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"Borrowing oppression" comes off as tiresome at best and if the person is obnoxious on top of it can drive people way/against a cause.
I can still remember a coworker from college who was a WMST major who was the prototype of the young, hostile feminist. She would make accusations and collect injustices on a daily basis. She would go on and on about how oppressed she way and how privileged I was. She grew up in a rich family going to private schools and was at my Big State U because she couldn't be bothered to study. Her male opressor father paid almost every bill she had.
Despite knowing better intellectually, it took me years to get it out of my gut that feminists weren't self entitled narcissists .
My meticulous scientific observations (and they have been as detailed as possible given propriety) - is that breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and, at least for me, I think they're all wonderful.
I have heard other men say that about the snip: orgasms immediately after were horrifically painful (but it went away). I even had one guy tell me it lessened the intensity a bit.
Well, *ahem*, that is just one of the reasons I volunteered to be the one to have it done. And I LOVE it!!! Tubals rock, and more statistically effective then the V.
And as far as the all cheaters being liars (of course I would have something to say about this!)? Well, of course cheating neccessitates some lying, but for some of us, that is actually the worst part of it. I know some people prefer to view the world in black and white; ohhhh....cheater.....evil!!!!!! So therefore, someone who cheats must be a dirty rotten habitual liar at all times in their lives. But for those who might have evolved past this level of thinking, and realized the world holds shades of grey, or perhaps even various colors...its not always like that. In fact, I know two cheaters who are pretty honest people most of the time *grin*, and I know of some pretty habitual liars I am pretty sure are faithful (although who knows? I am not with them 24/7).
Like you say, this is likely to incline others away from a cause, and one of my pet hates is abuse of statistics like that by anyone.
BTW, I am not an angry young feminist - I'm usually an incredibly easy going young feminist. I don't rely on statistics or past oppressions of my gender to inform how I live today - I do my best & work my butt off.
I am ANGRY at the very real personal attacks on my right to choose, attacks on my healthcare and overall attack on my value, just like you all get angry the HRC doesn't support trans-rights.
Call your Senator & Rep! http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_in…
That's brilliant.
@113 Stay focused, don't target our allies:
http://tinyurl.com/joemygod-satan
http://tinyurl.com/LGBT-planned-parentho…
http://tinyurl.com/LGBT-billboards
You can get a much higher level of male attention from working on your squat depth than you'll get from large breasts.
Mine are real so they're heavy and come with shoulder and back problems that make me want a reduction. I don't have the slightest worry about my husband finding me less attractive if I do. He, like every other man I've ever dated, is focused on something else.
I can not stress this enough. Squats, not saline. Trust me.
I think it looks ridiculous when a tiny, petite gal walks around with size F's ala Heidi Montag.
I'm not sure if you're referencing my comment about vasectomy. I meant to say it was a very good kind of painful. Mind blowing good. I'm sorry the guys you know had the other kind of pain. Also, even though I'm kinky I'm not normally a pain slut so I was surprised by the experience.
It's always great to hear you share your views on cheating. I'm neither a liar nor a cheater though I think my life might be better if I was capable of those things. At least the passage of years has given me perspective on the shades of gray. Thanks.
I can't even bring myself to try today. Slog, run wild with unexamined privilege, thoughtlessly universalized and essentialized identity/categorical delineations, and culturally-institutionalized racism/classism/sexism/heterosexism/etc. I'm getting lunch.
Oh, and PP definitely is supposed to (and does, as far as my experience and that of people with whom I've discussed the subject) consider/discuss condoms alone and condoms with various spermicides (a lot of people seem to be considering Nonoxynol-9 to be the only spermicide out there - it isn't).
And my post-vasectomy orgasms were not painful at all. They were extremely pleasurable, because I hadn't come for a few days, because my dick was covered up and hence extra sensitive, and probably the swelling made it better as well.
The anesthesia injection was extremely painful (I made him give me extra cause I'm super sensitive to pain), the surgery itself was painless, the week afterwards was pretty painful, the second week was mildly painful, and after two weeks there was no more pain.
I'm pretty sure that oral sex is pretty damn close to 100% effective for birth control (you'd have to be doing it pretty badly to fuck that up), but anal is... dubious. In fact, I've tried searching for numbers on this method as birth control, but I don't think there have actually been any studies. Also, the number of women who only do anal or oral as a birth control method is pretty small.
