Not using the word retard is the gayest shit I've ever heard. My eyes want to roll out of their sockets.

The happy (as in GAY) people of the world were probably similarly offended when homosexuals co-opted the word for their own usage. So homosexuals can just suck it up now that people have started using "ghey" to describe things as lame or stupid. That usage of the word has nothing to do with actual homosexuality anymore, and as such gay folk shouldn't get upset at the usage. Same goes for retarded. We're not talking about retarded people here, we're simply using the word as it's defined in the dictionary. Keep using the word retarded, Dan.

Who the hell checks their boyfriends brouser history? Psycho.

"Instead" is evil! It's meant to go in at an angle and sit around your cervix. However, I tried it a few months ago, and during sex it got pushed up so that it was completely horizontal! It hurt like a motherfucker, took almost 1/2 an hour to get out, and I couldn't have sex for 2 days after. never again.

LMHI do not break up with this girl! i understand where your coming from. i made a huge mistake in my life and dumped my ex because i was bored, we had some past issues i "thought" i couldn't get over, and other girls kept beckoning me. it was the absolute worst mistake Ive ever made. not only did i loose the mother of my child, i lost my best friend and lover and there is not a day goes by i don't regret it. life is NOT better outside of your love. to quote the shittiest hair band to ever exist... "you don't know what you've got... till its gone."

Two browsers, or two users. All operating systems let you login with your own password and have your own private things.

But Kiki's right: it's hard to avoid browser history. When I type in my address bar, there's always a list of a bunch of sites I visited. And although I try to hide them with that "Stealther" plugin, there's also a few porn sites. Urgh.

On the other hand, Dan's comments don't address OTO's boyfriend's own fears: that his sex life would be branded as shameful. OTO needs to take care of that.

She should stop trying to give reasons to her disgust ("alright, it's ridiculous for me to feel jealous, but it's still downright disgusting to me"), maybe make him feel that disgust ("imagine seeing two hot guys with huge dicks and huge muscles - awhhh! - having sex together". Or show him that sounding image from Dan's post) and then make the necessary adjustments to make it easier for him not to forget his porn (don't forget that a male post-orgasmic brain isn't the fastest thing around).

wait I thought "mental disabilities" WAS the solution to "retard"? AKA: people with mental disabilities are people with mental disabilities. People who need to get a clue are retards, idiots, imbeciles, morons, brain dead, etc...which all used to be synonymous with "retard" in a quasi-medical sense before they became insults.

re: retard v. gay. We want to keep "gay" because otherwise it messes up the abbreviation and no one's coming up with a better-sounding word to refer to dudes-who-like-other-dudes. Or should we be "Heterosexually challenged"?

Well fuck my ass silly! Those retards are crazy. They'll put just about anything in their pants to slap their spanky/ spank their slappy. Let the retards be in peace with their weiners.

I've been using my diaphragm for years as a mechanism for both contraception AND my period -- two birds with one stone! Why buy some Instead Cup when you can get a diaphragm that's much more functional, and form-fitted to your vaginal size? (I guess price must be lower?)

Let Me Have It, you are a total jackass. The people urging you to get your shit together and redevote yourself to your gf are far too kind -- she deserves better.
Oh, and Dan is 100% right -- she agreed to the sleeping around thing under duress, which is of course obvious to you, but because you can only thing of you and your precious wang, you don't give a shit.

AFTER's situation calls for DTMFA. He won't go near her pussy but she is obliged to give blowjobs? That's rich...

I don't think anyone can be blamed for not wanting to have intercourse with a woman while she is on her period, aka, BLEEDING from her vagina. I'm a woman, I have periods, and I've had intercourse during menstruation. It's kinda messy.
My current boyfriend doesn't like to have sex while I'm on my period. He has explained that he thinks it's a time when a woman's body "cleanses" itself and doesn't think it should be interfered with. Of course, I think he's also disgusted by the idea of having blood all over his penis, but whatevs.
I just don't think you can force someone to get over being grossed out by this. Hell, sometimes I even get freaked out by the sight of the blood and I know it's perfectly natural.

Great column Dan...

As for OTO, I dont think there's anything wrong with bringing up the porn issue with your bf if he fails to meet your completely reasonable request. One slip up? Okay, fine. But, if he's a dick about it, I think it indicates a strong immature and selfish streak and I would consider other options...

Firefox 3.5 has Private Browing mode too.

