies on me at some point. =)

When I want to ride solo or less-than-full lifts it is because I enjoy quietly looking at the mountains, rather than having some fool yammer at me the whole lift ride about coming up from Denver where he is a stock broker, and, hey buddy, how is your portfolio doing these days....etc.
Have you been to see the Stonewall?
How can there be come in her mouth if she's already swallowed? Because come can be sticky and gooey and one swallow doesn't take care of all of it. It sure doesn't get rid of the taste right away, which is probably a factor in his distaste.
Didn't guys used to wear red ties to show their hot-guy-on-guy-action proclivities? I think any "code word" would quickly become well known among the general public. What about, "How 'bout that Proposition 8?" or "don't you just love the new Pet Shop Boys single?"LOL

Seriously, isn't part of the fun having those conversations that are chock full of nuance and innuendo?
"Are you a friend of Dorothy?" is already the standard phrase.

If it's not in widespread use, I would guess it's because it's not very reliable. If someone answers "yes" to this question, you can be certain he's gay (and that he now knows you're gay). But if a guy answers "no" he could be straight, or he could be gay dude who doesn't know that code. The same would apply to any similar code.
I'm a college student and I love euphamisms so I've spent a lot of time revelling in some of the shibboleths and I've come to the conclusion that too many gays are divorced from their own culture now for just ONE to be possible. Even the very openly gay guys I know don't understand "Are you a friend of Dorothy?" I know gays who haven't seen Will and Grace and who don't know who Maria Callas is. Many of my friends don't know Judy, much less that Liza (with a Z) is her daughter. Gays have lost the need for a secret culture. Best I can tell the only good way to figure it out is to ask if they watch Desperate Housewives or Gossip Girl.
Dan, unless you had reason to know otherwise, I think you assumed MK is a lady. Not necessarily so. My BF won't taste his and he's gay.
Just as "Friends of Bill W." has become common knowledge, the gay litmus test question will too, so it needs a "gay" answer and a "straight" answer.

How about, "Who's your favorite Yankee" and the straight answer is "Ruth" and the gay answer is "A. Rod."
Callas, most assuredly.

/mostly straight
The first thing that popped into my head was the Continuum. I don't know about you other homos, but when i came out I found that lots of other gays and the same talk.

The talk was that sexuality was a continuum and I might move around it, blah, blah, blah.

But knowing kids today I bet they never heard of it.

But the whole thing is silly, You need to work on your flirting if you don't think you can flirt perceptively enough to find out if he is gay.
I don't like having my boyfriend kiss me after he goes down on me. I did it for about a year without complaining ,hoping I'd get used to the taste, but I never did. Its not THAT bad a taste, but it just makes me a lot less into making out. I finally explained this to him and now he does a quick rinse with listerine afterwards.
You were backstage with AC/DC?
As I was reading MK's question, my thirst thought was the the boyfriend is scared jerk. If you are asking someone to suck your dick, you can't complain if you can taste it when you kiss them. That comes with the territory so to speak. Don't like it? No blow jobs for you.

Then I read Dan's answer suggesting that the guy doesn't want to snowball and his reasons why. It is not an unreasonable answer. I've been in that position myself. I told my wife she should snowball me, but as soon as I came, the switch was turned off and I just didn't care anymore. Still did, but the act didn't have the erotic thrill or connection that I had in my mind.

Dan is right. Guys have an off switch and it is about half a second after ejaculation. I'll cop to be guilty of that and admitting I'm off even faster and I have a longer than average refactory period.

However the letter didn't say that she was talking about snowballing. She compared it to kissing after going down on her, which I would take to mean that she may have a drop or two on her lips, but she has either swallowed the majority or it is on another part of her face/body.

Hate to say it, but I disagree.

