Savage Love

Vibrators for Teens


"Err on the wrong side of a three-way."

Yeah, I wish Amazon had "sexual wellness devices" in stock..or that there was the 'net at all..when I was a desperate teen. I dreaded the sleazy sex toy store. Thankfully, they have gotten better. Plus I'm older & give less of a damn. ;)

Coach makes ya cranky, doesn't it, Dan? I hear ya. Those seats are some definite masochism.
Wow, I think that's one the best Dan Savage quotes I've heard -- "No risk of pregnancy, disease, or Axe body spray"

It's SO TRUE! Amazing what eye contact, shy smile, and quick look away will do.

if you let yourself be caught trying to make eye contact.

In my case, lots of flirting and one (unfortunately bad) date. Really should leave the house more often...
Is it typical when referring to a 3-way not to mention what gender the 3rd is going to be, like it doesn't matter at all? It leaves the reader in a restless state of ambiguity.
Girls don't even need the internet. Almost every mall has a Spencer Gifts, which is selling more and more sex toys by the minute, including more variety of vibrators.

When I bought my first one, at the ripe old age of 15, they sold one type for $8. Now they have a whole wall of them. It sure is easy for young girls to buy any kind of toy they so desire.
although girls do have access to credit cards and the internet, that misses some of the access problems for girls who live at home with their parents - what to say when a parcel turns up and their family asks about it/stay to watch them unwrap it. @6 is right about a shop actually being far more accessible to teenage girls
OK SERIOUSLY could somebody please acknowledge that girls like porn? That some girls like it a lot? That some girls can't masturbate without it? That some girls really don't give a damn if they're reading a book while their partner is masturbating to porn in the other room? That some girls like to have porn on while having sex? That some girls . . . yeah, you get the picture.

All girls hate porn or they are not women. It's the law.
it is true that vibrators are more available through the internet; however, it is also true that access is still very difficult - yes, girls can buy a vibrator on amazon, but what are they going to say to their families when it arrives in the post and their parents ask to see what book they've bought. It is far easier for many young women to buy a vibrator like @6 says
woops, sorry for the double post.
I think OMT is in serious trouble if she pursues indulging her desire. She's made it perfectly clear that it's "my way or the highway" (monogamy), but now wants to declare that her way also includes a three-way because she wants it. That leaves the door open for him to declare his demands which, no doubt, will include a three-way or more!
I know girls who like porn (a lot). Sometimes vibrators work (very) well with engorged penises. There's no exclusivity on either one, although there is definitely a normal curve. Women who like porn are growing in number, as are the hours of 8tubbing for them. However, I believe the porn phenomena will eventually come to pass, like most everything in life. There will always be a huge venue and some constant users, but, like ice-cream, the majority will only use it sparingly. Eventually, not now.
One More Time is speaking out of both sides of her mouth, when it could be put to much better uses. She needs to admit to herself the SHE is not ready for a monogamous relationship. Nuttin' wrong wi' dat. But she's not, and thus shouldn't be trying to control the bf's natural desires.

As to vibrators, VIBE... Perhaps the reason STRAIGHT guys don't like 'em is because they don't know where to put 'em!
A lot of men like women with vibrators.

When I was in high school there was the internet, but my parents obsessively went through the mail. If I got a package they would have opened it.

My parents weren't religious, but they had this weird idea that they could make their children not think of sex if they were diligent enough. I think they were afraid a vibrator would give me "dangerous ideas."

It didn't work. One sister got an STD, and the other had a baby out of wedlock.

Where do people get these stupid notions from?
to everyone saying "go buy a vibe at Spencer's", I say "HELL NO!"
not only is Spencer's skeevy, but I'm sure there are plenty of shy girls out there who don't want people in a MALL knowing what they're buying. personally, much more comfortable to buy it online or in a sex shop (at least they know what they're talking about... plus you get what you pay for). anyway, who wants a $8 vibe that's going to break in a week? gimme a reason to splurge and I'll work that sucker out for as long as it can take.
What's the big problem with "access" to vibrators? I got my first one at Walgreens, in a box labeled "personal massager" (you know, with the picture of the lady holding it against her face).
@8 Dan did exactly that in his previous column, when he brought up the subject.
All very sound advice and opinions for someone writing under the influence. In vino veritas!
boring column, thanks for all the great letters. Vibrators and porn seem like they'd go together except for it's over so damn quick.
And after about 5 minutes, porn isn't so thrilling, especially when a certain lack of enthusiasm is present. Good porn is hard to find.
Taylor Momsen is such a good role model on the subject of vibrators.
There are probably more men who hate vibrators and women who hate porn that the opposite, but I suspect the numbers of both are shrinking.

