Columns Dec 31, 2009 at 4:00 am

Assholes and Gasholes


oh ha -- I thought it was a sexual term. nevermind

ps Hey elsa
I did not know there was such a fetish. Learning something new everyday!
Dan, why do you insist on recycling SL Letters of the Day in your weekly column? They're supposed to be "letters of the DAY", not "letters you'll have to relive because Dan is too lazy to find something original to print". I find it hard to believe that you don't have a wide enough selection of sick questions in your inbox when you sit down to write your column and therefore have to resort to reprinting the prior week's letters of the day. Did you think no one would notice that you already printed that first letter? It's such a disappointment, particularly to those of us who have actually written letters and haven't gotten a response.
boo frickin' hoo..
Or even a less challenging fetish can be handled via vanilla sex with a committed partner. As a matter of fact, I think that probably describes the majority of relationships out there.
If she broke their rules for dating, if he was led to expect that he was the ONLY guy she was going to be in any way physically intimate with, then she did betray him. Just like if he'd gone off and had tons of cyber sex with an ex girlfriend but never touched her. If you break your relationship's rules, and if you know it well enough to try to hide the fact, that is cheating. Just like in cards, breaking the rules equals cheating. She needs to quit doing things she knows will bother him, unless being allowed to get bombed and flirt is her deal breaker. And he needs to learn not to marry people who deliberately and repeatedly do things that bother him that much.
Yeah dan... How dare you post recycled stuff that not everyone reads from your blog on holidays, its like you WANT to spend time with your family or something, sheesh SO LAZY

The dude from the first letter just needs to A) Get over it already, or B) Break up. She clearly gets something from flirting and should find someone who is OK with (or even gets off on watching) it.

To the dude with the farting fetish: seriously? Dude, sometimes you have to go without to find someone and settle for not having this "fetish" (if it's really a fetish, not enough detail to really know for sure - does he need to smell it to get off?) fulfilled.

I've personally never heard of it before, and you may just be one of very, very few dudes who digs it. Might just be time to chalk it up to masturbatory material if you can't find someone you dig who will indulge you.
How have you not heard of this fetish? Craigslist is full of people looking for other people to fulfill their fart fetish. It's obviously a pretty hard one to get your partner to help you out with, so everyone turn to CL, but still...
Dan's profundity of the week:

A successful marriage is basically an endless
cycle of wrongs committed, apologies offered,
and forgiveness granted, all leavened by the occasional orgasm.


Happy New Year, ya lazy bastard!
However, that being said (concerning my comment about the first letter), I would not be OK with my own husband getting drunk (with or without me) and flirting with other ladies. That would drive me nuts and make me mad. This may be a simple case of "give up the alcohol or give me up".

Advice for the guy worried about his wife - don't be so dang harsh! Some people are really into monogamy. This dude is.


I think Dan's advice to STH is right-on. He's also correct/astute to question the author's version of events. That all being said, _if_ STH is accurate in his description, then he should worry about his new wife's behavior.

Someone who radically changes their behavior when drunk is a BIG red flag. I guarantee you she's going to cheat eventually. Alcoholism isn't pretty. He doesn't sound like a real prize, either, and maybe that's what's going on here: some sort of co-dependency. A jealous control freak & an alcoholic. The big plus here is that at least one of them is reaching out for help. SL is a start, but it shouldn't be the end for these two.
Speaking of fetishes, anyone remember the guy with the clapping fetish?
Is it just me, or does a fart fetish seem not all that hard to indulge (assuming it's just a supplemental turn-on and not the only way you can get off/the only sex act you're interested in)? If I was into someone, and we could get each other off in a variety of more standard ways, and then after a little while he disclosed that he'd be really excited by watching/smelling me fart... I don't know. I'd be kind of weirded out, but I'd certainly try it.

