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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
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I don't think this is the intention and have drag friends, but have had a few reasonable debates with one of them (we're both black) when I compared blackface and make-up – sure, s/he sees it as a 'celebration,' but intent and reception are not one and the same.
I don't think Drag Queens are better at being women. They're better at being Divas.
"Hey honey, that was a great dive today, know what else might be fun?"
Worst case, you'd at least end up with plenty of material for the spank bank - just don't be creepy and obvious about it.
If he can keep himself cool while around all that gear, maybe he should just invest in scuba lessons and vacations. "Normal" vanilla girls all want to have sex on the beach, too.
What a nice fetish. Do this- when you bring it up, couch it in terms of a trip to Hawaii. To "explore, you know?" I'd go.
Otherwise one of the most Saccharine fetishes I've heard of.. Don't be worried, at worst I would think women would find it odd, and once they see how amplified your lust and attention is, they might really like it too. Just remember there is a woman attached to those hot hot flippers and compliment how "ScubaSexy" she looks dolled up... GGG partners will often eventually get off on a fetish themselves, in a roundabout way, just from the Amplification Factor...
What could he have caught if they were both wearing condoms?!
FFF should find someone who's always wanted to learn. Then just tell her how hot she looks geared up. My wetsuit always made me feel kinda sexy.
Er...not to be too foolish...but...could you list them?
Now, that doesn't mean that I think there is anything wrong with cross dressing or the guys who are into it. I'm just not into them, and nothing could make me "work through" my feelings on the matter.
The point I'm making is that you have to find someone who is honestly down with cross dressing. Your ex is not, and I completely agree with Dan: find a new girlfriend.
"Offer void the day you start blowing hemale escorts"
You're the best Dan.
Keep 'em comin :)
You won't find a girl into your fetish, so you need to offer something in return. Tell her for a "fin" (fi' dolla') you dive and snorkel her LONGtime.
I wasn't able to quickly find a list online of which diseases this includes, though I'm sure such a list exists if one were to look for it a bit harder than I did. I did, however, find that herpes has some risk of transmission despite a condom (http://herpes-answers.org/). I hope that helps.
Women have fought a long time to make it ok for us to wear pants and have short hair and not have to be "feminine" all the time, and yet still be accepted as real women. The next step is to do the same thing for men. It's not ok that our society still expects men to have to be macho all the time - and that includes our restrictions on what men can and can't wear.
I'm certainly not saying that you're a bad person. You are, however, trapped by the same stereotypes as the rest of us. We all needs to work to dismantle them.
Dan, how nice for you to so blatantly display your upper class white gay cis male prejudices, especially when you pretend to be so 'down with the kids'
A. DO NOT CALL A TRANS WOMAN A SHE MALE YOU FUCKER. Unless you want me to start calling cis gay men 'fudgepackers' in polite conversation. It's a totally gross insulting word which not even most bonefide heterosexual bigots use anymore
B. If he had cheated on his girlfriend with a non-sex worker would you be telling him he's probably diseased?? And the only STI you can pick up from covered blow jobs is oral herpes which 80% of the population has anyway. And contrary to your opinion, most sex workers are very conscientious about STI transmission because it's their job and they care about doing it well, something you don't see too concerned about
bottom line: you are just one of those people who likes being offended. please consider taking a chill pill. thanks.
And so do people on youtube:
"i know.... not only is he hot to begin with... but this whole centaur thing is just soooo hot..... its so wrong lol.,,,, but so fucking hot... hard to explain, but god the centaur is a hot sex symbol... but even hotter with HIM as the centaur... hot in a weird perverse kind of way "
My god, I love Dan Savage.
-- http://www.walgreens.com/library/ask/aap…
A gal who won't at least learn (and learn quickly) to indulge a fetish like FFF's is so hung-up on the Puritan-derived sex-phobic ideals of this fucked up culture that she's not really suitable for anyone at all and would be well-advised to just die lonely.
A lot of you normal guys could take a page from FFF and acquire a nice sweet kinda goofy fetish like that as a nice little acid test.