Speaking as an XX, I didn't used to like porn until I discovered gay porn. Its the women with fake boobs screaming like banshees and acting as if getting a facial is the most pleasurable thing ever that put me off. At least in gay porn it is assumed that both participants are relevant and the howling is less embarrasingly fake.
What kind of world have we gotten ourselves into when we will rush into chatting with total strangers online, sometimes without pix, and quickly strike something up (not sure if I should call it a "relationship" and chat forever before meeting in person - and that is less terrifying than someone you've seen most every day at a bus stop?

At least we know what the Bus Stop Guy looks like, so why is it so unusual to catch his eye and strike up a conversation? Most people aren't too creeped out when they're hit on on the 'net or on internet dating sites, but someone you've seen repeatedly would seem a safer bet than a total stranger who may or may not be the pic that they sent.
Spencer's is still around?? I associate it with the '70s: incense, black light posters, and Gary Wright's "Dreamweaver"!
When I was a teen in the 80's I didn't know girls had orgasms or what a clitoris was. These days anyone can buy a vibrator, from cheap battery-operated ones to Hitachi Magic Wands, in any drugstore or grocery store in my Texas town. No credit card required, which would be harder for a kid to get access to.
Yeah, coach is a bummer. I'm sitting on a Greyhound bus practically typing with my elbows right now.

I can't stand states that make it legal for under-eighteens to get freakin' MARRIED (and probably to creepy older dudes) or get killed in the military, but don't want them to have a beer or buy a vibrator. Talk about a double standard.
I agree with @19. The Wahl personal massager is the best vibrator you can buy, it's not only powerful, but virtually silent, no to mention that is very low priced, doesn't take batteries, and is available at most any pharmacy. I had my first one for over ten years before the cord went bad.
@25: Why? People can still lie to you in person. How does knowing how a person look mean you know anything about him?

I mean, I agree with the basic gist there -- why be terrified just because it's in person -- but internet interactions are pretty benign. Sometimes it's easier for people to interact when they *aren't* seen -- maybe they're self-conscious about how they dress or look. And beating a quick exit in case of humiliation is a lot easier online.
Walgreens sells "personal massagers!" So does
I'm a guy and I like vibrators so....the world is more diverse than most people think.
@14: Umm... erotic/explicitly-sexual depictions have been around at least as long as human civilization; at this point I think we can safely say that porn is not a fad.

@19: A think the vibrating squiggly-writing pen is the classic easy-access vibrator: it's cheap, phallic, and marketed to a young demographic, so even tweens don't have to feel awkward about buying one.

That said, I've never known one of those nice non-skeezy female-owned sex-positive sex toy stores to card anyone/turn anyone away. Maybe some of them do, but plenty of my female friends in high school got toys at our local shop (not having credit cards to order online, or having joint bank accounts with parents who check the expenditures). Of course, I can see how walking into a sex toy store might be terrifying for a teenage girl (or boy, genderqueer person, intersexed person, etc.), making the internet quite appealing if one has the credit/debit card or Paypal account or checking account (for those places that take WebChecks) to use it for purchases. Non-sex-phobic parents/older siblings/cool anuts/uncles/older friends/etc. are also good for buying sex toys. Are the fundies REALLY that shocked?

I've never seen anything to suggest that the Christian Bible forbids female masturbation (and the Onan story forbidding male masturbation is a stretch too, as it's not actually about masturbation, it's about coitus interruptus); why do these people hate orgasms so much? Intense pleasure (without any of the nasty side effects of drugs) seems like an odd thing to oppose. Solo-sex doesn't even have risks that can't be minimized or outright eliminated (wash hands/toys to prevent infection, and ideally use condoms on toys; use lube and don't go at it continuously for hours to prevent chafing; don't insert dangerous/breakable objects into your body).
@#8 - and many guys are not threatened by vibrators. No matter how good my cock is, it will never be that long, it will never stay hard indefinitely, and it will never vibrate. I'm OK with all of that.
I would have thought that the part of a man that that was threatened by a vibrator would be his tongue, not his cock.