Anyone who isn't using some kind of privacy mode to browse porn on a shared computer is either inconsiderate...

or they have very specific preferences for which they need the web browser history.

All Dan's answers are a little wonky today.
1. The leotard/retard thing is passive agressive.
2. He doesn't get that browser history also includes the address bar (i.e. www.meluvabukakke.pron)
3. He's encouraging an ass stain to stay glommed onto a perfectly loving human being.
4. He confused us all with the Instead cup thing.
5. He doesn't get the benefits/ease of Twitter.

That is all.

OTO, Dan is wrong and very dismissive of your values. Your values are that porn is wrong and portrays women in an unhealthy way. Not only does your BF not share your values (which I think is very important for a relationship to work), he wontonly rubs your face in it. You need to DTMFA. You can do way better than him.

All the guys who refuse to have period sex are a bunch of fucking pussies. I fucked my ex every chance I got, and thank god she was cool with period sex. Otherwise that's at least a week without sex -- fuck that. It's not even that bad to clean up, just use a fucking rag afterwards. Man up, for chrissakes.

"Leotarded" was a brilliant one-time joke, and I suspect that's all it was meant to be. But I agree with yep: if you want to change the habit (and I understand that's a big if), use something like "stupid." It's the willfulness of leotards -- the fact that they have it well within their power to be otherwise -- that makes them so leotarded.

So yeah, funny stuff. But I don't suspect I'll be using it tomorrow.

I like replacing the word "Retard" with "Leotard". I'm amused at the use of it in this column as well. After all, when I add a new word to my active vocabulary, I find myself using it a lot at first to get a "feel" for it.

I myself had been trying to remove "retarded" from my vocabulary except when I refer to something or someone with arrested development. I had weeded it out of the "Insult" category, because I had been a champion of repurposing the words "Faggot" and "Gay".

However, I didn't have a word that rolled off the tongue easily to replace "retarded" or "retard" in my own active vocabularly. "Leotarded" and "Leotard", however... are gorgeous. I have never cared for leotards. Heck, I am a costume designer and I still don't much care for actual leotards.

So I intend to adopt your new idea and spread it far and wide!

Thank you, Dan! Thank you for Santorum, Saddlebacking, and now Leotards!

You called OTO out for "looking at" the browser history, but when a girl types a few letters into a URL bar and gets a slew of pornage in the dropdown history, what is she supposed to do? Close her eyes? I have to agree with the idea of getting two browsers! Much easier solution.

LMHI, you are a total fucking dipshit. Your gf would be a lot better off without you.

It would be great if I could introduce you to my sister Susan who was "diagnosed" as mentally retarded in 1966, when she was just six years old. When she was 16 or so, her IQ was determined by the Department of the Navy to be 80. This was awesome for them, because if she had tested at 79 they would have been legally responsible for her medical care for the rest of her life.

I have no idea what her real IQ is, but I do know that there is nothing in the world that causes her more pain than to be called a retard.

She has been called a retard her entire life - most memorably and painfully by most of the supposedly "normal" classmates who attended all of the various schools where Susan attended special ed.

As a 46 year-old lesbian, I have lived long enough to have witnessed the successful co-opting of the terms gay and queer by my well-educated and politically-savvy brethren.

Unfortunately, retarded people don't have the same ability to co-opt language. Every new generation of retarded people starts fresh - dealing with hurtful words and ignorant biases without any sort of shared history. There was no Stonewall Riot of the retarded population and there never will be.

Sadly, my sister and her peers rely on the mercy, charity, and decency of us "regular" folk. Which means that as a result they are the victims of our willful ignorance.

Dan, you are a gifted writer. Your power with words and language is a rare gift and you normally wield that power with effective and devastating effect.

You are also a clarion voice for the misunderstood and unheard. Plus you're gay! Considering all of that, I feel as though you, of all people, must understand the power of language to affect or prevent change.

Why not take the Hippocratic oath when it comes to those among us incapable of mounting a coordinated defense - first do no harm.

Not digging the "leotard" thing.

I don't think anyone can be blamed for not wanting to have intercourse with a woman while she is on her period, aka, BLEEDING from her vagina.

Maybe you missed it, but the guy won't even touch her when she's spotting, which extends her period to ten days. Unless he's an Orthodox Jew, there are only two explanations: he's a pussy or he's looking to get free blowjobs for 1/3 of the month. If he doesn't get over himself, he'll deservedly get his ass dumped.