But what do I know, I'm not the expert. :)


How about asking someone if they are "a friend of Bertha's?" which is one some lesbians I know have used. Or "in the family" is another one that I've heard...but these are from women, so I don't know if they translate to the boyz...
the problem with any secret code/question is that by the time everyone who you want to know it knows it, a lot of people who you don't want to know it will also know it. Just like a lot of people who've never been to AA know who Bill W. is, a lot of non gay and even gay unfriendly people will end up knowing what our question means, rendering it useless for its intended purpose.
"I don't think I've ever heard Dan say anything along the lines of, "Some men [or women] are AFRAID of having a cock stuffed up their ass." Hmm ..."

Ananda, that's a good point, but you are overlooking a difference between a woman receiving anal and a guy eating his own cum: The woman receiving anal will only endear herself more to her man, but the man tasting his own cum (as D.S. points out) runs the risk of alienating his woman by putting the seeds (no pun intended) in her mind that her man might be gay.

Yeah, I know that you and your female friends probably wouldn't react this way to a guy kissing you after you blow him. Plenty of woman would, though ... even some of the ones who request a snowball.

On the other hand, these two have been together for 16 months, so she's probably pretty damn sure he's straight by now. This guy needs to suck it up.
Not sure how I feel about the spunk flavored kiss- Generally, I won't lay it on a guy, because I know most guys are squeamish. And yes, it does seem like a double standard given that I'm expected to lick his fingers, make out with him and taste myself like I'm a porn star.

Maybe I should do the snow ball test to see if he really loves me,lol. Pass: I marry him. Fail: it's back to trolling the internet for a date so I can find a guy who is secure enough in his masculinity to eat his own jizz.
"the problem with any secret code/question is that by the time everyone who you want to know it knows it, a lot of people who you don't want to know it will also know it."

This is just like straight people (mostly straight guys) ruining fun gay clubs or ruining Halloween in the Castro. This is not a reason to abandon code; just to keep changing it.
My ex would never kiss after I swallowed his cum and I thought the same thing as LC, "Why is it okay for me to swallow it and you won't even kiss me?!" That said, it wasn't a deal-breaker. I'd drink a few gulps of water and kissing would resume later. My current boyfriend has no qualms about sticking his tongue in my mouth moments after I've swallowed (but no interest in snowballing, either) and now, having felt the immediate intimacy of the post-BJ kiss, it probably would be a deal breaker in the future. If I were MK, "I won't swallow if you won't kiss." and if he won't kiss, spit the cum right on his pubes afterwards and make him clean it up himself!
"Dan is definitely biased towards non-monogamy. Any time [monogamy]comes up ... in any context, he rants about how it's irrational and unnatural and can't be successful."

Well, you're exaggerating. Dan doesn't say monogamy can't be successful- he says it is rarely successful. Big difference.

Saying that monogamy is rarely successful is not a bias; it is objective fact.
Those straight boys who won't sit four to a chairlift are actually snowboarders who haven't yet figured out how to get off a chairlift without falling. Skiers and snowboarders who know what they're doing just want to get up the mountain as fast as possible.
"if he thinks of his semen as revolting, then why is he okay with her having to swallow it? Thoughts on that?"

LC, maybe he is OK with his woman swallowing his cum because he knows that it does not bother her. Like vegetarian who makes a ham sandwich for their lover.

Also, for a lot of people, the idea of each lover having a particular role in the sex is part of the fun. This guy, like most straight guys, gets off on his woman taking the role of the cum swallower.

This guy may be telling MK and even himself that he won't snowball because he is "grossed out," but the taste of cum may in fact be a secondary issue. The primary issue may be that he just doesn't want to alter the cum-role-dynamic, like a guy who spanks his woman but doesn't want her to spank him.

Is this fair? Not really. But it's different from what you seem to be implying: that MK's man must have a low opinion of MK because he likes her doing something which he himself does not want to do. Selfishness and misogyny often go together, but they are not exactly the same thing.
"Don't we go to the same church?" used to be code for, "Aren't we both gay?" You weren't actually asking about religious services. This was probably when there was fewer people who were comfortable with being gay AND with being churchgoers...
Don't like the thought of tasting my own cum ... don't think it's gay. I don't understand why women think it's cool to taste their juice on my lips. I mean, I don't get it?

