Savage Love

Inside Job

Comments

1
FIRST POST!!!!!!!!!1

Also: good work on the butt-toy advice!
2
To FACE ... seriously? You get to cum everywhere else, let it go.
3
first comment?
4
Love the DAD advice - it is dead on! Though if I had JO's issue I wouldn't hide the masturbation...I'd ask her to get me off then and there and then if refused I'd just have to take matters into my own hands! Ask her often enough and maybe she'll decide it isn't cheating rahter it is giving her a break. (however if he had me we'd never be out of bed!)
5
Big fan and have been so busy to find time to catch up on your column but happy to see things are still interesting as ever.
6
I'm just such a judge, but my wife loves taking a load in the face as long as I'm wearing my robes. We call it "justice for all." thanks anyway and you're welcome for the marriage thing.
7
As someone who is too excited about Vermont to give the haters the back of the hand they deserve, I'll offer FACE some advice: tell your wife that you love seeing yourself, your dick, next to her face, and that it makes your orgasm that much hotter when you can watch yourself come on her beautiful face. If you REALLY want to convince her, the next time you come in her mouth or on her chest, kiss her mouth or nipples and lick off some of your own semen. It will help her think of it as less degrading if you're embracing your own come. If you can't stand to do that, however, you probably don't deserve the visual anyway.
8
The official penance is three Our Father's and three Hail Mary's.

The monsignor told me so!
9
What's up with the whole quick jerk off to relieve stress thing? Is that really healthy? Wouldn't it be better, albeit much more difficult, to try to examine head-on the underlying issues to our being stressed? Of course one could argue that masterbation is a whole lot better than some of the other quick fixers like smoking, food of alcohol but they still all are only band-aid type solutions.
10
Good job Dan!

You never seem to fail to tell of right-wing bigots in a way that leaves you standing on top!

Thank you for being you!
11
LOL at FACE
"I hate you and your advice, please give me some advice!"
12
I'm a straight female who's counting down the states until the whole country has equal marriage (at which time I will throw a party). Perhaps you would share your facial argument with me? I've never wanted to try it. It icks me out, seems a lot like getting peed on.
13
If FACE thinks all over your face is the same thing as in your mouth, it must be entertaining to watch him eat spaghetti.
14
JO: I think Dan offers the best possible advice w/ his second suggestion (i.e. working around your wife's irrationality), if you want to stay with your wife. True, lots of people make peace w/ worse situations. To quote Dan from a column several years ago (or at least I think I'm quoting--my apologies if I'm not) Part of settling down is settling for. That said, in your position, I would consider leaving.

I don't know if I could partner with someone that couldn't handle me masturbating. It smacks of immaturity, not to mention a serious lack of boundaries. It sounds like your wife doesn't have a clue about male sexuality, although she probably doesn't have a clue about her own. Yeah, that's a lot to read into a relatively short letter, but conflating masturbation w/ infidelity is just retarded.

FACE: This letter has to be a joke. If not, let me say I really don't give a rusty fuck about the sex life of bigots unless it's instrumental in getting them removed from public office.
15
God. How insecure must a woman be to view fucking a hand as cheating? I was willing to put up with that bullshit when I had my first serious relationship at 18, but 10 years later and I'm too tired to argue or pull any sort of passive-aggressive bullshit. I'd just tell her I'll do it when I like, she doesn't have to watch, but shut the fuck up about it. If she persists in her screeching, I'd tell her I was leaving. Let the looney prudes stick together - I need someone who isn't afraid of sex.
16
Please ask your readers to go to the Honolulu Advertiser's home page http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/ and "vote" on the Civil Union bill now before the legislature. The "against" were winning by a narrow margin.

