Savage Love

Pretty Little Hippie


So the actual problem you're writing to Savage Love to address is an arms deal by this administration? Keep on fucking married ladies and looking people in the eye for the cause!
@ 303 "Okay. I have not made myself honest.
I hold most of you in contempt."

Yeah. No shit. However, you can adjust the contrast on your dramatic movie projector: we KNOW you don't give a shit about us, and hold us in contempt. That's because YOU HOLD YOUR OWN SELF IN CONTEMPT!

You NEVER LEARN. Instead of reveling in great fortune like an obnoxious tool (your legendary physical beauty, your not having to hold down a real job despite "enduring many hardships" (Go Fuck Off Already.) )...

Instead of reeling it out of general awareness and interpersonal respect for other people, you ensure that by being an asshole from the get-go, you will in turn:

a.) Guarantee what people expect of you, to be a rich, conceited, delusional asshole. If they already expect you to be douche, then who are you to disappoint then?


b.) Use the bullshit excuse of being so special to isolate yourself, thus, compounding your issues and problems.

There have been many, many well-off and very attractive people who have managed to integrate with everyone else without flaunting their rare instance of being able to afford live without working, whilst looking like a dreamboat, with most lurvly eyelashes (Fucking Queen.).

Your stubborness and sense of deflection and projection is sadly hysterical, D.A.R.E./outofwater/Out Of Order.

How much you wanna bet D.A.R.E. has a beard who he keeps on payroll to be sure that he is continuously revealed to the world as being straight and primarily into women?

I hope she's earning her keep on your payroll with Emmy-worthy smiles in pictures as well as being good value for money by indulging your penchant for being pegged in the ass with a strap-on.

Sooooo..... You are so Alpha and Competitive, aren't you, D.A.R.E.?

The fact that your old lady pegs you in the ass with a plastic cock already indicates how much of an OMEGA BITCH YOU ARE internally, but, for utmost, dramatic effect for the rest of the world, you're in control, never wrong and never need to grow, learn and/or grow up.

You're a pathetic liar, D.A.R.E..

What always gets me about closet cases is that they totally lose sight about it all being much less about being gay and being afraid than it is that they hurt and piss off their loved ones by lying to them, for no good reason really.

I bet D.A.R.E. has had to uphold the theme of being straight and it's a hole he can't get out of... Digging further and deeper to ensure that his inheritance will continue to be distributed as long as he isn't one of them fags and provides his parents with grandchildren.

D.A.R.E., you're 30+. Since you admitted to being at least bi, don't you think your family and friends haven't sniffed out or suspected that you're a little light in the loafers?

People can try to hide secrets, and yet somehow, their own actions will betray their need for secrecy.. A losing battle that you can only win by "D.A.R.E."-ing to be honest, and LIVE HONESTLY.

No one's parents raises them to lie (or, at least, you would hope not, but it takes all kinds...) . So, Why Not make good on the life you could have left by just coming clean now and giving your own self some peace (and by extension, everyone else who may still care about you)?

It's feeling that you need to lie to please people that is most sad and offensive to people, D.A.R.E./outofwater/Out Of Order.

I am at heart wasting my time trying to help you out, D.A.R.E.: you aren't ready to be honest with yourself and everyone else, but I am: you're sick in the head and you need help. Doubtful you will get any anytime soon, but hey; maybe one day you'll surprise yourself and realize that being an asshole is more hard work than just being generally-honest, and decent: meeting anyone halfway.

It is fascinating to watch you be such a mess, D.A.R.E.. Beyond that, your pontificating and waxing poseur-intellectualism is hysterically-boring.

If you were honest, people would like you more.

Since you're not, you're up Shit Creek: minus both paddles.

But then, you already know that.

Hence your frantic clucking and showboating.

Well, at least you admitted to being a Drama Queen.

Ditch the drama and you're still a Queen though.

Maybe you can buy your gayness away with a bearded wife and controversial forms of therapy that never have worked in the history of homosexuality.

You make yourself unlikeable, D.A.R.E. .

You fear the truth.

Very sad.
D.A.R.E., you're a bitch in life: you wanna be alpha, but you're as omega as a bottom.

You're MY Bitch! Just like your old lady is on payroll to be your bitch (while you are HER bitch in the sack, as she pegs you and helps you maintain your outer, closeted status)...

Just like your old lady's role is to be your bitch, YOU ARE MY BITCH, because you are a liar and you are indeed afraid and jealous, envious, etc. that someone like me is BRAVE, HONEST AND FREE.

I used to know someone like you. Never could face me, and was intimidated by me. I realized it wasn't me, it was him.

