For BBB: how does 'compassionate conservative' and 'intelligent' co-exist? They are one or the other, and ignoring their bigotry is going to be tough no matter how impressive their résumés are otherwise.

TSTQ has about all the advice she can handle, but here's something that doesn't get said often enough: 'clincally depressed' and 'asshole' (unlike 'compassionate conservative' and intelligent') are not mutually exclusive. You say you don't want out, yet describe an intolerable situation for living. Examining why you don't want out yet will get you farther than pushing a man who only pushes back far enough to get you off his case.

Also, @88 nailed it - that broken foot on the wedding night, hmmmm ... I see aggression and probable drunkenness. Anyone else?

@Hunter: Man who sits around house = deadbeat

I agree there are double-standards, but it's not that simple. Of the few stay-at-home dads I know, no one considers them deadbeats. That's because they raise the kids and run the household rather than sit around all day jerking off, playing video games, and acting like an asshole.

That said, I think men are much more receptive to the idea of marrying a homemaker than women are. And I think women often lose interest in sex if the husband happens to end up in the homemaker role (rarely is that the plan). Women's mating preferences thus play a significant role in maintaining and reinforcing certain gender roles.

TSTQ's sounds so similar to my current situation. Differences, I am not married and I was with him for 8 years total. He said being unemployed was so stressful that he couldn't focus enough to have sex... Until I realized he was cheating and he wanted me to push him away so he wouldn't have to do the break up.

@Hunter, my friends who are stay-at-home dads are still stay-at-home dads. My husband was never a stay-at-home dad, nor did I say he was. What are you babbling about?

Re BBB:
Since 2000, "compassionate conservatism" has become a loaded term, which deserves some rational pause because of the attitude and policies of Bushites. That said, having grown up in NJ mostly under moderate Republican leadership, I think that true "compassionate conservatives" do exist, now they just call themselves "fiscally conservative, social moderates/progressives." I think that the new-CCs believe they should impose their own morality to help people, while the old-CCs believe that everyone should have their rights & privileges respected and that basic needs should be met, but that charity is within the rights of the individual, not the government. BBB should at least get to know the couple enough to find out where they fall, and if it bothers them. Unless the couple turns out to be a pair of closeted hypocrites, this might be one of those seemingly rare instances where a group of liberals and conservatives can celebrate common ground.

nobody's gonna read comment 117, but I just need to say that #6 is a self-serving, doucheomatic fucktard, and should be shot into space (with the LW's husband).

... and all the subsequent lapdogs in this thread (too many to count) should hitch a fucking ride out of town too.

Depression, my ass.

Destroying the will of others is not the solution to depression, real or not. How could you possibly feel sympathy for that lazy sack of horseshit?

Don't like? Too bad.

i am a mental health case manager, and i work with severely mentally ill people. few of them are partnered, for roughly the same reason LW's raising. it's depressing as hell, having a partner who's depressed, as this guy may be.

here are my practical suggestions.
check with a lawyer first; put the oxygen mask on yourself, first.

call united way. or if you belong to a specialized population, see if there's a social service agency that might help. or ask for the county, community, regional, etc. mental health center. call them, and ask for intake. find out how long their backlog is; if you can handle it, that's your deadline.
do not be shy in asking for help. you deserve it, too.
ask how he can get assessed. if he has to call, ask him to do that. offer to drive him to the appointment.
if he won't go when they can make an appointment, leave then. do not pass go, do not stop and reconsider, but follow the legal steps to protect yourself.
if he does go, it's not the last step; it's the first. but by then you should have your answer; is this clinical depression or assholery.

Dan, what fucking happened????????? All of a sudden your column disappeared from the Village Voice?????

MAT

I have lost all faith because of message you are putting out there in this installment Dan. Remember, always remember that those republicans are the same bigots that can't decipher accurate meaning in some of the world's most explicitly written documents of United States History.

These are the same bigots who had the nerve to call you, the future's newest form of bigotry for pointing out that poly is not an orientation. They honestly didn't recognize the flawed logic of bigotry and couldn't see that it doesn't matter whether or not it's an orientation, The Constitution was written to protect citizens from such ignorant belief systems as to think if it's not an orientation they don't qualify for Constitutional Rights, even though it clearly states who qualifies as a citizen and is granted protection.
I guess it explains why they don't recognize their own disgusting hatred/bigotry by not supporting marriage equality, but being able to see clearly their backwoods logic brings about as much comfort as understanding the how and why white supremacists logic is a failure to think logically

I admit it's sort of peculiar, almost magical how a document with such simple power in words that the Framers wrote, in this case, will even protect republican polies from themselves (it's going to be sad though as the humor born from ignorance only lasts for about a day, after that when people choose ignorance, it is anything but bliss)

I know I am late with these comments but for the Love of God, do not sleep with republicans or democrats that vote republican as the risk of even one more human that chooses ignorance could be the downfall of this great nation.

The ONLY excuse is if you are sterilized or get a legally binding abortion contract should the act result in pregnancy

I enjoy your humor Dan, but I often worry a reader may take you seriously and believe it is OK to bare children with a person so intellectually corrupt as a conservative