Savage Love

Thank a Breeder Day

Comments

1
You're most welcome, Dan!! And thank YOU for your kick-ass weekly column!! The passing of Ref 74 must have made your holiday season, as it's one of many blessing I'm already counting over the year!
I'm a het female, and although I'm happily single and inactive, would NEVER want to stand in the way of any two people seeking matrimony and the benefits from being coupled.
Cheers to you, Terry, your son and family, and happy holidays!!
2
22 and doesnt know the words for giving head? wow, welcome to the Red states.
3
Forget the difficulty with vocabulary: NTGM and her boyfriend have some serious miscommunication going on. She told a mutual friend how she feels about having oral sex with her bf, but she can't tell him? The boyfriend takes the word of said friend over the request of his own girlfriend? She writes to an advice columnist rather than trying to talk to her boyfriend a second time because to do so is tantamount to "begging" and she doesn't want to have to tell him what she wants? And she says she's 22?!

This sounds like middle school. And then there's the vocab confusion. These people are in no way mature enough to be having sex.
4
How does BBB like getting a blow job from a woman? He identified as Bi, but doesn't mention getting head from women, just men. Maybe the idea of men going down on him doesn't turn him on as much as the idea of women going down on him does.
5
For some women, it's difficult to enjoy cunnilingus because it's difficult to reach orgasm from it.

Yes, the man can say "tell me exactly what you want" and truly mean it - but it can still be embarrassing to find the words and say them. It can feel clinical or unromantic.

For some women, it takes a long time. They may feel anxious or like they're boring the man, or asking for too much.

I've found I need a specific, hard, sustained pressure for about 45 minutes. And I feel awkward and guilty asking for it, and like I'm making the man work too hard, so most of the time it's easier to just not be into receiving.

It helps a lot when the guy seems to like doing it, and makes it clear that this is fun for him and I'm not obligated to have an orgasm. And yes, I have been with men who took it personally when they couldn't "make" me come from oral. Too much pressure, and not in the good way :)
6
Nothing about Patreus? All I can say is thank God he wasn't gay. Then he would have been open to blackmale and compromised national security and....oh, yeah, right.
7
For some women, it's difficult to enjoy cunnilingus because it's difficult to reach orgasm from it.

Yes, the man can say "tell me exactly what you want" and truly mean it - but it can still be embarrassing to find the words and say them. It can feel clinical or unromantic.

For some women, it takes a long time. They may feel anxious or like they're boring the man, or asking for too much.

I've found I need a specific, hard, sustained pressure for about 45 minutes. And I feel awkward and guilty asking for it, and like I'm making the man work too hard, so most of the time it's easier to just not be into receiving.

It helps a lot when the guy seems to like doing it, and makes it clear that this is fun for him and I'm not obligated to have an orgasm. And yes, I have been with men who took it personally when they couldn't "make" me come from oral. Too much pressure, and not in the good way :)
8
Hey guys, shave, for fuck's sake, before going down on a woman. Your face. Shave your fucking face. No one wants to have a brillo pad in her cooch.

Well, somebody somewhere does. But she's a minority of one.
9
Rights are rights. They shouldn't be put up for a vote.

I completely agree with that but, since they were put up for a vote, I'm glad they passed.

I was just reading a recent issue of The Atlantic and read about this guy in my hometown, on their annual list of 21 "Brave Thinkers."
10
I agree with Angela - I enjoy it, but it takes for-fucking-ever to get off that way, whereas I can get off during sex quickly and multiple times. Even if they know exactly what I like.

As for the bi guy - does he enjoy other activities with men, or is it really just the cock-sucking. Cause I know a few bi guys who are pretty much mostly straight with a giving-head fetish. Something about the dominance and the cock fascination really does it for them, while they really don't want anything else to do with men.