In defense of OTO, I request my bf do the same thing-cause w/ our computer, when you go to type in a url, it brings up sites you've visited-when I'm trying to go to seriouseats.com, I really don't need "serioustits" coming up as an option :P

Well, that's a bummer. I was all excited about the Instead cup thingie, but it turns out you can't use it when you have an IUD.

I love Instead (the cup) - so much more convenient and comfy than tampons. Yes, there are occasional leaks, but honestly, I have the same problem with tampons. They're a little weird to insert/remove at first, but after the first couple of times, I actually find it easier (and have I mentioned WAY more comfortable) than tampons.

I thought "leotard" was a slam on Leonardo diCaprio?

Don't know if anyone's said it (I'm not about to read 127 comments to find out), so... Another solution for OTO is that they set up separate accounts on the same computer; their mutual privacy can be assured that way.

I don't really care about policing language. There's not much point to that, and besides, every word has its place. It's not TROS's place to demand Dan to change his language. Regardless, Dan's response to TROS was trite and embarrassing.

I read Savage Love because it is (often) an intelligent and witty column. This week it read as a sophomoric exercise of a person's right to say whatever. The column has lost some respectability and moral weight for me. I don't really look forward to reading future columns. I can't say I'm angry, just disappointed.

A diaphragm also works in place of a cup... does anyone use those any more... I've done so for years!

They could have a Mac and each have their own account and password when they sign in, hers would be the default.

I definitely think that Let Me Have It should break up with his girlfriend. She should find another guy who will appreciate her embracing his kinks and doing the chores he hates. There's some guy out there who will think she's amazing, and if he's not it, let her go. I agree with Dan, though, a woman like that is not going to show up again anytime soon. But if he needs to grow up, he should do it on his own time and stop wasting hers.

my brother is mentally, emotionally, AND learning disabled. after the fourth grade he was kicked out of public school for being out of control and had to go to a private school for pretty extreme cases- after which his use of the word retarded picked up about 400%. Jimmy was retarded because he called Ben retarded and they watched Napolean Dynamite in class and almost everyone agreed it was the most retarded movie ever except for maybe the retard that brought it in.
My point being no one has used the word retarded to describe someone with a mental disability in ages, and retarded has instead come to mean something that is dumb, obnoxious, ect. Language changes.
I for one thought leotarded was hysterical- but that could be because I'm retarded.

GREAT JOB DAN! you're helping alot of people become more comfortable with sex and also opening people up to being more accepting of to many things to list here.

my ex-wife used the cup; I found it abraded my penis and back when using it with a condom, actually tore a hole in it. Beware.

This "leotarded" thing sounds idiotic. There are a million other words that convey roughly the same meaning as "retarded" without abusing a group of marginalized people.

Dan I have to say I love "leotard". I found its use hilarious!! And I have to say all this talk about female issues makes me ill just makes me that much happy to suck cock.

Gee, Christopher - skin a bit thin?

Hey, BAGGOT! Hey, DOCKTUCKING CASSHOLE! Substituting a soundalike word (Leotard) for the word people know you mean (retard) doesn't work because people just make the swap in their heads - so the offense stays the same. Try again, Dan.

LMHI, it doesn't sound like you're just looking for sex outside the relationship - you mentioned that you "miss falling in love." Have you also asked your girlfriend for permission to fall in love with someone else?

Here's an technique I employ whenever I think I might be acting like a selfish douche: I imagine that my partner is telling me the things I am considering saying (or, unfortunately, just said) to him. Try it. If it hurts like hell, it's time to seriously reconsider your proposal.

Oh - and by the way, LMHI - if seeing other people is your only solution, you might want to consider a trial separation. Your girlfriend should be able to fuck other people too, or at least have the chance to find someone else while you're out learning how shitty the dating scene is.

Many people here have been asserting that no one has used the label "retarded" for "ages." Um, as a special education teacher, I know that this just isn't true: the accurate label for students whose IQs are below 70 and who are delayed socially and adaptively in addition to their intellectual delays are diagnosed with "MR" - "Mental Retardation."

Dan...wtf. You really should have advised LMHI to dump his girlfriend - he clearly doesn't deserve her.

I thought being drunk on Twitter was kinda the point.

Re the cup: Those who have a contraceptive diaphragm can use it instead; I used to wear mine during my period to avoid staining the sheets. On light days it was sufficient to obviate the need for tampons.