Just like it is YOU, and NOT US that has the problems. We can try to help while we have your ass handed back to you, but your responses still are still indicative of someone who won't try to help themselves anytime soon, so fuck it: you're on your own now.

I'm glad I am me and not you, D.A.R.E.: no matter how much money or good looks you say you have. You're poor on the stuff of life: being a human being.

It's never too late to get it right, but you have to want it for yourself. I don't sense that about you, so I can now let it go and move on: living brave, honest and free.

How's the renovation going on the walk-in closet condo you have going on there?
@ D.A.R.E.: It's tiring debating/arguing with someone who doesn't see the inherent sense in meeting anyone halfway by just being honest.

I myself am gay. I relate to the duress, pain and confusion of not being able to reconcile the fact that being gay is not a choice. Sexuality is not really something that is changeable due to environmental and/or societal factors.

Being gay can be a tough life. Who would ever opt to make their lives more difficult?

Some Things Just ARE: sexuality is among them. People can spend a whole lifetime fighting their own selves, remaining in denial about what is.

Honesty serves Everyone Well: yourself by relieving and beginning to heal the abscesses, and everyone else by having you become someone they really wish for you to be: honest, happy and healthy.

I wish you were any of those three things, D.A.R.E. (Seriously.) . Insulting you isn't going to enlighten you (not that anything has up until this point, but that's neither here nor there).

Who knows? Maybe you could find happiness and make your circle proud by finding it within yourself to save your own self by surrendering to honesty out of necessity.

I wish you well. I wish you luck, actually. Realizing and coming to terms with being gay is just simply accepting it is what it is, you didn't choose to be that way and you can't change that you are that way. As the very talented, charismatic and disarmingly-honest Lady Gaga would sing and say, you were "Born This Way".

Aside from your insatiable need for drama, chaos and attention, I guess I do believe you are interested slightly in helping yourself to heal, accept and move on: growing Better from it all.

No one can teach you or show you how to be honest with yourself. One of those things that makes life a lonely, sometimes cold struggle, but it's Beyond Worthwhile to face yourself head on, and allow yourself the chance to be honesty, by living it.

Especially if you have kids: don't lie to your kids! Kids are wayyyyyyyyyyy smarter than we want to admit: we were all kids once. How dumb were any of us?

D.A.R.E., the fact that you crave attention means that you aren't receiving the right attention from those you fear would reject you if you were to be honest.

Being a liar is worthy of rejection.
Being gay and troubled with that honestly is worthy of being embraced for. And commended.

EVERYONE has a conscience. I hope you get reacquainted with yours one day, D.A.R.E./Out Of Order/outofwater.


Sincerity needn't be rendered boring.

It's not.

Wasting your own time most of all relishing a network of functional lies is.

You could be an ok,etc. person if you just did what most people do on a daily-enough basis: living and being as honest as you can be.

No one asks or expects anything more out of anyone than that.

If your circle does not do that, then consider finding a new one to surround yourself with.

Good luck, man.

You're gonna need it.
DARE doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I find it uplifting to be flirted with by someone who is young and cute and doesn't want anything from me but my reaction. I am extremely disturbed by FIS who claims to be interested in some girl that he clearly has no respect for. I feel that happens way too often already.
Frederica Bimble has never met a woman similar to the one described in the third letter, therefore, a woman like that couldn't POSSIBLY exist. MEN with those same traits, on the other hand...

Sounds like Dan got the man-hating committee out and in full force.
@ 303: You sound like a night out with Mel Gibson.

God, you are a screaming HOMO.

I took it upon myself to do some crafty translation to help the likes of you, with your own words whittled down for optimum effect:


Before I go into the now I’ll delve to the past for a little background on myself.

I have always been attracted to males. I have always had crushes on male teachers and classmates. I have always fantasized about men. Another friend's mother caught myself and my closest early childhood friend, a boy, naked and in missionary position when we were five. My friend's mother told my mother and what my mother said has psychologically scarred me since. This was my first sexual experience, and I was hard. I think I learned the moves I used on my boy (I was french kissing him) from films. To this day I have trouble getting hard while I am making out. My love-making style is very cinematic, which is another way to say I am as a gay as a pride parade.

I digress.

Moving on, I have had experiences with other males as well. All fondling, licking, tickling, sucking and fucking. I have at times found the penis erotic and it consumes me so. I enjoy men so much and prefer them in every respect. None of my erotic dreams include women and I have only masturbated to orgasm thinking of a woman once, which felt awkward and not erotic. The issue at hand, so to speak, is that I get pegged in the ass and, so to speak, as being gay, so to speak, quite a lot. I recognize why this would be. I do flirt with men.

