Savage Love

Fabulous Jackboots, Eh?


Spot on as always, Dan!

I had a boyfriend once who also "was grossed out by oral and didn't want to look at my ladyparts" as well, because "I was too special for that," and yes, he turned out to be gayer than gay, but completely ashamed to come out. So now, he continues to lie to his current/future partners with this bullshit excuse.
Nicely done on all, once again. You're my man, Dan.
I may have a fetish for fabulous jackboots.
So happy that he commented on the Prudie letter as I thought of him the moment I read it.
Toews is just mouthing off. Gay marriage will never be overturned in Canada and he knows it.

I don't think the press was really sniffing that it was none of their business, I think they just knew that most Canadians wouldn't give enough of a shit about it to buy a newspaper.
nice! I thought of how your response would would have differed when I read Prudie last week.
Toews is just mouthing off. Gay marriage will never be overturned in Canada and he knows it.

I don't think the press was really sniffing that it was none of their business, I think they just knew that most Canadians wouldn't give enough of a shit about it to buy a newspaper.
Shit! My bad.
Vic Toews may be a dipshit, but there are a non-trivial number of people who share his last name, especially in Canada. And we already have enough trouble with epic mispronunciations and teasing in elementary school ("Toes, huh? Do you like to lick toes?" Not that there's anything wrong with toes or feet, but to a third grader, it can be rather traumatizing). Much as I'd like the correct pronunciation of my last name to go mainstream, I'd rather not add to the future trauma of my children by making it a euphemism.
Oh dear. Toews is also the last name of Jonathan Toews, who just helped the Canadian Olympic hockey team win its best victory ever (sorry), and of Miriam Toews, who wrote the lovely book "A Complicated Kindness". Surely we could torment the awful Jim Toews somehow without dragging all the other Toews (eses?) into it?
Hahaha...sorry Dan, I'm getting the feeling this one just isn't going to catch on. Guy's clearly a wang though.
Toews is also the name of Jonathan Toews, who scored the first goal against the Maricans in the gold-medal hockey game of the 2010 Olympics. Good luck getting Canadians to make his name something dirty.

But I would encourage everybody to pass around the idea that "proroguing Parliament" is as dirty as it sounds. If everybody started to assume the Conservatives were locking the chamber doors and oiling eachother up for hearty Roman goodtimes, it'd be a long time before they tried that shit again.
"The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."
-Pierre Trudeau

He was talking about the gays, there. It's true that it's private business. Applied consistently. No exceptions.
Gay marriage and gay rights haven't been a serious issue here in Canada for several years now, and Toews continues to serve and campaign on other issues. The last thing I'm aware of him saying on the matter was in 2006 when he said that the conservative government would not seek to overturn the bill legalizing same-sex marriage. Not sure what more you want.
He is certainly a moral hypocrite, but I doubt anyone in Canada really cares about his personal life, or that of most other politicians for that matter.
Thanks Dan, you're awesome. Maybe- in deference to all those do-gooding Toews out there, we could make "Vic T" (pronounced Vick-tee) a euphemism for 'an asshole who is attempting to compensate for and/or draw attention away from their own moral shortcomings'. Perhaps as verb- as in "Man, did you hear what happened to Adam? Frank in Accounting Vic-T'd him using the company email- and then was discovered fucking both his secretary and his babysitter!'
Dear NGA: 25 years ago I was the guy who had an affair with a lady whose husband was terminally ill. Your situation sounds just like the one I was in. From my experience then, I believe Mr. Savage's advice to you now is perfect. Hope this helps.
I find it fascinating that two countries can be right beside each other and be quite similar on paper...yet very different culturally.
Dan should look up pictures of Jonathan Toews....
Dan should look up pictures of Jonathan Toews....
Vic Toews.....I live in his constituency. I did not vote for him! He campaigned on his 'family values' and a good source says that he cheated on his wife for years. This was not the first time by any means. The irony is that this is part of the hyper-religious bible belt and they re-elected him without batting an eye. He can do no wrong because he is conservative. Prorogue: to discontinue the meetings of (a legislative body) without dissolving it. In Canada done for pure political reasons. Yep, it is shit.
To NOT: I love giving and receiving oral. I made this very clear to my bf from the start. 5 years later, and now my husband, HE HASN'T CHANGED one bit. I would say DTFMA and find someone that will do this with and for you. Either that, or be like me and have this need serviced by others.
I disagree somewhat with Dan's answer to NOT. First, the boyfriend didn't say he doesn't like looking at pussy, just at HER pussy. Maybe he likes shaved vaginas with small lips, and she's got long labia and a big bush. Or vice versa.