11
But some women who don't struggle with hang-ups or body issues simply don't enjoy receiving oral sex.

I understand that but since I love it, I could never be with a woman who didn't like it.
12
@8: If you're talking about stubble, I agree... but I actually like full beardedness. It gets soft when grown out- it's just the stubble phase that's really unfortunate.
13
BBB's story reminded me of one of the 8,000 or so men Shere Hite interviewed for The Hite Report on Male Sexuality. Naturally, most men said they loved fellatio, but one memorable man was quoted as saying, "I do not like people sucking on my penis. Too many other sexy places."
14
@8 TV Dinner: I agree! I'm not a fan of rug burn, either.
My ex didn't seem to get that.
15
I realize we all love Obama or whatever, but I really disagree with the idea that it was a huge political risk for him to state that he, personally, no longer has an issue with gay marriage. If anything (other than just his convictions), it was a pander to people who didn't think he'd done enough for gay marriage. The people who were most concerned about keeping it banned wouldn't vote for him anyway, and the people on the fence were always going to vote based on other stuff. Let's not give this president more credit than he deserves.

But thanks, straights who really DID do something to pass the recent legislation.
16
You're welcome. You are loved.
17
Manual stimulation and oral can take a while. Introducing a fingertip vibrator can have a marvelous effect. Apply it to the clitoris while performing orally and you'll have fireworks, quickly. As long as there are no hang ups or body issues.
18
@7 and @10:
For me, oral sex does not have to lead to orgasm to be fun. One can switch to something else if it takes too long or gets uninteresting, or if something else feels better.
20
Adding a vibrator can take a lot of the pressure off -- I can relax more because he knows it's totally fine to switch to the vibe if he wants a rest.

Re BBB, I was expected Dan to remind him to mix up his masturbation. If he's only used to coming in one or two ways, it might be hard to learn to appreciate a new style of stimulation.
21
BBB- Dan may well be right, especially if blowjobs from women do nothing for you either.
I've never come once from a blowjob- they feel okay and can even be arousing, but nowhere near enough of the right sensations to get off.
22
My (fairly new) husband is over 60 and his sex drive has crashed. He got out of a long, abusive marriage just before we got together, where sex was a hot and toxic currancy, and I think he is just relieved to have other kinds of intimacy---trust, caring, cuddling, playing---I value these things too of course and I have got to a place where I am okay with it, I love him just as he is. He will hold and fondle me while I use a vibrator, anytime I ask him to, and that is pleasant, but I don't very often--- it makes me miss fucking, and him having his own pleasure which has always been a big part of mine. So I generally prefer to masturbate on my own, which I do often. I like to look at porn of guys jerking off, but most of the sites are obviously for gays (and often there are videos running on the side of guys fucking and sucking,which doesn't do anything for me and is a distraction) I don't know why the fact that its for boys makes it less of a turn on; after all, the action is the same, but there it is. Can you recommend any sites that have guys jerking off for a female audience?
Thanks Dan, love your column.
Cold Bed in Canada

23
I rarely get off from cunnilingus and my hubby has a goatee which is fully grown out and still rough. While he enjoys going down on me, I don't really enjoy it too much. However, our third does enjoy it, so he just goes down on her. My hubby and I have been together for 10 years and my original stance was no head from you, no head for you with sexual partners until I met my soon-to-be hubby. Because a majority of the guys I was sleeping with were a bit immature, I really had no practice in giving head since they weren't comfortable going down on any girl. My hubby on the other hand loved too (we were 18 when we met, btw) so my first real experience with cunnilingus was with him. After multiple attempts to bring me to orgasm and failing, I took back my giving head policy and now blow my hubby but do not request cunnilingus in return. I am probably in the minority of women that actually do not enjoy it, but I really don't.
24
@ 22 lavender b. Many of Dan's readers and listeners are getting older, like Dan. You have a valid issue. If you would familiarize yourself with his podcast, you should call Dan on the p. cast phone line. He can help you and other people with age related sex issues can learn from your situation. My wife is in her mid forties and we're having age related cell wall issues and I should probably call in myself. Wanna thank a liberal hetero, legalize it!
25
Dan, you forgot the first openly bisexual member of Congress: Kyrsten Sinema.
26
hi dan,
I'm Agnes from Paris France. A friend of mine Told me tor ead some of your work, which i just did! i love it, this is so funy!
trust me when i say That women in France are just trapped by a Judeo Christian education intellectually forbidding any sexual freedom
J was lucky thanks to a relational therapy for my problems with my mother, to be able to totally free sexually.
C is fun to see how much difference is there as the enjoyment of the way ... I am personally convinced that women can enjoy all the ways vaginal and clitoral. everything is let go and the well-being ....
J am 44 years old now and I'm enjoying my sex life completely!
Some of my sexfriends me ingredient that I love as a man, that they are prudes!
Anyway I wanted to reassure you, in France there are also stuck in the ass!
See you soon
Agnes
27
"it's fucked up that people get to vote on the civil rights of LGBT people at all"

Can we stop this bullshit, please -- the bullshit in which SSM is supposedly the only way in which rights are violated or restrained in our democracy? I'm straight, and people of all and no sexual persuasions vote on my rights all the time. Can I smoke pot? Can I sell my organs? Can I marry two people? Can I trade sex for money? Can I gamble? And on.