Thanks,
Robert
17
Jade - That's the thing, if you're stressed out about, say, money, and you get your brain so wrapped up in thinking about "Oh my god how can I afford to pay the electric bill AND eat this month AND the credit card AND..." That kind of thinking can go on forever if you let it, and masturbation can be a nice stress reducer that lets you calm down, gather your thoughts, and tackle the problems fresh.
18
Listen up hateful fuckers - in the next 10 years, most of the states in the union (hopefully all) will have legalized homosexual marriage. Fuck off hate-mongers. We shall prevail. Black suffrage, women's suffrage, abolition of Jim Crow, etc. It's all taken some time for people to come around, but in the end, the right and just side always wins out. :)
19
My husband tried to make me feel bad about masturbating when he didn't want to have sex with me (I have a very high sex drive and his is lower than a postpartum mother on prozac and birth control). Eventually, with a little age and the wisdom of Dan Savage, he realized it's better than fucking around on him. Calmly explain that you want to fuck her more often, but if she's not in the mood, she needs to get over you rubbing one out. As long as you're not neglecting her sexually in favor of your right hand, she's being way irrational. If she persists, you may need to get a new lady.
20
OMG Dan, I love that you can use words to degrade that homophobic FACE dude. Even if he receives advice from your fellow readers, he has to FACE the fact he's not worthy of advice from his own idol.

Your column is more brilliant each year, and the advice from fellow readers is also more tantalizing each month.

Thanks!
21
I appreciate Jade's comment; insightful, and positively screaming out for further contemplation.
Response: without having some kind of pressure valve built into our behaviours, I don't think we could survive.
We ought also examine how many people smoke, drink, and do other harmful things, and, I feel, draw the conclusion that these things are necessary. We are not a race strictly supported by the logic of sustainable solutions, but often surviving only from moment to moment with temporary fixes. We flirt with a line of balance, too much, or too little both breed flaws of character.
I argue that it is not correct to draw the conclusion that: masturbation as a stress relief is a band aid solution, and thus should be avoided. Rather; we need to promote contemplation of our actions, and act to create balance when masturbation, or any other behaviour, becomes destructive.
22
What if you're a Vermont Senator that just approved marriage? Do only the Iowan Judges get the free sex advice call?
23
To FACE: dude, she swallows. She is rare among wives. Be grateful and stop bitching.
24
"crucidildo" is quite possibly the most hilarious word i've heard in a long time.
25
Dan, I'm SO glad you denied the straight married guy advice. He does not deserve it at all. I love how you told him you had the right to discriminate against him since he discriminates against you. Right on!
26
FIRST!!!....hey, what the fuck happened???....
27
Ummmmm..... first letter is an April Fool's prank.
28
Or a less deceitful option for JO: every time you want to jerk off when she's around, tell her. Tell her you feel like having an orgasm, and she can participate or not as she chooses. If she chooses to participate, do be generous - but she probably won't. Either you'll be having sex a lot more often, or (hopefully) she'll realize how ridiculously controlling it is to deny you solo satisfaction.
29
Here's the funny thing with degrading sexual acts – women with healthy self-esteem tend to only get off on them if they are a hundred percent sure the man they're with completely respects them in every single way. If there's any doubt, any hint that he's sexist, if he's passive aggressive in fights, verbally abusive, talks shit about women's bodies... it's a total turn on.
30
turn OFF, turn OFF. damn these late-night listening sessions.
32
Uh... she doesn't want him to masturbate as a punishment for cheating on her (and not with his hand). Irrational, maybe, but it's the form of payback she chose. 'You couldn't keep it in your pats for me, now I want you to deny it to yourself.'
33
Let's see, Jerk Off... you cheated on your wife two years into a marriage, and your wife is so paranoid she wants no evidence of your sexual needs beyond her. Sounds like paradise. Maybe that's why Dan gave you the terrible advise to lie to her, and let her think she's controlling you...he can see you're not in it for the long haul. Not if you can't be your self, that's for damn sure. Hope you guys don't have any kids whose lives you'll be sure to ruin.
34
Maybe Questioner#2 should just have 5-minute sex with his wife any time he feels like masturbating. Soon enough she'll ask him to go back to doing it himself...
35
I am still holding out for more details on the igloo.
36
OK, Dan, I'm 100% in favor of marriage equality, voted against Prop H8 and donated money to the anti-H8 cause, so please tell me, what ARE the 100% guaranteed pro-facial arguments?
37
Jerk Off: "Our sex is really, really great, but I'm pretty horny and I like to masturbate once in a while. She says that she feels like I'm cheating on her."