When it comes to the visual angle, not all pussies are created equal, just like not all cocks are equally attractive. But sometimes a pussy that doesn't look great can still feel great. It's like a guy who has a huge but ugly cock: you may not like the way it looks, but still might love the way it feels.

I love eating pussy, but honestly, looking at pussy isn't really a turn-on for me, and it can be a turn-off. Of everyone I've ever been with, I can only think of one woman whose vagina I found aesthetically pleasing on a visual level. It's not a big deal, since there's so much else to take in and enjoy.

Anyway, this guy's probably just a douche who won't eat anyone's pussy. But maybe he's just not into HER pussy. And we haven't even mentioned the whole smell/taste angle; who knows if she has vaginosis or something.
Maybe "vic toes" could be toes covered in ejaculate.
Toews: To insert a toe or a group of toes in someone's anus (or your own for that matter).
I just read Prudie's response to that meddling mother. To have a lack of understanding of what constitutes a fetish is close-minded and almost laughable. But to call that poor boy a deviant in serious need of psychiatric help(specifically from people who treat sex abusers) is vile.

If the lad didn't have hangups about his interest in latex, or a pathologically low self image before this advice, surely he will now.

At least many of her readers took her to task for it.
Your readers should too.
Please don't turn the last name "Toews" into the definition for something nasty because there's also a professional hockey player with that last name and I'd rather like to be able to watch hockey without snickering every time his name is mentioned.
Yeah, that Prudie column is downright scary. It's here:
poor kid's gonna be traumatized.
Vic Toews just escaped a terrible fate thanks to Jonathan Toews.
I don't think a hockey player would mind having a cool sex thing named after him, though. How about this: a toews shall be an erection which point upward with an angle of over 60°. It shall evoke the hockey blade that bends upward towards the sky, and the youth of this talentuous hockey player.

It shall also, as a splash, evoke Vic Toews' true virtuous nature, represented by his dick, which aims towards true happiness fulfillment, but which is bound by the limited mind that tried to qualm its voice with a mistress. (You could say his dick is the better part of his soul)

Btw, did you know? In France, they call the hockey stick a "crosse". In Québec, there is no such name, but the verb "crosser" unambiguously means "to fuck".
um, what does cpos stand for? and what does choked up mean, other than crying?

ps #12 oiling eachother up for hearty Roman goodtimes

and #23 - totally agree with you about NOT, because I like boys but I'd rather look at a girl's breasts than a guy's cock, which isn't that aesthetic to me.
@30: Cheating Piece Of Shit
To "choke up" on a bat is to slide your hands up on the handle to have a quicker swing.
"the glowering face a parasitic twin where your clit should be" -- Best line ever! Thank you Dan.
"You were doing what you needed to do to stay sane..."

I am always surprised by how many people believe that not having sex as often as you want -- or even not at all-- will make you crazy.

Of course this is a sex column written by one of America's oldest teenagers, so it's to be expected, I guess.....
According to the 'Free TAVE is an acronym for 'Thor-Agena Vibration Experiments'

I have NO idea what the hell that is but it sounds kinky. Maybe that's what the Canadian bozo was doing with the other woman?
@NOT: My first real boyfriend in high school was 100% straight and refused to eat pussy, but expected his dick to be sucked every time we got together (sometimes instead of the main event rather than in addition to). I eventually DTMFA. That was high school. Most adult men have grown out of it by a certain age, and either man up and learn to do it, if not to like it, because today's women won't tolerate anything less, or find a woman who doesn't like having her pussy eaten. I have heard of such women, but suspect they are like unicorns. You deserve better. There are thousands of genial, cute straight guys out there who love to eat pussy. Find one. (Or more....)

BTW, ROFL at the Fox News logo tattooed on her pubic mound! I bet that's exactly what Sarah Palin's stretched-out vag looks like.
Add me to the list who was hoping against hope that Dan would say something about the poor glove lover.
Sadly, there are plenty of straight guys who still won't perform oral sex on women. I keep telling them that this hangup makes me not terribly interested in seeing them, if all I want is screwing, I'm pretty bored with it. Of course, all of these guys want oral in return for the oral they're NOT giving... and as Dan recommends, I always say, "If you don't, I won't."
Hey Dan - Thanks for pointing out that the US doesn't have exclusivity on assholes in politics. We've got LOTS... There's a current scandal over the fact that our minister of immigration, Jason Kenney, excluded any mention of LBGT rights from the study guide for new immigrants. Kenney's been at it for a while too, my personal favorite being in 2005 when members of the anti-same-sex-marriage movement bought the rights to the domain (Don Boudia is a Liberal MP) and pointed it to an anti-SSM site. Kenney raced to their defense saying that is was Boudia's fault for not already reserving the domain.