HOPE, you're only 17 -- I'd give the regular old "date & hook up with people you meet any old way" thing a shot before you go limiting yourself just to the world of other fart fetishists. Who knows... you might meet someone who'll indulge your kinks with a fetish of their own that you hadn't even realized you'd be into. Of course, I'm a woman, and our sexual peak is later, our sexuality's more squishy, yadda yadda, but I certainly didn't know the full extent of what I would or wouldn't be into until I'd been sexually active for quite some time. In fact, I'm still discovering new things that turn my crank. If you meet the right person, he'll probably fart in your face whether it turns him on or not... and you might find that what does it for you 5 years from now is something else entirely.
Hope should go to the Netherlands. Have you ever noticed that everything fart-related is usually named after the Dutch? Like the Dutch oven, or the Dutch-hand-grenade ... fucking Dutch.
I've never been to a prositute so I don't know the etiquette, but are you really expected to tip? Aren't the prices set by the sex worker? If they feel they should be payed a higher amount, can't they just charge what they think is fair?
Just a couple of pragmatic, common sense suggestions for FAIL. I certainly hope FAIL and her husband use condoms since a "don't ask, don't tell" policy doesn't work if they bring back STDs, herpes, HPV or critters from their adventures. If someone is dishonest about their relationship status you can bet that they aren't going to be honest about whether or not they have any communicable diseases. Hopefully FAIL and her husband get themselves checked out medically on a regular basis. Like right after they have one of their adventures.
Dan, you're usually dead on, that's why I read you. You're also funny as hell some of the time which is awsome too. However you got STH wrong. Here are the correct answers.

1. Yes, she crossed a line and you both know it.
2. Not too much dude, she made out with a gay guy and close friend when they were partying.
3. No, you're not being a selfish prude. You feel a little betrayed because you were a little betrayed. She's contrite and it's cool, no biggie.

It's cool if she flirts if you're cool with it and she is being respectful to what you are cool with.

DAN you have to link him to James Joyce's love letters. Those were sold in a auction for a record breaking 240,000 pounds. The guy was a fart fetishist CLEARLY and I think it's important to have a historical record of this.
Anyway, the letters can be found for free online and read like the worst/best porn ever depending on your tastes. Either way, it's pretty damn awesome for a letter written 1909 holy crap the language! It's filthy!
This might be a link…

Here's a bbc link to the auction news, look for "Ungovernable lust"…
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I knew a number of guys who worried themselves sick over their tendency to fart at inopportune times. HOPE shouldn't have a lot of trouble finding a guy his age who farts a lot, so all he has to do is let the fellow know he likes it. If he doesn't want to seem too weird right out the gate, he can say the farting "doesn't bother him one bit". He should plan for his dream date to be dinner at a Mexican (or German) restaurant and then let nature do the rest!

Yeah, and screw Letterman and Conan for putting on the same show again that they originally filmed and broadcast months ago!

Even entertainers go on vacation, and when they do, you get reruns. Deal.
Just date my boyfriend. I WISH I had a fart fetish.
Dan, I read your column and your blogs regularly, I listen to your podcast religiously, and I am seriously disappointed that you've been recycling SL letters of the day. I come here expecting new stuff, and I get treated to the old crap I read a few days ago/week ago etc. Please give us new letters.
LOL I think it would be convenient to have a bf with a fart fetish. No more having to hold it in. No more taking gas pills after a spicy meal. No more leaving the room to let out the gas. Total freedom to let it rip! :-)
@8 & @ 23: there have been times when Dan has been on vacation or spending time with his family and he has rerun an old column and said "check out this oldie but goodie." That's totally cool. But if he's going to the trouble of writing a new column, like this week's, how hard is it to put in 3 new letters as opposed to 2? How much time does that take? An extra 1/2 hour? Anyway, Dan does this a lot - not just because it's the holidays.
Oh yeah - and Letterman and Conan suck, so who cares if they rerun old stuff?
I call "FAKE!" on the last letter. It's just crafted too perfectly to appeal to Dan.

If "HOPE" is legit, I hope he finds someone who can accomodate his kink, but I'm betting this letter's publication just made some frat boy's day.
The response to the married guy seemed harsh. People in committed, monogmous relationships should have a reasonable expectation that their partners won't be French kissing other people. So Yes, he was betrayed, and yes, he has a right to worry. But it was a small betrayal, and it should be a smal amount of worry.

Perhaps a little sympathy is in order?
"Seriously Troubled Here" doesn't trust his wife, and she doesn't want to stop flirting while drunk. This is a flammable situation. The alcohol is the gasoline, and jealousy is the match. I would advise both sides to seek marital help, or part ways before somebody gets badly burned.
@4 and others -- the Savage Love column has a wider circulation than the SL Letter of the Day. So repeating interesting Letters of the Day in the column makes sense.
LMFAO @ 17... really, I am.

