SWAT needs to realize that you can omit details. It's perfectly possible to tell a friend that you are going to meet someone for a date and leave out the part about hoping for a nice spanking, or where exactly you found this person or why. It's almost 2010, so everyone should have at least one friend who doesn't think internet dating is odd.

And while the truck bed at a rest stop may be the most economical and easiest place for the trucker, there is also no reason SWAT can't get herself a hotel room instead, and make the trucker buy her dinner first.

good advice to swat, but in addition i hope she finds someone to tell, someone she can trust, to act as a safety.

swat, i'm sorry you've met only er, swatters who want petite women, but perhaps if you found a local group you'd at least find like-mindeds.

and at a minimum you might also meet other women who could act as your reality check for size and self esteem matters. this could lead to you actually meeting someone known locally as safe and sane.

#6, Kelly 69, why so dismissive? Did you get the part where he treats her with respect, and this is the "most supportive relationship" she's ever had? He's not a whiner at all... too stoic, she said. I think he's worth reha-smell-itating. Dan's right... what he puts in his body has a huge input as to how he smells. Cigarettes are the worst for body odor. I'd feed him a lot of dark leafy greens, like parsley, to cleanse. It works for breathe, that's for damn sure. Smoking would be a dealbreaker for me... can you get him to quit? Surely he smells it too.

You know, I've noticed that on this site and others, anonimity seems to make people say shitty things and give shitty advice... like saying someone's beloved boyfriend "isn't much of a catch." Would you say that to a friend of yours? Consider the impact of your words. Life's too full of negativity as it is.

There's a great book called "Boxed Lunch" about the art of giving head to women. One of the main reasons I bought it is it has food suggestions to make your crotch smell nicer. On the top of the list was pineapple and kiwi fruit, on the bottom of the list was asparagus, broccoli, cigarettes and alcohol. Hope that helps!

Yes @1, absolutely. What people forget is that meeting up with a stranger for sex or kink in a private location is exactly as dangerous as meeting up with a stranger for absolutely anything else in a private location. A college classmate of mine was murdered while she was answering a fake craigslist ad claiming to be seeking a children's nanny.

So...why say anything about spanking or sex? What's important is that a friend knows where you'll be, with whom, and when, not why and what you'll be doing. What's even more important is that the person you're meeting knows that someone is waiting up for you and will come looking for them by name if anything happens to you.

Dan, these are just charming. Thanks for saving the best Savage Love for us this season. When combined, SWAT ODOR TEC NUT sounds like a funky new DJ or techno dance band at Re-Bar. Seperate them all out and the visual image makes you gag as your eyes water.

As always, your responses are spot on and invigorating. Thank you for all the notable columns and commentary you put out for our entertainment and illuminaion.

Happy Holidays to you all, Dan, Terry, DJ and Stinker as well as the entire Stranger staff and fellow sloggers.

Wishing you all well. Take good care.

There may be an easy answer for ODOR - is she sure her guy knows how to clean himself properly? Pubic hair can trap a lot of smells, and if he just stands in the shower and lets himself get wet (without actually using soap and washing), all he's going to get are wet odors instead of dry ones. It might be worth asking her guy if he'd be willing to reduce the amount of pubic hair down there - that would probably help no matter what.

@4 - intelligent design and evolution are two very different things.

Am I an asshole for attempting to start an argument over that? If so, sorry.

Having someone know where you are going won't save you nor will giving a name unless you can verify it.I suggest a faxed license copy.If someone won't send that ya should skip it.If they don't match the pic in public, go home.. no friend needed, tho don't tell them that.

Dear Dan:
I would suggest strongly to your readers to read "seul dans Berlin : ( the french title of every man dies alone) by Hans Fallada. Most probably one of the best novel writen . I would also suggest to read the novel : "the Yacoubian Building" by Alaa El Aswany and of course "Julian"by Gore Vidal.
Wishing each of you and your loved ones a merry Christmas

To ODOR- like others have said, there are things you can at least try to do about the smell, like persuading him to eat better and maybe get some exercise...try showering with him to make sure he's using soap properly.