The pattern I see:

I am a now slightly-overweight, married-to-a-woman-beard pretty boy with not a shred of soul to my name, so perhaps this causes confusion. My eyes never lock with anyone else's for long, because I know I am so full of shit and a closet case. I have long, fake eyelashes. I rarely make eye contact with anyone.

Also, many of these guys who accuse me of being gay seem to be quite correct about me in general. I notice that I also tend to display "mate poaching behavior," meaning I tend to flirt with men who are in relationships, and I have been with quite a few men who are in relationships, or married, and fellow sociopaths are often attracted to me. I only do this because I secretly want the wives' husbands to fuck me hard in my bitchy little ass. I am a coward, and a nationally-certified (and certifiable) card-carrying douchebag.

Generally, Dan, I guess I am just a shithead. I consider myself a very sensual person and in a way I understand how a lot of guys might think I would be gay. They're right that I am gay. I just can't accept it or face it within myself. Overt sensuality and sexuality in the male is a distinction prone to gray areas and confusion, I am sure. Also: I seem to act more gay to the point where even I start to question things. I think part of me is like, "Well, if they think I'm gay, then maybe I am gay." Which, course, I am, but I've yet to face it for real. And this throws me for a loop, because i know I love men. I enjoy being with women and I am happy with women, because we care share knitting tips and fantasize about who is hotter, Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner.

It dawns on me that these accusers—these men who think I'm gay—might be the honest ones. It's me who is in denial. Please help, Dan!!

So, to break it down: Sometimes I feel gay, so, therefore, I AM Gay! But usually it is only around my drunken male friends who I consider attractive.

I feel very frustrated, Dan, because a lot of the flak I get seems to be about my issues, not anyone else's. All of it really. I do feel confused and I feel like I use people.

Damn Acronyms Really Evade

Hello everyone. This is DARE. I wrote the letter.

I am a narcissist. I am nice to people only as a way to try to control them. My conclusion? I'm a narcissist. Dan writing his column I consider a narcissistic behavior. But then, I do tend to project my nonsense onto others. I bet it arouses him every time I send him naked pics of myself (along with some $$ kickback so I can be guaranteed my bullshit gets printed each and every week).

I feel like I genuinely have absolutely no empathy with people. When I see someone in pain or suffering, I laugh aloud inwardly. So there has got to be a no-good aspect about me. I'll never know. I'm too stupid to even wonder. Maybe next time I fall through thin ice, you will be the first one to say, "Need help? Hope you get some!" Without hesitation.

Even Jesus was an asshole like I am, except I'm the bigger of the douchebags.

My point? I don't know. But then, I never have a point. I just run my mouth and make my plight even worse. But I do like being a douchebag. I like making no eye contact with everyone I meet and avoiding their soul. I like to hear only my own story, my frustrations and trials. Man, woman, child, dog, tree, bird. So much beauty. I would fuck them all if I wasn't only gay. I feel like a baby. Everything equals sex. I am a closet animal fucker. I NEED attention.

So when I hold eye contact with macho men and they seem to get the urge to call me a faggot, the issue originates from me.

Like I witnessed someone say at a sports bar when football player and model Tom Brady came on the screen, "I just want to punch him. He's such a dickhead."

Oh and Dan I do flirt with attractive, secure guys too, I suppose. But I consider this mackin' on the guys. There have been times in my life when highly charismatic individuals have inflicted 'upstaging' anxiety in me. I wonder, did that happen because I was attracted to them, or attracted to what they represent, to their potential. Now that I am more insecure than ever, I do get uncomfortable or nervous around handsome men.



Hello, this is DARE.

Please help me to stop projecting my issues onto others. Please.

I enjoy doing both manly things and feminine things. I consider myself unbalanced. I can wear lingerie better than most women and I also nurture. I need to get over my gender bullshit. And no, even if I was born with ovaries I hope I would be into cosmetics and hair styling. SEXY.

A message to men: there are flaming HOMO guys, me included, out there that find your natural odor and arm pit/leg hair a turn on.


Also, god damn. I fuck with women to deny my gayness. All these replies are spot on. No one likes me. Maybe I like to touch and feel and be intimate with men, uh, like, because they are hot to me, dude.

Guys who get laid a lot might be actually gay guys who are trying to fuck the gayness away.