And On The Outs creeps me out. It would never occur to me to check my husband's browser history, anymore than I would read his email or check his cell phone. The only situations under which I could see myself doing this are A) my husband calls me from work and asks me "Darling, could you go check this for me? I can't remember the URL," something that has NEVER happened, or B) if my husband were the victim of assault or murder, and the cops thought the information necessary to solve the crime.

Snooping is low, and it's death to relationships. Cut it out. If you don't trust your lover, leave. If you can't trust anyone, leave and get therapy. But don't go snooping and then whine about it.

Kiki: Firefox supports multiple user accounts, each of which have their own separate history.

Here is a simple solution for cleaning your browser history (and all other stuff that your computer saves without your knowledge).

Go to ccleaner.com and check out the free download. I use it on all of my computers, and it's great for assuring basic privacy (because, while it may be embarrassing to leave behind a porn-viewing trail, confidential information like bank access codes and private client information transmitted via the web should always be protected/erased when not needed).

If you download this software, make sure to donate to the very cool guy who offers the freeware (and I have no affiliation with him, if that's an issue).

Leotarded? Come on! Given the context and the sound of the word, it will still be read as 'retarded' and you know it. It's not OK and you know that too. GTFU.
Instead of 'retarded' and 'retard', how about using 'stupid' and 'idiot', or 'foolish' and 'fool', or any of the myriad of synonyms available in the English language that don't insult people who have to put up with quite enough crap already.

"I park in handicapped spaces as handicapped people make handicapped faces. I'm an ASSHOLE!"

- Name that tune!!!

We can all stop using "retarded." But then we're going to use "special" or "challenged" in the same way, getting the same laughs as we did before with "retarded." Then "special" and "challenged" will become no-nos when the linquistic overseers decide on a new term.

People need to stop being so overly sensitive. I have a nephew who's retarded… that's right I used the word, and want to know something else? When people use the word around him he doesn't get mad about it… In fact my experience has been the only people who have a problem with the word retard, are people who are not retarded, which to me is really retarded. So stop being a bunch of retards and go cry about some other perceived social injustice.

Retarded means what it means. I don't think we should keep neutering the language in service of political correctness. People and things can be retarded in any number of ways. Definition of "retard":

to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.

Dan, you could use "idiotic" instead. Though people with mental retardation used to be called "idiots" back in the day. That's fallen out of fashion, though, so maybe it would suffice?

Viewing a browser history does not actually mean snooping. With modern browser auto-complete address bars she could type in a "P" and the first thing to pop up as a suggestion could be "pussy-emporium.com". In which case shes just been assaulted by his porn without snooping.

Buying a second computer in this climate is not a good solution. I would suggest setting up two different user accounts. All the software would be available to each, but the setting for each person would be different. And they autoload when you log in.

OR, at the very least every recent browser version has a privacy or "porn" mode built in. He should have the sense to tick it when he starts browsing so that none of what he looks at is recorded. Be curtious.

Comment for LMHI:

My ex BF and I were equally well suited and after 5 years he broke up with me. He then spent the next 25 years regretting it.

If you really want to create drama in your life, break up with her. You'll miss her more than you can imagine but by the time you get over yourself she'll be off happily engaged to a smarter, more appreciative man.

I love the Leotarded change!
It makes me think of the 80's with sweat bands around the head and Pink leg warmers!
kelly

this bad attitude about using the word 'retarded' is retarded. 'to retard' means to slow or hinder, as in 'to hinder the development of' - so someone can be socially retarded, sexually retarded, emotionally retarded, and this has nothing to do with people with other cognitive disabilities. all of these haters are lexically retarded.

truly. I mean, come on, how self-absorbed and available do we have to make ourselves. For the love of God (and I don't even believe in him/her), don't twitter. FB should be plenty.

Yeah I gotta wonder if all these guys afraid of period sex also think anal is so hot.

When I was a kid growing up in Australia, our favourite term of abuse was "mong". Then we grew up.
Why are you so peevishly holding on to "retard", and so childishly switching to "leotarded"??? I just don't get it - it's offensive, and that includes your thinly-veiled "alternative".
Take my advice - drop both "retarded" and "leotarded", and grow up.

I wonder how Dan feels about people using the word "gay" in the same vein as "retard."