As for my fellow centaur-philes (including drider-philes, mermaid-philes, satyr-philes et. al) hope looms! What they're doing with longevity these days makes it distantly possible that we'll live long enough to get to climb up on that stump someday!
For example, I had one boyfriend who would occasionally xdress. HOT! We both got off on the mix of vulnerability and taboo-breaking.
But then later I had another boyfriend who liked to xdress often. Ugh! His thing was to act competitive and bitchy (more like a drag queen diva) and instead of being sexy WITH me, he was narcisstically trying to be hotter than me (in MY clothes!) DUMPED HIM.
B. Shemale is still not a word that a cisgendered man is allowed to use. Just like I as a white person would not refer to hip hop artist 50 cent as 'a nigger'just because that is how he refers to himself
C. If dan savage is sending people to the sexual health clinic for a single incidence of a covered blow job he is wasting the medical professions time. He obviously has little to no knowledge of how STI transmission works, and therefore shouldn't be giving sexual advice.
AND OH YES I AM JUST ONE OF THOSE ANGRY TRANSGENDERS LOOKING TO BE OFFENDED....GEE I'M SO SORRY FOR HAVING EMOTIONS
As HPV and Herpes simplex 1 viruses are so common in the human population there is no reason to test for them. The only way he can get tested for the presence of simpex 2 or warts on his mouth or dick is through swabs of sores, which it would be pretty unlikely that he would currently have.
If she can't take the hint that he'd like to go on a tropical vacation with her in a wet suit, well da! Just watch the classic "Dr. No" or "Thunderball" and it ought to get both your pulses racing... to say nothing of "The Deep"...
you are full of fail.
HPV tests can also be run for women without the presence of a wart; gynecologists routinely run HPV tests on material collected during a pap smear if it comes back abnormal, even if that abnormality is something as simple as mild inflammation. Unfortunately (to my knowledge) there is no comparable way to test men for HPV.
However, if RAGE went to a clinic or his doctor and asked for a full STI screening, they would be able to determine if he'd been exposed to herpes. And if a woman wanted a full STI screening, they would be able to determine if she'd been exposed to both herpes and HPV. This being on top of the other STIs that can be tested for.
I don't think it's unreasonable for Dan to advise a full STI screening for RAGE. It is certainly very, very unlikely that he got any STI from the type of sexual contact discussed here. However, his actions potentially put his girlfriend at risk and as such, he can prove his care for her (to himself) by being sure that he is not putting her at risk of an STI as a result of his actions. Doing so may even help him to assuage his guilt at this one-time infidelity.
Dan's not ultraliberal. He's very socially conservative in a twisted gay lapsed Catholic sort of way. In his mind, no relationship short of marriage really matters, which likely explains why he's so preoccupied with marriage equality. His relationship with his boyfriend will never truly "count" until they can be married under the law.
The TG group I hang out with have much the same history. Some have incredibly accepting SO's, some stay married to wives who don't accept but allow them to dress in private, some get throw out of the house and go through really ugly divorces.
The thing is, if she doesn't accept your dressing, it's highly unlikely you're ever going to change her mind about it. You really do NOT want to be in a relationship where your SO dictates the terms of when, where, and how you can dress. Better to just make a clean break and find someone who will encourage and enjoy your fetish. Just make sure to always indulge whatever things she's interested in.
I'm female, and hell yes I'm tempted to cheat. My god, people are beautiful. That said, I just DON'T. I want to, but I don't. Here's why. Because if I did, my boyfriend would dump my ass. And you know what? I respect him, and I CHOOSE having him, and his trust, and our wonderful relationships, over having the hook-ups my body craves. That's the trade I make. Otherwise, it's dishonest and manipulative. If I don't deserve his trust I'm not going to fucking take it. Why do I get to have my cake and eat it, too?
Because we have the convenient logic of "it would only hurt them." That is such bullshit. What we really mean (and as someone who has cheated and felt all that guilt) is "they will hurt and it's my fault, and they will think less of me, and will tell their friends, and they might even leave me, and nothing will ever be the same, and that would hurt ME." ME. ME. ME.