Yeah, this sounds like a guy's dream (although I can't speak for the gay ones...): float an air biscuit and get blown, or laid. Or both. Coooool. But I do wonder: is it the smell? The sound? Is it a humor thing? Even at my advanced age, I still laugh my ass off at farts in movies. Heaven help me.

As far as STH goes, it is only a matter of time before those two blow their marriage up. Flirting and jealousy mixed with alcohol will result in big trouble. Not a matter of if, either, but when. But, I am betting it is STH's wife we hear from, since he got slapped.
So by Dan's explanation, my wife should not get mad at me if I go out with a couple of bi or dyke chicks, get drunk flirt a little, and french kiss one of them?

Am I the only one that sees something wrong there?
Hey commenters, anyone wanna a clue a fairly good-looking, fairly-vanilla, but very horny gay college boy in about what these websites are that Dan mentions? I'm not such a pick-up artist, but didn't want to be lumped in with the "bi married guy, 48, seeks blond twink for daddy spank" crowd and didn't know there were other options.
If FAIL and her husband have a don't ask don't tell policy, why the hell is she giving personal info (like her real name and Facebook profile) to the people she shags? Doesn't she know already that the more traces you leave, the least likely it is that her spouse or the other person's will find out? But then again, if she understood that much, she'd know not to believe men who say their wife won't mind.
If FAIL and her husband have a don't ask don't tell policy, why the hell is she giving personal info (like her real name and Facebook profile) to the people she shags? Doesn't she know already that the more traces you leave, the least likely it is that her spouse or the other person's will find out? But then again, if she understood that much, she'd know not to believe men who say their wife won't mind.
I don't know that I would have been so hard on the first guy. It sounds like the wife has a drinking problem, and it sounds like she's being obnoxious in her flirting (although when you're drunk, eventually someone will move in to relieve the people you are bothering with your aggressive flirting). If I was the writer, I would be more concerned about her drinking than her flirting. Of course she may be using her drinking as an excuse to flirt.

As for the fart guy: what's the big deal? Everybody farts. And more than half of people fart in their sleep. So just sleep over with someone you're dating and enjoy a nice dutch oven after they doze off. And plenty of guys will be relieved that they don't have to hold in their farts around you.
Okay, I grant you that I am straight, married, vanilla, and a bunch older than the kid who likes farts. But Dan, are you seriously telling me that he's going to have to find partners online or by going to sex workers? In a world full of frat boys who think it's hysterical to set farts on fire or learn to fart the Star Spangled Banner? Everybody farts, young (and older) men fart with vigor and gusto, and random farting (and the bland acceptance thereof) feature more and more in most relationships as time goes by. HOPE, quit worrying, date people you like, and feed them lots of roughage.
As for James Joyce, I read that stuff a long time ago, so I could be wrong. I don't remember coming away thinking he was all that into farts. He talked about how much she farted after he fucked her in the ass. I thought he was just enjoying the aftermath of his buttfucking. And in those days before condoms and the Pill, heterosexual buttfucking was sometimes called the "Irish way" of family planning.
how has nobody else noticed this detail from the first letter:

"After getting kissed on the cheek by a woman I think was a lesbian at a recent party, it came out during the subsequent argument..."

an argument ensued after his wife received a kiss on the cheek from a woman that he thinks may like body parts that his wife has?! i see more than a few red flags there.

i don't think dan is off-base in the least. this guy is a control freak of the worst kind, and i hope his wife is able to save herself.
if you don't like reading the same letter twice, start your own advice column

fkn whiners
@33 . . . "So by Dan's explanation, my wife should not get mad at me if I go out with a couple of bi or dyke chicks, get drunk flirt a little, and french kiss one of them?

Am I the only one that sees something wrong there? "

No, by Dan's explanation, your wife should not get mad at you if you confess that over a year before you got married, you kissed a lesbian friend of yours. And haven't done it since. Although you did let a gay man kiss you on the cheek recently. Not quite the same as an open pass. Yes, past performance (unlike in the stock market) can be an indication of future results, but not always. We've all done things in the past that we aren't super proud of and don't plan to do again.
A successful marriage is basically an endless
cycle of wrongs committed, apologies offered,
and forgiveness granted, all leavened by the:

***comfort and stability of deep and reliable friendship; sharing of mutual interests; sharing and division of everyday responsibilities; sharing of big dreams, future plans, and deep and trivial conversation; mutual stockpiling and compounding of assets; AND***

occasional orgasm.
the first guy seems a little neurotic. BUT, if she knows he doesn't like her aggressively flirting and still does it, that's just disrespectful.