As for cramming four straight men on a chair lift. It's not a homophobia thing, its a personal space thing. Americans are big on giving each other personal space. I also know, that as a 6'5'' male, I have a large ass, it's in shape, but it is proportionately large. I'm not self concious of my ass, but I am concerned that it will reach into other peoples personal space.

When I go to Canada, I am amazed at how god damn small everything is! The people are small, the rooms are small, the food portions are small, the chairs are small. The only thing big about Canada, is the outdoors or the mountain you ski on! (Maybe if they would put down the damn cigarrettes?).

I have a bisexual husband who loves sucking dick, and has even nearly cum in his pants from tasting another man's cum. But he has no interest in his own because, as Dan mentioned, by the time he comes, he's lost his most filthy attractions and then it's gross to him by then.

Gah! Do you know how long the chair lines at Whistler are? And I am being delayed from the powder by idiots afraid of catching gay??
Lets throw their asses in a sauna together and have them flagellate each other with willow branches. If that doesn't turn them gay maybe they can accept riding 4 to a chair so I can get up the mountain faster, and if it does turn them gay....well, then I guess they'll be in the sauna most of the day then anyways, and the mountain is all mine!
MK to me, "waahhh *whine* he won't his boogers and I love eating my boogers whats wrong with him that he won't eat them or kiss me when I eat them?" Damn B he just doesn't like it get over it.
If MK's boyfriend was a woman refusing to even try something her partner wanted, Dan would have been all DTMFA before the end of the first paragraph.
"Friend of Dorthy" has been done to death. Even my brothers know that...

The question needs to be something two straight guys would say to each other, but only gay men would know that it's code:
"Do you know anything about automatic transmissions?"
"Make sure it's lubed well..."

Okay, bad example... but you get the idea. I figure Dan's readers are pretty clever and can think of something perfect.
Try this: Hi, I'm gay. What do you think about that?

No good? Then forget about getting equal rights or even simple respect.
If you can't tell whether he wants to fuck you, he doesn't want to fuck you. There is no secret code called for. And really there is something totally creepy about trying to start one.

That being said, when my sister wanted to know if a guy in her dance class was gay or not, i recommended starting up a round of this friendly game:,_Marry…
"Try this: Hi, I'm gay. What do you think about that?
No good? Then forget about getting equal rights or even simple respect."

YES! Thank you.
"If MK's boyfriend was a woman refusing to even try something her partner wanted, Dan would have been all DTMFA before the end of the first paragraph."

As many examples of women dating guys into rape play demonstrate, that is patently untrue.
Re Missing Kisses

Giving good head is hard work. As a straight guy I wouldn't know this myself, but I do know that the better a BJ is the more it prolongs my erection and thus intensifies the eventual OOOOHHH MMMMYY GAWWWDDD!!!

This must require exceptional diligence and patience, and a good degree of skill to bring me right up there and avoid gagging. I like to share a good deep kiss soon thereafter -- not because I am a fan of 'snowballing' (which I had never heard of) but to let her know that I am not in the least grossed out by that which is, after all, dribbling down her chin.

This is more than affectionate and thankful. It is gentlemanly! At least the ladies seem to think so.
Oh hell, if a guy expects me to swallow and kiss him after he goes down on me, he can damn well not act like my lips are radioactive 'cause they've touched his jizz. If he's that self-conscious and grossed out by sex, he's not worth fucking.
"Friend of Dorothy" is an ancient codeword, dudes. I'm 57, and its use predates me by a lot... like when was the Wizard of Oz a new movie? The reason this codeword and all codewords already in use are ancient is because being in the closet in now an out of date practice. To quote Harvey, "come out, come out, wherever you are..." Get a grip, dudes, you're gay, live with it -- well.
How about the tried and true, “Do you know Dorothy?” or "Are you a friend of Dorothy?"
so sboo and her husband are both idiots. that means they belong together.

but seriously, i was wondering why you didn't throw out the possibility of her pretending to not know about her husband's forays, and him pretending not to forage. the "willing suspension of disbelief" you talk about, often in regards to porn might be an option here if they really really want to stay married.
4 deep on a chair = crash at the top of the lift.