But six months in and you're talking about "iron emotional control," "locked up tightly with insecurities," "closed off," "worries everything to shreds," and you have to get drunk to have sex with him. Are you sure this is the most supportive relationship you've ever had? Do you think it will continue to be? Sounds like hard work, and quite draining. Not that you should dump him immediately, but please do keep your eyes open. He may need more help than you can give him.

ODOR, after broaching the subject, you might want to try to get your guy to try Bodymint.

http://www.bodymint.com/

my ex had a sickly sweat smell from time to time, and he was also an overweight, heavy smoking, non-exercising bundle of fun. There is also a condition called maple something that causes people who suffer from it to have sweat that smells like maple syrup covered bad meat. He should definitely see a doctor, as well as follow the diet and quit smoking advice people have given.

If those crotch sweat glands are in overdrive when someone is stressed and ODOR's bf is pretty nearly always stressed out, maybe SSRIs are in order. They'll calm him down, help him quit smoking, and maybe solve the stink.

But showering together sounds like a very easy first step. You don't even have to mention what it's about.

But -- if you've got a worrier on your hands I'd bet my left boob that this guy already knows something's up. You might think you're being sly about hiding that gagging reflex anytime your nose gets South of his neck, but I'm guessing you're not as subtle as you think you are. Poor guy has probably added this to his list of things to worry-about-but-not-fix. Help him fix it:

"Honey, you know what I really want for Christmas? I really want you to see someone, a doctor or a therapist, about your stress. You're so stressed out by your Big Manly problems and it would make me so happy to see you happy."

To Pamela River

Crotch: Any region of an object where a trunk splits into two or more limbs. This can include branching regions of trees, buildings, diagrams, animals, etc.

Arm pit is a literal translation from latin.

Researchers have discovered that women adjust their menstrual cycles when exposed to chemicals from the underarm. I assume the same may apply to the crotch and that it has something to do with procreation

SWAT seems to believe that spanking is a horrifying, scandalous fetish that can be confessed only to a sex-advice columnist. But at this point in the development of our collective sexual unconscious (God, I need to end this sentence soon), spanking is hardly even a fetish anymore. It's certainly not something that only anonymous truckers can provide. SWAT, honestly, most men you date will be happy to slap you around a little, and will love your large ass. Instead of meeting this "patient, encouraging" trucker, work on finding actual dates, and the rest will come in due time. I know whereof I speak. And DON'T MEET THE TRUCKER.

ODOR: This sounds like a clear case of DTMFA.

What an asshole you are grinchbinch. There is someone for everyone, if Savage Love proves anything. Maybe you are not into smelly underpants or fat asses, but someone out there is.

Get over yourself.

Fat girls know they are fat. They are told no one will ever love them because they are fat by tv commercials and assholes like you. There are men and women who are into many shapes and sizes. Me I love a big woman. I am not into skinny girls. The love of my life is a skinny girl and insecure about her body sometimes too.

I agree with teh advice, find someone to date, or to sleep with, whatever makes you happy, then just ask him to spank you.

@28: I dunno. I'd never underestimate the cluelessness of the average man when it comes to stuff like this.

@SWAT: Completely agree that SWAT needs to boost her self-image and confidence before meeting (relative) strangers for sex. I would suggest exercise as a valuable method; not because of her size, but because of the endorphin release and psychological benefits. I started biking as my only form of transportation over the summer (I biked just for exercise in addition to this). I was about forty-five pounds "overweight", and I lost ten pounds or so over the last six months (probably more adipose, since I gained muscle). I'm still "fat" by normative social standards, but I feel soooooo much better: more powerful and capable and self-assured, thanks to my much improved stamina and muscle strength (but not figure). I felt like an overweight, out-of-shape sack of crap for the first three to four weeks (why I and I'm assuming others don't exercise when they haven't for a while), but if one can just stick with it past that point, one starts feeling so much better. The realization that one can do something that before was difficult or impossible is a HUGE ego boost.