I don't know the details of their relationship, but if I'm monogamous, I don't go around flirting with other dudes, even "mild" flirting. I don't because I know it would piss of my boyfriend. And I know that if I would be furious if I had to stand two feet away and watch my boyfriend drunkenly paw women.

Overall, I don't think these two people should be married. She clearly wants freedom, and he clearly wants control.
I kind of hate to be a bitch about this detail, but letter number 1 also mentions that they dated for 3 years. And, since "the french kissing incident" occured 2 year into the relationship, her tendency to flirt/dance/drink etc did not suddenly appear after he put a ring on it. So, if he was sooooooo bothered by this behavior, why did he marry her?
2 STH points missed by commenters but not by Dan:

1. The "incident" happened BEFORE they got married. If the rule is "no physical contact with other humans after you met me'", than yeah, this guy creeps me out.

2. Is your spouse supposed to refrain from everything you don't like? If so, than negativity (the veto) rules over tolerance.
Dan, thanks for erring on the side of "the husband might be overreacting/too jealous" for the first letter. Long ago I dated a guy who felt that any talking I did to anyone of the opposite sex automatically constituted "flirting" and he would overreact horribly every time, assaulting people, getting between me and others physically and going off, then later calling my cell phone 40 or 50 times leaving messages. He simply would not let me speak to or interact with any other males! It was horrible and getting away from him was very difficult. I almost had to get a restraining order. So, thanks for recognizing the potential for this type of thing even though it came from the guy's perspective.
to be fair, JLR above me did touch on point #1
Fart fetishists should date people with Irritable bowel syndrome. We fart a lot, just no help for it.
@46 I don't think the rule is "no physical contact with other humans after you met me" it seems to be more of a "don't french kiss other people after we start dating" which is pretty standard relationship rules.
just googled James Joyce's letters - love em! bit to scatalogical for my personal taste in places but I love the way he obviously reveled in real, dirty, great sex, with all it's sweat and noises and smells with the woman he loves, how she really is, her fat thighs and hairy bush obviously arousing him hugely because they're part of her. GGG before all of us were ever born, he obviously had no worries asking for what he desired and she evidently had no hang ups about them either given his letters imply her responses were just as explicit :0) Should be compulsory reading for all those people who waste so much energy worrying if their or their partners desires are 'dirty' or 'taboo' or that if their body isn't perfectly toned, shaved and perfumed no-one could possibly lust after them.
That kid who likes farts needs to get a boyfriend, and eat the recommended daily allowance of vegetables together, plus some legumes. White beans are the most gas-producing bean ever, so white bean sage soup with his honey? Oh yeah.

Hello? Does he really need find someone with the same fetish? Everyone farts, and every couple lets 'em loose in front of each other. I guess if he wanted the fart equivalent of golden showers he might need a little extra cooperation, but if he just wants some farts in the mix, learn how to cook those veggies and beans!
just googled James Joyce's letters - love em! bit to scatalogical for my personal taste in places but I love the way he obviously reveled in real, dirty, great sex, with all it's sweat and noises and smells with the woman he loves, how she really is, her fat thighs and hairy bush obviously arousing him hugely because they're part of her. GGG before all of us were ever born, he obviously had no worries asking for what he desired and she evidently had no hang ups about them either given his letters imply her responses were just as explicit :0) Should be compulsory reading for all those people who waste so much energy worrying if their or their partners desires are 'dirty' or 'taboo' or that if their body isn't perfectly toned, shaved and perfumed no-one could possibly lust after them.
"A successful marriage is basically an endless
cycle of wrongs committed, apologies offered,
and forgiveness granted, all leavened by the occasional orgasm."

Well, if that's what a successful marriage is, Dan finally confirms my life-long suspicion that it's not worth the effort and investment. Orgasms feel good, but not THAT good.
@lizvocal: "Fart fetishists should date people with Irritable bowel syndrome. We fart a lot, just no help for it."