I'm a libertarian. American democracy is, regrettably, an exercise in everyone's rights being restrained at the whim of the majority. We come up with scads of reasons for why we do it (for the children! for safety! for your own good!), but we do it. I don't understand how this ridiculous myopia began in which opposition to gay marriage became the *only* way in which this happens, and it only happens to GLBTs. Focus your energies on legalizing SSM, and celebrate your victories. But don't pretend that every single American, of any sexual stripe, isn't having his or her own rights violated every day.
28
And now it's time to stop calling straight people "breeders." I know you were using the word kind of jokingly, Dan, but to say that all straights, and only straights, are "breeders," is to fall in line with too many of the arguments of the religious right. (The arguments being that only breeding sex is okay and if you are het you are automatically having good breeding sex no matter how old you are, what time of month it is, etc.) If "breeders" are people who have biological children, that obviously includes people of every sexual orientation, and plenty of them. Please reserve the word "breeder" for discussions about overpopulation (or dogs).
29
Individuals have fought for these rights for years and years. Individuals have been brutalized in the process --have lost their jobs, have lost their families and have lost their communities. Individuals have risked personally and professionally so that current and future generations might have the human rights to which we are all due. In my estimation we need a page to thank all of the heroes who have gotten us to this point. A page recognizing those who have risked in local communities , as well as those who have risked and fought on a national scale. This page might have the faces of queer individuals and straight individuals. I do not need to differentiate. I am grateful to all of these individuals. I am not unduly grateful to straight individuals. If straight individuals see this as their fight, as our fight, they will not feel any less appreciated by a page that acknowledges all. To distinguish seems to me to simultaneously diminish the physical, psychological, professional and personal risk that queer individuals have taken for years and position us as needing to be grateful for our human rights. I have never needed special acknowledgment when I have fought for the rights of groups with whom I did not share the same subject position. Let us create a page acknowledging and thanking all, queer and straight, for this should be and has been our fight. Dan's need to continually contextualize the argument for a page thanking straight allies is in part an indication that this does indeed position gays as separate from our straight allies. We are not separate.
30
"Nothing about Patreus? All I can say is thank God he wasn't gay. Then he would have been open to blackmale"

Typo, or best pun ever?
31
Individuals have fought for these rights for years and years. Individuals have been brutalized in the process --have lost their jobs, have lost their families and have lost their communities. Individuals have risked personally and professionally so that current and future generations might have the human rights to which we are all due. In my estimation we need a page to thank all of the heroes who have gotten us to this point. A page recognizing those who have risked in local communities , as well as those who have risked and fought on a national scale. This page might have the faces of queer individuals and straight individuals. I do not need to differentiate. I am grateful to all of these individuals. I am not unduly grateful to straight individuals. If straight individuals see this as their fight, as our fight, they will not feel any less appreciated by a page that acknowledges all. To distinguish seems to me to simultaneously diminish the physical, psychological, professional and personal risk that queer individuals have taken for years and position us as needing to be grateful for our human rights. I have never needed special acknowledgment when I have fought for the rights of groups with whom I did not share the same subject position. Let us create a page acknowledging and thanking all, queer and straight, for this should be and has been our fight. Dan's need to continually contextualize the argument for a page thanking straight allies is in part an indication that this does indeed position gays as separate from our straight allies. We are not separate.
32
@30: Given the misspelling of "Petraeus," I'm going with typo. But what a hilarious Freudian slip!
33
I started reading Savage Love because I was kinky and curious about sex and although I've always been open-minded about sex, reading this column has educated me on the gay issues and made me an advocate for gay rights. So don't just thank the straights Dan, thank yourself too.