Their sex life is great but, even so, she doesn't want him to jerk off because that's "cheating" on her? This woman is beyond bizarre. Why doesn't she ask to watch him? Then she'd be right there so it wouldn't be "cheating", right? I've loved it when women I've been with wanted to watch me and I love watching women masturbate.

FACE: "I'm against homosexual marriage."

And I'm a libertarian straight guy who's against conservative heterosexuals imposing their views about legal coupling on everyone. Why don't these conservative heteros spend their time and energy being opposed to domestic abuse and cheating by married heteros, instead of getting all hot and bothered about same-sex couples who love each other?

FACE again: "She normally has no problem with swallowing my come or letting me come on her chest. But for some reason, the face just creeps her out."

Hey, she swallows. That's very sexy and pretty rare for a woman to do. Why not count your blessings instead of badgering her about coming on her face too?
38
Response to FACE = Perfect
39
@jade Nope, nothing wrong or unhealthy about a quick yank when the mood takes you.

All natural, lets you get on with your day instead of stewing in hormones (if you don't have a willing partner or time to get them in the mood), sometimes a relaxing way to get sleepy at the end of a day.

I'll assume you are female since men don't need to be taught this stuff. Women of the world, please educate yourselves and your sisters on the joy of masturbation and that it doesn't have to end even when you have a steady sex partner.

40
My wife doesn't like me masturbating, so when I *really* can't hold it, she watches and masturbates herself.

This usually ends in sex anyway.
41
I stole my dad's playboys, he never confronted me about it.
42
Dan, I think you're way off on your advice to FACE. This is what you should have said: When you go on your inevitable shooting spree, like all right-wing idiots do, make sure to kill yourself first & save the rest of the world a ton of heartache.
43
jade- there is no such thing as a "stress-free" life, and thus no such thing as an "underlying cause of stress", at least not one that can be solved or fixed.

Obviously if your choice is to masturbate for hours on end instead of dealing with Life, it's a problem, but otherwise? It's just some hormonal regulation, releasing endorphins and all that. It's not any more a "band-aid" then laughing at a joke or enjoying a beautiful park is a "bandaid" for depression/shitty days.
44
Yeah... but you weren't shoving your dad's playboys up your ass were you? The health factor far outweighs the "taking something that isn't yours" issue.
45
I woukd never stay with a woman that was so controlling that she even tried to control my( dont affect her) masturbation....BRAD
46
I believe in equality in marriage.As in no one should be allowed to marry.BRAD
47
Mr. Savage's response to FACE was just childish. Is it such a shock to learn that there are readers who enjoy his relationship advice but disagree with his politics?
48
Dan, you're so wrong (for a change) "make him feel bad for invading your privacy and stealing your stuff" Why make him feel bad? There's no use in it.

Point out everything you mentioned – safety first, where, when, how to use. And LAUGH off the fact that now the crucidildo has to be retired for hygiene's sake. Trust me that alone will make him feel bad enough without trying to pile anything else on.

I mean it's not like it's an easy thing (or legal) for a 16 yr old to go out and buy that kind of paraphernalia anyway – yes he can and should learn to get the lube and condoms himself but go east on the rest.

Let he who never pilfered something for sexual use from a parent cast the first stone.
49
*or go easy
50
Don't forget Vermont, Sweden, as well as Austria, in the near future.