If we're going to talk about pure penetrative enjoyment, really, it's no content -- cock wins every time. It may not stay as hard as long, but a live, excited man is *light-years* fun than any piece of stiff silicone.
There are a couple of pages in the Lilian Vernon catalog that has more than one or two sex aids - totally shocked me when I found it, since I thought it was generally directed toward the "senior plus" crowd.
ah, come on - you can buy vibrators at WalMart!! No sex shop needed.
My boyfriends is definately not threatened by vibrators. Hell he likes to use it on me more than I like to use it on myself. I've used it more often with him than without, and don't usually think about it until he's already down there and says "hey baby, where's the toy I got ya?" I even lost my "good one".
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, so you might as well just be a coke-snorting porn star as far as the conservatives are concerned. Because owning a vibrator is no different to these people than having a gang bang on film. If you aren't allowed to have sex before marriage, then what the hell are you supposed to do to get off instead? What if a guy said his right hand was his best friend? Would one stupid comment also ruin his life? No. Of course not. Because it's only female sexuality that gets villified. It's completely sexist and backwards to think that talking about your vibrator will ruin your life. Guess what? My vibrator and me are good friends, too. There. I said it. I just came out and said it. I like my vibrator. Lots and lots and lots of women like their vibrators. And? What's the big fucking deal?
@35: Typo-land! Content = contest. Fun = more fun. Sigh.

My BF isn't threatened by vibrators either. He does prefer it when I involve him though.
"There are no quotes—in the interest of fairness and balance—from anyone who doesn't see vibrators as battery-operated tools of the devil."

Okay, so I have an idea, how about Jesus shaped vibrators and/or dildos? Yeah, some may think it sacrilegious but others may see it in a more transubtantive way allowing God to enter them, literally. Anyone know if there's already a line out there? If not, feel free to use the idea and capitalize.
A guy who's seriously threatened by a vibrator in this day and age is either retarded, a Republican candidate, or both.

@41: I assure you, they already make them.

@34: They make ones that attach to your cock. And they're awesome, trust me and go order one.

@18: Damn straight.

@15: Some of us do!

@5: Why does it matter again? Presumably both partners are cool with whatever gender is referred to or the writer of the letter would've mentioned it.
@41: You've been beaten to the punch.
@8 I hear that, sister. Across the boarder high five.

I hate guys like the last letter writer. What's with always trying to even the score using tired generalizations? He hasn't got a clue what's in my bedstand or browser history, and I know my ass isn't alone. It's as cliche as, "We like fishing and you like shoe shopping." Puh-leeeeease.

Thanks, Dan, for taking his bullshit letter as a cue to discuss something more relevant. Unless you want to be suspicious of every cucumber, elongate bottle, and *shudder* electric toothbrush in your home... get your kid a damned gift card and try not to think too hard about it.

Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices. And not only that, they’re not afraid to talk about it, have toys parties with their girlfriends, etc. I can only wish that men would also feel free to talk with their male friends about masturbation techniques, etc.
And you know what? I enjoy watching my girl doing herself, sometimes also joining from the sidelines and wishing I had my own toy.
(for the entrepreneurs among us: how about inventing a male toy that is somewhat similar to that pumping sleeve they put on your arm to measure the blood pressure, equipped with a built-in rolling ring going up and down?).

Your observation about pornography is also shared by many men, and it is somewhat liberating to know you find gay porn exciting. It is no secret that many straight men find lesbian sex stimulating, and we are often put to shame about it. And I’m not talking about those featuring exploited drug addicts equipped with a Tijuana boob-jobs who scream for no apparent reason. There are actually some decent ones.

So before anyone jumps on me in defense of lesbians, though I never attacked them in the first place, I’d like to point that watching lesbian porn made me have a much stronger appetite for cunnilingus, as well as an inspiration to improve my technique.

“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Regarding Jesus-shaped sex toys, check out Divine Interventions at…
@44: It's funny; I assumed VIBE was a woman.
@45: "And not only that, they’re not afraid to talk about it, have toys parties with their girlfriends, etc."