I visited that Tumblr page. Big, manly straight guy that I am, some of the stories there had my eyes watering a bit. If the people I argue with over gay issues here in Kansas could read those stories and see the personal impact such legislation has they would be advocates too.
34
@*: I understand your position but my g/f actually prefers stubble when I go down on her. Diff'rent strokes.
35
@8: I understand your position but my g/f actually prefers stubble when I go down on her. Diff'rent strokes.
36
For the guy whose woman who doesn't like receiving oral because it tickles- does she shave? Because it didn't feel good for me until I shaved down there. Now it's great!
37
shit
38
To WFS: I'm a lady who's super ticklish around the thighs. Depending on the kind of ticklish one is, it could be something that is always as issue, or if you're 100% focused on something else, it's not really a problem. There are times I absolutely cannot stop laughing when someone goes down on me, but that's when I'm distracted. Really focusing on the experience and relaxing has helped me lots, wild ticklishness otherwise notwithstanding.
39
Hey Everyone and you too, Mr. Savage:

Check out this really cool essay!

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2012/1…
40
For WSO - I'm sorry to say but it sounds like you just have no clue how to perform cunnilingus. Maybe what you've done in the past on other women worked, but it doesn't work on your wife. Admit that you are the one who has the problem and get her to relax enough to figure out what she likes. I had "cunnilingus" performed on me by several different men - only two of whom have been able to bring me to orgasm. The other guys just had no clue what they were doing. To be fair, I was inexperienced and wasn't able to give them pointers. Does your wife masturbate her clitoris? If she doesn't, she should. Maybe that would help her guide you to the right point of getting her off with your mouth.
41
For WSF - I'm sorry to say but it sounds like you just have no clue how to perform cunnilingus. Maybe what you've done in the past on other women worked, but it doesn't work on your wife. Admit that you are the one who has the problem and get her to relax enough to figure out what she likes. I had "cunnilingus" performed on me by several different men - only two of whom have been able to bring me to orgasm. The other guys just had no clue what they were doing. To be fair, I was inexperienced and wasn't able to give them pointers. Does your wife masturbate her clitoris? If she doesn't, she should. Maybe that would help her guide you to the right point of getting her off with your mouth.
42
Really don't like the term "breeder" and don't think it's accurate either in this situation. All straight people aren't "breeders." Many gay people are "breeders" and have offspring. "Breeder" is a term used derogatorily by hateful child-free assholes trying to convince themselves that their lifestyle is better.
43
To: "What's so Funny?"

I'm a female and I love oral sex. However, I've had two girlfriends come and talk to me about how they just can't enjoy it with their BFs/FWBS/what-have-yous because it tickles!

Here's my advice: Sometimes when you stimulate the clit directly it is a strange overwhelming, slightly pleasurable, slightly uncomfortable feeling. While it doesn't feel like being tickled it kind of produces the same reaction. Begin my using the tip of your tongue AROUND her clit. When you touch her clit, loosen your tongue and let it just softly glide across. You've got to warm the clit up and expose it before it can handle the intensity of direct stimulation from the tongue. It's kinda like if I just started death gripping your dick with my hand and rubbing it out for dear life. You might not enjoy it as much.

Good luck - and remember that laughter is only a skip and a hop away from an orgasm. It's basically just an involuntary expression of pure joy.
44
To 39: It is an interesting essay with one problem, a zygote is not an independent organism. The whole idea is based on it though, so it crumbles.
45
ricky2718; it was an interesting essay, but the whole thing is grounded on the idea that a zygote is an independent organism. A zygote is not independent! And i reserve the right to decide what can use me to become independent.
46
Some women (like me) just don't like cunnilingus. It has nothing to do with the skill level of the giver. I don't like the feeling if something soft (like a tongue) down there, I don't like the wetness of the saliva, and I find it extremely uncomfortable (almost painful) if the tongue comes in direct contact with my clit, so I am always tensed for that and ready to redirect if it happens. Nothing about it turns me on. My husband likes it, and I will occasionally let him do it, but I'm not big into faking pleasure (I faked orgasms with a partner in my youth and it was a disaster) so I just kind of lie there, which kind of defeats the purpose for him.