Conclusion? I actually enjoy being with men! I had fears of their intuitive intelligence earlier on, and I still feel intimidated by them. I used to prefer hanging out with women, because I didn't feel sexual tension around women. But as I came to understand the plight of men, I dropped my guard and began to appreciate them for more than just a pair of balls and a big dick. I stopped objectifying them, and started sucking and getting fucked by them, and started to enjoy them giving me bukkake to my luscious, fake eyelashes.

I am into grooming, hair, shaving, all of that shit. Luckily I have little body hair though. I think I would be unhappy if I grew a lot of chest and arm hair.

I do enjoy wearing women's clothes. I find men who dress very masculine or butch I tend to pay more attention to their big packages. Women who have more of a practical approach to being fag hag to me I believe have higher self esteem and I tend to value them for their sensitive insights and conversation more.

I do not have gender issues because I am biologically a woman-wanna-be. I am dominant outwardly, an omega, a tyrranical leader, and know how to take it in the ass in situations of ass play and nipple-twisting.

Psychologically I have both male and female traits, but I think everyone basically knows I'm a flaming, closeted HOMO.

Yeah see, I am a closet HOMO. I like to touch male genitalia, I like the way they feel. I like them to shoot their loads onto my face...wait, confusing sexual with sensual again...

I used Jesus as a shitty example for my narcissistic behavior.

"You're not as interesting to everyone else as you are to yourself."

Actually, people tell me pretty regularly how much of a shithead I am.

Thank you. I believe I am a genuinely a doomed vessel of evil. I like to hurt people and I hate to see people happy and living honestly.

Good points, and I agree, I press people's buttocks with my tiny schween. Perhaps instead of ever trying to change my behavior as you reomend, to suit others, I should just accept that I will be regarded, and regard others, as nothing worthy of respect or honesty. I should let go of the whole 'I am hetero' wishful thinking and learn to suck big dicks better.

My approach I suspect should be not to get all confused when they assume I am gay, but rather to play into my own insecurities MORE and consume myself with just fear that I am indeed homosexual. In improvisation there is a rule. ALWAYS BEND OVER AND LET THEM PEG YOU. Always say yes.

"What are you, gay?' Reply: 'Oh yeah dude, I'm up to the rims of my glasses in anal cavity. Been wearing a tampon up my ass all day and never felt better.' People would be like, "I told you so!!"

Blah blah blah. I digress. I don't think I could change my behavior as much as become a better cocksucker. I should stop obsessing about making friends and accept that I will always have enemies, because I am a lying, duplicitous, full-of-shit loser.


Yes. Bisexual publically, with no masculine dominance overall.

You are right on about me. I am an asshole. A sociopathic, no-good buttrancher on the low. A true shithead, basically.

Le sigh. Still waiting for a postmodern revolution. In other words, I can't wait for the next season of 'Glee' to begin so I can have my old lady beard peg me in my overly-talkative ass with a spiked, 8" in diameter dildo.

I know I must seem self obsessed. That's because I am! I have had a lot of time to think in my life, a blessing. Never had to hold down a full time job. I live off of mommy and daddy's money. Plenty of (too much?) time to philosophize.

I have slept with married men because I can, but also because these men were not happy at home. I don't regret doing it, but I have learned a lot about relationships. Women open up to me. I guess what I have learned makes me sad, because I have concluded that for the most part people are too honest for me in the world. Fear and desperation trump happiness.

To the men who think I am just a closet case, go ahead and try to bend me over and stick it in my ass (AN INVITATION TO BUFU YOU THEN! SWEET! LMAO) ! Increase this discussion to simple either/or truths. At best I would admit I am bi, under most circumstances, but even that label I personally find dishonest.

How do you know I am trying to change the world? I regularly never help people in need. I start fights. I am an asshole. I have never worked as a nanny and caregiver for the elderly. Personally I view myself as an uncaring and mercurial person.

Sure I have issues. Shit, my issues have issues. But when it comes down to it, I hate myself. Even when I do not witness it, I can't get it out of my mind that the world is rife with men with big dicks who I would wish nothing more than for them to impact my cock-hungry ass.

Oh and for those thinking I have never had to work hard, I guarantee you I have never worked construction, furniture moving, landscaping, commercial fishing, and I've dug myself into more ditches than most posting on here. I have never known what hard work is. And I have made sacrifices to be able to walk away from rough anal sex before it starts to wear me down. Sure I've had a lot of down time to 'over think' shit and incessantly philosophize. But again, I am a stranger to hard work. I have woken up many mornings at the crack of a man's ass with creaking joints to go and labor for minimum wage as a $2 crack whore. Except I don't give $2 blowjobs for drug money. I just like sucking dick!

Oh and I am in my 30's.