No, that's not necessarily true. While I wouldn't kill the conversation if it happened, I have zero interest in what my friends do masturbation-wise. Just not interested in that part of their lives. Frankly, I think *most* -- not all -- of the toy parties are populated by women who can't treat their sexuality like an everyday thing. It grew out of Tupperware parties, for crying out loud.

How about strap-on parties? No?

"Being a man, I am envious that women have all those orgasm-enhancing devices."

See: cock rings, anal beads, or a Fleshlight.
If I had not had a household object that vibrates about as well as a cheap vibrator keeping me sexually satisfied when I was a teen, I would have been out being promiscuous and getting STIs and maybe even having abortions. But thankfully, I had a household object that vibrated until I turned 18 and could upgrade, and I remained free of STIs, unplanned pregnancies, and regrettable sex partners.

You can't have it both ways. They've got to get off somehow. Do you want them having premarital sex or using a vibrator? It's not a difficult choice.

Though, I've seen studies that say that women are more in-depth when they discuss their sexual experiences. Guys are more likely to say "yeah, I banged her" or even be proud of his supposed conquests, women are more likely to discuss specifics.

Not being judgmental, just saying.

Cock rings, in my experience, don't actually aid in pleasure-seeking solo. 90% of the time I've used them, it's been for the benefit of my partner, and the other 10% it's being done as a method of tease/denial play. I don't know how it would help me to get off by myself.

Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum.

Fleshlights are the closest to an equitable sex toy, but even those are really only replicating one type of sensation. Though, wanking still works perfectly well.
The Vermont Country Store (catelog and online) caters to farm type women with big white underpants and flannel pajamas. They also carry a nice slection of vibrators.
Gloria @ 48

I guess I only had an illusion and after all women are just uptight about masturbation as men are.

Strap-on parties- not sure what you meant by that. If it’s for women only and my partner wants to go then she’s welcome to do so. And if she’s looking for a man in order to show her girlfriends how to do it right then I will gladly be on the receiving end while they all watch and ask questions (and I don’t mind their male lovers attending as well)

Thanks for mentioning male toys. I’m still looking for the one that does it all, not just enhancements here and there. Never heard of the Fleshlight, but it looks like the user still has to move it up and down by hand. I can’t look too deeply into it now since I’m at work, but promise to check it again this evening. Thanks for the info, though unfortunately it seems like women still have way more choices.

“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Um, we had a detachable showerhead. No one ever asked why I took such long showers...
@50: "Guys are more likely to say "yeah, I banged her" or even be proud of his supposed conquests, women are more likely to discuss specifics."

That's nice? That said, my boyfriend says he's not really into that kind of sharing/bragging. He'll share in random "she's hot" comments, but he's fairly private overall.

But yeah, "studies"? Citation needed.

What I'm saying is based on my experience as an individual. @48 was feeling inadequate based on a specific assumption about a supposed habit among women, and my comment, based on my own experience, was just meant to say, "Well, here's one woman who doesn't go to toy parties/doesn't casually share her sex stories, and I'm probably not the only one."

Re: sex toys for dudes, He's the one who implied that women are the only one with sex toys at all. "Orgasm-enhancing devices", I believe, was his wording. Both cock rings and anal beads easily qualify.

"Anal beads only appeal if you're into pegging/anal play. For a guy who isn't, they wouldn't help him cum."

Well, yeah. But I didn't assume @48 *wasn't* into buttplay either. Let's try to be inclusive!
@52: "Strap-on parties -- - not sure what you meant by that."

Yeah, I guess that was kind of cryptic? What I meant was that some toy parties are often not a real exploration of the participants' sexuality -- they're kind of "safe" and sanitized. (Hence the Tupperware reference as well.) Yes, enjoy toys, but you know, not up your butt! And definitely not something you put up your boyfriend's butt.

So using the phenomenon of toy parties to imply that women are somehow more open and sharing about their sexuality is a simplistic way of looking at it.