Oh, and I usually have discomfort the next day from an imbalance and have to take probiotics for a couple says after. If it was pleasurable for me, it would be worth it, but...
47
Dan, your letter made me cry! I've long believed that it's simply ridiculous that everyone doesn't have the same rights as me, and I'll fight until there's full equality (which I'm confident that I'll see in my lifetime). I appreciate all that you do to educate people about love, sex, and relationships, and the work you do on behalf of LGBTQ youth. Thanks goes both ways! : )
48
@27 I'm not exactly sure we're on the same page regarding which are rights, privileges or duties and to what extent they should be inalienable but I think you're missing the key part about "voting on rights"...

It is fucked up to allow the majority to reserve and acknowledge rights, privileges and duties for themselves, but deny them to some minority.

Now clearly this is not absolute, as it is reasonable to deny felony prisoners the right to freely travel between the states. On the other hand, I am not sure we are well served denying them the rights and duties of voting or serving on juries.
49
Hello Dan, I am Mexican, for many reasons I grew up bicultural and I am very much in touch with the American Life.I am a 43-year old, straight, Gynecologist and I have been reading your column for quite some time, it has taught me a lot! I admire your intelligence and totally commend you for approaching sexuality in such a wholesome and truthful way. I hope the humans in my country continue to move towards that way of living. Thank you for sharing your mind and working so hard for equality. Congratulations! MXOBGYN
50
Hello Dan! I am Mexican and for many reasons I grew up bicultural so I am very much in touch with the American way of life. I am a 43 year-old female, totally supportive of any way of life a human chooses to live with honesty and equality. I am also an OBGYN and I have been reading your column for quite some time now, it has taught me a lot, so thank you from the bottom of my heart! I would really like to commend you on your magnificient and very intelligent way of approaching sexuality and all the other issues that surround it. I can only hope that the humans in my country and all around the world keep moving towards this way of living. Thank you for your efforts towards equality for all. Congratulations. MXOBGYN
51
Zey:

"it was an interesting essay, but the whole thing is grounded on the idea that a zygote is an independent organism. A zygote is not independent! And i reserve the right to decide what can use me to become independent."

Neither is a newborn baby independent. A newborn baby depends on other humans in order for it to be fed, clothed, protected by the elements and other animals, etc. Does that mean we, or the state, reserves the right to decide what can use us, or the state, to become independent?

True, a zygote does depend on the woman's body for survival, but that doesn't change what the zygote is: a new human organism that has just begun its development.
52
That last question started out sounding way more interesting than it was.
53
And a comatose patient is dependent on others for survival. It is not independent. He/She may depend on machines at the hospital, but those machines, as well as the hospital bed, cost money, money which comes from the efforts of others.
54
Dan, let me offer my congratulations also for the outcome in Washington and the other gay rights battleground states. Well done! But, I need you and your readers help in finding something: I can't for the life of me find Dan Cathy's announcement that he is closing all the Chick fil a restaurants in Maine, Maryland and Washington since those godless people voted for same-sex marriage. (Minnesota is on the bubble since it isn't actually legal for gays to marry). Surely that saintly motherfucker's principles won't allow him to make money off these immoral hordes. Please post the link if you can find it.
55
Dan, I think you missed the point of WSF's question, which is how to get it to stop tickling. Then again, I daresay I've spent more time doing that than you have, and I can't recall ever getting that reaction, so I'm not sure what advice you could have given. I guess "try doing everything more slowly, and with a bit more pressure (but just a bit)".

Unfortunately, I live in a state that hasn't yet put SSM on the ballot, but I certainly will support it if/when I can and I'm thrilled about the four victories last week.

@8, my fiancee is definitely a fan of the stubble down there. I noticed at least one other comment to that effect, so it's a minority of more than one.