Our own shit-disturbing journalist Rick Mercer (bless him!!) checked into it and guess who else had neglected to register all his domains? So Mercer bought it and pointed to the website for Egale Canada, our national LBGT advocacy group. I'm pretty sure Jason's head exploded. :) For good giggle here’s Mercer’s blog account of the whole thing:….

I think proroguing Parliament should be an euphemism for someone holding out on you “The first couple of dates have been great, but he’s still proroguing Parliament.”
Hey Dan - Thanks for pointing out that the US doesn't have exclusivity on assholes in politics. We've got LOTS... There's a current scandal over the fact that our minister of immigration, Jason Kenney, excluded any mention of LBGT rights from the study guide for new immigrants. Kenney's been at it for a while too, my personal favorite being in 2005 when members of the anti-same-sex-marriage movement bought the rights to the domain (Don Boudia is a Liberal MP) and pointed it to an anti-SSM site. Kenney raced to their defense saying that is was Boudia's fault for not already reserving the domain.

Our own shit-disturbing journalist Rick Mercer (bless him!!) checked into it and guess who else had neglected to register all his domains? So Mercer bought it and pointed to the website for Egale Canada, our national LBGT advocacy group. I'm pretty sure Jason's head exploded. :) For good giggle here’s Mercer’s blog account of the whole thing:….

I think proroguing Parliament should be an euphemism for someone holding out on you “The first couple of dates have been great, but he’s still proroguing Parliament.”
Opps!! Sorry for the double post everyone, I thought it had missed it.
Personally, I think pro-roguing needs a new definition: deciding the sex is over before you partner has come.
Dan, a comment on the Prudie letter - I'm guessing that the reason this mother wrote to Prudie and not you is because she didn't want to receive the same sort of reality check you offer to us, your readership, on a regular basis.

Your comments in this case are spot-on, but would not be stomached well by the mother. Unfortunate that parental censorship can be such a detriment to adolescents questioning their sexual identity, but that's America for you. God bless the red, white, and blue.
Dan Savage - why don't you fuck yourself and die bitch!
A question for NOT and other girls whose bfs won't give oral but expect to get it: how often is cunnilingus present in the porn they watch, compared to fellatio? Yeah, didn't think so.
Prudie's readers are letting her have it in the Slate comment section for that installment of her column, thank goodness.
@34, affairs aren't always just about getting laid -- but even if they were, five years is a long time to go without.
Poor word choice, Dan on the last part. I don't think there is such a thing as an anti-gay raver. At least not any of the party kids I knew.
@36 I was in my early 20's before I learned to eat pussy, and it took me a several more years after that to learn to like it. Several more years later, I finally learned how to do it well. And then I met your unicorn - she thought all forms of oral were "disgusting and degrading" and refused to even consider it. Luckily, she has learned to like it, and now has amazing face-grinding orgasms and sloppy blowjobs. Hooray for GGG!

