Columns Dec 18, 2013 at 4:00 am

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410
bah. We should just do away with the proposal altogether. Just have a conversation or series of conversations about it instead. That's what my husband and I did.
411
Jesus, POPDAQ, maybe the reason he doesn't want to propose is because you've been nagging him for almost a year, and nagging everybody else, too. His mom? Maybe if you stop nagging, he'll do it.
412
Well did you get your proposal??
413
Dan, your response to My Sad Boyfriend was questionable at best. His sexual trauma could be related to self-esteem issues, but it sounds like he is indeed asexual. My closest friend is asexual and although she has low self-esteem, that does not govern her sexual desires or orientation.

You completely overlooked the very real possibility of the asker's boyfriend being asexual. And if he is, I'd suggest taking him to a group for other asexuals to give him support and help him decode his feelings. If she feels like she can't date someone without a sexual component to the relationship, then don't. But be gentle with him.
I think his suggestion that she can see other people indicates his willingness to be flexible with her despite his lack of sexual attraction to people.
414
I'm glad gender roles were brought into this discussion, because that's a needed conversation.

She is the one feeling helpless. There is empowerment in declaring your desires openly. It is incredibly powerful to say "This is the kind of relationship I want with you. Please let me know ife you feel the same way."

When faced with a direct question, a person thinks about something in a different way. If my friend comes upto me and says "Hey, anytime you want to invite me to a picnic, I'm game" it might well inspire me to have a picnic and invite the friend. I'd likely take my time, simply because picnics are not my priority. If my friend says "Picnic on the 17th, are you in?" I have to think about it in a much more immediate way.
415
I know this was like a month ago, but am I the only one thinking we're due for an update and really hoping we get one?
416
@415 mythicfox and everyone else...

He did not propose. We are still together and I am still waiting. I haven't mentioned it in a few months and things have been really good between us. My plan is to quit nagging and discussing it, give it some more time, and see what happens.
417
@416: Thanks for the update! Sorry to hear it, though... I think a lot of us were hoping there was some kind of pleasant surprise being planned.

    Please wait...

    and remember to be decent to everyone
    all of the time.

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