Either way, I suspect that the numbers are around the same for condoms. It's not entirely impossible for sperm to make their way back into the vagina from there.
Kisses and good grammar to you!
To my mind the struggle is far from over, and the isolationists who just want to bask in the sunshine already achieved are doing a serious disservice to themselves and the rest of LGB humanity. When I was 18 back in 1965 I wrote my first cheque to the Homosexual Law Reform Society to get gay sex leglised (in the U.K. where I live). I little realised that 46 years later I would be working voluntarily for its successor Stonewall (UK). Sit on your butt if you wish and spoke yourself silly on weed, but one day you may recall that pocket cartoon and rue your idleness when you find you cannot marry or claim the body of your loved one from the hospital and so on.
A quick google search found this quote on the CDC website:
"The risk of PID associated with IUD use is primarily confined to the first 3 weeks after insertion and is uncommon thereafter"
Here is the source:
Grimes DA. Intrauterine device and upper-genital-tract infection. Lancet 2000;356:1013â9. http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2006/pi…
It shouldn't be difficult to find further corroborating studies if you're interested. Also, the increased risk of PID is during the time immediately after the IUD has been inserted because if one has an STI at the time of insertion, it can be pushed up through the cervix into the upper reproductive tract causing PID. Again, that's why extensive testing is typically done prior to insertion.
@119
Nonoxynol-9 is the only spermicide used in the United States on condoms.
Did he get the clips or is that just poetic license? I got the more permanent solution.
"IUD users with PID had significantly more Fusobacteria spp. and Peptostreptococcus spp. than non-IUD users with PID. The finding of combinations of several anaerobic or aerobic microbes was associated with a significantly increased risk of PID and with complicated PID. In IUD users, the combinations of several anaerobic/aerobic microbes were associated with an increased risk of PID, irrespective of duration of IUD use. Long-term IUD use appeared to be associated with an increased risk of a PID being complicated."
It would probably be clearer if I had access to full text, not just abstracts.
Frankly, I'd still rather take the maker's word for it and not use their product if I wasn't in a monogamous STI-free relationship - why else would they say they don't recommend it to women who are at a risk of contracting an STI? There are several different ways to word it if an IUD wasn't a concern for PID: for example,
"not recommended for women who have an STI at the time of insertion", or
"not recommended for women who might be exposed to an STI within three weeks after insertion".
(Btw that 2000 study found that the same % of women with asymptomatic chlamydia or gonorrhea will get PID with and without the IUD insertion, what does that mean? If you already have an STI having an IUD fitted won't raise your risk of getting PID? I would hesitate to call it conclusive finding.)
Poetic license. It was the no going back version.
I see. I was just curious if there was a difference in the pain.
Yes, I was involved in such a way it was possible to register the volume difference. And, once or twice wasn't enough. Seeing as our experience of pain and our ability to tolerate it can differ widly from one person to another it likely can't be compared. He wouldn't choose the word "pain" to discribe it, "intense" would be his word of choice. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before or since. And, worth every dime and bit of discomfort in his opinion.
I hope that answers your questions as that's about as much as I can say with his okay.
we were all teenagers once weren't we? for whatever reason that was something I wanted her go-ahead on. which is weird because the premarital sex was one of the less-scandalous things I was up to at that age.
@116
okay straight up - to squats actually INCREASE the size of your butt because I've heard conflicting things. I'm a skinny girl (fast metabolism type) who lucked out in the breast department but I'd love love love to have more going on in the ass department. Basically I'm worried that squats will burn fat in that area? I have zero interest in replacing fat with muscle, I just want bigger! :(
best "fried" chicken
best fried "'chicken"
in fairness I would probably want suggest against any teenager using ONLY the pill which is what I tried to explain to my mom when my little sister made the same request a few years later.
but hey, the upside was that if I ever have kids I'll have a long what-not-to-do list?
As for what the makers say, remember how much of a litigious society we are. They cover their butt for many things, including asserting that nulliparous women can't have iuds. Other countries do not have this regulatory restriction (I'm thinking Canada and the UK), and many places in the US give NP women IUDs. Myriad studies in this century have shown that NP women have only a slightly (barely significant or not sig) higher risk of expulsion, and no decrease in future fertility. But the US Mirena still says that they're not recommended for NP women.