56
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dan, you changed my opinion on LGBT rights. That's not entirely true, because before I started reading you I was a college kid who didn't really have an opinion on homosexuality, and I frankly didn't care to. Reading your column (and opening up my eyes a little bit) made it obvious to this straight Christian that LGBT rights are the next step in civil rights. You built that, and thank you for doing so.
57
You should suggest WSF read a book called "She Comes First". It's a great book that goes through the female anatomy and discusses different techniques for performing oral sex on a woman. The "it tickles" could be because she's nervous. Personally, I'm a woman who (luckily) orgasms easily and I LOVE to receive oral. But the guy going down on me has to be into it. He has to love it, or it won't do anything for me but make me uncomfortable.
58
True that, 55. What's so Funny may be going too fast. If my guy dives right in, I'm prone to giggling fits. But, if you start very slowly - working from the legs or belly inward - I won't be nearly as ticklish.
59
Dan, I would go to bat in a heartbeat for anyone who is gay, because to me they're not gay, they're another human being with certain likes and preferences who is beautifully different, as we are all beautifully different. We are all people worthy of being respected and treated equally, and loving who we love. I will vote, I will support, I will step in and take a swing for someone getting the crap kicked out of them by bigots! The problem is we are all so quick to classify each other. The minute a boundary is broken another one goes up. Calling someone a breeder is a great example of this. I'm not going to go into semantics about the word breeder or how much it hurts to be called that in a public place and then laughed at as if there was something wrong with you. Just think on this: all the people who respect you, listen to your advice, and look up to you as a role model. All those people have now been sent the message that Dan Savage calls straight people breeders. Dan Savage just put up a wall, wrongly classified a group of people, for the sake of titling a column. And no, we shouldn't have to thank anyone for our rights, it's a sad situation when people are saying "You Should thank me" for something like this. The fact remains that as long as we keep on separating ourselves with offensive, catchy titles and nicknames, there will never be equality on any front.
60
@ 22 lavenderblue You've discribed my fetish! Except, I'm on the other side, always looking for an audience. If only there was some way we could help each other out...hm...
61
I voted yes on 74,and I'm straight. I grew up in Ann Arbor, MI, the most liberal town in the midwest. Even within an atmosphere of extraordinary acceptance, my gay friend David was harrassed out of the closet at 14. Once he admitted he was gay to his stepdad, the stepdad threw him out of the house. David was 14, and it was January in Michigan.

Our group of friends helped him through it with housing, food and support, but it's impossible to forget my lovely friend and his pain at this situation.

There have been other incidences of hate and insult to my gay friends over the years, but David is why I've always supported my gay friends and their rights.

They say that the young voters made the difference this time. I'd like to say that some of us older farts did, too. I'm 50 and am thrilled to see the tide turn to true equality for all.
62
If every fertilized ovum is a distinct human being, then an abortion or stillbirth represents the same loss of life as where a zygote naturally fails to implant in the uterus and is washed away with the menstrual flow.

For those who believe that God creates and ends all life, is God then a major league abortionist? (As in failures to implant and naturally occurring miscarriages)
63
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/684685…
Dan, I hope you've seen this video. What an excellent threat..."Don't want to approve gay marriage? we will marry the shit out of your girlfriend!"
64
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/684685…

Hey Dan, I hope you've seen this video and that everyone else on the site checks it out too. A hilarious reason to make gay marriage legal for all. "If you don't legalize gay marriage, we will marry the shit out of your girlfriend!"
65
@43 (and others talking about women who are too ticklish for oral) --

Does it help if the oral comes after she has her first orgasm? I don't get the ticklish thing, but if oral starts when I'm not already aroused, it can definitely be irritating.
66
For me, oral never used to do a damn thing. It was vaguely irritating, just random slobbering or the infamous "alphabet trick". Which isn't a trick at all, btw. The guys who were vocal about their "talents" failed the most miserably. The guy I'm with now didn't brag or anything, he was just really into it and after a couple minutes, so was I. Never before had I come from head, but he made it happen, and it didn't take long, either. And I suddenly knew what all those other women had been going on about... Sometimes, your partner may truly not be into it. And sometimes, your partner just hasn't experienced the right guy. Maybe you're not the right guy. Sorry.
67
@BBB - tell them to add a hand to the job. It would make a big difference. :D
68
WSF,
I don't know why everyone automatically assumes the woman must have body issues or hang-ups. I never had either of those but my ex going down on me often made me laugh because I was uncomfortable with him in general. I found him to be unattractive and annoying unless I was really drunk, and the giggles were a product of my embarrassment. I had to laugh to keep from crying. He should assess whether theres anything he's doing, or not doing, that is making her uncomfortable. Beard stubble is an obvious first issue to consider.-That shit either tickles or hurts, depending on how hard he buries his face in it.
69
In my vast experience - wait, I mean - in personal studies I have conducted over several+ decades, uncut men, generally, enjoy having their dick sucked significantly more than cut men. Perhaps because uncut dicks have more pleasure receptive nerves? I report; I suck. This has been your Duh of the week.
70
"she said it tickled her like crazy. Is this common?"