2 deep on a chair = no crash and it's more comfortable.

There's nothing related to homophobia in this behavior (although it's quite selfish and rude if there's a long line). Also, the holder of the weed only has to smoke out one person, not three.

"Try this: Hi, I'm gay. What do you think about that?

No good? Then forget about getting equal rights or even simple respect."\

Tell that to the guy that just got gay bashed in Central District...

my name here ....

yeah, I forgot about the crash and delay aspect when four total strangers are on the lift and don't communicate well.
Did Dan really go snowboarding or could he simply not refuse the overt tone of SNOW in that first letter. Either way, The Chi says Hi!
How's this for an "are you gay" ice breaker? If a guy you think might rock your world if he swings that way walks up to the seat next to you in a bar, you can ask as you politely pull the bar stool out for him to sit on "would you like me to turn this over for you or do you prefer the cushion side up?"....LOL Sorry, just had to pull from the how do you seat 4 gay men at a bar with one seat available joke. ;-) Rock on Dan, if I were gay and if I were male you would be my dream dude!

Lastly, I used to date a guy who would given the chance (either he had mastrubated himself to orgasm in front of me, or he had pulled out) would not just taste his own cum but he would eat it first it was kind of interesting but then it kind of grossed me out. Not because I thought he was secretly gay but I started to think if he would eat all of that, maybe he was eating his boogers too. So I DTMF. :-)
In my family, we have our own ephamism for our beloved gay members: "he doesn't go to the barn". Comes from my cousin that was the first 'out' member of our family and was always known as the boy in the family that didn't like to hang out in the barn with the rest of the boys - wanted to be in the house doing 'house' things. So the question 'does he go to the barn' is our question. If no, then he's gay. Now that I type it, it would seem that the barn boys are probably closeted.
"Tell that to the guy that just got gay bashed in Central District..."

Who can he thank for that? Who will be responsible for the next generation of assaults? The haters have always and will always be with us. You can stop waiting for the coast to be clear. It never will be.
Q: Do you like baseball?
A: Yeah, I prefer to (pitch/catch)

Probably not too transparent if you aren't looking for it.
I like your writtings Dan I enjoy It I read IT on Now Magazine In Toronto!

my can guys be so weird about touching each other (sitting to close, hugging, etc.) because they think it makes them gay, but they'll get together in big groups to watch porn and jack off in the same room, but that's perfectly straight???? I mean, it seems like the first things are the more innocent ones...
Straight guys who are half naked wrestle each other, play football and pile up on top of each other all the time what makes you think we can't sit next to each other on the ski lift chair? As for the guy who didn't want to kiss his girl after a blow job, I think thats bullshit too. I don't think much of oral sex performed on me one way or the other but when my partner wanted to swallow I managed to cum in her mouth. Afterward we shared a long deep kiss. To me it intensified the intimacy and was hot as hell!!! As an HIV educator, I think it is human to share body fluids with your sexual partner. That is why I think condoms are such a poor alternative and hence the spread of HIV/AIDS.
Like some have said, any code will eventually be common knowledge and then it's the same as asking, "are you gay?" - which defeats the purpose in the first place. So guess what? It'll never truly work. Get over it. Those "macho" guys at Meshuggah are probably all fags anyway.
I have done a lot of work with black gay men and the code was Are in the family? or Are you on the team? If the answer was yes that indicated you are gay.
I don't think MACHO needs a question that only gay guys are going to recognize - just one clearly recognizable by gay guys and not recognized by straight guys that would kick his ass for asking such a question. There are, of course, plenty of straight guys that read this column and who will all know what Dan eventually comes up with. I would think most of the people that would read this column wouldn't be offended by a question about their orientation and certainly wouldn't kick someone's ass over it.
It should be: "man, how hot is Madonna?" Straight guy will realize it is sarcasm and say "no way", gay guy will try to pass and say "way hot!".
I think that it is perfectly fair to not want to kiss a girl after you have come in her mouth PURELY ON THE GROSS-OUT FACTOR, as long as you don't insist (and make clear that you don't insist) on coming in her mouth. A lot of girls don't like having come in their mouths, and there is nothing "gay" about that. If the girl is happy with come in her mouth, that's great - and you can reciprocate by being happy with her come in your mouth.
I don't know about ski lifts, but I have noticed the same thing on the subway. Guys who are obviously friends, going somewhere together - but they make sure they have not one but TWO seats between them on the subway - even if it's crowded.
If they're alone, they sit with their knees far enough apart to take up 3 seats and make sure No One sits next to them.
What's up with that? (besides being rude)
MK's boyfriend must be worried about her thinking he's gay. I say he try it once just to please her. What's the harm in that? Let her know that this is a one time thing and thats that.
To BJ Kisses's Boyfriend: You need to think about all the stuff she has done for you and remember that next time you say no, jerk!
Dan, I think you and the sloggers miss the point on come in the mouth and taking ski lifts togethor.