@ODOR: The description "sickly sweet rotting smell" could be indicative of a bacterial infection (as bacterial action is responsible for the sickly-sweet smell associated with actual rotting things); this is particularly likely if he's not circumcised and doesn't take care to clean underneath his foreskin when he showers (or doesn't shower all that much).

@Pamela River: Apocrine glands play a major role in mammal scent-identification and pheromone function. It's an evolutionary advantage in that individuals with similar genetics and environments (community groups before the development of long-distance travel) will have similar scents, allowing quick identification of unseen individuals in pre-linguistic environments. This is why dogs, for example, sniff crotches as a "Hello!" The flip side of this is that people may find the smells of others with dissimilar genetics/lifestyles/environments to be displeasing, as this promotes group bias, which favors ones own genetic stock for survival. This can become problematic once people with dissimilar genetic backgrounds begin to intermingle, though eventually, given enough crossover between historically divergent genetic populations, this will cease to be a "problem".

@Slartibartfast: Actually, depilation typically makes armpits/crotches smell worse, as the excreted fluids stay sandwiched between/on skin instead of being directed away where they are better-able to evaporate (more surface area).

#32, you are wrong. so very wrong...

i hate going to clubs with my sister. im 5'5, size 7 with big boobs and a small waist. pretty face, nice skin... i get attention. but my sister, who easily outweighs me by 70lbs or more gets A LOT of attention. she's funny, confident and men love her. in high school, she had a terrible time, i won't lie. but as you get older and (hopefully) more mature, you stop giving a fuck what other people think about who you SHOULD fuck and start giving a fuck about who YOU want to fuck.
so, yesterday, when my sister and i stopped to do some christmas shopping, and once again the cute guy hit on her, i decided that i'm going to stop worrying so much about making it to a size 3. im cute as a 7, and i like having boobs and an ass.
oh, and p.s. her husband, who doesnt care that she's big, is kinder, sweeter and more generous than any douchebag i've dated who 'kindly' suggested i hit the gym to lose those last 10lbs.

Can we just ban the phrase "nice/great personality"? It doesn't mean a damn thing. What's a great personality? Why is it so bad to have a good personality? Is there that much more to a person than their CONDUCT and mental attitude (because now you're digging really deep)? There are so many components to a personality that you can nail it so much more specifically.

What "good personality" usually means is that they've got a positive attitude or appealing character. That someone has good conversation skills, is friendly/smart/clever/intelligent, tells good jokes, something. Broken down this way, such a person sounds *awesome.*

Compare:

"The chubby chick with a great personality"

"The chubby chick who's easygoing, approachable, and tells hilarious jokes"

Suddenly she doesn't sound so bad.

You know how we come here to bitch about crazy people, people who won't reason, people who whine non-stop, people who want to "accidentally" expose their mothers-in-law to their sons' sexual kinks? They have shitty personalities.

People we actively like to be around are rare. We're overdue to revive "great personality" as a genuine compliment, and way overdue to ban it as a cliche opposite to "physically attractive."

@SWAT: Personally I like a submissive with a little padding. I can hit her harder. I would make two suggestions. First, before you play with this guy have at least one face-to-face vanilla date. That way you can judge him in person. Second, you should arrange for a safe call, and let him know it. Sometime during the play session, somebody should call you to make sure you're all right. Check the following site for more details.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article…

Pamela River @ 5, why not try the latin names, which are really quite lovely: Armpit becomes axilla, which has such a soft sighing quality, and the crotch morphs in to the crura, which has a sweetly crooning sound. Pudenda is also fun--kind of giggly.

Man, zzzerogirl, that's a shit thing to be told. I'm sorry!

I actually had one guy who told me NOT to lose weight because he found skinny girls to be unattractive & irritating. I am 5'7", 200lbs and NOT in any danger of being "skinny". Ever. With my structure, the lightest healthy weight for me would be 155-160.

Like zzzerogirl's sister, I had a crap time in high school and college, but once I got my self esteem boosted, I find there is no shortage of men who are attracted to me.

I spent all of my teens moping that no one would ever want to date me. I thought no matter how much they liked me mentally/emotionally, they wouldn't be sexually attracted to me because I was "fat" (and wasn't at the time, I was at my healthy weight).