Yes it is, on some women, if you go directly for the clit before it's properly aroused.

Start out licking along the sides, firmly but gently if she's ticklish, and avoid direct contact to the head (or whatever you call it) until you feel it swell. You can also mess around in the area just south of the clit, coming close but not touching until ready.

Make sure she tells you if anything you're doing starts to feel good or not good. Odds of success increase with her buy-in on the project.
71
@8: While we're on the subject, shaved pussies are much more lickable.
72
@22 most masturbation vids are of gay men. You want solo. Go to passionatevod.com and look at the gay tab. Straight porn doesn't take that aspect of het female preference onto account.
73
@WSF,
Oral started to be pleasurable for me the moment I found out where my clitoris is. For me it was kind of late-early (25 is late to start masturbating for some girls, but still early enough to enjoy a lifetime of great orgasms:). It takes around 10-15minutes to get me off, but it is the best.

Maybe your wife also could discover something new about herself, keep on trying out new stuff:)
74
Hubby didn't really care about blowjobs either when I met him. He'd had a few partners who had tried but no one who'd made him come. Some persistence and learning preferences on my part later, and it was all "achievement unlocked!"

It's still not a sure-fire thing, though. Sometimes it happens and sometimes I need help. I'm always glad to get it.
75
22: When you find it, let me know!
76
Dan, you forgot to mention the first openly bisexual Representative-elect: Kyrsten Sinima from (of all places) Arizona. I count that as another gain for LGBTQ!
77
Funny how people are all het up about gay rights when WOMEN (which, you may recall, comprise half the population) barely have rights: we STILL get paid LESS than men for comparable work and our reproductive rights are constantly under threat. I'll save my sympathy for my own gender, thanks, even if they are all TOO STUPID to comprehend their situation (they will get all het up about their 'right' to dress like sluts but the fact of 'pay inequality' bothers them not at all)
78
@71: Ingrown public hair an still become a coarse, stubbily problem, though. I'm just saying.
79
@78: SORRY!!!! Oops---I MEANT "pubic" hair!!!!
Oh, God, what a bad typo!! This has got to be a Stranger Classic!!

Okay....excuse me while I quietly go die of em-bare-ass-ment (this time, the pun IS intended)!
80
78: The solution to that issue is a close trim with clippers. I use my husband's beard trimmer.
81
Another tip from a sex-positive female who is cunnilingus-indifferent: make sure it's warm in the room, and even more so in the area you'll be working in. One of the things I really don't enjoy about the experience is that, between the saliva and my own moisture, it all gets pretty wet. Cold air hits it and - *shudder* - now everything has gone cold and wet.
Clammy.
Nope. Don't think I'll ever be a fan.
82
@71: Like anything else, there are a wide variety of opinions on this. I, for one, much prefer going down on a nicely furred pussy. The fur frames the vulva and emphasizes its beauty, and also collects and magnifies the exquisite scent! In most cases, it stays nicely out of the way of the tongue, and if necessary I can use my hand to hold the lips open and give me clear access.
83
Cunnilingus? Yawn.
84
I'm the same way as BBB: love giving head, but find receiving it is just OK. I've never been bothered by this. But I'd remind BBB to be GGG and let his partners give him head if it pleases them: after all, they may get off on it the same way he gets off on giving head to them!
85
@82: Obviously, men vary in their aesthetic tastes. If we're talking about ergonomics and user-friendliness, however, shaved is the easy winner. And there are much better things you can do with your hands than fighting back a thicket of pubic hair.

@83: One of the many surprising things I've learned on SLOG - cunnilingus doesn't seem to be as popular among women as my personal experience would suggest.
86
Hey Dan, glad I could help out, if only financially! I'm so proud of our state!

WSF: maybe try switching it up a bit. I know I come a lot more easily from oral if there's something penetrative going on as well, for example. 1 finger can make a big difference!
87
Can't believe I'm only the 2nd person to say this: Dammit Dan, you're Tumblr made me cry.
88
@zey: In the comments of pretty much every Savage Love article, ricky2718 posts a link to an off topic pro-life propaganda piece with a leader like "Golly gee, check this out, it really got me thinking."