You guys, you are all wrong in your diagnoses. DARE/outofwater is neither a sociopath, nor a narcissist, nor gay, nor bi.

He's a theater major.

Cased closed.
To Quoteth D.A.R.E.:

"I guess what I have learned makes me sad, because I have concluded that for the most part people are too honest for me in the world. Fear and desperation trump happiness."

You could have written those two sentences and kept it at that and we still would have gotten the gist of you.

I couldn't get through all of this, but here's my take on DARE----he's "interested in monogamy" but only from the woman's side (he himself does not practise it), he does not like women in revealing clothing, etc. and he thinks his woman should "defer to natural leadership".

Scary, scary, scary---textbook abuser. He's not a "post-modern hippie"--HE'S A CONSERVATIVE.

All he needs to do now is find Jesus, marry some chick with a ton of issues and no sense of healthy boundaries, and he'll move her out to a trailer in the woods and put her to work growing a survival garden and homeschooling all their children.

Oh, and he'll beat her, or lock her in a shed, or worse, and when she tries to leave we'll have another one of those horrible stories where some poor woman is found floating in a pond with the bodies of her five or six kids.

I agree with all the posters who saw serious psychological issues at work in this character.

DARE---get therapy, preferably inpatient, NOW---and do not fuck with, flirt with, or date anybody until you get your heart of darkness figured out. You are dangerous.
Re: 303
"Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional"
303 outofwater-- Is that from Mary Daly? It's been ages since I read her, but it reminds me of her work. If it's not Mary Daly, take a look at her books. You'll get a kick out of them.

Others keep coming back to narcissism, but I still think this is schizophrenia or, if it is a borderline disorder, hysteria. Oh well. We'll none of us ever learn a professional's in-person diagnosis.
I would add that if this DARE ever actually gets a woman who doesn't run off he will hang onto her like a limpet and she'll have to change her identity to get away (if she gets away alive). For all his big talk I think this is a very lonely person who desperately wants some stability in his life.

Works for minimum wage? Lives out of his car? How many women do you think actually sleep with this guy and how good looking can he actually be? He doesn't even have a place to keep a halfway decent wardrobe, can't work out or take care of himself, probably drinks too much.

@303, You wrote Dan first, I assume for advice? Why are you so surprised that other people would weigh in? That is how this works.

All Dan suggested is that you own your active position as a satyr. Was that too jagged of a pill? Take it or leave it.
@ 307, most likely D.A.R.E. himself:

Dance, dance, dance for US motherf***er!

YOU are The Puppet, and WE are The Puppeteers.

The more you share with us, D.A.R.E./outofyourfuckingmind, the more it becomes glaringly-evident that you ARE psychotic.

Get back to us after you've exhausted yourself on your own rage and self-hatred.

As the last one said @ 326:

"You wrote Dan first, I assume for advice? Why are you so surprised that other people would weigh in? That is how this works."

And you don't like how it works.

Too bad.

We all accept the regime for how it is.

You do not.

You contradict yourself left and right and the bolts and screws are loosing on your jallopy of a psychological wagon.

You really do have problems.

Get therapy.


You aren't in a good place.

I think you know that. That's why you're so angry, bitter and losing ground.

What a barrel of laughs you must be with your family and fair-weather friends.

A genuine shame.
Embracing his Republican controlling/arrogant machismo would mean that he'd have to get a job and be a provider.
@ 303 D.A.R.E.: You OBVIOUSLY cut-and-pasted your rambling response from somewhere else. After @ 302 wrote you, two minutes later you concocted your delusional superiority piece there.

I honestly and sincerely feel that you have some sort of bipolar disorder.

It can be treated, you can be helped, so you're not suffering as you are. It doesn't have to continue on that way if you don't want it to..

You have to Want It To Stop before you can begin healing.

People make mistakes as they go. That's why we're all human. Shit, I'm almost 42 and it took me the first 27 years of my life before I was able to come to honest, realistic grips about being gay myself.

You are not at peace with yourself at the core of it all.

You could be, you can be; you just have to bottom out enough to where you see no other choice but to consider any sort of treatment to get you better again.

It's sad and painful to watch someone fight themslves with no end in sight.

Sometimes people are too honest for other people.
It also could be said that some people lie too much for other people (pun intended).

I found the courage and confidence to accept who I was when I was about 25, after entering therapy and a low dose of antidepressants. It *helps*. In a lot of ways, my actual living began at 25..


Don't live as if it is.

Good luck, D.A.R.E..

Despite our acrimony towards you right now, we are all just being honest and telling you what you NEED TO HEAR, not want you want to hear.