"Your job, DAD, is to drag... this... talk... out... "
xDDD

I love you.
51
Fabulous response to FACE. Thanks, Dan!
52
I have a couple of quick comments Dan, the first is about DAD; since it doesn't state anywhere in the letter, how do you know it is the Dad that wrote in instead of the Mom? Your advice however, is solid.

Second, your advice is bang on for Jerk Off, and I had the same problem with my wife in the past. I solved the problem by going to bed early some nights, like when she is watching the Biggest Loser or Private Practice on TV. Just because you aren't getting enough sex is not a reason to cheat, you can take the matter into your own hands.

And for FACE, if his wife is willing to swallow or have him come anywhere else but her face, he should be very happy with that and stop complaining; some married men don't get that much. The behaviour is more like a dog marking his territory and tell him that everything you see in porn is not healthy or safe and should not be copied.
53
JO's wife probably believes that when he jerks off, hs is thinking about other women (models, tv stars, co-workers, random strangers) so that's why she feels it is cheating. And where he has cheated before, she probably wants to prevent him from thinking about sex with other women.

It probably also takes him less time to get himself in the mood than to get his wife in the mood, so squirting into a sock is quicker and easier than talking your wife into a quickie or a blow job. Unless of course your wife is really great.
54
JO, Are you wandering around the house jerking off at will whenever you feel like it? While your wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner for your cheating ass? The living room wile she's trying to do work on the computer? When she's having a serious phone conversation?

Unless you two are involved in something sexual or you're in bed together and she's just not interested, why is this this even an issue? Why aren't you just happily jerking off in the bathroom or during nap time as men have been doing for centuries? Unless,of course, your desire to have her constantly watch you is something you conveniently left out of your letter.

What I find truly disturbing is that "she rarely leaves the house" without you. Is she a kidnap victim?

FACE, she just doesn't like it and doesn't want to do it. Let it go. Come back in 5 years when you have three screaming little brats and your exhausted wife won't do anything sexual. But omit the self righteous declarations about religion and gay marrige in your letter if you want help. Also, don't assume that everyone enjoys watching the carnage of car accidents, especially if they've been in one.
55
@ TWJ

There are a multitude of people of read Dan's column and don't agree with his politics (like the whole blacks & Prop. * thing he keeps harping on about)

HOWEVER, you do not bring out that point when you want something from someone. Its just common sense. "I'm Against things that are value to your core... here's my problem, help me, k? thx!"

Um, No. Lol. Fuck you. If he was smart he wouldn't have included that first part to begin with, so he wanted Dan to say something about it. And Dan gave him a response.
56
Jade, you wack.

(Or, perhaps more accurately, you should)
57
@ stop the silly

I read it the other way around. It seemed that FACE was paying him a compliment. To paraphrase: "you oppose my core values and gratuitously insult those who share my beliefs, yet I enjoy your work and value your advice."

I expected Mr. Savage to trade barbs playfully and then get on to the advice.

Perhaps I am being too charitable to FACE. Nevertheless, I am quite surprised at how thin-skinned Mr. Savage's reaction was. If he found the letter offensive, he did not have to run it. Instead, he used a third of his column to thumb his nose at FACE. As a loyal reader, I feel shortchanged (am I alone in this?), and can only describe the move as childish.
58
FACE: It's degrading because you have to clean it off, and it's fucking annoying getting it off the face. It might get in her eyes. It might get up her nose. She seems to be doing almost everything else (I'm seriously not convinced that swallowing is THAT rare, but whatever), so shut up and treat her to a nice dinner for being such a great sport to your bigoted ass.
59
Re JO:

As someone who has been in a relationship where cheating was involved, I have to disagree with Dan on this one. To successfully come back from infidelity, it’s extremely important that the cheated partner be able to completely trust the cheating partner, ESPECIALLY where sexuality is concerned.

Even a year out, this woman is probably still extremely insecure at the thought of him masturbating and thinking of someone who is not her (which, let’s face it, he probably is). If she were to catch him lying about this—and maybe she wouldn’t, but she might—it could undo much of the work they have put into repairing the relationship.