And yes, you and @50 are right that what I mentioned aren't quite the do-it-all toys. I'd say, go to your local or online sex shop and ask about it. If they know there's a demand, they'll make it, eventually.
@44, 47: I also assumed VIBE was female. Funny how much the implications change depending on what the assumed gender of the writer is.
I don't know if VIBE is sacrificing intelligence to make their lame joke, but seriously. Women do like porn. A lot of women like porn (it just might not be the kind of porn VIBE thinks it is). And a lot of men like sex toys. I'm a woman who has really rocking orgasms when it's just me and my erotic literature. I have a vibrator that I'm indifferent to, but my boyfriend likes that it helps him fulfill certain fantasies. And I let him divulge in all the porn he wants. Neither of us are threatened. And I highly doubt my situation is unique.

This compartmentalizing BS "all men/women like/hate the same thing" is sooooo boring already! It takes all kinds. Get that into your head, VIBE, and stop validating him/her, Dan, when you know they're wrong. Being under the influence is a lame excuse.
In my experience, my friends and I very openly talk about sex. I've never been uncomfortable about it and enjoy hearing their stories (which is why I love Savage Love as well). You can learn and give advice. My mother was maybe a little too open about her sexual nature, so I guess after that, nothing makes me uncomfortable. Just saying, most of my girlfriends are pretty open about sex, as they should be. There's nothing to be ashamed of (not saying anybody's ashamed here), and I think it helps me.
Um, also top GCOHBSM, that man at the bus stop might be (probably is) TAKEN.
To the girl crushing on hot bus stop guy: Mine was "hot bus guy," because he used to get on every morning a few stops down the line from me, not at the same stop. But always sat in the back near me. We did eye contact and the quick smiles, and then finally once he just sat next to me and I struck up a conversation about the magazine he was reading. We dated for two years, then broke up for no particularly interesting reason.

So it is possible. Just talk to the guy.
@41 Check out online store "divine interventions," home of the baby jesus butt plug.

Been around for years.
My wife loves porn, and I love vibrators.

That is all.
Apparently I am a parent straight from the devil, I got my daughters their own best friends on their sixteenth birthdays. Better than what I did as a teen :) Borrow moms!
God damn it, Savage. I might comment on her new shoes and I'M NOT GAY! And what the hell is wrong with a woman taking a little initiative, fer Christ's sake?
This is Dan's best column in months, Sex at Dawn notwithstanding.
Great as always Dan. And I saw in the news this morning they've over-turned the same sex marriage ban in California!!

CONGRATULATIONS California! One more step towards equal rights for ALL humans.
Where is the party? Prop 8 got thrown out like we knew it would.

Bring it on to the Supreme Court. Look at page 114 in the PDF court ruling today...PDF (page 112).

quote:"archaic, shameful or even bizarre"

It falls short of calling it bigotry, but that's what it is.
Oh hi, I'm a woman whose boyfriend likes to have a vibrator used on him, and who isn't jealous of my vibrator. I'm also not jealous of the tits in his porn collection; we enjoy watching it both separately and together.

Way to stereotype, bro.
A Jesus vibrator? Brings a whole new meaning to "let me hide myself in thee!"
Another suggestion for girls who aren't old enough to go a sex shop, and don't want to get a package in the mail that their parents may open: visit your local drug store. "Back massagers" are inexpensive and provide clitoral stimulation as well as, if not better than, any sex toy openly marketed as such.

I spent most of my early teenage years extremely, extremely frustrated, because manual stimulation was never (and I do mean never) enough to get me off. I didn't have my first orgasm until I bought a Conair massager at the ripe old age of seventeen. Ten years later, I'm still using the same one. I guess sometimes high school sweethearts do stay together.
Why do women hate porn? I mean, I'm a woman and my collection certainly rivals my husbands. When did they send out the memo that I'm supposed to be shocked and offended by it, because I never got that particular email. There certainly is porn out there that is degrading to women and is offensive and icky and all that, but that's based on content, not genre. Either way, porn is the best cheat sheet for sex my marriage has. If I want sex, but don't have lots of time for foreplay (early morning or whatnot) I just play the porn on the computer, let it get both of us riled up, and then head to bed. Not that it isn't great for lonely time (it is), but it's also great for together time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go check my spam folder for that missed email.
I liked it when the guy in the seat next to you helped with answers. Were you sitting next to someone listening to an IPod this time? Or someone who minded his/her own business? Boring people.
Girls like porn. Maybe not entirely as much as guys do. But they do like it.
Personally I have no problems at all with my wife havin a vibrator/dildo. Shit I have no problem fuckin her with it or watching her do herself.