Awesome column this week!
NOT, even if your boyfriend isn't gay, the fact that he can't stand how you smell down there does not bode well for your relationship. Dump this guy, and find someone who thinks you're delectable.
Vic Toews: that stain in the tighty whities after a juicy fart that is shaped like a silhouette of a family values politician.
Dan, thanks for the comment on the glove-fetishist kid. I'm a junkie for advice columnists, but yours is (naturally) my favorite -- when I read that letter, I couldn't help but think you would have given way better advice to that kid.
I agree with CONCH...look at jonathan toews picture and you'll want to turn his last name into a dirty word for a different reason. He is a HOTTIE to the fullest ;)
I agree with CONCH...Dan should look at a picture of Jonathan Toews and he'll want to make it a dirty word for a different reason. He is a HOTTIE to the fullest ;) Go Hawks!
Hey, NOT, thanks for choosing a sign-off name that makes Dan sound like his advice is ironic and from the mid-nineties.
When I think of the name Toews, I think of the great Canadian writer Mirian Toews, not this idiot. I don't believe in chastising the press for not caring about who this guy fucks, since his bigotry doesn't have any actual impact on political policy in Canada. Gay marriage is legal here and it will stay that way, and I'm really proud of that. People have a right to be bigots, and a right to vote for bigots. Thankfully in Canada though, the majority of people aren't bigots and and don't vote for them.
@42: perfect definition for "proroguing". It kind of goes along with the current definition.
RE: Prudie and latex gloves- Dan, you seem to focus only on the fetish and ignore the obsessive compulsive aspect of this kid's behavior, which is what Prudie was addressing (ie "underlying problem"). She was not knocking the fetish, just the intensity and inability to manage it. If it interferes with your life, you've got a problem. Same goes for porn and other outlets that can cause compulsions. You're doing a disservice by only addressing one side of these issues.
Proud to be a Canadian!
Toews could be the general term for any STI that someone picks up from god-knows-where and then gives to their spouse.
I actually clapped for NOT's response. DTMFA!
Vic Toews (pronounced TAVES) - change the pronunciation of Vic from VIK to WHIK and you have Wick Taves, which are the minor abrasions on a penis battered by too much unlubricated stroking.
Vic Toews (pronounced TAVES) - change the pronunciation of Vic from VIK to WHIK and you have "Wick Taves," which are the minor abrasions on a penis battered by too much unlubricated stroking.
The boyfriend who doesn't like to see his girlfriends pussy reminds of a movie from Spain I saw. Can't remember the name of it but the worlds most unlucky women picks a string of bad boysfriends. One is trying convince himself he's not gay...goes down on her...jumps up and says "no one told me it was wet down there". I remember that scene because being a gay guy myself, I saw it and thought "you know I never really thought about that, but I guess it would be wet down there". Go ahead mock me...but it just never entered my head it would be wet down there.
@42 That is an awesome alternate definition for proroguing.
Toews - genital warts on the anus. Usage: I was totally skeeved by his Toews.

This arrangement that worked so well while you were both in marriages will be thrown off-balance. Your emotional needs will be different, whereas this lover may very well still be needing what he needed before. This is something to be aware of.
Victoews ("vik-taves"): ejaculate that has been in and back out of an asshole, male or female.

E.g. "I love it when he fucks my butt in the woods, but later the victoews running down my thigh is a little annoying." OR "The felching aficionado savored the victoews like nothing else on earth."

I don't think this should be entirely pejorative -- only to those who find sex to be a bad thing. The rest of us can enjoy the irony.
What's the big deal about oral sex anyway? I'll gladly go down, but getting it just doesn't feel like much beyond being dabbed at with a sponge. Besides, I think more guys are grossed out by it than not, really. I told my last two boyfriends up front that I didn't want them to, and both considered that good news!
I’m glad you made note of Canada’s double standard in the media. Our Conservative overlords have been hard at work with their incremental policy objectives. Just recently it was discovered our Immigration Minister Jason Kenney pulled gay rights from citizenship guide. We are talking a few sentences:

“Internal documents show an early draft of the guide contained sections noting that homosexuality was decriminalized in 1969; that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms forbids discrimination based on sexual orientation; and that same-sex marriage was legalized nationally in 2005.

But Mr. Kenney, who fought same-sex marriage when it was debated in Parliament, ordered those key sections removed when his office sent its comments to the department last June.”…

Very Sad.
#23 sorry but you STILL sound like you might be gay. You have thought far too much about the pros and cons of pussy, whereas men who are not repressed or over-thinkers in that area, can't get enough of it, and don't say things about it being unattractive, not smelling good, tasting good! In my humble opinion, you've over-thought if for a reason...I think there are levels of hetero and homosexuality (obviously) and whether or not you're part straight or mostly straight, you'd still be too gay for me to have sex with. Nothing like a man that LOVES IT ALL. They ARE hard to find, but I'm glad women are finally getting fed up with the inequities of oral sex in our society perfectly depicted in porn. (why is it you rarely ever find "pussy eating" category outside of some kind of fetish such as face-sitting?) Men will say that's because porn is geared for men's tastes and pleasure...EXACTLY. I think us women who've delved into porn have been very surprised by the fact that cunnilingus isn't more of an interest for your average male. I'm sure you GUYS can figure this out too, and come up with the conclusion that men are getting far more oral then women sadly and women have been quiet for a long time now, until now. I find out AHEAD...perfect remedy. No repressed, hesitant, contemplative or prim boys for me.
Re Dan's advice to NGA, something else perhaps important for NGA to think about is that during this stressful time her emotional needs will probably change and her husband's ability to meet them will also change.

