Columns Aug 22, 2012 at 4:00 am

HUMP! Seattle!

Comments

118
@ 117, mydriasis: Sweet! An Aesop Fable reference! Wise analogy and parallel you draw there.

I like the one about the crow (bird/vulture/whatever lol) that had the chunk of cheese in its mouth and some animal kept flattering the crow until it dropped the cheese chunk and the other animal ran off with it.

To quote you: "People who speak disparagingly of things that they cannot attain would do well to apply this story to themselves."

Very true. It's one thing to possess envy over someone else's situation, but it's another to hate on them because they may have something that you don't. Everything equals out at some point. Everyone has something: good and bad. I used to be a lot freer with slagging whatever and whoever without giving any of it much thought. Perhaps it's a consequence of growing older (or just in love ;) ), but I find it only bums your own self out to be mean, or as you say, speak disparagingly about other people. Everyone has something. Why point fingers or judge? It also helps when you're surrounded by people who are positive and know better than to be an overly-negative knucklehead.

To You ;-) : "Amazing how you fantasize about me wanting you-- with your narrow hips I'll surely see...."

Yeah, Baby! ;-+-:
.
120
To the guy who got dumped twice: remember that very often (more often than not) couples tend to gloat about their newfound "specialness" in front of their single friends. Whether they mean to do this or not is irrelevant. That's just what couples do. And with that taken into consideration, I would recommend you create a healthy distance from this pair to the best of your ability (without burning bridges).

It's not easy to feel gracious in the presence of people who gloat; I know because I've been there myself and didn't handle things as eloquently as Dan suggests. Avoid putting yourself in situations where you constantly have to take the high road and bite your tongue if you're still on a short fuse because once you falter, people notice and hold it against you.

Given the developments of online social networking, gossip and over-sharing are at an all time high and LGBTs are no less prone to it than 13 year old girls. Decorum has gone out the window, which is a shame. Because so much is "out there" especially if you are baring your soul on Facebook (which I do not particularly recommend), developing a solid social reputation has become more important than ever and ought to be any gay man's or lesbian's primary concern as s/he explores partners and cultivates relationships (sexual or not).

Make things easy on yourself: keep the people who you feel antagonized by at arm's length (how you achieve this in your online networking is up to you). There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt because you got dumped (twice) but everyone gets dumped at least once in a lifetime and it's not the end of the world. You Are Not Alone.

Also, consider what you may have contributed to the situations in which you got dumped; take an inventory of your habits, outlooks, tastes, and techniques. People of college age may still have a lot to learn about interpersonal relationships and, believe it or not, sex.

CRUCIAL: DO NOT ISOLATE. Continue making new friends wherever you can (gay OR straight, because you never know when that nice girl in Sociology class might have a gay bro she can introduce you to, and you guys might just hit it off). Open as many windows as you can since you've had two doors that closed.

Remember this: as much as you try to style your life to include as many opportunities to meet potential partners (and you can do a lot of this at college and in gay-friendly urban areas), the fact is that you never know when/where you will meet "him." Good luck!
122
I'm so glad your partner is not a smut shaming scold. It would be hell to get your email, answer your letters, etc. Hell, you would have to be a super spy to get away with this life, or perhaps be in a relationship with a priest - I mean a priest who has no kinks and secret life besides hot gay sex with you. Wait... he's not a priest right?
123
i don't have time to go through the 122 comments to see if someone said this already, but for private browsing I've downloaded an alternative browser Opera (sometimes I use Safari since I mostly use Firefox), I use it for NSFW browsing and then erase the history. On the off chance someones tries that browser it'll look normal that there is no history.
124
"Gays and lesbians are about 2 to 5 percent of the population. I'm afraid that arithmetic precludes us from hewing to the "bro code"—at least where dating friends-of-exes, exes-of-friends, or exes-of-exes are concerned. We simply don't have the luxury of being as rigid about this shit as straight people do. The pickings for us are just too slim."

Well-put, and the same goes for people with IQ over about 130, for cyclists in Texas, for non-sedentary people in Kansas, for American Republicans anywhere outside the USA, or for any person that's a couple of standard deviations outside the mean in some matter that is relevant to dating. I'm a bit surprised when gays think they have a monopoly on having slim pickings.
125
In response to the responses about SMT's letter:

Hahaha, I think it's ironic that there are a bunch of "sex-positive" savage love readers knocking the guy with the fem dom fetish and simultaneously attacking a girl who is probably bisexual about her use of the term "queer" to generalize her sexuality.

What happened to open and accepting? Ya'll that hate are a bunch of bear fuckers. Sounds like house slaves beating up on field slaves.
126
Just wanted to say, on the "bro code" issue: I think some variant of the "bro code" is reasonable, if and only if it has a reasonable statute of limitations. Think in terms of, oh, a few months for most relationships, and maybe a few years for very long relationships/really nasty breakups.

That's not so much treating your friend's ex as your friend's property or something as it is respecting your friend's need to process the emotions, etc. of the breakup...

    Please wait...

    Comments are closed.

    Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


    Add a comment
    Preview

    By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.