Same with Crohn's disease and colitis sufferers! If HOPE dates anyone with chronic digestive problems, he'll be all set.
Hey Dan: How about an occasional all-queer column or podcast. I know the straights are in the majority and have a lot of problems, but once in a while something, like, totally queer would be adorable.
Is this f'n real? A fart fetish? Who'da thought.
yeh haven't done the fart fetish in a few, maybe 04 or so, of course I missed a few columns. hmm, that's a rough one, hot wife who like to flirt, yeah... rough. *roll*
like forced vacation or time to work on the new novel...pfft.
@50 - so "dating" is always assumed to be one at a time from the moment it begins. And I ask again, then what is the point of the marriage vows if you are making an implicit commitment of monogamy the moment you begin "dating." This includes getting carried away for a few seconds on a dance floor with a gay guy. I'm a guy - but frankly I'm on the woman's side with this one. wtf? Let people be themselves. If someone is committed to YOU, that's the thing that matters. They prove that by what they do - sticking around and doing loving things. Not by what they don't do. I'm not saying go out and fuck freely if there's an understanding that's not part of the deal. But flirting is harmless and what's telling is the the reaction of the person threatened by it. I could even see a problem with french kissing strangers all the time or one stranger all the time. But once in a brief moment of abandon? Puh-leez.
All girls who have kissed other guys while in a relationship and who I forgave shortly after, ended up fucking some guy behind my back. Happened to friends as well.

NEVER AGAIN, will I forgive a kiss. Maybe the transgression isn't that great, but it's just symptomatic of something worse.

I mean fuck, they were in year two of the relationship. It's not like they'd only just started seeing each other. You don't go that long without being at least a little serious.

I feel like almost everyone in the world cheats besides me.
Learn to cook Broccoli. Make make dinner for potential hookups. Problem solved!
The wife is a slightly slutty alcoholic most likely. Live with that or leave, husband. And you're probably a control freak besides, so it is a match made in heaven.

Also, how many columns have to be about sexual fetishes? I guess it makes good copy, but fetishes are only so interesting. Sex does not have to be about gratifying yourself with fetishes.
I know a few guys who are a little too into their farts, but I think most of them are straight. As for the first guy with the flirtatious wife, he needs to lighten up.....…
#20, you got it right. It wasn't a huge betrayal, or even a medium sized one, but it was a betrayal. She should apologize, and make an effort to ensure that it doesn't happen again - that is, she should stop drinking.

I'm not anti-drink but it's clear that this woman's judgement is messed up when she's not sober. Nothing in her behaviour has been a huge heinous crime, but these small acts are slowly chipping away at the trust and respect in the relationship. When there's no trust and respect left, there's not going to be a relationship.
Dan, I gotta say that I think your advice to STH is a fail. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was the husband who carried on the way the wife was: getting drunk and dancing, flirting, touching, and even tonguing gay men (or lesbians) on the dance floor. How would a wife feel in that situation, sitting on the sidelines, rolling her eyes, being dissed and neglected? I don't know many women who would stand for it if their husbands behaved the way STH's wife does when she's intoxicated. There's a double standard here: women are frequently given more slack when it comes to being a bit "wild" ("Girls Gone Wild" for example), but if a guy starts manhandling a bunch of girls, flashes his privates, or starts tonguing the nearest nearby mouth, he's viewed as a philanderer or a douche, or at the very least, a big risk to his partnered female. I think you avoided and ignored the real issue here: the wife's personality changes drastically when she gets drunk or high and the husband doesn't like this "Mrs Hyde" that acts overtly sexual with strangers. What you should have asked STH to examine is a) how often this occurs (only occasionally? or monthly? weekly?); and b) since the wife knows this kind of behavior upsets her husband, why hasn't she modified her behavior? I.e., could she be alcoholic? After all, it's not like he's asking her to change her personality, just her behavior. She may have to stop partying so hard to do that (that's up to her to decide). Bottom line: it doesn't sound like these two people are matched well and if the wife wants to continue her foot loose and fancy free lifestyle and the husband doesn't care for the behavior, they may both be better off looking for different partners with values that compliment rather than clash with their own.
"Dan, stop putting letters in your column that you posted to the blog!" "Dan stop writing so much about sex fetishes in your sex column!" "Dan you don't write enough about teh gays!"