Honestly if ur a dude n r threaten by a viberator. Then u doin sumthing very very wrong. Embrace the dildo. A happy wife makes a happy husband!!
My now-boyfriend bought me a vibrator -- very early on -- to keep at his house after I mentioned that I had a particular favorite. We watch porn together and I don't care if he watches porn in front of me when I'm doing something else. Neither of us feels threatened by any of this, obs. Feeling threatened by this really basic stuff seems to be the province of the very young and/or inexperienced.
Girls watch porn. LOTS AND LOTS of girls watch porn. Something to the tune of 80%, last I checked. Girls just don't TALK about it.

I never said it was particularly "nice", just that it's less in-depth than what I've seen from women. I'll find the surveys when I'm *not* at work (searching for "women talk about sex more" in google from the office seems like a bad idea), but I can even speak from personal experience. My girlfriends have often told me about discussing our sex with their female friends (usually by way of saying "I tell them how much I enjoy it", but it could just as easily be used in the opposite direction) in rather more detail than I use discussing with my male friends any sexual forays. We really do limit it (if it comes up at all, and it rarely if ever does) to "you having sex with her?" "Yeah" "Cool". I don't know if I speak for some grand section of the population (and I do know that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data"), it's just my experience.

I understand your point though, and I can only say it's a bit like if I came back and said (of the stereotype of the douchebag guy high-fiving about sexual conquests) that I don't do it (I don't), nor do my friends. Yes, it's probably true, it may even be true for some significant minority (or even a majority) of men, but the stereotype is still there, sadly.

Re: sex toys.

Maybe I'm just less experimental than I think myself to be, but I still can't see how a cock ring would make *my* orgasm enhanced, especially if I'm just wanking by myself. Anal beads I'll accept, since some guys really do like to have their prostates stimulated, but I simply don't comprehend cock-rings as a way to enhance my orgasm.

Wow, I never thought I'd be feeling a bit too vanilla for this place.


I've never really understood that particular assumption, though my girlfriend pointed out something pretty interesting. She noticed that when I'm performing oral sex on her (as always, I'm at a loss for non-clinical terms for that which don't sound either silly or gross), she's not actually turned on by seeing me do it. When she's performing oral sex on me (same thing), I really like watching her do it, it adds something to the action.

Maybe that's where it comes from. Pornography itself is a fundamentally visual medium, which seems to appeal less to many women. And, of course, there is that most of it centers on topics and kinks of more male interest. But, maybe that's just how I see the lay of the land.
@77 I'm a woman and I get very turned on my watching my boyfriend do almost anything in bed. I always keep my eyes open. Considering the number of women who now watch porn, it's probably safe to say that men and women have been socialized (to a large degree) into believing that they're more or less visual, and now that's it's more acceptable for women to openly watch porn, they're catching up with teh menz in connected what they see to arousal. After all, women in studies have gotten turned on by watching apes do it; they just don't always report feeling turned on even if their ladybits say otherwise.
I met my second wife on the bus. Not perfect, but it did last 13 years. Like #60 said, just start a conversation on some silly pretext.
as a teenager that had a vibrator for many years and managed to get good grades, stay out of too much trouble, and hold out for ggg sex until i was emotionally ready, i say all teens should have a vibrator!
I bet someone alrady pointed this out, but you can get vibrators at Walgreens. They are right there with KY and condoms. Pretty cool. But also shows they are not an equivalent to porn. Vibrators hurt no one therefore they are in Walgreens. Porn hurts the psyche of many women every day and many more relationships, hence porn is not found on the shelves of WAlgreens. Stop trying to downplay the dangerous side of porn. It is there. So what if it has its place in the world. Yes great it does. But its place is not in the benign culturally accepted realm many men are shooting for. Look at it sparingly, look at it in private and be a little embarrased about it. That is healthy and even keeps the masterbation effective. Happy stroking.
@33: "and the Onan story forbidding male masturbation is a stretch too..."