Now I am fat, but I can see I'm actually quite beautiful & sexy, so my confidence in that arena is finally solid. Now I find TONS of men who are more than happy to have sex with me, but finding the mental/emotional connection for dating is a shitload harder.

Grinchbinch, well there are plenty of fat people buying wedding dresses and tuxes, so it can't be all that rough out there. I've been married for 11 years, and I was certainly not skinny when I met my husband.

----

As for ODOR, I'm glad Dan said her guy should see a doctor, especially because she said the odor was "sweet" - that could be a sign of diabetes, esp. with the poor diet.

Sounds like SWAT needs to watch more CSI...

@32: It's usually the folks who are ugly on the inside who fall back on "the pretty people always win, deal with it". And by "conventional" standards, they're often ugly on the outside, too.

But we love you folks all the same <3

SWAT - I think this has been mentioned a couple times, but what you need to concentrate on is finding someone who likes you for YOU - and then you can reveal your kinks. If he's into you, he'll be willing to indulge them. I'm a big girl, and I met the love of my life online. We have an amazing connection, and share many of the same likes and dislikes. When he mentioned spanking... Well, it had never really occurred to me before, but because it was something he was interested in, I gave it a try. And I LOVE it!

Bottom line - meeting a perfect stranger at a bloody truck stop is so NOT a good idea. If you're determined to go through with it, make him meet you at a public place with lots and lots of people around, and make sure some friends know where and who you are with. Do not let your "kink" rule your mind and body...

I have a friend who is beautiful and very thin, while I am just barely in the normal range... before we got married a few years back, we loved to go dancing. She's a bit shy, but due to the beauty, she never lacks for attention. Me neither... probably b/c I am not shy, love to laugh and am outgoing. We both like to dress up, look pretty and enjoy male company... while I won't go as far as to say that attraction is ALL in one's attitude, self-esteem has a lot to do with it.

A trick I used to use when going out was to just shut my "scared/nervous" self away and "pretend" to be confident. Well, I never lacked attention when I wanted it. Mind you, I am confident, highly-educated and professional in regular life, but it takes a little more balls to be that in a roomful of strangers who may judge you by how you look alone. Anyhow, screw the ones who don't like you: everyone isn't going to like you... but there's very little chance for someone decent to like a shy, nervous wall flower. Let yourself out, smile and start enjoying your life.

@47, good point. In a lot of the kink scene, at least around here, you would be hard pressed to find somebody who is not large. However, given that SWAT is asking about the rest stop circuit, I would guess she lives somewhere outside of the city where she may find less of a kink scene.

as Dan has pointed out previously, SMELL is part of how you find the right mate. if your date stinks to you, move along to fresher fields... or danker depths... which ever you like, but you must like the smell of your mate ...

Spanking fat women is awesome. I've spanked skinny women and spanked fat women and a big jiggly ass is far preferable.

To SWAT: I know -- first hand -- it can tough being a big girl and needing. The pools are kind of whittled down as far as finding guys who are into big girls AND into spanking.

But that certainly doesn't mean those men don't exist.

Look at both the kink and your body as assets -- whoever is lucky enough to be with you, is lucky enough to enjoy both.

Whoa.. and 54 is suppose to be "... needing kink"

Guess I should be a more thorough proof reader.

Sorry about that.