Instead, what if JO tried to make masturbation less threatening to her? Next time they want to have sex, instead of actual penetration, they could masturbate side by side. He could tell her how hot it is when she masturbates and ask her to touch him with her other hand. This will make her feel more connected to the process. Do this a couple of times in lieu of sex.

Then, as someone else suggested, the next time he just wants to rub one out, he could ask if she wants to join him. No? Does she want to watch? No? Then would it be okay if I just took care of it solo, babe?
60
Holy shit, where do I find a glow in the dark, crucifix shaped dildo, with Jesus in relief? That's just too cool.
61
Gloria: "(I'm seriously not convinced that swallowing is THAT rare, but whatever)"

That's because you're not a man who has sex with women.

Aside from that, I agree with your comment that it's annoying. I don't know from personal experience but I imagine it would be. I love what someone else mentioned: comparing eating spaghetti to having it all over your face.

--------------------

TWJ: "I read it the other way around. It seemed that FACE was paying him a compliment. To paraphrase: 'you oppose my core values and gratuitously insult those who share my beliefs, yet I enjoy your work and value your advice.'"

You're missing a fundamental difference: Savage may oppose FACE's core values but he isn't trying to impose his values on FACE and his kind; i.e. he's not trying to prevent different-sex marriage. FACE and his kind, on the other hand, not only oppose Savage's values but are actively trying to impose their values on Savage and other homosexuals by working to prevent same-sex marriage.
62
I have a different take on JO, as a wife who has had to ask her husband to masturbate less. In my case, the husband was masturbating to the exclusion of sex with me. He was keeping his sexuality to himself and not including me in it. JO didn't indicate this, but why would he? I suspect he is choosing to masturbate over trying to bed his wife. However if he cheated, then he masturbates a lot (his words), she is probably feeling excluded from his sex life (and maybe wondering why his hand is more sexually appealing than her). What worked for me was asking my husband to come to me first (no pun intended!) when he was feeling the need to get off instead of first considering his right hand. If I turned him down then he's free to squeeze one out, no hard feelings. That way, he gets his orgasm, and I get to be a participant in his sexuality. This tactic might work for JO.
63
Any bodily fluid splashed on the face (not just cum, but pee, vomit, poo, spit, etc.) is indeed degrading. Maybe FACE should let Dan cum all over his face and see how he likes it. As I'm typing this, I'm also thinking that the facial recipient is virtually always below the ejaculator, never above him, thereby adding to the debasement.

I personally do not like receiving facials because I have a hangup about seeing cum out in the open air. (I turn my head during money shots in porn.) I would rather swallow. Only recently did I let my BF fuck me between the tits, something he'd been asking for for a while, because if I don't like seeing cum, I sure don't want to see it coming at my face at 60 mph. (He's fixed, so it'd be clear, not white, but that's not the point.) It was dark, and I kept my eyes closed. Glad we got that out of the way.

"What if he's masturbating? ...I could end up on the ceiling!" Woody Allen, in Everything you Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*but were afraid to ask)
64
JD: "You're missing a fundamental difference: Savage may oppose FACE's core values but he isn't trying to impose his values on FACE and his kind; i.e. he's not trying to prevent different-sex marriage. FACE and his kind, on the other hand, not only oppose Savage's values but are actively trying to impose their values on Savage and other homosexuals by working to prevent same-sex marriage."

From what I have read, both sides feel that the other is imposing its values, feel under attack, and are quite passionate about the subject. They do call it the culture wars for a reason. Personally, I find the "anyone who disagrees must be a hateful bigot" approach fairly closed-minded.

It seems that despite the differences, FACE was reaching across the aisle. Given his question, I would hazard a guess that he is not a puritan.