Damn people get over your idiocy and stupid false sense of entitlement.
@59 There are typically three major stages, a progression of steps, in a long term monogamous relationship. Exclusive dating, living together, and then marriage. Each step represents an increase in commitment.
her fat thighs and hairy bush obviously arousing him hugely because they're part of her... if their body isn't perfectly toned, shaved and perfumed no-one could possibly lust after them.

Weeeeeeeeeeellllll, you should keep in mind that fat thighs and a hairy bush were generally considered sexy back then. Skinny thighs were not seen as attractive.

This is not to argue that a person can't be lusted after even if they don't fit the bill of the current mainstream ideal, but just to point out that Joyce was not exactly bucking convention in loving Nora's fat thighs. That WAS the mainstream ideal.
HOPE, there are heaps of guys out there with a fart fetish, believe me, gay and straight. Go do a search for "fart" on X-tube, or join a yahoo group like or look around. Porn film maker Michael Lucas has even made a mainstream gay porn film called 'Farts'. You're not alone...
frowns at recycling of letter.
Just make a short one instead of recycling!
(frowny face)
What's with all the caution and prevarication regarding the fart fetish? I've never heard of it or thought of it before, but it doesn't seem like that big a deal. If a boy I was dating told me about it and we got semi-serious (dating a few months, maybe), I'd totally indulge him.
@59 No, it's USUALLY assumed to be one at a time and most especially after two years. Moreover, it's obvious that she broke the rules that they as a couple had ("she acknowledges that a line was crossed (which is why she didn't tell me when it happened)").

"And I ask again, then what is the point of the marriage vows if you are making an implicit commitment of monogamy the moment you begin "dating.""

B/c marriage isn't only about monogamy. There's plenty of women that I've dated monogamously but I wasn't sure if I wanted to give them power of attorney, rights of inheritance, etc. Plus there is open, non-monogamous marriages too.
Dan has a big ol' blind spot regarding people who act stupidly when drinking too much, because he often writes his columns when he's drunk--or at least he used to do so.
Anyone who questions whether or not fart fetishists exist should try reading the good old Marquis de Sade's "120 Days of Sodom." Trying to read that massive tribute to all products of the ass made me realize that the Marquis was probably more into farts and shit than the whips and chains desires that were named after him.

I think there's more hope for HOPE than Dan says, though. He might have to resort to online or sex worker fetish fulfillment for a little while, but all he really needs to do is find a guy who farts all the time. My boyfriend farts loudly and obnoxiously, he pushes it out if he even feels a minor urge, then he laughs about it with the pride of a 10 year old. Apparently this is something from his upbringing, because his whole family just lets it rip whenever and wherever they are. He does it so proudly I can hardly believe he's gay sometimes. I really had to get used to this because I was raised to be a lot more "proper". He's good BF material in every other way - we've been together almost a decade - but if I had one wish I'd probably change this about him (When we're out for dinner? Seriously?) But if HOPE found a guy like him (I'm sure there are more out there), he'd be in seventh heaven.
Hadn't heard of eproctophilia before and not quite sure of how it all works. But I do know that with anal sex, farts happen (and sometimes shit). So does a eproctophiliac want to fart in someone's face or have someone fart in theirs? If you want to fart in someone else's face then it might be hard to find willing partners. But if you want someone to fart in yours, I would say find yourself a good bottom and ride his ass like there is no tomorrow. You'll get your farts and he'll be pleased. Eventually, every time he passes gas he'll probably pop a boner.

The thing about being GGG is you want to indulge your partner. It turns you on to see your partner turned on. At 17, I would imagine you haven't the experience of building the bond of intimacy where you can share your desires with a partner. It probably isn't a first date topic. Perhaps the eproctophilia community could share with you how to handle the conversation. While your partner may not understand it, they will understand that you like it.

Long ago I tricked a couple of times with a guy who was into the smell of shit. i didn't realize it at first. He would poke his finger in my ass, and then hold it near our faces. I would sort of move to get the smell out of my nose. It took me a while to catch on that when I would shift to get it away he would shift to bring it back. So I just moved enough to get it away from me and he could enjoy the aroma himself.

And as someone who is nearing 60, I have to say when you get your long term relationship, your golden years may be bliss.
I can't read through all these comments right now - so I don't know if this point has been raised - but I'm not sure I would even go so far as to characterize the Bride of STH's behavior as flirting - I have known women- usually from ethnic backgrounds different than my own (WASP) - who are warm-hearted, genuinely attracted to people, who express affection and feeling through touching, as well as through laughing, smiling, and telling stories. It is not meant to be a sexual come on, or 'flirting' however you define that term. It seems to be just a natural, involuntary means of expression - cultural. It may be scary to witness coming from an uptight WASP background but it is possible that it is not weighted with the emotional meaning that STH seems to give it.