Well our partners have the right to their feelings and the right to make that choice (to hurt, to think less of us, to leave us). And if we're preventing them from having that choice they deserve (aka being manipulative, self-serving and weak), than at least we should be honest about the reasons we're doing that. And it's not because "it would only assuage my own guilt and hurt them" BS. No. It's because we're afraid of losing the trust of our partners, and what that would mean. I KNOW.
Now, that said, I'm hoping to ultimately find a MOSTLY monogamous relationship. I would LOVE for my ultimate relationship to be role-play, threesome and occasional ass on the side friendly. But it's going to be an honest relationship. I'm not going to manipulate and cheat the person who is supposed to be the closest to me. We're both entitled to our fantasies (to a degree... should a man with rape fantasies date a recent rape victim? maybe not...), but when either of us has someone else's cock in our mouths- the other will know about it. And we'll get through it like adults.
Anyway, that's it from me.
Fin Fun Fan
P.S. With genetic engineering a reality, maybe Dan will fulfill his dream some day soon of finding himself a hot 'n' soapy centaur...
Is there a subculture devoted to ANY fetish that isn't a total sausage fest?
*
Nice line about the low-hanging fruit. I'm placing my bet, though, on his ex being threatened. While men are comfortable with women dressing in traditional male clothes, I think few women are comfortable with men dressing in traditional female clothes.
It's not just in clothing either. I think that women maintain a much more narrow and rigid view of masculinity than men do with femininity.
See? I just can't learn this kind of phrase anywhere else.
Yeah, it sucks to cheat and it sucks to be cheated on. But Dan is spot on : get it out of your system before you actually commit to someone (either in legal marriage or mutual agreement of the commitment).
So, get that "marriage isn't everything" chip off your shoulder (the term 'marriage' can be used symbolically instead of literally, people) and get off Dan's back (unless he consents to you being there).
If one man says "I like women who are conventionally feminine: Wear make-up, wear dresses, enjoy baking," there's nothing wrong with it, that's just his taste. But if all men or most men in a population say that, there's something more going on. They are internalizing some sort of cultural standard, and in doing so are putting unrealistic pressure on all women to be conventionally feminine.
It is my suspicion that most women in our society want conventionally masculine men. If you wouldn't date a cross-dresser, certainly that's your taste. But what does it mean if most women feel that way? Where is the line between the tastes of individuals and the norms of a society?
A few months ago, someone I know came out as trans. On hearing about the difficulty this person had in finding someone to date, I asked myself if I would date an FTM. My first gut reaction was "Ew, no, an FTM isn't a *real* man." But where did this idea come from? Who decided what a *real* man was?
I certainly don't imagine that I can offer any meaningful answers to any of these questions, but I do think there is value in each of us considering them. It would be naive of anyone to say that we live in some sort of post-sexist society, as it would be for any one of us to claim to be perfect egalitarians. Once again, I didn't mean to sound aggressive or ignorant or a lazy post-reader, but I think that we all need to ask ourselves where our ideas of acceptable masculinity/femininity come from.
Maybe some intersexed person out there could tell us whether they've ever dated a gay man?
The truth is that I longed for a masculine (not macho) guy. I don't think it's because of what society told me, because I'm very open and accepting of other people's choices and lifestyles. It was just part of me. I like "manly" men. Shortly after I broke up with my ex, I met one and married him and I couldn't be happier. We've been together seven years, and he still does it for me. But I wasted many years with someone who turned me off, in part because I wanted to believe that passionate attraction didn't matter in the long run, and that overall compatibility was more important. Well, it does and it isn't. My hesitation wasn't fair to my ex, and I regret it now. I should have been true to myself all along, and left the relationship when I first recognized the problem.