I hope you can make the distinction and go from there. I wish you well.

@320: I really don't see how he has to be gay to "break gender convention". Sure, the guy is a few points over on the Kinsey scale, but plenty of primarily hetero guys are. He just doesn't seem at all interested in romantic/sexual relationships with men, from his words and their context.

Look at the Pick-Up-Artist scene. You'll find plenty of manipulators who "peacock" and pretend to be deep artists while wearing swishy clothes, but are only interested in challenging convention while they're in a bar. Their home lives and relationships are conventional and far less sexy than the front.

@303: A vague pastiche of high-school stonerisms, half-digested libertarian utopia, and a polarized, un-nuanced understanding of the disease model of mental illness.

"liberal minded, leftist pomp morals."

And you're a conservative that likes to fuck and wants to be invited to the right parties. Those are a dime a dozen.

If you really want to be liked by people, stop telling people what you think they want to hear and re-inventing yourself on the drop of a hat. Stop trying to "find yourself" by others' expectations and just go with something sincerely interesting. It's never too late.

"I will disrupt your status quos at every opportunity."

You're the Nickelback butt-rock of revolutionary thought. You are not a part of any social movement, you subvert nothing*. Do you think you deserve praise simply because you're not watching American Idol and Jersey Shore? Do you think you're any less of a poseur because you once got high and took an introductory level social science class?

There are countless thousands of dynamic, fascinating, brilliant, and gorgeous people in any big city, you'd stick out like a sore thumb.

*My guess- his "cinematic way of making love" is nothing but him shouting out "LOOK AT ME SUBVERTING THE DOMINANT PARADIGM" at the moment of climax.
I suppose sex-positive individuals COULD be revolutionary just by being evangelists for healthy love lives and honesty in relationships, but outofwater/DARE takes love and lust as zero sum, where he has to take and others are obliged to give. Entitlement shapes his whole persona, and all of his drives.
DARE just sounds like a young gemini to me
DARE reminds of the rapper Anvil Esquire.
I think I love you, UAR. You've called DARE out on his contradictions and evasions, and you've generally stuck to the argument, which he has been amusingly unable to do.
DARE, that post at 303 is ridiculous. You really do think you're a one-in-a-million post-human don't you? And that the rest of us are just bleating, conformist clones? Several posters on here have shown more insight into society and the formation of the self than you have, despite your olympian efforts to dazzle us with your learnedness (which reek of desperation and insecurity). I want to thank you for an entertaining ten minutes' read but you really ought to stop for a second and consider that some of the responses on here are not rooted in envy or insecurity, but in an insightful reading of what you yourself have repeatedly written here. Your inability to question your own attitudes and beliefs points to a massively overbearing and insecure ego.
Wowee. I hate to use the now overly used phrase "train wreck" but holy shit!!
DARE, either your head is fucking spinning in the chaos you claim to, or you're running out of KY. I highly recommend therapy, maybe even a little Rx, and plenty of KY Warming Jelly. Hooh!
Wowee. I hate to use the now overly used phrase "train wreck" but holy shit!!
DARE, either your head is fucking spinning in the chaos you claim to, or you're running out of KY. I highly recommend therapy, maybe even a little Rx, and plenty of KY Warming Jelly. Hooh!
to DARE:

Hahahaha. Dude I read #303 and LMAO. I haven't read every single comment and I've read enough to say I think you're a really cool dude.

As someone has said 'you're one in million" and so am I. So it takes one to know one right?

My only advice would be:

Don't fuck girls that have husbands/boyfriends. If you're as loving as you say, you wouldn't want to hurt them, or cause them pain in the long run. Be considerate. Calibrate. If you love making people happy, realize that there's a line that's called "being too nice". When you cross to the other side you become a danger to other people's feelings since they start getting attracted too much. Be open and honest as much as possible.

Other than that... have fun. I see nothing wrong with ego or narcissism as long as it's not hurting other people. Love yourself. That's cool. Love people and make them happy. That's cool. Don't intentionally cause pain or continue acting in a way that you know will hurt others. That's not cool.

And you're right on the spot with #303.

It's obvious that DARE isn't listening, or isn't listening now, but in case this information can help someone out in internetland, or help DARE at some later point, here goes. All the people who have offered diagnoses and advice to see a therapist? That's not an insult, not a put-down. The person who goes for help is the one who's in the most pain, not the one who's the most crazy. Asking you to make a change is not because there is something fundamentally evil about you, it's because people have sensed that there is something fundamentally unhappy about you, something frustrated and confused.
Never thought I was going to comment on here - but I need to get a few things on/for DARE off my chest that I think Dan and most of you guys missed:

1. Some people come off as self-involved narcissists in written communication, but not in real life. A lot of what DARE writes could have been written by me before some of my friends told me that whilst I was fun and nice to be around "in real life", most of my emails or forum posts were way over the top and extremely arrogant and verbose so as to make them think I was the worst nut case unless they knew me personally.