Anyway, on the squick factor: It's definitely not for everyone! But the IUD squicked me less than the thought of Implanon, and I can't do daily pills. I'm a year into my Mirena, and am pretty happy with my choice. (Also, no PID, even though I had yeast and BV at insertion! Hooray drugs.)
Having more muscle will burn more calories, which can reduce the fat you have. But there's no such thing as fat spot reduction: that is, any exercise you do will burn fat all over your body, not just near the muscle you work.
You should definitely do squats: aside from the health benefits, they will make your already impossibly perfect body even better.
@145: I waited about 2-3 days, much less than the post-op instructions, and had no pain during orgasms. They were just very pleasurable. The only pain was when I wasn't having orgasms.
And my quote on the horrible pain/lessened sensation was taken from a completely non-scientific source: one dude, lol! So yeah. But hearing the story scarred me a little, perhaps his procedure was even botched somehow? I dunno, merely anecdotal. But since it was such an intense anecdote, I doubt I will be forgetting it anytime soon ;).
Also, if you are skinny, replacing fat with muscle will require some crazy Natalie Portman's Black Swan training/diet plan. Women don't put on muscle or lose fat that easily.
Most likely scenario is that squatting will, over time, add muscle without removing fat such that it makes your butt a little bigger. You will not get a badonk out of it. That's genetics.
You're definitely gonna get a firmer, more shapely ass.
BlackRose and shw3nn are right about the squats. I'd suggest going to a personal trainer, at least for a couple of sessions, so that you can find a workout and/or diet regiment that works for you. You can get a trainer at whatever local gym you use, and a couple of sessions shouldn't break the bank--I use LA Fitness, and they have a free training session for new members. It really does make all the difference.
It's unfortunate that conventional portrayals of heterosexual anal sex are almost exclusively of the "grab your ankles" sort, because anal sex in missionary position has one hell of a lot to recommend it. Every woman I've been with has strongly preferred it both for physical and psychological reasons, to the point of being orgasmic in one position but not the other.
Truthfully though try not to obsess. Accept instead. Is altering your body what you want to look back on as a major use of your time?
Exercise makes me feel lovely inside and out. Plus, I think hot, sweaty, and dirty is a wonderful way to be. Of course, the post workout chill is not pleasant.
To weigh in on the IUD debate: I had the Mirena for a year and a half. I thought it was great for awhile, then the hormones screwed me up worse than any other form of hormonal birth control I have ever used -- increased bladder infections, dry eye, depression, low libido: the works. Anecdotal, I know, but never again. Paragard is hormone-free and probably would have been a better option for me.
My long term BF and I use exclusively condoms without spermicide and withdrawal. No pregancy scares so far! And I feel so much better sexually, physically, and emotionally. Some of us are too sensitive to hormones and spermicides to fool around with other forms of birth control.
Huh ? You mean, married woman who don't want any more kids ? Because for girls, it's still the pill here in Europe.
As for spermicide, I'm happy to learn here that it can hurt before I ever tried it. I'll stick to condoms and withdrawal !
Basically what you're saying is it might increase the size slightly but it WILL make me burn more fat, which is what I don't want. (And no, I don't want to lose it off anywhere else in my body)
I actually hate exercise so much so unless it's going to give me something I REALLY want I'm not going to do it.
Thanks for clearing it up though!
One reason gay groups want laws requiring that schools deal with gay kids being bullied is that not all gay kids have parents like you, who will fight for their kids. Too many parents might say, "Well, if you weren't queer, they wouldn't pick on you." Too many kids don't feel they're able to come out to their parents.
If you think a law requiring schools to deal with all cases of bullying is a good idea, why don't YOU go fight for it? Maybe your PTA is a good place to start.
The idea that condoms used by themselves are not a good 'method' is ludicrous. From personal experience, whenever I have been in a planned parenthood the 'educators' have always tried me to go with iud or shot because then my hormones are fucked up for a good set amount of time, implying of course that my partner and myself could never be so responsible as to use a condom 100% of the time (we do).
Stop looking down on me PP!
The idea that condoms used by themselves are not a good 'method' is ludicrous. From personal experience, whenever I have been in a planned parenthood the 'educators' have always tried me to go with iud or shot because then my hormones are fucked up for a good set amount of time, implying of course that my partner and myself could never be so responsible as to use a condom 100% of the time (we do).
Stop looking down on me PP!