@question 1. what the hell? you have decided to be in a monogamous relationship and the very first thing you need advice on is how to have a 3 way ? without giving your partner the idea that its ok to screw other people? you cant! maybe consider being friends with benefits instead and when everyone else in your life has bailed and the two of you are still together, still friends and still into each other; maybe then taking it to the "next level" . wow! lots of comments about vibrators this week. I've got nothing to add . personally I'm continuously amazed that women are attracted to men . the rational side of my brain tells me it must be something else, like our wallets they're secretly after. while this is sometimes true and there's a lot to be said for the whole "security & stability" thing it seams that in many cases women like us period . without any rhyme or reason or secret agenda .
I don't get open relationships-that's jsut roommates with benefits. I don't believe that setting rules will stop the other person from breaking them any more than asking for monogamy is inviting being cheated on. If blowing your wad is the most important thing, rock out with your cock out-but don't sneer at me for wanting to be a one & only. Monogamous people CAN & DO love hot sex too-they just don't have to wear a piece of plastic to have it.
I used to be totally cool with my boyfriend watching porn.

I look at porn.

Till he stopped having sex with me because, as I found out, he was watching gay porn.

We broke up yesterday.
Does this mean I have to start worrying if my vibrator is underage, diseased, exploited or simply having an awful time?
Listen folks, the only way that is going to remain the #1 hit on a Google search for the term "Rick Santorum" (its currently at #2 after the Wiki listing) is if we each search for 'Rick Santorum' and then click on the link. Enough said. Do your part!
Senator Frothymix - hahahahahahahahah

I'm just off to google Rick Santorum again.
Err on the side of the 3-way? Personally, I have way more regrets over sex I actually had, than the sex I thought I wanted at the time. The sex I regret NOT having, I shrug & say oh well, the world still turns. The sex I regret still make me cringe, & more than once, in more than one way I suffered for it.
Straight set my browser to hit repeatedly for the next 80 hours. You're welcome, World.
To #85, "Emotional cheating"
You must be very proud of yourself, but here is what you missed:
You two should have connected with another guy and take him to your place. Then both of them are fucking you, and later you get to watch them fucking each other... and give them instructions as how you want them to do it....
Or you could call him on that, put him to shame and dominate him to do whatever it is you always wished he did for you.
But you missed it since you dumped him the other day. You may be very proud of yourself, but you lost the chance to have the time of your life!!!

“Opening our hearts and other relevant body parts to ours and our lovers’ kinks can make the world a much happier place to live in.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Oprah did a show on teen sex and her guest sex therapist (who looks strikingly like Goldie Hawn) was confirming the advantages of a vibrator for a teen girl. Super prude Gail (Oprah "BFF") almost had a stroke yammering about how awful it was to even discuss such a thing let alone suggest it. The audience (primarily female) seemed split in favor of the vibrator but Gail continued her rant.
"Just talk to the guy"... bwhahaha, get real. Women , by and large, don't do such things. Doesn't happen. PUA guys are douchebags in a lot of ways, but one thing they have 100% right is this: The *absolute* most a woman will do if she wants to talk to you is put herself in physical proximity to you. That's it.

Yes yes, we're all liberated blah blah but this is how life works. No point in fighting it.
Um, 93, I'm a woman and it happened just like I said (at 60). It's not that hard to do. Sure, lots of women, and men, have trouble striking up a conversation, but it does happen.

What's a PUA guy?

I like it too.
"Men enjoy porn, but women don't."


I'm a woman, and I masturbate with the frequency and enthusiasm of your average 15 year-old dude, and I do it to porn.
Rick Santorum, in addition to Caribou Barbie ('Oh, look honey---RUSSIA!'), is running his sorry, runny-brown, frothy ass for President? Let the GOP bashing begin! Hopefully we'll stamp 'em out this time!

Geez, the sewers must be crawling with them!
I noticed even the Tea-Baggers are voting against Dino Rossi, the Mafia King of Slime.

And the world just keeps getting crazier and crazier......
I thought I'd never say this to anyone else, being the epitamy of shyness that I am, myself, but GCOHBSM, go fer it!!
Re: an earlier column: Don't call people maladjusted sh*ts. It's stressful enough with one word; two is redundant and rubbing it in.
Re: girls like porn (#8)

Really?! Some members of the same sex actually have different desires? No shit?

(OP: Don't take this personally--this isn't aimed at you, but really a sarcastic jab at those who believe that everyone has the same desires as themselves.)
Just purchased the titty fuck blow job kit for a friend in a disappointingly ggg-less marriage and there are many man masterbators on the market included those with vibrating and stroking action.