It is really too bad that FACE has to be treated as an enemy instead of a fellow traveler fascinated and perplexed by sex and relationships. This is why I really wish Mr. Savage would keep political advocacy out of his columns. Passions run too high, and it is a distraction from what he does best.
65
stopthesilly wrote:

HOWEVER, you do not bring out that point when you want something from someone. Its just common sense. "I'm Against things that are value to your core... here's my problem, help me, k? thx!"
----------------
Totally off-topic, but this sums up George W. Bush's approach to foreign policy perfectly. Well done, sir or madam.
66
How large was this cache of sex toys, DAD? How long have they been disappearing, before you noticed? Where did you think you'd been putting them? We want details. You are a good father.

Great, GREAT advice, Dan!
67
That DAD letter reminds me of something that happened in 1975. I was helping to deliver/install air conditioners for [a huge retail outfit] in south Florida. At one house we were working in the bedroom, when I noticed something prominently displayed on the dresser. It was a 6-8" white plastic Vigin Mary which, when seen from the back, was very obviously a dildo/vibrator. I must have stared at it for two seconds (about a second-and-a-half too long), and when I looked up into the face of the dark, short-haired milf whose house it was, I could only stammer, "That's cute." She smiled slightly and nodded. Nothing more was said, and we quickly finished putting in the A/C and left. I've wondered for decades if I missed a great opportunity there, and I've "relieved my stress" over the incident many times since. Best wishes to all.
68
@DAL

Dan has a long-standing tradition of making an acronym out of the words a person signs themself off with. In this case, the person identified himself as DAD, since it doesn't take much reading of Savage Love to figure out this practice.

additionally, he usually/often has to cut some letters down in size, it may be that DAD included other information identifying himself as the father.
69
I googled cross shaped dildo w/ jesus but got nothing.
I WANT ONE !
Any ideas where ?
70
Well said to FACE. What a jerk.
Dan, about your 2nd post, I'm not too sure I agree. Sometimes I simply feel that when my partner jerks off while I'm around the house, when I want some... He is not able to give it to me because he cannot get a hard on because he just finished blowing his load... Normally he would be extremely horny and this totally gives away the fact that he just jerked off... If I'm in the house, I'd rather him just come fuck the shit outta me no matter where I am or what I'm doing... it'd be so hot if he stopped me from cleaning the house or something and would just throw me on the kitchen counter, bend me over and start banging me.

And for your first post.. LMFAO.
71
I think JO's wife's problem may have more to do with WHAT he's using to masterbate with than the masterbation itself. I have found myself in that form of jealousy in the past and if he was using his MIND and fantasies, it didn't bother me, but photos/videos of other women did. It really had more to do with the fact that he was jerking off alone with images of other women when I'd really much rather have him involve me. This was when we had a fairly dry sex life. Now that we're really quite active, his solo activities, no matter what he uses, don't bother me.
72
Jade- it's true that it doesn't fix the situation, but it can clear your head and give your brain the ability to focus and relax. Just like some people exercise to clear their head.

Just last night I had a bit of an anxiety attack and restless legs that wouldn't let me sleep until I had an orgasm and then I was _out_. I often use orgasms as my sleep-aid.

Oh- and I'm a chick AND I think this is just common sense. However, I also started reading Dan's column- as any good Badger did- in the Onion in 1994, when I was 18. So maybe I'm ahead of most women on that front for that reason.

So, thanks, Dan! Without you I'd have: 1) spontaneously combusted, 2) had an array of STDs, and 3) way more emotional trauma from getting sexually involved when I wasn't ready or had unrealistic expectations.
73
http://www.divine-interventions.com/jack…

If I hadn't just spent $30 on a jackrabbit, I'd totally get one!
74
Some people on here think gay marriage is about to catch fire all over the country. Wake up. 29 states ban gay marriage in their constitutions. We are a couple generations away from being able to amend state constitutions. 14 more ban gay marriage by law, and most did so relatively recently with healthy margins.