I honestly believe that we are hardwired to be attracted to certain types of people, be they folks of the same gender, David Bowie waifs, Hulk Hogan behemoths, or what have you. Certainly what we define as masculine and feminine is influenced by our culture to some degree, but a lot of it isn't. After all, most gay men aren't into men who dress like women either. A lot of them want very rugged, masculine appearing men because, well, they dig men. I don't think examining stereotypes will do much to change that. But I know you mean well, I just don't agree that being turned off by cross dressers or feminine men is sexist.
It would also give me time to asses whether I wanted to bother setting up a scene that was so damn intricate and complicated..not just your average tie 'em up and beat 'em thing there...
I would probably also want to have it in writing in pretty explicit "from - til" temporal terms with specific conditions for initiating the scene (red pumps with open-toes?--not ready.. grimy tevas?--hot to trot...or something like that) that would allow the person to have control over when the scene was initiated. Hell, I might even draw up a form that she had to fill in, print out, sign and then submit to my meeting proxy, just to have it in writing.
Hard to be too careful with something like being accused of rape and completely unforgivable to be the proxy rapist for some asshole because of a failure to verify intent on the part of the "victim"...but with all that in the bag... go for it.
My "clueless but willing to learn" advice? Don't pull out the nigger thing. That word nigger has such an evil shameful history and sets off so many instant deep-set responses you at once go into Godwin. Hitting the Hitler mode before the conversation even starts.
Yelling at people and lashing out for using a term that seems pretty common is probably just going to make them roll their eyes. If you are truly insulted by the term, it's up to you to explain it without getting all steamy. The world can change-- and should--but self-righteous pissiness doesn't help.
Has got to feel good, no doubt about that, it definitely doesn't help.
Unrelated, my ex was intersexed, and closeted, and it became a secret we had to keep. It made her less open to intimacy, and closeted our relationship. I would love to hear more in savage love from intersexed individuals and the folks who love them
"Shemale" isn't a term I've seen much outside of a prostitution/porn context, but widely used or not the connotations are really ugly.
As much as I think some of the angry responses are counterproductive, it's hard for me not to empathize. I've taken an incredible amount of shit for being who I am, and in terms of cultural acceptance I think transsexuals are still a good decade or so behind homosexuals.
Not sure about where you are, but at least around here "she's a man!" is a pretty common punchline, even from people who consider themselves open minded or accepting. These are the same people who would immediately reprimand someone for saying "that's gay". I'm just disappointed to see it used here. Dan should know better.
Both men and women can get a blood test for HPV whether there are sores or not which will show not only the presence of the virus, but whether it is high-risk or low-risk. Ditto herpes. I have had both tests; you have to ask for the "HPV blood test" and the "herpes blood test". Check with your insurance; my insurance claimed they wouldn't cover the HPV blood test (despite it being a follow-up ordered by the doctor after two abnormal Paps) because I was under 30.
For a list of condom use, effectiveness, and STI transmission: http://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/l…
FFF- If you make sure that she likes swimming/SCUBA or likes to shower together, you probably won't even have to pony up the cash to take her to Hawaii at 3months. Your fetish is sweet.
ahem... just sayin'
I'm a vanilla girl, and if my boyfriend randomly said "hey, you'd look hot in swim fins!" my response would likely be "haha, okay! what color?" Seriously, swim fins should not be approached as a big deal. Anyone who finds that fetish creepy, especially coupled with FF's backstory, must have no imagination!
Well said. You can also say that what we define as attractive and not attractive is influenced by our culture to some degree, but a lot (I would argue most) of it isn't. Does anyone believe that if man was locked in a closet until he was 30 and never saw any women, and then he was let out and saw Kate Beckinsale and Andrea Dworkin standing side-by-side, he'd find them equally attractive because he hadn't been "influenced by the media?"
I agree with you that being turned off by cross dressers or feminine men (or masculine women) isn't "sexist." But we need to take that a step further and say that being turned off by (or being turned on by) a person's looks isn't "shallow" (a word most frequently hurled at men by women.) Being shallow is when you ONLY care about looks, when you have no interest whatsoever in going deeper, in getting to know the person under the skin. But being attracted to certain types of people isn't shallow.