SWAT, you sound like you live down the block from me. My hometown is a central city round a farming community of about 120,000 ppl. The men here are either townies who married young or are college students who still don't know their faces from their asses. The Craigslist discussion forum for my town has only one topic for the month and it's one guy from my town starting it and a bunch of people from out of town responding. Old ladies picket the United Way sponsored free clinic because they counsel women on all aspects of family planning. And an eighth grader in my Catechism class last year was publicly chastised by our priest for wearing a Twilight promo tee shirt to class. (Yes, I'm a kinky Catholic submissive teaching Catechism. I'm also on birth control and having premartial sex ) I live in the north so ostracization is the weapon of choice here and rarely do people deviate.
The biggest "alt" community is our gay community. These are mostly boys who've been raised in the surrounding area whose parents (to give them credit) have accepted their "lifestyle." (Like I said, I live the north, and fortunately my community is more apt to see homosexuality as in inborn trait as opposed to a decision.) These guys stay in "the big city" to be closer to what little community there is, but are still close enough to mom and dads to go home for Sunday dinner.
It's these boys that when I want to have serious kink discussion I go to. But most of them don't know straight men interested in kink. I can think of a two bi-guys who offered to play (when I was single), but I babysat one (ewness) and the other was only interested in relationships with men and I'm kind of a relationship-only girl. I also know a handful of other women who are interested in kink. One I suspect is a full-blown 24/7 domme (it's unconfirmed by the lady herself) and another was a girlfriend of mine who has since moved to the Windy City. Then there are the dabblers and the toe-dippers who giggle about a light spanking.
And, I should mention, that I see a LOT of my town's sexual piccadillos in my job (I work for a national lingerie retailer). Not all of them, but enough. Tho, perhaps I'm being to pessimistic about my town's kink scene. I do know that a lot of kinksters don't regularly shop at a store like mine; they're probably more apt to turn to the internet. And, with the general pop's current perception of anything different I would not be surprised to learn about an invitation-only club or somesuch that I don't currently know about.
My advice? Is to find someone who's GGG (easy to spot even in simple dating environs) and when you're comfortable and easy with him, and before actually having sex with him invite him into a naughty discussion about fantasy. Confess you've always fantasized you wanted to be spanked and see how he takes it. Spanking isn't all that kinky anymore so you won't have to worry about him getting disgusted or turned off if you find a GGG guy that you're comfortable with. He'll probably be turned on mostly cuz you're talking about sex in general. Then as your relationship progresses towards sex, talk dirty about what turns you on, about getting spanked and taking it from him. In a serious makeout session, he'll probably take the opportunity to slap your butt, especially if you're encouraging him to do so in between kisses. Get him as excited about doing it as you are. Make sure before any clothes come off that you're talking about your fantasies. Verbally talking about your fantasies to each other's faces. Trust me. This will help on two points: no1, if you say something that wigs him out you can see it in his face instantly and not have the delayed-polite-watered down responses texting and iming perpetuate; no2, if you can't talk about doing it, you shouldn't be doing it. When he starts to create fantasies of his own; fully fleshed out and well-constructed (well, for a guy) fantasies about spanking you, then you can probably move on to the actual spankings. From my experience, I would recommend spanking before sex of any kind but that's because I happen to get emotionally attached when orgasms start happening. I've just discovered that if I want to build a relationship that includes bdsm, I need to start the relationship with bdsm. I've invested too much time with fakers and balkers to guide someone I'm already fucking vanilla-style into tying me up and gagging me. "Why use all the props when we already do it so well without them?" is a question I've received more than once.
Anyway, this is sort of a long process, but so's dating in general. And I'm sort of a proponent of leaving the pussy on the pedestal until you are absolutely 100% positive that he's worthy to worship her like she deserves.
Caveat! This is the most effective technique I've discovered in introducing a lover to bdsm in a relationship-type setting in a small town. I'm aware that a little more candor goes a long way in initially finding partners, but the reality is that people of small towns have their reputation to consider when deviating outside the sexual norm. SWAT should know that at anytime during this dating/vetting process, if she's not completely enthusiastic about the guy she needs to cut him loose. If she's not completely self-aware of her needs, she needs to gain that insight before even attempting this.
She should also know that if she's looking for the stimulation of the spanking, this will work. If she's looking to turn a vanilla GGG male off the street into a bad-ass dom, then she needs to move. Dom/mes are born, not made and the chances of finding one in her hometown are slim to nil. Well, the chances of finding one in her hometown that knows what he is, how to use it and what she wants is slim to nil. I know lots of dominant men, but that doesn't mean they carry those tendencies into the bedroom and like to get a little physical.

Grinchbinch is my hero.