Iowa will amend its constituion to ban in a couple years, and California's ban will hold up for quite a while. If we're lucky we'll end up with half a dozen states that allow it, almost all of them small ones in the northeast. And that'll be it for a long, long time.
75
It seems that despite the differences, FACE was reaching across the aisle. Given his question, I would hazard a guess that he is not a puritan.

It is really too bad that FACE has to be treated as an enemy instead of a fellow traveler fascinated and perplexed by sex and relationships. This is why I really wish Mr. Savage would keep political advocacy out of his columns. Passions run too high, and it is a distraction from what he does best.

Posted by TWJ on April 8, 2009 at 8:43 AM

Yer a douche. A mindless douche. Your namby pamby, can't we all get along attitude offends me much more than FACE's bigotry. Seriously, FACE knows he's an asshole at some level. You are a clueless gunt with nothing to offer anyone. STFU.
76
Robin: RE: your statement "because if I don't like seeing cum, I sure don't want to see it coming at my face at 60 mph. (He's fixed, so it'd be clear, not white, but that's not the point.) It was dark, and I kept my eyes closed. Glad we got that out of the way."
When men are "fixed", their spooge doesn't become clear, you dummy. you better inspect and report back.
77
If the sex is already good and she's game for most everything else, don't ruin it by harping on the facials. Most women find them degrading. Personally not a fan of cum in my hair and in my eyes, nose, etc. I will occasionally let a partner do them, but it is entirely for him not for me.
78
Fuck off FACE! My wife hasn't blown me in over a year and you get to shoot your wad everywhere but one place. Get bent you fuckin' discriminating douche!
79
Wow, the audacity of FACE! Poetic justice would be FACE's dick falling off while trying to give his wife a facial.
80
I thought Dan's use of
"I'll toss in" was very appropriate.

Robbin: being fixed doesn't make semen clear.
81
JO's situation is about control AND punishment. He can subvert the control by being deceitful, but what about his penance? From where I sit it seems like the price of staying in the relationship is acceptance of her restrictions. He does have two choices, but they are: pack his bags, or accept his fate.
82
Response to DAD...

UM...why was the whole CREEPY factor left out? What 16-year-old son wants to use one of their parents'dildos? I don't care if the kid was just super curious or was too ashamed to purchase his own...that is downright CREEPY! Neither DAD nor Dan Savage mentioned that!!
83
"That's because you're not a man who has sex with women."

Touche. I know it's rare, but I don't want to believe it. It didn't take much for me to do it (just Dan's preaching, and a bit of common sense) so I fail to understand why so many women hate it or refuse to do it. (1) It's really, really not so bad that any adult woman can't teach herself to be OK with it (like all other tastes acquired with age -- coffee, raw fish, etc.), and (2) I'd find it deeply hurtful if my boyfriend ran to the bathroom sputtering and spitting every time after going down on me.
84
Hilarious Dan,love your response to FACE.I'm against gay marriage too but I agree that facials are degrading and would NEVER allow it.
85
@ Jade - no.
86
@TWJ

FACE's comments were completely unnecessary and were obviously going to elicit that type of reaction given Dan's stance and earlier articles. FACE was just stupid for bring it up.

While I appreciate your sticking up for FACE I think you're giving FACE a lot more credit than the asshole deserves. He said reading this column is like car wreck...i.e. he looks down on all the people who write in because they're lives are messed up. That's not cool. Don't write asking for help all high and mighty. Read Dan to learn something. FACE is an idiot. Stop sticking up for him.
87
FACE, I'm a married woman who welcomes my husband's semen on my chest and occasionally in the mouth, but not the face. We sorted it out a long time ago: I said that the night he lets me piss on his face is the first time he'll get to come on my face. He's just happy that I'm not asking to piss on his chest or in his mouth.
88
I love you I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!
I particularly love your last response!!!
That's all :)
<3 Emily
89
Thanks for the shout out to Iowa. We're glad to help shed the image of a bunch of hicks. And remember, the Iowa Caucuses started Obama on the road to the White House. Just wish he'd change his stance on LGBT rights.