At least with come, it's a matter of individual preference (and huge spectrum of preference), and it's unfair to judge.
Token straight old dude is perfectly right. I would feel mortified if someone refused to kiss me after I had tenderly, sluttishly, eagerly sucked him off. It is just plain old ungrateful and unmannerly - like spitting out a foodstuff you do not like when you've been invited out to dinner, something that I was taught not to do when I was two.

I have gamely swallowed one or teaspoons of jizz that were less than lovely and you notice that B&J's does not yet do a 'spunky monkey' flavoured ice-cream; probably for a good reason. But: it will make me gay?! GIVE ME A BREAK! If you are so babyish that you are scared of a tiny bit of come, then you are certainly too young to be playing with the grown-ups in bed.
Jeez, about the boy who didn't want to kiss his girlfriend after she blew him -- Christ,I've tasted my own cum *thousands* of times, and if cum made me gay -- well, I'd be a lot different than I am now!

Why? Well, after I cum inside a woman, I always offer to go down on her and help her cum. I haven't had too many demurrals, and the ladies have mostly seemed very happy. It always seemed to me to be the least I could do, having gotten my own rocks off!

(And about the "thousands" -- I'm in my mid-fifties, and I was eating pussy the very next time after I lost my virginity, loved it instantly, and I haven't given up yet! After all, I know my cock is gonna give up the ghost way before my tongue will.)
If this is a duplicate post, I apologize, but my first response didn't come up . .

About the guy who wouldn't kiss his girl after he came in her mouth -- Christ, I've tasted my own come *thousands* of times, and if that makes me gay, my wife and all my previous girlfriends will be *really* surprised.

So how did I do this, you ask? Well, every time after I came inside a girl, I always offered to go down on her and help her come. I met with very few refusals, and the ladies who said yes always seemed happy. It seemed the least I could do, after I had gotten my own rocks off!

(And about the "thousands" -- I started eating pussy the second time I fucked, loved it, and have done it ever since. I'm in my mid-fifties now, so that's more than three decades of experience. Also, I know that my cock is going to give up the ghost, Viagra or no, before my tongue does.)
Mario Cantone has a great way to ID gays: Walk up to a guy and say "Clang Clang Clang" If he says "Went the trolley" He's gay.
LC, reader's note says explicitly "his come in my mouth" - as in the full load. I'd guess a high percentage of guys have tried their own brand at one time or another on their own (I know I did back in my crazy youth). Wasn't for me.

As Dan said, most SGs don't like spooge (even their own) for the same reason they don't like dick. It just doesn't do it for us.

I have no problem with after BJ kissing but I don't want my load back. It was a thank-you gift, you get keep it.
A lot of people seem to think that a guy who doesn't want to taste his cum must be afraid it makes him gay. No. Just no. I don't want to taste my cum because it's disgusting, I couldn't care less about it seeming gay or whatever, I just don't want to, that doesn't make me homophobic, or a bad BF. Can't a guy not want to taste his own semen anymore?
Um, I'm not a fan of the taste of my semen, but tastes vary.