He's working as a missionary and/or an SEO consultant trying to raise the page rank of his web site. Not sure if it's SPAM, but it definitely ain't bacon.
89
@83 Well said:)
90
some guys simply dont know what to do down there, even if you tell and show them a number of times. i really enjoy cunnilingus, but only from those who have an idea of what they are doing. i was with a guy for over 6 months and eventually gave up trying to teach him
91
To WSF:

As a masochist, cunnilingus generally doesn't do much for me. People often do not believe me when I tell them to bite on the clitoris or labia. So, a lot of times, it's just too gentle for me.

Also, despite this idea that attention to the external portion of the clitoris is the best way to stimulate a woman, some of us just want to be penetrated. For those of us who enjoy vaginal stimulation (really, stimulation of the internal portion of the clitoris) rather than external clitoral stimulation, the use of fingers during oral sex is necessary for us to actually be stimulated.

There's a lot of variety to vulvae, so it's not irregular for a woman to just not enjoy oral sex.
92
I don't know if this has been touched on yet; too many comments to weed through...

Ticklishness is a good sign, but indicates a failure to relax. When a person relaxes and the touch is right, that "ticklish area" reveals itself as an erogenous area.

I had a friend years ago whose ticklishness was impairing his sexual enjoyment. After I took the time to explain ad show him, he was able to enjoy healthy, normal sexual relations. All it takes is patience and trust.
93
It can TOTALLY tickle. Try being less direct by letting her keep her underwear on when you go down on her and licking/sucking thru the cloth. Another thing that can help is using your fingers insider her at the same time to distract her/desensitize her from the feel of your tongue until she is closer to orgasm when you can be more direct on with her clit.
94
The column made me laugh and cry at the same time.

And then all this talk about preferences. Work it out amongst yourselves or take my sage wisdom: shaving makes faces and other parts spiky unless it's done religiously. Trimming or leaving it alone makes things soft. Spiky, soft, disciplined, these are your three choices unless you are very very lucky. Learn how a clit works, where the G-spot is, love your vibrator but realize that it's the lady version of the death grip (as a wise man once said: switch up your routine.)
95
Obama took a big risk to express support for gay marriage? You're kidding, right? If you recall, Biden manipulated him into it. If it had been up to Obama, he might still be hedging on the question. What a long way down we have come. Can you imagine if LBJ had remained ambivalent on voting rights for black people until Hubert tricked him into taking sides?
Christopher K. Starr
St Augustine, Trinidad & Tobago
96
@85 Seandr

I think the biggest reason most women are 'meh' about cunnilingus is that most men don't know what they are doing down there.
97
@90 Aviana

'i was with a guy for over 6 months and eventually gave up trying to teach him.'

So sad. So common.
98
WSF,

I am a woman who really loves sex but really hates receiving oral sex from men and women. I'd say that it probably could have just stayed at "gets nothing out of it" except for having had the issue pressed over the years by "well you just haven't had ME eat your pussy, before" types who then expect me to console their bruised ego when, like clockwork, it does nothing for me, again.

HOWEVER, what I have found is that people kissing and licking my hip bones feels mind blowingly awesome and makes me make all of the faces and noises you see in sex comedies that imply that oral sex is the ultimate experience.

Like the guy above who doesn't like head, when it's on my pussy I can barely feel a mouth there, and to the extent that I can I really dislike how it feels. But move a few inches to the right or left and it is unfettered ecstasy. You might want to give it a try (true for people who aren't wired like this, too).
99
@13 - That is a great quote- thanks for sharing. ;-)
100
@Michael_M #82 : purrr...
101
THIS IS MY NEVER SHARED SECRET FOR GIVING PERFECT FEMALE HEAD!!!!! BUT YOU MUST !!!NEVER!!! TELL THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!

Lick upper case letters of the alphabet with your tongue, sometimes large over the entire vulva and sometimes smaller on the clit. Women seem to enjoy the letters L through P and S through Z. Other script present interesting opportunities.

Sometimes I do the alphabet backwards and forwards when I get a good response in an area of it, and occasionally pick a secret word to spell on my lovers pussy...