Christopher, I completely disagree with your take. It's a word. He's using a replacement word, sure (like "heck" or "fudge"), but he's making an effort. Drop the sensitivity notch down considerably, and take it for what it is: a good-faith effort to change a habit that bothers, clearly, him and his readers.

Love it Dan! Keep it up! i have something similar going in a magazine called PAPEL MAG ( www.papelmag.com ) a puertorican Counterculture queer mag! check out Dr.Hetero(thats if u can read in spanish, hope u can, it would be a blast)

A gash gusher cup? That's nasty! I keep my cooter clean and stuff it with tampoonys until the flow stops entirely. No compaints from my uncle anymore about blood when he fucks me.

LMHI should watch the movie The Last Kiss... it chronicles his situation perfectly.

Hey OTO:
maybe after looking the the browser history you should look at the cookies too,
Hey OTO's BF:
maybe you should check out Mozilla or Opera and delete private data it's simple to do, oh yea, try youporn.com,
tube8.com, redtube.com, all give nice long movies to watch for free,
also youjizz.com, hotbbwsite.com

News Media, not being anything like mature, have "discovered" Twitter and are promoting it like the latest Xmas toy. Dan is right for not falling for that.

Twitter is even siller than Facebook for simulated human connection. The interaction is, by its very design, virtually meaningless. Mature people quickly realize the limited value and reserve it for keeping in touch with their kids.

Applications like Twitter are just another crutch for those addicted to constant, simple-minded stimulus.

Reading advice columns might also be considered simple-minded by some, but at least one has to be literate to read Dan's columns -(hopefully also when commenting). They also promote open-mindedness and provide useful information. Things Twitter can hardly claim.

Agreed. Love the column, but the leotard thing was unnecessary and unfunny. It was a serious request, and as someone who is widely read, you would do well to set an example. You're accepting of all sorts of sexual kinks, why not be accepting of those who don't want to feel that their loved ones are being affronted every time they want to read your column?

Regarding browser history. A couple people mentioned Google Chrome, which has the "incognito" option to open up a private session whose history won't be saved. Another plus for Google Chrome is that you can create separate *profiles* so that your browser history will be saved, but you won't have to look at his browser history. Much better than buying a second computer, logging out every time you want to switch users, or having to use two different browsers as some other people have suggested.

Re: Let Me Have It

I have been in the situation a couple of times before myself. A lot of single women (or men) will flirt with you and lead you on when you are in a relationship because, well, you are not in a position to do anything about it and they enjoy the casual attention. I think you will find the prospects diminished considerably once you are actually in a position respond to their advances.

I broke up with someone wonderful for this very reason, and once I did all the women who once fawned over me scattered quickly. I still regret it.

Better to evaluate your relationship on its own merits than compare it to a dozen imaginary one. If you have perfectionist tendencies like me, you always imagine other people's lives and relationships to be much better than your own.

Re: Browsing History and Snooping

Dan, I know you're a computer-leotard and all, but most browsers have an Auto Fill setting that makes any semi-matching websites in the history appear in the address bar as you type.

For example, the girlfriend could go to type "google" in the search bar, and when she typed "go", the website "www.gobs-of-cum.com" would appear if that was in your history.

In other words, she doesn't need to be purposely snooping to have the boyfriend's porn habits put on display. It is possible, however, to disable the "Auto Fill" feature on a browser.

Maybe using the word "retarded" isn't really that bad. It's all about how it's used, right? "Retarded" literally means delayed or impeded. It can be used to describe a person's state: socially, emotionally, intellectually, sexually, etc. So let's not retard people's ability to let words evolve into new totally not offensive meanings. Saying something like "Jews are retarded" is kind of vague, and probably inappropriate. Try to figure out exactly how they are "retarded." For example, "George Costanza is socially retarded," is fine, because it doesn't allude to or offend the "differently abled", and it is fairly accurate. Be specific.

One taboo Dan, one taboo will stop all free thought, because crossing the line into that socially punishable thought (taboo) is always possible. A single taboo retards all thought. And you Dan are so retarded.

Your advice to Let Me Have It brings to mind 1950s morality. Imagine one of a straight couple coming to realize an irresistable attraction to another of the same sex. One can imagine the charges of self destructive behaviour, of throwing it all away and then some well-meaning advice to do the best with what you've got. But we don't need to use our imaginations, you Dan, you fucking retard, you're doing it right now.