Am I right - or was she really flirting - as in - I'm so sexy, you're so sexy, aren't we something.
We really need input from The Bride. Dancing close- yes - sounds like flirting. But I can easily imagine a scenario in which The Bride is hoping to get a rise out of Hubby: uptight, dead nuts hubby, after observing how lovely his wife is, and how interested the other guys are in her, will hopefully rush her home and bang her lights out for the first time in six months - rather than sulking, fuming, and writing down every single infraction in his Book of Betrayal. Just a guess.
Either that or she want Hubby Milquetoast to get angry, be the aggressor, assert himself - then they fight and cry - and then they fuck. Don't you people ever watch soap operas?
I'll shut up

As far as the 'french' kiss in the gay bar - I think a lot of str8 men are unaware of how liberating it can be for a str8 woman to go out dancing with her gay pals - she's around all these beautiful men, she can drink a bit too much, act silly, dance and act sexy, enjoy male company - knowing there is no sexual component to it - there probably is no other place where a woman can act this uninhibited without the fear of some sort of consequences to herself -
I don't understand why you do this, Dan. Why would you use this (first) question in your column when you ran it on Slog on 12/15?! As a regular reader of your column, I feel very gypped when you do this, and I don't get it... you get so little mail that you need to recycle?!
Hey FAIL, you can block people on facebook. They can't find you when you do.
@80 B/c his column appears in more places than just the stranger's web site. If there was an interesting/important/etc. point made then it would make sense to bring it to a wider audience.
Dan, I disagree with your advice to the first letter writer. The way to stay faithful to your spouse is to not put yourself in stupid situations in the first place, and this woman has repeatedly put herself in stupid situations. She has no boundaries and unless she takes her husband's complaints seriously and alters her behavior SHE WILL end up screwing someone else. Remember, alcohol lowers inhibitions and she's drinking while she's doing this. Her husband has every right to be worried. That being said, IF she does in fact alter her behavior and set more clear boundaries THEN her husband should forgive her - but apologies mean nothing if you just keep repeating the same behavior.

I've never heard of a "fart fetish."

However, years ago at the firehouse, we used to have annual farting contests.

The guys would eat the most disgusting things they could think of for lunch and dinner, in the hopes that it would cause gas by 8PM.

Farts were scored like Olympic skating, from zero to 10; based on abruptness, tonal quality, tonal variation, duration, and odor.

Sometimes, Sheriff’s deputies would come into the firehouse to take a break and maybe do some paperwork. If they walked through the TV room, they would often comment about how disgusting it smelled.

We even had one volunteer captain who could fart on command. One could say, "Hey, Frenchy, how about one?" and Frenchy would lift his leg and let one rip. I could never understand how he did that, almost any time day or night.

The C Shift Captain usually won the contest.

HOPE might take a reading through 1601 by Samuel L. Clemens [Mark Twain]. An interesting edition is that with a short essay, "Who wrote '1601?'. An Excerpt from 'Mark Twain.' a Biography by Albert Bigelow Paine (1861-1937)." That published by Earth Publishing Company in 1955 is readily available on… "He [Paine] was the official biographer and literary executor for Mark Twain, and worked with him (and on his behalf after his death) on various projects."…

A very active related resource that might interest HOPE is… This is a very accessible site that allows persons of shared interests to contact one another. On this page 3 are four of my writings. Cf. MUSINGS as author.