She said her lover was her "only outlet": did this mean sexually or entirely? If her lover is really her only outlet at all, she probably needs to find another one to support her emotionally, because it doesn't sound like the terms of her affair will allow her to get her emotional needs met there.
Good evening one and all. To a one particular soul in here: my sincerest apologies-sincerely-for my omnipresence in ways you've realized these past few days.. I am only writing this here to admit that rest is what's happening, I wish you well and sorry for any or all of whatever it is you've never liked about me, or felt comfortable with enough.. (you know what I mean). As you say, Everything Happens For A Reason. I wish you well as I wish myself well, as well, as, well, I imagine, the rest of you.. Good Luck/Love,T
For NOT, you might want to see an OB/GYN about this-odd odors or off "flavors" could indicate that not all is well.
And NGA will have to be careful with her lover when her husband dies-the whole dynamic will change. He may decide that seeing an unmarried person is too dangerous, he may find dealing with grief too demanding, etc. Then too, hubby may hang on for longer than currently expected. Some cancer patients do make "miraculous" recoveries.
the person in a relationship being cheated on.
the person in a relationship who is being cheated on.
@71: Your analysis is fascinating, but mainly because it's so far off that it's kind of hilarious. Are you seriously claiming that men who say some pussies smell or taste bad are secretly gay? Do you have ANY idea how absurd and insulting that is? (Is a girl who doesn't want to suck her boyfriend's perpetually cheesy, unwashed cock a secret lesbian?)

You sound like a girl I once knew who was fixated on the idea that all the men around her were secretly gay. I guess her uncle had left her aunt for a man, and for some reason that put a chip on her shoulder. If a guy said something the least bit complimentary about another man's physical appearance, boom, he was a "homo who doth protest too much" in her eyes. It was amusing for a while, then it became kind of pathetic.

Anyway, good luck with your quest for the ideal, non-reflective, non-contemplative man. Frankly, I hope you meet him, fall in love, and then get "Brokeback Mountain"-ed for another guy, because it'd teach you a lesson you're clearly overdue for learning.
I don't know who started the rumor in our society that all men think women's genitals look, smell, and taste bad and that oral is a chore. Plenty of men love it (all of it) and they're sincere (and supposedly a lot of these men are Boston). But a whole generation (or more) of women don't know this and are insecure about letting a guy go down there.
@78: Eh, I dunno, it's not too hard to understand, starting with our society's fucked-up attitude towards sex in general. Plenty of people, going all the way back to the Romans, think giving oral sex is demeaning. Plenty of people don't have good genital hygiene or health. Plenty of people are selfish and don't care about giving pleasure, only getting it.

Put all those things together, and there are a lot of men and women out there who match your description. But I don't think that's the norm. If anything, the percentage of people in the West who are cool with oral sex, giving and receiving, is probably higher than it's ever been.
Now hold on one second. Why does a distaste in vagina automatically mean an affinity for penis?

I'm in the same boat as this poor girl's boyfriend, I can't stand the sight, taste, or act of it all.

I am not gay, I am even more grossed out by man hair and cock than a vagina. I love the female form: boobs, hips, bush, etc but not the inner parts.

I am particularly squeamish though. I have a visceral reaction when I see blood and flipping through channels and landing on open heart surgeries or what not are traumatic events for me. I get this same visceral feeling in my stomach when I approach a vagina with anything other than my cock.

So I'm malfunctional eh?
This seems to be the same question that was asked on Questionland last month;…
hmm. as a gay man who once had lots of girlfriends, I ate pussy and enjoyed it. I didn't even need a doggie bag for later (a la Margaret Cho) but would finish it all in one sitting and sometimes have seconds. Yes, I'm gay. I love the cock and only fall in love with men. Have I ever met a cock I didn't want to suck? Absolutely! Just because someone does want to put their mouth on your genitals doesn't necessarily mean that they are gay or straight: it may simply mean they either don't like to perform oral, or they don't like your genitals. Just my 2 cents as a big ol fag who used to eat pussy (back in the day).
@80; I think I've dated you
Does a man have to love the sight, feel, smell, taste of a woman's genitals to be straight?


Does a woman have a right to expect that HER BOYFRIEND will eat her pussy (at least on occasion)?