You're treating polyamory like it's some game-playing exercise, a way to fix the boredom. Is this what homosexuality is? Look, homosexuality was until very recently considered a social deviancy, and still in some spheres, considered such, considered an abomination, and yet today, gays marry, they live together in houses, adopt children as a couple, they vote republican... “Why... they're just like us!”

Thing is, polyamorists are not like “us.” They can never be like “us.” You write, “marriage, in theory at least, means that you'll never again experience the heady rush of new love.” How can this be acceptable?

Who are the most vocal and vicious opponents of homosexuality? What are the conservative institutions that need preserving? Church, Family. Why? I'm not going into some conspiracy theory. But as someone who recognized our purely physical existence, not living in the here an now is totally unacceptable. Marriage creates a “love taboo.” Sure, the chances of meeting someone and falling in love are pretty slim. We both know attractive straight single people who can't find that significant other. But if we are open to it, we sometimes do fall in love. It's rare and it's awesome. We live once, but that's no reason to only love once. The “love taboo” is constantly threatened by the slim possibility of falling in love. To avoid this dangerous other love, we avoid closeness, the intimacy out of which love might grow. Falling in love could ruin everything. What? Who wants to live in a world where the only thing worth living for is considered destructive? (probably people who believe another better world is waiting for them.)

Look at the fear-mongering going on around socialism right now. It's bordering on hysteria, very similar to the way gay marriage is considered. Socialism, too, is a threat to the church and the family. The early European socialist knew full well that the institution of family, was imposed on people by the church, and for this reason wanted to do away with both institutions. But if socialism is defined simply as the practices necessary for the full development of the entire human species, then yes the institutions that limit our ability to be fully human need to be abolished.

LMHI is like everyone in western society completely conditioned to behave in acceptable ways, these ways are unfree, but when he opens up the relationship, when his girlfriend stops crying and falls in love with another man, this is when the bonds of love are tested, and if they hold, and from the short letter it looks like they will, he'll be on his way to a totally different world. My advice would be to read and watch A Clockwork Orange together, and to really try to understand that our social conditioning is a very physical thing; that when we cross the socially set lines it hurts physically. The one try thing you said dan, was that she was not ready, and I'd say he isn't either, because once he crosses the line, she'll cross it, and he won't be ready for that. A big hurt is coming, but it'll be worth it.

uhhh Dan
time to grow up...stop the leotard comments. it takes a lot of energy to keep remebering to say leotard...why don't you just stop? i agree it is mean spirited. Maybe some people who thought you were being juvenile might take your sex column seriously....
because we seriously need a sex column

PS
Having someone in your family (or a friend) who is developmentally challenged does not make you an expert on their lives or give you permission for using the "r" word...just as if you have someone in your family who is gay - does not make you an expert on the gays and give you permission to use it as a put down. Dan back to junior high.

I'm never giving up "fucktard" or " no, you're retraded!"

(pronounced ree-trah-dead)

OTO and her boyfriend need to get a geeky friend to help them set up separate user accounts on their computer with passwords. This should help keep her from snooping. Multiple accounts on windows and mac based PCs are not to difficult and even easier when you know someone with computer smarts.

in regards to the posting by "LMHI". I have to agree with Dan's comments. If all you seek is that feeling of falling in love then you will never have the home, family and kids you seem to have an interest in. On the other hand, if you feel you're missing something then you're never really going to be happy with your present girlfriend.

TROS doesn't speak for everyone. I have known and loved a family member who is, well, retarded, for a long time. Not only do I not give a shit if people say "retarded," either in reference to him or to others (because what people say changes my relationship with him not a fucking iota), but I also hate to be dictated to by a holier-than-thou "retard protector" like TROS. Go your way and let everyone else go theirs, lady.

Loved all the other Dan-inverted or Dan-popularized terms, but the "leotard" one was mean. Add my voice to all the others politely requesting that it would go away, along with the misuse of "retard." Please, Dan?

I found the "Leotard" solution offensive and condescending. If a columnist was using derogatory terms for LGB or T people, I can't imagine switching to saying "bomo" or "laggot" would be acceptable. Dan should give others the kind of respect he rightfully expects for his community, otherwise it's hypocrisy.

Personally, I use the Boston pronunciation —retahded —as an insult. Since I'm not from Boston, I would never use this to describe someone who is actually mentally challenged. TRy it. It's wicked.