Tainted clouds in mixed company have been a source of interest for much longer than HOPE may have suspected. Hope does, in truth, spring from the human heart eternal. There are plenty of like minds out there, Laddie!
Im not a fart fetishist but man do i think they are funny! i enjoy farts and while me and my man are having sex if he lets one out, especially if its a real blaster i am not in the least turned off. most realistic folks dont think farts are so bad, don't worry HOPE. Any man worth keeping will be way into your farts (or he'll be way into you being way into his farts)
I for one can safely say I never need to read another Savage article and related commentary about farting.
@18: as a sex worker I can explain: We are pretty much bound to ask for what other sex workers in our area are asking for. By which I mean if I think I deserve $500 but every other girl on CL or redbook or whatever is asking for $300 then no one is going to call me. Also some sex workers have to pay a madam or other organization so a tip is a nice thing to do since they have to give up some of the asking price anyway. And also: it's always nice to tip no matter what the service is that you're receiving!
Damned stright, QXZJ, and also, I think of the 'recommended tip' (as it's known in NZ) asthe base requirement. If you had a good time, and think you'd like to come back and see hir again, that's where the extra tip comes into play. It's a way of aknowledging that s/he went above and beyond the regular.
Dan, Dan -- too harsh on the married guy with the flirty wife. I agree that he's over-reacting, but if they had decided to be exclusive at the time of the kiss, then the kiss was a breach, and should have been revealed at the time. A lie of omission is still a lie, and someone who lies because it is easier is bad news.
STH: "I married my wife several months ago after dating three years. Things are generally excellent, except for one problem: When my wife gets drunk, she gets crazy flirtatious. She'll dance close to people, touch them, hold hands. A couple of times, I thought it went too far and I told her so. She claims it is just harmless and she would never let anything happen."

I've had two girlfriends like this. Both eventually went beyond flirting. Not suggesting that all women who are very flirtatious are going to take it further or that your wife eventually will, but I wouldn't choose to be with a woman like that again.

As for the guy into farts, I get such a kick out of the kinks that men can have. He may not have it easy finding another guy who's also into farts but I can almost guarantee he'll have an easier time than if he was looking for a woman into farts.
Your feelings are sincere and need to be paid attention to. You need to be honest with yourself and your wife. Between the two of you you'll find middle ground. Being shamed into accepting behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable isn't going to make your marriage a healthy one. No one can tell you what is sexy, edgy behavior and what is crossing the line except you. Start at the fact that her kissing someone makes you uncomfortable and work from there. Good luck to you. A good marriage is more important than a good health plan --it just requires more work.
Someone with a fart fetish should find someone who's lactose intolerant... they have pungent gas in abundance. Many might be too embarrassed to indulge their partner's fetish by letting loose, but as a cheese-loving lactose intolerant myself, I would be pleased to find someone who heard sweet music in my butt-trumpeting.
It would be histerically funny if he found someone with a fart fetish and the person accidently shit on his face. LMAO!!! But then again, he would probably like that too.

As far as the flirt goes, Peoples true sides come out when they are drunk so she is probably a serious flirt all the time accept for when she is with her husband.
@81 I thought you had to friend someone for that person to put something on your Facebook page.


Successful cheaters are or become skillful and practiced liars. If a cheater is willing to deceive their spouse, why would you expect them to be truthful to you? How incredibly naive. If you are hooking up with a stranger, then you have to deal with all of the inherent risks. I’m surprised that the wife didn’t contact all of the members of your social network, including your husband, unless he doesn’t know about your Facebook page.


FAIL provides very little detail about the nature of her marriage and the situation. It doesn't sound like she has an open relationship, they just don't want to know about what happens when they are apart. Does that mean they want to know about what happens when they are together? Does the spouse who stays home have the same freedom as the traveling spouse? What does being apart mean? Anytime that they physically apart for any length of time? What other ground rules are there? Are continuing relationships allowed? Is on-going communication permitted? How did the wife find out about her?.
Dan you are a very funny man. Funny haha. You deserve your own show. Does your partner give you jokes or do you come up with these yourself? You could turn your talent into a very funny sitcom.
I'd like to point out that even though the first author claims to have a fart fetish, he is only 17... and tastes change (if you'll forgive the expression).

I mean that it's good that he recognizes this interest and kink that he has, but it doesn't mean that he will ALWAYS necessarily have this kink or desire. He may be able to establish a relationship with another that has nothing to do with this kink, but keep it privately to himself. He may also discover that he's only thrilled with the prohibited nature of the act...and that when in a relationship, that will mean more to him than farts.

Not to deny his interest in this kink (Know thyself), but just because we have these interests or kink does NOT mean that we HAVE to act on them. ....or not...
99th! Ha!
fart fetish boy could turn his fart fetish into a career by becoming a colonoscopy technician. Basically they blow air up there so the scope can see something. My colonoscopy guy rather enjoyed his job too much. You could be that guy! I bet it would take the edge off

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