People seem to have taken his/her utterly incontrovertible statement that MOST people in our culture are attracted to a given body type and imagined him/her to have said that no one is ever attracted to anything else. Lots of people here need remedial reading comprehension.

To ODOR: If the bf won't go to a doctor to get his stank evaluated and treated, at least make him wash his privates (thoroughly) with a Betadyne solution at least once a day and that should help reduce the problem over time. Some guys have a problem with smegma (overproduction) and this can be especially difficult for men who are uncircumcised. Betadyne solutions come in a sudsing form for just this purpose (among others), or you can just make your own concoction by adding Betadyne to a mild, liquid soap. Get your man into some career counseling (or couples counseling) for the emotional issues. A lot of people are going through hard times right now. Don't, as someone else suggested, ditch this guy because he's going through a rough patch; try to see him through it. But if you feel this guy misrepresented himself to you initially and that you are finally seeing the "real him" that doesn't want to improve himself, you may need to rethink whether you want to continue on with him.

Every Man Dies Alone is an excellent excellent book! Thanx Dan for bringing it some well deserved publicity.

SWAT: i am overweight, have a great boyfriend who loves me and loves to spank me. it's totally possible to find it all and not do something it sounds like you're kind of afraid of. if you meet someone you trust, just ask. it's not that big a kink.

What's this stereotype here about uncircumsized people being unhygienic ? Uncircumsized guys *do* wash under their foreskin thorougly, unless they are disgusting jerks that don't wash, period.

As a very important aside, an intact partner (his foreskin not being butchered away) makes oral sex much more interesting for the giver - more areas to gently prod and lick - and for the receiver - more varied sensations. Yummy !

And don't worry, when it's erect, the foreskin folds gently at the base of the glans. It doesn't look outlandish.

Circumcision is a sexual mutilation, people. It's like female genital cutting. Don't do it to your babies. Let them decide for themselves when they're adults.

By the way, do you know why circumcision is so prevalent in the USA ? In the 1900s it was used to prevent masturbation... no funny little extra skin to play with, no play! Pretty lame huh ?

And since then, it's still being done out of "hygiene" and tradition. Like men wouldn't love washing such an erogenous zone.

@68 I don't believe anyone said uncircumcised men are unhygienic, but that being uncircumcised can lead to more hygenic issues than bein circumcised.

Which is true, no matter how you choose to view circumcision. It is easier -- though preventable -- for there to be an infection in the area, but I've also had a couple friends experience nasty, painful tears of the foreskin, which then lead to adult circumcision, in which the pain is memorable and an actual recovery period is necessary.

However, circumcision is not genital mutilation, and it's ignorant and disrespectful for you to say so. Circumcised men's genitals are still functional, they still experience pleasure, and they still ejaculate. Female circumcision is not removing a sheet of skin that may cause some loss of sensitivity. It is slaughtering the organ that most women experience their primary sexual pleasure from. There are also countries that will stitch the labia together -- which means no sex or pregnancy making them undesirable partners (These countries are also countries where a woman's value depends on the husband she hooks), and it also leads to painful infections.

I love men, I love having sex with men, and I'm not much of a feminist, but your comment struck a nerve.

A sanitary, routine procedure that may have hygienic benefits pales in comparison.

Dear SWAT,
For many, many years I had great kinky sex with unstable guys and unsatisfying vanilla sex with solid ones, and I despaired of every finding the whole package. Now I'm dating a wonderful man who loves my huge ass and enjoys all the freaky stuff I like, and has introduced me to a whole new range of tricks. He also tells me all the time that I was crazy to be insecure about my shape and that if anything he wishes I were bigger (though he says all the time that I'm perfect). He's shared locker room talk and fairly mainstream porn to prove lots of guys love women who look like me, and I finally believe it. I love the guy I'm with, but I'm also realizing firsthand that Dan's refrain is (of course) right: a good partner will be GGG, and I wasted years thinking I wasn't as attractive as more conventional women and that my desires would push nice boys away. I may have had much better relationships with these wonderful guys from my past if I had overcome my shyness and insecurity and communicated what I wanted rather than bailing. A lot of good men are like us -- they can be both shy and freaky, too. You might not find prince charming right away, but you don't need to resort to a rest stop yet. There will be a lot of non-threatening good times in your future, I promise.

