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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Everyone can celebrate Valentine's Day regardless of relationship status. I know I celebrated yesterday.
But I thank you for giving me the idea that a first-rate breakup ought to be worth a minimum of 100g of fat in the ice cream. I think my quintessential image here is that of Ms Gless as Debbie Novotny, watching a shopping channel from her couch in her robe with her quart of Haagen-Dazs, repeating Emmett's mantra of, "Dignity, always dignity," right before taking a shot of whipped cream from the can right in the mouth. If we were to set up a scale for this, that might well be worthy of constituting the high end, especially with that whipped cream noise (another thing that takes one back at least three decades).
And I'll commend you while I'm at it for not being an adherent to Dr Barreca's advocacy for destructive revenge (which I've witnessed; quite a scary path).
What is "OS matrimony" ?
Some hetero marriages do work, though. I know some.
"the prospect of his squandering what's left of his youth--his 20's and 30's--without real romantic and emotional connections"
Life without a GF is not "squandered." This whole societal attitude that you're basically on hold until you have an SO is part of this guy's problem. Dan's absolutely right; he should build a life he likes, then he might or might not meet a woman - so what? Lots of people in relationships are miserable and lots of people who are single are happy. It's not the single determinant of happiness.
Ms Sissou - That's reassuring. One of my sisters calculated a few years back that all the marriages of the parents of her entire circle of friends in high school had ended in divorce, mostly acrimonious, except for two untimely accidental deaths.
Because when you're deeply depressed and hardly have the energy and determination it takes to go to work or even see friends, it's just so easy to start a self-improvement routine. Really! *So easy.* If only somebody had told him before that exercise would help him!
This advice is *almost* as solid as CK's joking advice to wait around until women are desperate enough to overlook how unattractive and unlikable he is.
I used to be a depressed and unattractive 20-something. I'm now a less-depressed and slightly better-looking 30-something. I gave up on ever meeting a woman I would feel real chemistry with, and when my depression improved, I pretty much moved in with the first woman that would have me, even though I wasn't sure I loved her or that she loved me. She turned out to have borderline personality disorder and a drug problem. I am now happily single.
So I have no advice on meeting more women. But I know the key to not becoming an angry men's rights activist. Are you ready? It's...to just not become an angry men's rights activist.
Realize that women are human, too, not just a support system for the stuff you want to play with. Some of them are *also* depressed, unattractive, and unsure if they'll ever feel any chemistry with anyone. And if you yourself aren't attracted to those depressed and unattractive women, it's pretty unrealistic to be mad that the hot women you *are* attracted to aren't attracted to *you*. (Actually, just recognize that it's ridiculous to blame *anybody* for not being attracted to *anybody*. Nobody, of any gender or orientation level of beauty or whatever, *owes* sex--or even a coffee date--to anybody.)
Your post is the one that makes most sense on here. You sound human in the best possible sense of the word!
The simple detail that the guy was Mexican is both telling and important.
I've helped Mexican co-workers deal with infidelity to wives left at home, dealing with potentially gay offspring, dealing with new sexual feelings...yikes, you name it!
There is an important cultural bridge being forged here.
Of course many will argue that in Mexico's large cities there is an affluent class of college-educated professionals who have the same 'sophisticated' sexual attitudes as anyone else! But then, affluent college-educated urbane Mexicans rarely find it necessary to work in Untied States restaurants for minimum wage.
Sincerely, Chicago George
I agree, life without a partner is not squandered. Living in couple is not the only way of enjoying life.
@unskin
Good for you for not having stayed with your problematic ex, just for the sake of not being single. And thanks for the shout-out for women who look below average : half of us do, and it's not easier for unattractive women to enter relationships than for unattractive men.
I'm sure that with such an attitude, if you mingle enough with women through social activities, sooner or later you'll meet some who'll be attracted to you. Being a decent guy, whatever one's looks and state of health, is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Male 40-somethings are quite as capable of spectacular flame-outs and precipitous free-falls as female 40-somethings. In fact, my male 40-something boss, who was riding high a year ago, appears to have made a few choice career-ending moves, but I'm sure that one of those 20-something women who specialize in rescue and rehabilitation will be his saving Grace.
ARNT THEY SUPPOSED TO BE NEW EVERYDAY??
I'm the same, though I imagine my wife would say that "extended duration" means about 36 hours.
Lol. That's probably what I would end up doing if I found myself with a female companion. It's better for all concerned if I stay permanently retired from romance. For the past 20 years I've been doing a good job of it.
Thanks for the kind words. And...don't take this the wrong way, but it does not help my depression at all to find that simple human decency is rare enough to be considered praiseworthy.
http://www.nytimes.com/1995/03/28/scienc…
Also, depressed dude (I refuse to call you "UGLY"), I have been attracted to all manner of men since my 20's, including (maybe, especially?) frumpy "bears" and "ugly" men. And I'm not the only woman I know who is completely unable to even see the superficial crap regarding the opposite sex.
Why not just befriend some women, and be a good friend; be trustworthy, emotionally-available, honest and deep. Women like emotional intimacy and good communication. Start with that. Also, like was said above: you should exercise. But exercise in order to heal your brain and make yourself feel better; the fact that it "improves" your appearance should only be a pleasant side-effect.
Take care.