I don't want lima beans anywhere near my mouth either, but I see people enjoying them all the time.
What if someone asked "Are you a friend of Dorothy?" and you said yes, and then he pushed you aside and said, "Sorry Mary, I'm trolling for trade tonight?" Then wouldn't you feel bad? I read a Victorian porn novel years back and one of their code phrases was "Do you like a bit of brown?"

Sorry but it's gay history and if you want to live like that, build a time machine.I've never had a good experience meeting someone whose first point of business in our conversation was trying to size up if I was gay or not.
I kind of think MK is a guy.
I don't much care for tasting cum after a bj. I am quite amazed at how much women I have been with seem to love their own taste and have never expressed any problem with kissing me after going down on them. If a woman doesn't like it, I would hope she would tell me. They never do.

If a gf wanted me to kiss her so bad, or snowball or whatever, then I might try it once or twice to be ggg. But really now, what woman out there is so interested in that, as some kind of kink or fetish or big turn on. The truth is, most women would probably want to do it just because "if he wants to come in my mouth or kiss me after going down on me, then he better..."

It is almost out of spite or some sense of being treated unfairly. Bottom line is, if a person wants to, they should do it, and if they don't they shouldn't. What is the big deal. Did this woman ever say it was some huge turn on that she felt deprived of?

As for guys on the ski lift or anywhere else, it is not homophobia. It is male use of space. Some women get upset about it and call it male priviledge, but it is just the way males are not afraid to take up space and like to. Women can do it too if they want.
But the reason that silly Bill W question doesn't work is that it's not really a secret. Duh.
@ Hairhead: ... awesome.

If a guy won't kiss me after I go down on him, that was the last blowjob he'll ever get from me. I'm not into snowballing, but it is seriously offensive if somebody expects you to go brush your teeth before they'll show you any appreciation.

On the subject of MACHO's letter, I had the same initial reaction as some people (that he should just come out of the closet) but really, it is not his responsibility to put himself in danger.
Can we have a similar code question for lesbians?

First of all, if there's a lift line, then you pack 'em in, no empty chairs. But there's is something to the personal space issue, too. For example, what bugs me is the guy in the singles' line or the other twosome that want to ride up with me and my wife when there is no or only a minimal lift line. The efficiency isn't increased, and the chance to ride up with a little bit of privacy and romance once in a while is lost.


As for the post-BJ kiss issue, I am 100% with Dan on this one. The thought of the girl wanting me to taste it (as an old GF used to do) always turns my crank DURING the BJ, but after the orgasm....boy, I am just not that interested. I don't mind kissing post swallow or spit, even if you can tell there's some residue, but I am not cranked by it and would just as soon pass on the extra flavor.

I can't explain why guys in general don't dig the post-BJ spunk breath while ladies in general seem to mind the post-get-down glaze, but I am sure it has a lot to do with the switch getting thrown, as Dan explains, the more pliable sexuality of the female of the species, and it just may have something to do with vaginal juices being a lot more tasty than jizz....
The simple solution for Missing Kisses is to put some mouthwash in a cup and stick it next to your bed - then your kisses will only be delayed by a few seconds.
Re: The Question.

Geesh. Where are all the film-literate queers around here? It's an old one. From Sparticus: "Do you like snails or oysters?"
Thing is, MK's problem seemed to be that her boyfriend wouldn't even *try* to kiss her after she'd been down on him - not that he wouldn't do it, period. Whether what she wants to do with him is snowballing or just making out after a BJ, if it means that much to her shouldn't he at least give it a shot? pun intended.
The gay porn star name is the best solution, for sure. It constantly updates itself and only someone in the know would be current enough to know. Any other solution is either going to become way too widespread to be secret or get quickly out of date, or not have wide enough coverage.

This assumes though that all gay guys watch gay porn a lot and are current with the "actors". Do they? Are they?