To sissoucat:

Nobody is advocating circumcision; I certainly wasn't -- and don't unless there's a serious reason for doing it (I don't consider religious reasons "serious" -- that's BS, like sewing a woman's vagina shut, which they do in some third world countries).

And there are are far too many guys out there who DON'T clean themselves properly or regularly -- circumcised or not. With some it's a serious hygeine issue. Some of these men hide behind the obnoxious excuse that it's just "mansmell" and it's up to You to get used to it. WRONG!

Even a guy who washes regularly and properly, circumcised or not, can have odor "issues" from time to time. I merely suggested seeing a doctor or at least using a strong antibacterial (like Betadyne) to clean the area daily. Nobody is telling anyone to go out and get circumcised. Nobody is down on circumcised guys. Relaxxx. But, at the same time, don't go dissing guys who have been circumcised or singing

the advantages of being uncut just because You're a pig for foreskin. So long as a dick gets hard (and is clean!), "it's awwl goood," as the saying goes. Guys who were circumcised as infants had no choice in the matter, so running them down only makes You look like a douchebag.

Your hysterical over-reaction and the way you read "stereotyping" into all this (there was none) suggest you may even have an unhealthy preoccupation with this issue.

OH, and Merry Christmas to everyone. May all your penises be bright. :-)

Re: SWAT -- Have you ever *seen* the people who show up to BDSM events? As a fat chick I can tell you there are lots of other fat people and also lots of dudes (skinny, fat, inbetween) who are into bigger ladies. I've tended to notice less sizeism among kinky people than among vanilla people, in general. Get yourself to a munch (that is, a vanilla meet-up where you can get to know pervs within a 50 mile radius or whatever) or something in your area, sign up for an account on FetLife and see what groups are accessible for you.

Most people into kink don't look like fetish models. So long as you have something to offer and are willing to be honest and push your limits a little bit, you'll find people who you can commiserate with, and hopefully find someone who finds your butt utterly smackable. Good luck!

@zzakk: you're a real condescending colon-load, you know that? Grinchbinch's exact words were "relatively few people are into fat asses" which is indisputably false.

Not just MOST people (which, sure, less than half sounds right). RELATIVELY FEW.

Now, he gives no basis for what few is "relative" to, so I can only assume he means "relative to the number of people in the world who have grown up being exposed to American cultural ideals about body size." And given that 58.8% of Americans are classified as overweight or obese (according to Reuters) and yet only 11.6% of Americans over 30 have never been married (according to census.gov for 2004), I see nothing "utterly incontrovertible" about his statement. You did look up what "utterly incontrovertible" meant before typing it, right? Because by my count, even if EVERY SINGLE ONE of those 11.6% of unmarrieds were overweight, and ALL the thin fit people were married before they were thirty (which, NO, but let's just say for humor's sake that they were)... hmmm...

That still leaves 47.2% of Americans who have fat asses and yet found someone at some point before they were thirty whom loved their fat ass so much that they made a serious attempt at spending the rest of their lives with that person.

I can't think of any definition of "few" that would mean almost 1 in 2. Perhaps he meant relative to the number of grains of sand on a beach?

And before you start recommending people take "remedial reading" perhaps you should take some Comprehension courses. Do you REALLY think it's his facts that got people riled up? Or do you suppose it had something to do with his mocking tone that he used to deliberately rile people up? I suppose it's difficult to read too deeply into these things with your head so far up your rectum.

@SWAT: For the record, I'm an in-shape, slimmer man who often dated in the 220 lbs.+ weight range. And if the confidence, hygiene, and kinkyness were there, the weight was always hella sexy to me.

I'll forebear commenting on SWAT's letter until evidence of her "overweightness" is given. I'm in a FWB relationship with a woman who swears that she's overweight and ugly (but is light enough for me to lift and carry, and I'm no bodybuilder or gymrat.)