2. I have come to LOVE sensual, flirtatious people - you know, for example, some women I know who just send out that "We both know you want to fuck me and I really enjoy knowing that" vibe. Some frustrated people might say they are teasers who are playing games or "confusing" other people. Guess what? "Playing games" is part of life and it's fun.

3. As to the "sending out the wrong vibes" thing. I, too, sometimes come off as gay to gays who are then disappointed to discover that I am just being friendly, but, sexually, 100% into women. However, also, sometimes a girl might think you are into her when you actually are not, sometimes it may be the other way around - and does this mean we start to ponder whether we are sending out the wrong vibes, confusing people etc.? You see, this is really a non-issue.

So my advice to DARE would be: Keep being sensual, keep being flirtatious, hey, even keep fucking married women if you are fine with it, keep confusing closeted gays. But you should know that you come off as a narcissistic sociopath in writing, so whenever you are having something personal to discuss with any of the married women, closeted gays etc. - it's better to pick up the phone than to write an email or Skype message...
@339: I'll cop that I can be much more aggressive and jerky online than in person, but this goes a bit further than your usual onanistic channer/reddit flamewars. It's what he's saying and how he's saying it, along with his anecdotes backing up our assumptions.

2/3 There are plenty of flirty people who enjoy playing games with life. Nobody's arguing with that. They're arguing with the disdain he has for gays and women, and the glee he takes in direct manipulation to get whatever he wants, at the recipients' expenses.

The problem isn't that he's being misconstrued, the "problem" is that he's bad at keeping his regressive and misanthopic self hidden, so it's pretty easy to tell what sort of individual you're dealing with. If your world is split into "groupies" and people who hate your living guts, chances are you may be an asshole.

It's so odd how anyone's taking him at face value that he's a "hippie"/"friend of the Family". It reminds me of the ex-hippies I've spoken with who gave less than flattering depictions of commune life. Aside from the myth/whitewashing, "free love" was less about choice than women in communes being expected to offer themselves up to the more privileged males. Slut-shaming wasn't removed, just shifted about so that a woman's sexuality was now about availability, not the actual freedom to choose and DENY her partners.

Conservative neohippie PLUR-types who may adopt "feminine" traits and go to Burning Man (like the LW) remind me of that facade. I imagine the postrave scene is full of the same sort of predators skulking about. Because everyone is supposed to be "nice", they're never ejected no matter how much shit they pull.
Similarly, only women who complained about their lack of sexual autonomy were ejected from the communes. The men who expected their privileges to be fulfilled were encouraged to stick around.
After reading the collection of DAREs comments (though I admit my eyes glazed over some of the more patently empty amateur "philosophy", I have one thing to say:

@323 wins the thread.

DARE, get help. I know you can't possibly fathom that YOU could ever find good advice from anyone else, seeing as how you are so unfathomably superior and all, but people like you have gotten help before. Others have cracked under the pressure of maintaining their dellusions of grandeur, sometimes taking innoccents with them. If there is a rational human, a human that is able to feel empathy and not just fake empathy, please go see a qualified professional, for your sake and for the sake of anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with you.
@338 Glad you picked up on it too. He ain't listening/reading anymore. No way he could have held off this long without spewing more polarized rebuttal.

People with Narcissistic PD almost never seek therapy of any kind. That would involve aknowledging that they are at fault instead of other people. Instead they often continue on in life as they always have while their somewhat obnoxious coping mechanisms cripple their relationships.

DARE will likely be this way forever.

I'm not saying he has that disorder, but I am saying that his overinflated ego will ensure that he never seeks help.

His most recent narcissitic rage is a typical defense against shame. It kicks in whenever he is backed up against a wall and can't either impress people or convince himself that those people are impressed by him.
Dear DARE,

Since you enjoy thought experiments, try this:

For one week, pretend that what everyone here has written negatively about you is true. For that one week, don't tease or flirt. Don't analize or philosophize. Don't write about yourself online or in a journal.