My point is that far too many people in this country are looking for reasons to validate themselves and their identities through the mechanisms of oppression, and that's easy to do when you haven't really learned where you've come from.
Admittedly, learning about gay history isnât easy. AIDS didn't just kill queers, it killed our elders. It mowed down a huge swath of the people who marched, who rioted, who knew how to read handkerchief code, and who remembered bar raids and paddy-wagons full of business-suited gay men hiding their faces from the cameras. A whole generation's worth of history and stories was wiped out. Gone. Never to be regained except through research. There are very few people left to tell the young ones how it was, and just how good they *do* have it today.
Dan and MG are both right. For far too many people, not enough has changed. But the vast numbers of us who have gained so much from the sacrifices of those who came before have an obligation that we owe to those who are still suffering and to those who are gone: serve the former, and honor the latter, by recognizing our strength.
I say all this as someone who's not an old-timer. I'm 39. But every day I'm thankful that I do not have a torturous coming out story, that I've never been the victim of violence, and that I have the confidence to laugh in the face of bigots (provided theyâre, you know, unarmed). All of that has very little to do with me, and *everything* to do with the people in the past who were beaten, who bled, who marched, who fought for the most basic of the rights that I now enjoy.
And for those who think Iâm being naĂŻve, and that I just donât get how bad it is for peopleâŚyou know what? Fantastic. Things have improved to the point where I get more flack from gay folks because of where I fall on the Kinsey scale than I do from straights, and I can afford to be starry-eyed, optimistic, and out without worrying about getting arrested, fired, or run out of town.
It gets better?
It *is* better.
My point is that far too many people in this country are looking for reasons to validate themselves and their identities through the mechanisms of oppression, and that's easy to do when you haven't really learned where you've come from.
Admittedly, learning about gay history isnât easy. AIDS didn't just kill queers, it killed our elders. It mowed down a huge swath of the people who marched, who rioted, who knew how to read handkerchief code, and who remembered bar raids and paddy-wagons full of business-suited gay men hiding their faces from the cameras. A whole generation's worth of history and stories was wiped out. Gone. Never to be regained except through research. There are very few people left to tell the young ones how it was, and just how good they *do* have it today.
Dan and MG are both right. For far too many people, not enough has changed. But the vast numbers of us who have gained so much from the sacrifices of those who came before have an obligation that we owe to those who are still suffering and to those who are gone: serve the former, and honor the latter, by recognizing our strength.
I say all this as someone who's not an old-timer. I'm 39. But every day I'm thankful that I do not have a torturous coming out story, that I've never been the victim of violence, and that I have the confidence to laugh in the face of bigots (provided theyâre, you know, unarmed). All of that has very little to do with me, and *everything* to do with the people in the past who were beaten, who bled, who marched, who fought for the most basic of the rights that I now enjoy.
And for those who think Iâm being naĂŻve, and that I just donât get how bad it is for peopleâŚyou know what? Fantastic. Things have improved to the point where I get more flack from gay folks because of where I fall on the Kinsey scale than I do from straights, and I can afford to be starry-eyed, optimistic, and out without worrying about getting arrested, fired, or run out of town.
It gets better?
It *is* better.
(Don't want)
"Most likely scenario is that squatting will, over time, add muscle without removing fat such that it makes your butt a little bigger. You will not get a badonk out of it. That's genetics."
The risk of losing fat on the parts of my body where I do want it and the fact that I hate exercise means that it's just not worth it if it's just a small increase.
So what about your life is a radical breakthrough from your salad days other than being a partner of someone of the same sex?
Is your sexual orientation the most truthful label for your core being?
When activists use 'we' to describe the group they represent, I only hope they're talking about people they know personally.
Being gay entails being part of at least one of a multiplex of shared social environments. However an unknown number of people don't fit under that umbrella and don't label themselves such. In addition, many who do don't want what you've got. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
DAN!!! When are you going on MTV???
You ROCK!!!!
It's pretty widespread in less-privileged communities across the country and the parents and teenagers in question are being given biased/incomplete information on the whole.
But why on earth would scientists invent anything new or eradicate diseases when they have "professors" like you telling them to shut up and be happy with their lot â after all, they might be sanitation workers!
There will always be people worse off, and people better off. Telling people they can't complain or fight to better their lot because somewhere there's a starving AIDS orphan who will always have a worse life is the lowest of the low.