To that dude, with best girlfriend, I wanna say that if he doesn't want her- I do. I am a dyke who will treat her right. let me know, she sounds incredible. man up or let go.

Substituting leotard for retard is R/L flippage, and could be offensive to speakers of Engrish. Herro! but still, i like it.

Instead of "leotard", why not try "bachmann"?

Lately browsers have taken to including stuff from the global history in the drop-down list of choices when you type into the URL bar. I've had a couple of embarrassing moments that way.

Another solution: IE8 and Firefox 3.5 (due out Real Soon Now) have a "private browsing mode" in which they save no history.

I've tried the cup... not for the purpose mentioned herein, just as an alternative choice to tampons... and I had trouble fitting it, and it turned into a mess. I only tried it once, so I'm not an expert, just thought I'd comment. If it worked for you, it could solve all your problems.

Also, what about doing it in the shower or some other kind of water-related scenario?

And, all that said, your bf sounds like a jerk... I hope he wises up.

Well... I got some of the softcups. I really really really wanted them to work. I have tried about 5 times now >.>

The softcup won't stay in!

*yosemite samming*

I'll keep trying, and if I still don't get it to work, I'll take one to my gyno and ask if I'm too small or doing it wrong. Good luck to all the others that try it!

That's leotarded? Fuck you Dan. How bout if I say "That's so May?" I'm not saying gay, I'm just making fun of people who like spring.
My sister's got downs. I've kicked people like yours ass before for pushing her around.
Have a heart.

Yeah, Dan, you should just have not printed the guilt-tripping retard letter. All the veiled retard comments were just too retarded. You ended up looking like a retard.

Most of the time this column is great. But the leotard thing is barely funny at best when done once and, repeated appoximately 78 times as it is here, it's juvenile, embarrassing, and just fucking stupid ("fucking stupid" is a good substitute for the other word, by the way, especially in a sex column).

Better luck next time, Dan.

LMHI SHOULD have an open relationship. I love it when men who want an open relationship don't even think what that means for their women. Practically every guy on earth is an immediate "yes" for sex. With 85-90% of men estimated to be straight, that's a lot of penis just waiting for a willing woman. LMHI's woman should make out with (or sleep with if that appeals) a different guy a night for a month and then ask her man how he feels about an open relationship.

I tried the Instead cup a few years ago and couldn't make it not leak. Plus, it's expensive and not re-useable, so it's really wasteful. Ladies, do yourselves a favor and get a Mooncup or Diva Cup. Best thing I've discovered in years. Only you can't have sex with it in, so it won't solve AFTER's problem.

And thanks Dan for avoiding Twitter! I'm (probably naively) hoping this trend blows over soon.

About computer porn:
If you're using the newest version of firefox, the browser history just starts showing up as you type. If you're using Google chrome, screen shots of frequently visited pages show up.

The solution, I think, is for the guy to use Google Chrome in the Incognito mode which would suit their needs very well. Nothing you do in Incognito mode is logged or saved to your computer.

I think it was pretty uncool of you to cut stuff out of last week's column without mentioning that you did so. I don't live in Seattle and was bored by the Hump stuff. Are you telling me I have to read your column elsewhere to be sure I'm getting the full one? Plus, you edit the paper, why couldn't you put the Hump stuff somewhere else!

about "on the outs"..c'mon dan. to get here i typed www.t for 'the stranger' and the fact i had been to 'thelema coast to coast' in the past was brought to my attention. OTO (there's a shitload of irony, there!) might not be "snooping". you owe her a...well, nothing what so ever. i'm just sayin'.

Great new use of "leotard", Dan! And I'm with you on twittering.

You continue to ROCK!

I wish there were more guys out there like you.

Thank God someone who is finally sane enough to realize that their every single move is absolutely not that freakin' important and refuses to twitter to the world everytime they take a crap! Sorry to offend all of you ego driven maniacs whose entire lives are spent on their cell, IM'ing, texting, sexting and twittering to world their every waking moment but you really need to get a life!

I think using the term "leotard" is gay.

Dan, I think you missed the point with LMHI. The guy doesnt want to have sex with other women, he wants to "fall in love". No woman, or rather partner, could be secure in an open relationship where one of them is looking for "love" outside the relationship. Is his plan to make other women love him and them dump them?(very mean) Because if his plan is to fall in love with them, it will end in the loss of his partner. This seems like a very red flag. And not a healthy open relationship.