If JO's wife might be concerned about his feelings for her, after all the jerk did cheat, he should ask if he can masturbate to her. She could hold him while he jos or do a little strip tease, flash a little breast or whatever. That way she is reassured that it is her that he is horny for.

Or just take a long shower each day. Unless she's in there with you, she'll never know.
90
So, one time when I was younger my parents were mentioning a present they had gotten for my grandparents. I asked what it was, and they said, "You don't want to know." Well, I was like 13 or 14 and so of course now I had to know, and I bugged them and bugged them... until they showed me the small jar of chocolate body licking sauce... that they had bought for my grandparents... Suffice to say, I have never since pushed when they said I didn't want to know.
91
Jade--ownlee moroones speel eet meesterbatetion
92
@jade What's up with the whole quick nap thing to relieve tiredness? Wouldn't it be better, albeit more difficult, to try to examine head-on the underlying issues to our being tired?
93
Well done. Maybe his wife would be more open to facials if they were liberals? Just a thought
94
And to FACE, the "chutzpah of the century" award: not just denying Dan et al. their rights but actually asking for Dan's help. Beyond belief! May your body change such that you're perpetually aroused and never able to achieve orgasm, and may your inner grossness be manifest so that no one will touch you. Oh, and long life!
95
"invites conversations that he doesn't want to have with his dad."

A good T-shirt slogan but a questionable hypothesis in these days of Jerry Springer, reality shows and Twitter
96
Is there really such a thing as a crucifix shaped dildo? The letter sounds fake to me. If it isn't then the world is a bit stranger than I thought!
97
Oh, TWJ, you sad little moron. Nothing that we humans do is separable from politics -- that's what living in society entails. We can't buy everything we want (lots of stuff is illegal or regulated), we can't do everything we want (I'd like to empty the bank account of every AIG executive, but laws prevent me from doing so; some people probably want to see dogs drive cars, but that's illegal, too; and so on). And despite your weird, blustery attempt to argue "logically" (I loathe and never use Internet acronyms, but for you I'll make an exception: LMFAO) that both sides are attempting to impose their views on one another, the reality is that hetero marriage is allowed everywhere but in most places homo marriage isn't, thanks to a frightening coalition of social and political conservatives. As other backwards laws have fallen, so will this one; until it does, reasonable people (don't worry, that label excludes you) will argue for progress.

C'mon. You know this (the current marriage reality), and you know that relationships -- the stuff about which Dan gives such masterful advice, as you've acknowledged -- are inherently about marriage (their either do or don't end in it). So stop wasting everyone's time with your disingenuous crap. Oh, and while you're at it, how about a little therapy to find out why you're so threatened by the idea of an equitable society?
98
@Red
Am I the only one who watched Lucy, daughter of the Devil? One of the first episodes was about a crucifix-shaped dildo with jesus on it. Seriously. You can find it on iTunes (under adult swim).
99
"I disagree with your stance on religion and I'm against homosexual marriage."
"She finds that repulsive.. She says it's degrading."

Coincidence? This guy is suffering from his own sex-negative philosophy of shame! Aww... poor baby.

Tip: If you want a rewarding and fulfilling sex life, be willing to let others have it too.
100
I wouldn't mind a facial, but you have to clean up afterwards and that is just a pain in the ass- do I seriously have to scrub my face and wash my hair after sex? I can barely stand having to take a shower, what a pain! You should be able to sit back and relax after your big finish, not jump up and clean to make sure it doesn't crust on your eyelashes or run into your ears. Just unpleasant. I'd let him do it if it was a deal breaker for him, but otherwise, un uh, that would just ruin sex for me.
101
Crucidildo. Words cannot express how grateful I am to you for this new addition to my vocabulary. BRILLIANT!!!!