In this case, it's not about the specific act and his affinity for it as much as it is that he apparently has told her repeatedly that her genitals disgust him.

Even if that is true, if he cares for her at all he ought to be able to fake a little interest (or at least not be grossed out) and occasionally suck it up and suck it to make her happy. This wasn't a one-night stand; it's her boyfriend of a year. He should be motivated to want to give her pleasure within reason.

All this assumes that she practices ordinary genital hygiene, of course. But it seems clear that it isn't HER pussy he is repelled by, but rather vulvas in general.

DTMFA and let him find a girlfriend who wants the lights always to be turned off and his face nowhere near her pussy (I hear they exist).

@ 42: AGREE! Love it and will start using it immediately.

@ Dan (echoing the comments of others): Given that just shy of half of Canada's population watched our gold medal win on Sunday, and that Jonathan Toews scored the first goal, it would seem that "Toews" is safe for now. But Vic's initials are VT.... which sounds similar enough to VD that maybe we could work with that? Perhaps VT could, as an earlier commenter suggested, refer to an STI that is passed from a CPOS spouse to his or her unsuspecting hubby or wife?
Call me "Unicorn." I'm 27, slept with plenty o' people (in the 20-some-odd range) and the majority of them were willing to hold up their end of the oral bargain. In fact I would say 100% of them, because I don't really recall anyone refusing but maybe because I wouldn't/didn't ask. I just really don't enjoy it. Even with my long-term boyfriend it feels too intimate, for lack of a better word. I don't like having someone's face that close to my asshole and pee-hole. It has never brought me to orgasm though I come easily with intercourse or manual stimulation. I love giving BJ's, but I couldn't care less if anyone ever went down on me ever again.
Toews? Isn't that similar to Santorum....except it's the tiny drops of cum one finds on bristles of one's beard..........while paying for a Coke at the convenience store....or sitting down for a Parent Teacher Conference.
Not restricted to those scenarios....Toews is a noun referring to the embarrassing discovery of jizz when you can least explain its presence.
#77 sorry you feel personally attacked for my philosophy about men and society. My point was, as a 41 year old who has been there, done that.. I'm discriminating on finding a lover that is ENTHUSIASTIC for pussy..and they're out there, you just have to be picky and not accept the hemers, hawers and high maintenance selfish guys. Like Dan says, it's STANDARD, it SHOULD come with every model, or send it back. Sure it could simply be entitlement or an A-sexual issue, like the person who doesn't find gentalia attractive...I (as also suggested by Dan Savage) tend to question a man's sexual preference if he's not lapping at the box. I have a lot of female friends who agree with this. Girl locker-room talk...'oh he doesn't get into that?' 'I he gay?'...If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I think people in general need to communicate their needs...Thank you for your well wishes. lol! So sorry if I somehow made you feel inadequate for not loving pussy. ;) Trust me sweet heart, I'm sure you'll find the women that don't like to receive too, there's plenty of those out there as well, so you'll be all happy.
Beeker, if you don't expect oral in return for the oral you're never going to give, I have no problem with you.

Also, for the record, I'm a woman who hates receiving oral, but I don't want to be with the kind of guy who wouldn't even offer, especially if I'd just blown him.
Thank you SO much for adding that comment about Prudie's handling of the latex fetish question. I hope your alternative gets to her, or her son, somehow.
Just wanted to add my two cents. As a girl in High School I thought the idea of oral was gross! When I first started playing around giving head became one of my favorite things, but I still felt uncomfortable receiving it. Because I was uncomfortable, I couldn't relax and so never enjoyed it.
Then I met a boy who thought that was strange, he just couldn't understand why I didn't want him going down there. He's one of those guys who likes the smell and taste of pussy. He never pressed the issue in bed, but in casual conversations he would say things like "If God made Chinese food, that would be the Sweet and Sour sauce."
I know that makes it sound even grosser, but his humor helped me relax. When he eventually went down on me, I realized that I had never had an orgasm before. The good tingly feelings from sex that I always had were just the precursors!

Even though he turned out to be an asshole in other ways, I will always be thankful to him for that.
I am a proud Canadian who thinks that the entire conservative government is a collection of dipshits. When Stephen Harper first became Prime Minister, I promised that I would never live in a country in which gays cannot marry and women cannot get abortions. I love my country, I love my gay friends and I love my rights as a woman so let's get rid of the conservative bastards.
@45 - I love to eat pussy, but I'm not at all turned on by MF cunnilingus porn. As much as I enjoy putting MY face there, I'm not super pumped about watching some ugly mofo do the same.
Ugh- I can't BELIEVE Prudie gave crap advice like that....of COURSE the kid is upset- his mother is trying to micromanage his porn!!!