It's just a week. Can you do it? I bet you can, and I bet you'll learn one or two things about yourself.
"Dichotomous distinctions began with Aristotlean logic. Eastern philosophies do not seek to designate labels into separations like gay/straight, male/female. They seek to unite. Part of making love to women as I perceive it is the harmonization of opposites. "

Another wikipedia Ph.D! Best thread I've read all week.
someone needs to compile a 'Best Of' DARE's comments.

"Le sigh. Still waiting for a postmodern revolution."

"Okay. I have not made myself honest."

It just gets better and better
@undead_ayn_rand loved "You're the Nickelback butt-rock of revolutionary thought." Hilarious screen name too btw.
That was great!
oh but there's always

"Either, or. Only two choices. Thus is commanded by the supreme ultimate. Bow now. "
@350: The best part about fantasy interactions is how everyone would laugh in the crazy-person's face if they spoke those words out loud, Livejournal meets author-insertion fanfiction.
@ 330: I see your point. Some people are flirtatious to both sexes, and have a curiosity that's more intellectually-based rather than more unconscious,natural and deeper-rooted..

Rather a Geminian sort of approach, or personality.. I myself am not like that, so, of course, it makes it that much easier to be visibly-annoyed or whathaveyou when it comes time to remark on something.. But, indeed, it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. Fair enough.

What it is, is that I don't really have that big of an ego, or, a need to flaunt whatever ego I do have.. I like to put mine to work and create things, and see them through. If they turn out decent or halfway-cool, then that's the reward and ego-stroke, for me. Some people are more outward about it, more vocal. Again, all fine. Everyone's different.

Where people Aren't all that different is that sometimes all anyone needs to do is just to be as honest as you can; not only to yourself, but anyone else. True, sometimes life is a bit momentarily-boring where the imaginative part seems to be more compelling than the actual reality of a situation..

A lot of times, the truth is not only stranger than fiction, but a helluva lot better, to boot.

To each their own. True, I don't quite relate to D.A.R.E./outofwater's scenario per se'. I dunno. Live and let live, be enlightened here and there and keep it moving. Ever onward. Peace, Cheers, September.

Or, some people actually are bi, and have no issue with it themselves.

But, here it is: of the two sexes, there usually is one of the other that a bisexual person is most inclined to be romantically-attracted to. This to me is what constitutes someone's true orientation. What you like in the sack is one thing: who you possess genuine feelings for is another.

I myself am not bisexual (maybe in spirit, but that's about it). To me, the whole concept would be bullshit, because I don't have it in me to pitch for both teams. Some people do. I do not. As long as people are honest about what their extracurricular proclivities are, then so be it.

To each their own, as the good saying goes.
@303: The West... is ....the Best.....
DARE/outofwater/Anvil Esquire also was featured on The Onion…
@351 Just sad they have to butcher Kierkegaard. Traverse the fantasy I suppose.
Dan, I'm a little surprised at this statement:

"My advice: Go to your boss and tell him that a little innocent..."

What makes you think his boss is a man? I know you aren't interested in reinforcing gender stereotypes, so I wanted to point it out to you.
Did my last comment get pulled? My, my! I was just trying to be funny here!

Okay---I'll try again: unemployed New York actor Michael Dorsey, as Dorothy Michaels, recommends for the girls whose guys get too aggressive with their dicks to get a cattle prod, and zap 'em in the bodoobies.

It worked for Dustin Hoffman.
So much for late night drama.
Sorry--wrong blog!

We return you all now to your regularly scheduled programming.
@338: Crinoline: You're right----DARE isn't even blogging in anymore.

Oh, well. It was somewhat amusing, if not a little insane, while it lasted.
Dan, You did a great job on Santorum. How about doing it to Rick Perry?

Here's one possiblility:

Perry-aire = The vile effluvium that results from trying to digest black beans flavored with habanero chiles, fried in Olestra.
@362: LOL!!! I love it!!

Or how about Perryia = A dire attack of the Hershey squirts?
Right, DARE is this great empath who cares about everyone's feelings except apparently the boyfriends/husbands of the women he dates, or the people he's stringing along. Mostly everyone he interacts with.
I have a female friend (who was in a relationship at the time) who got courted by a very DARE-Like Character. What DLC didn't know was that he had also flirted with her boyfriend. She took DLC home and once he was all randy, introduced the boyfriend (who had been waiting in the basement). DLC reluctantly agreed and had to agree to get his ass railed out by the BF before he could have some pussy (which he never got). Funny thing is, the BF treated him like a dirty, ugly little whore (and said so quite firmly while plunging his bunghole with a pretty darn big salami), and the DLC totally got into it and wasn't too upset he got no pussy. He left town shortly afterward. Moral of the story? These kinds of guys have *SERIOUS* issues.