Otherwise, I'd say that she'd be best served with finding a regular boyfriend to indulge her kink with or joining Fetlife (yay, it's a meme now!) and meeting a "normal" person who enjoys spanking luscious large asses and listening to the moans and groans that erupt from a woman's mouth while I'm... I mean *they're* doing it, *and* is ready and willing to be seen in public with her (instead of trying to entice you into a rest stop where he can spank and ditch you at his earliest convenience, if she's lucky.)

P.S.-As with a few of the other posters on this thread, I have no problem with spanking a larger woman. Less potential for bone-on-bone ouchies, you know.

Yeah, the first thing I thought of when I read ODOR's letter was fungal infection. AKA, simple jock itch. It has exactly what she described - a sweet, rotting smell, because the dead skin caused by the fungus is in fact rotting. It won't be that bad after a shower and scrub, but as soon as it heats up and the fungi get active... there's that nasty odor again.
So easy to clear up. Get some Tea Tree oil and some massage oil in whatever scent you enjoy. After getting out of the shower (where, of course, you soaped, scrubbed and rinsed like you ought) you pour equal amounts in your palms, rub them together and massage it around the crotch.
Do that three, maybe four showers and the shit is GONE. If it starts to reappear, just do it again. Smells nice, feels nice, does good things, a win-win situation.

Merry Christmas, Dan! You make a huge difference in our lives by just being you and doing what you do. Thank you!

Response to Fast Times in Palestine's question about the questionable evolutionary value of smelly armpits & crotches in men.

Evolution is about survival of a species, not the individual. The fittest are those most adaptable to the current environment.

Perhaps men who emit especially gross smells are not the fittest to procreate. The letter writer admits that he has lousy habits - smoking, junk eating, etc. Who knows whether these are learned habits or genetically predisposed behaviors.

If those habits exacerbate the minimally unpleasant smells THERE & THERE, maybe it's an evolutionary sign for women to move on to someone else with better habits & smells.

Or perhaps, we Americans are too fussy when it comes to hygiene. The smelly guy might be a big turn on to a woman in a less germophobic, sterile society.

My ex hubby had that sickly smell--like *death*. It was so bad I started checking under my house for dead bodies, knowing I was being paranoid, but unable to figure out what else could make him smell like that. Once I had divorced him and gotten some space, I was able to say the smell was caused by the lousy diet, depression, alcoholism and smoking, but while we were married, those were just part of life, and it was hard to make the connection. My mind was too dumb to figure out what to do until my body rejected him wholesale. It's not rational, but sometimes, the nose KNOWS.

SWAT--many of the women in the BDSM scene in my area are larger. Second (or third) the munch idea. You'll see what other folks look like and get some advice on how to get into the scene without getting hurt (in a bad way:). And maybe that self-consciousness could be a turn on for you... just a thought.

@51 Please prove to me that you're really ESR. Easiest way for you to do this would be to tell me your coolness points so I can verify it against the ECSL.

If you are, then that's fascinating, but I'm of the opinion that not everyone should try hacking their bodies with electricity. More exactly, I don't want my sister the EMT to have to deal with any mistakes.

"Men who like to spank women like to spank petite women."

Not my experience, but believe what you want.

To the girl with the guy with odoriferous balls:

Reddit.com recently had a submission on how to combat the problem of Rank Nuts. Use vinegar on them. The bacteria that causes the rank odor cannot be rid of with soap. As soap is a base, it survives in the low pH environment.

Vinegar is acidic, which will kill the bacteria. Put vinegar on a washcloth and scrub balls and wash off with soap. Repeat. The vinegar smell will not linger after a thorough soap scrubbing.

It works. Trust me.

Hmmm...

Someone said that there is a new men's deoderant.

They call if UMPIRE.

It's for foul balls... lol

Not so much hatin' on grinchbinch, OK?

All his/her comment @32 was, was a slightly (and typically, for this fine publication) unkind restating of Dan's old saw about "setlling for to settle down." No more, no less.

It wasn't, "Lay off the eclairs, you fat cow!" It was just, "This is the way things are."