...and as to Dan's jackboots comment- all I can think of now is Carmen Ghia from The Producers saying "Love it!" heehee...
@10, @29, I agree: John Toews is also the director of the Comparative History of Ideas program at UW--a program dedicated to critical thinking, continental philosophy, and other forms of fabulous and sparkly mentally gay come-together goodness--and is one of the last people deserving a yicky sex act named after him. Let's not.
@88: OK, now I'm thinking that you didn't actually read my posts, at all. I LOVE eating pussy, and you might have gathered as much from my original post when I wrote "I love eating pussy"! It's one of my favorite parts of sex, by far.

But your post didn't say "I think all women deserve a man who'll go down on them" (which I agree with). It said "I think you're gay because you think about this stuff too much, and truly straight men don't". And that's insulting as hell, not because being gay is a bad thing (nor a good thing, for that matter), but because you equated being contemplative (among other things) with not being a "real man", ergo being gay or closeted.

That nonsense is straight out of middle school, when the jocks would pick on the nerdy, thoughtful kids and call them "fags" because they were into books instead of sports. (Naturally, some of those jocks later turned out to be gay.) And it plays into all kinds of bullshit in our society about how "real men don't think, they just act", and how being contemplative and reflective are for sissies.

So, sorry, but I still think your post #71 is insulting bullshit, and 100% uncalled-for. You want a guy who's not contemplative? Go get yourself a fratboy...but good luck getting HIM to eat you out with any kind of enthusiasm or passion.
@56 - The majority of people in Canada don't vote. And even if they did, it's not like our system features any fair representation. First Past the Post!
To Not THAT Prudie @ 58.
The first words out of her mouth were to call the boy a deviant. She also referred to fetishism as a mental disorder. I'd say that means she pretty CLEARLY knocked the fetish (she knocks all of them actually).

Also, while you are right, that the extent to which it sounds like he focuses on latex may actually indicate OCD, dear sweet Prudence NOT ONCE indicated that he would benefit from seeking treatment from specialists in OCD, but from specialists who treat SEX OFFENDERS.

She is the one who focused on her wrong-headed views of fetishes. Not only has she done the boy a disservice by shaming him and scaring the hell out of his mother, she has possibly caused him harm.
SO glad to see NOT's letter answered, although I found Dan's answer a little disturbing. I've been desperate for some advice in this vein.

My boyfriend of 2+ years also refuses to go down on me, insisting that any mouth parts on any genitals is gross. He tried it once after much pleading and drunkenness, and subsequently decided that my vulva is indeed an unhappy place for his face. (I FIRMLY disagree.) I'm happy to go down on him--I don't find it gross--but he insists (1) that I brush my teeth before kissing him again, fair, and (2) that the minute I don't enjoy it anymore, I can and should stop.

Anyone have any great insights (beyond more begging and pristine vulval conditions) as to how to get this otherwise GGG, wonderful boy to take his mouth south?
@39 FTW

Rick Mercer has a blog? How did I miss it - laughed so hard I could barely breathe.

Thank You
@ 88 - you go man! Call her on her shit.

Wimpy, hesitant, insecure, neurotic = gay.

Decisive, aggressively sexual, manly men = straight.

Totally not offensive to gay men OR straight men. And if lots of her girlfriends say it in the locker room, it MUST be true! I think that's Step 8 of the Scientific Method, right? See if girls say it to each other in the locker room.

Step 9 is to see if those girls also watch Sex and the City, in which case the theory is proven.

Honestly, the "you must be gay" thing is akin to "you're un-American" or "you're a socialist" or "you're a nazi." Designed to put one on the defensive and shut down actual conversation. It's a cheap and easy button to push.

Its frequency of utterance is directly proportional to the age of the woman involved, and inversely proportional to her attractiveness level. When they hit their mid-30's, watch out. Whether you're doing her or not, you're gay. See, age, biological-clock-panic, weight, and hotness are the buttons we can push on them.

If she's 41 and a fat Ho-bag who would want to eat that? If she were hot, men would beg to put their faces there.

There I go getting all gay again, with my thinking and thoughts n' stuff.